Payette’s Gunslingers Shoot Down Bison

Bison 2 Sheffield Steeldogs 6

24/3/12

Into the sleepy town of Basingstoke rode the gunslinging hardmen of Sheffield to rob the bank of Bison, firing their Colt 45s from the saddle and led by the notorious hockey outlaw André “Pieface” Payette. At the end of 60 minutes of hard hitting hockey it was the Dogs who deservedly galloped back to their mountain hideout (well Sheffield really) with the points. This was not a game for the shrinking violet.

Payette is the ultimate Marmite hockey player. Everyone in Sheffield loves him, whereas everyone outside of Sheffield hates him, although there are no doubt many who secretly admire him. Why? Well he is a man of limited skill and talent as a player. He wears the number 7, as did the great talent who was Eric Cantona, but the only thing these two could do in common would be Kung Fu kicking. Payette’s success has been in transforming the Dogs on a limited budget from a soft, no hope, bottom 3 EPL team into a tough hitting outfit who, if remaining results go their way, could finish 2^nd in the league this year. I wish I could have spent the whole of Payette’s 20 or so minutes of ice time watching the man himself and not the play, as his antics were pantomime villain personified. The expression agent provocateur could have been invented for him. He jostled, nudged, poked, pushed, slashed and sledged any player who came near him, picking on those who he knew had a short fuse. His cheap shots out of the officials’ view were legion. It was very clear what he was trying to doing. However, he didn’t have it all his own way and for long periods Bison gave as good as they got, especially in the form of Kurt Reynolds, who hit hard and then some including a massive hit on Payette himself after 90 seconds, which saw the French Canadian enforcer slump to the ice like a sack of potatoes, much to the delight of the crowd.

Things started well for Bison with Steve Moria giving his team a 1-0 lead in the 3^rd minute. The Canadian Colossus, such a light year ahead of Payette in terms of hockey skill, robbed his opposite number close to the blue line and would have been in on goal had Payette not hooked him. The referee, exercising the type of myopic sight typical of Mr Magoo, let it go. Mo kept his feet and possession of the puck, passed to Liam Chong on the boards, received the return pass and 5-holed Ben Bowns in the Dogs’ net.

On 7 minutes Nicky Chinn was invited to spend time at Her Majesty’s pleasure for a hook and the resultant power play saw the Dogs draw level with a goal from Ukrainian D-man, Pavel Gomeniuk. Set up by Payette and Steve Duncombe, he drifted in unchallenged and 5-holed Stephen Wall. A minute later it was 1-2 with Janis Ozolins planting a top shelf wrist shot past Wall from a pass by Stuart Brittle. Then only a minute after that Joe Miller was banged up for interference and during the power play which followed Slovak Cannon, Marcel Petran, was called for cross checking. He didn’t like it and let his view be known to the referee, continuing his angry monolog, even after he had left the ice, by hauling himself up to appear Kilroy like over the top of the glass. His protests were echoed by the Howling Man at the end of Row E, who expressed his contrary views in his usual arm waving, vocal style. This was considered beyond the pale by Mr. Boniface (Marcel’s actions, not the Howling Man’s that is) and he slapped a 10 minute misconduct on the hapless Slovak. On hearing this the Bespectacled Youth gave vent to his feelings on the matter in a manner so loud as to vex the Howling Man’s wife, would you believe?

Bison survived the 5 on 3 power play, but after Miller had returned to the ice to reduce the disadvantage to 5 on 4, the Dogs got their reward with their 3^rd goal – a back handed effort form Ben Morgan, assisted by Greg Wood and Edgars Bebris.

The 2^nd period belonged to Bison with Steve Moria claiming his 2^nd to make it 2-3 on 34 minutes, firing home from in front of the net and then striking a Ussain Bolt pose (yes he really did that), obviously having felt the need to challenge the Nicky Chinn moonwalk, to which we were treated a couple of weeks ago. Craig Tribe and Joe Miller assisted.

Late in the period there occurred an unsavoury incident of the greatest opprobrium. Coach Payette (yes him again) managed to dig the puck out from under Wall’s hand after he had frozen it. This was done on the blindside of the referee, who, had he seen it, may indeed have allowed the move, such was his optically challenged performance on the night, not to mention his selective calling. It made the Bearded Rabble Rouser of Block A, a close and wholly reliable eye witness to the misdemeanour, fly into an apoplectic rage with the force of the Krakatoa eruption of 1883, although still less animated than one of the Howling Man’s outbursts. The Rabble Rouser even went as far as to suggest “Bonniface and Payette are shortly to engage in a civil partnership given some of their warm and tender exchanges this less than fine evening”. Surely an outrageous and indeed preposterous suggestion?  Perhaps the Rabble Rouser has inside information. The incident ended with the usual push and shove scrum, but nothing more. Most would agree that Payette deserved a severe punishment or, better still, to be laid out cold, for such a disgraceful and cynical attempt at cheating.

So ended the 2^nd with the Bison crowd well satisfied with their team’s performance after an iffy 1^st. They had ridden the storm of the Steeldogs’ physicality, given as good as they had got, cheap shots apart (well maybe there were one or two but only in retaliation) and, at only one goal in arrears, there was every chance of a come from behind win. However, things didn’t go according to this plan at all. Throughout the 3^rd Bison played like the Tin Man from the Wizzard of Oz i.e. with no heart. A capitulation saw them slip from 2-3 to 2-6. The Steeldogs’ 4^th goal came in the 45^th minute – an unassisted score from Ashley Calvert through Wall’s 5-hole. Worse was to come. Only a minute later Brittle had his collar felt and into the slammer he went for hooking. Bison desperately needed to make the power play count, but it was the Steeldogs who took advantage of some slack defending as Ozolins raced clear of a statuesque Bison blueline, fooled Wall with a clever deke and backhanded the puck over the line for 2-5 and game over. Ben Morgan and Ashley Calvert picked up the assists.

There then occurred a bizarre incident which cast further grave doubts in the minds of many concerning Mr. Boniface’s fitness to officiate. Kurt Reynolds was hit and collapsed in a heap to the ice. The aforementioned official, standing within a couple of feet of the clearly injured Bison D-man, allowed play to continue for some considerable time, before finally blowing the whistle. Why?

On 49 minutes Ozolins, looking for his hat-trick sent in a shot which cracked against Wall’s mask without causing injury to the netman. “Thank God for Jacques Plante” he must have thought. Jacques who? The first goaltender to wear a mask of course. However, Ozolins was not to be denied. With 5 minutes remaining he finished a slick move from Gibson to Brittle, beating Wall with a rocket wrist shot. It was goal number 53 of a fantastic season for the EPL’s top scorer. It was no surprise that the young Latvian sniper picked up the Dogs’ man of the match award. Liam Chong picked up the Bison beers for another all effort performance and his third successive MoM.

A final little cameo to relate. The rumours of Payette being the next player/coach of Bison are rife. At the end of the game he did a solo skate past and salute of the Bison blocks, maybe to gauge the reaction of the Bison crowd? Who knows?

Saving Ryan Seals Tigers Triumph

Bison 1 Telford Tigers 4

17/3/12

Bottom of the league Telford Tigers came to Planet Ice with a season’s record of only 9 wins (of which only 3 were won in regulation time) in 48 games and a goal tally of 1 scored for every 2 conceded. Everyone expected this to be like mugging a pensioner, shooting an unarmed man or stealing a sheet of music from Stevie Wonder. But on an evening of surprises, the Bison crowd were left open mouthed in shock as the pensioner fought back, the unarmed man ducked and Stevie Wonder clung tenaciously to his sheet of music. In the end a young Tigers team ran out winners by 4 goals to 1 and Bison can blame only themselves for a poor defensive display in the 1^st period which allowed the Tigers to rack up a 3-0 lead and effectively win the game.

Why is it that Bison have so much trouble beating the Tigers at home? 3 of their last 4 games at Planet Ice have seen the Tigers go home with the points. Do they raise their game or do Bison lower theirs or is it simply a case of over confidence? Probably all three of those apply.

Telford started the first period in lively fashion and roared into the lead with 2 goals inside a minute in the 6^th. Set up by the admirable Scott McKenzie, Slovak D-man, Juraj Senko fired in a shot which goaltender Matt Colclough seemed to have saved, but the puck squirmed under him. On came the goal light, up went the Tigers arms in celebration. These two were also involved in the second goal. This time Senko fed Joe Henry, whose centring pass was hammered home by way of a one timer snap shot from McKenzie standing all alone in front of goal without a Bison player to put him off. A similar lack of blue line vigilance resulted in the third goal on 16 minutes. This time it was 18 year old Callum Bowley firing in unmarked in front of goal for 0-3.

So ended the 1^st period with Bison outshooting the Tigers by 14-10, but failing to find a way past young netminder, Declan Ryan, who would walk off (actually skate off) with the Tigers’ Man of the Match beers at the end of the game. And a worthy winner he was. He faced 46 shots on the night and allowed only 1 – a save percentage of just below 0.98. It has to be said, however, that, although Ryan produced a series of good saves, many of his stops and blocks were made easy by Bison shooting straight at him and not finding the gaps. He didn’t have to be the size of Fatty Foulke (go on Google him).

Bison continued to press in the 2^nd, but without reward. 16 shots rained down on Ryan from all angles, but he stood as solid as the Great Wall of China. Towards the end of the period Slovak Cannon, Marcel Petran, received a 5 + game penalty for a head check on Scott McKenzie (someone correct me if I’ve got the wrong player). Just under 2 minutes of the penalty carried forward into the 3^rd period and shortly after Ryan Sutton, serving the penalty on Petran’s behalf, was sprung from the box, Bison finally clicked the scoreboard onto Home 1. In typical style, the Savvy Slovak, Viktor Kubenko, took the puck around the back of the Tigers’ net and slipped a pass to Bison top scorer Joe Miller. He found the gap between Ryan and post to score his 29^th of the season. Bison skipper, Nicky Chinn, picked up the second assist.

Was this the start of a Bison revival? There was certainly enough time on the clock for them to snatch victory from the jaws of defeat. But it was not to be as Ryan continued to block, deflect, catch and engulf the puck and keep Bison at bay. 16 shots he faced in the period and only 1 goal did he allow.

With the clock ticking down past the 2 minute mark, Bison took the risk of pulling Matt Colclough. The Bison goaltender skated to the bench as fast as fast could be to allow the extra skater on for a 6 on 5. Then a bigger calamity than Calamity Jane herself struck. Surely with no goaltender, the attacking team has to keep the puck. A dump in is not a good idea as you have only a 50/50 chance of retaining possession. However, that’s what happened and the puck was picked up by Telford and worked forward to Luke Brittle by Ryan Selwood. The youngest of the 4 brothers Brittle sent the puck goalbound from the red line. Was it going in? Yes of course it was. 1-4 the game ended.

A disappointing night for Bison. Lots of effort, but, apart from Joe Miller’s goal, no end product, and a blueline nightmare which gifted 3 goals to the Tigers in the 1^st period which effectively won them the game. Well done to 19 year old Declan Ryan for his performance. He will consider himself very unlucky not to have recorded a shut out. Liam Chong with a typical all action display picked up the Bison beers. And Stevie Wonder? Well he kept his sheet of music.

Bison Nick the Bees’ Honey

Bracknell Bees 3 Bison 6

11/3/12

In their final meeting of the season with Berkshire neighbours, the Bracknell Bees, the Bison herd rampaged through their hosts’ hive, upset the honey pot (or was it the apple cart?) and made off with a very welcome 2 points. This road win ended a run of 4 straight defeats and consolidated Bison’s league position ahead of nearest rivals, the Swindon Wildcats. After romping into a 3-0 lead, the Basingstoke icemen allowed the Bees to come back to level the game at the beginning of the 3^rd and give them hope of success only to snatch the cup from their lips Tantalus style with 3 unanswered goals before the final buzzer.

Bison opened the scoring on 4 minutes. Savvy Slovak, Viktor Kubenko, carried the puck around the back of the net in his usual elegant style, but then demonstrated that he is much more than just a pretty sight by delivering a perfect pass to Ollie Bronnimann in front of goal. The Margate Marauder accepted Kubo’s kind invitation to shoot and hammered home.

Bison doubled their lead in the 8^th minute. Set up by Welsh Wizzard, Joe Miller, and Bouncing Czech, Daniel Volrab, the Flame Haired Jock, Tony “Tosh” Redmond rifled in a long range wrist shot for 0-2. Two minutes later it was 0-3. Set on his way by Chris Wiggins, Craig Tribe put his foot on the gas, powered forward and smashed a slap shot high into the net. If only the Genial Brummie in The Kieras shirt, Craig’s greatest admirer, could have seen that, but alas he was absent.

Rocked by the Bison onslaught, which had yielded 3 goals in only 6 minutes, the Bees called a time out and pulled ex-Bison goalie, Tom Annetts, doubtless suffering from shell shock, replacing him with Carl “Scrambler” Ambler (try saying that after a couple of beers). It seemed rather harsh on Tom, but the move did steady the Bees ship.

Bracknell threw themselves a lifeline scoring a power play goal in the last minute of the period with Nicky Chinn banged up for hooking. Set up by Rick Skene and Rob Lamey, Bees’ own Bouncing Czech, Lukas Smital, rifled in a wrist shot from the slot. Was it “too Smital, too late”, as the Bearded Rabble Rouser speculated? Well no because within a minute of the start of the 2^nd, it was 2-3 with Martin Masa getting his name on the scoresheet (does this piece of paper actually exist?). Don’t ask me to describe the goal because it all happened in the corner I couldn’t see. All I heard was the distinctive sound of a slap shot and saw a load of Bees players with their arms in the air. That’s all I can say. What sort of a rinkside reporter am I? Smital and Skene picked up the assists.

The play ebbed back and forth for the remainder of the period without further scoring thanks to a series of good saves and blocks by both goaltenders. 16 year old Cameron Wynn nearly scored his first goal for Bison towards the end of the period. Put through on goal he raced forward, but unfortunately slid to the ice before he could get his shot away and he, the covering defenseman and the goaltender ended up an untidy heap littering up the crease. The Bespectacled Youth called for a penalty and indeed a penalty shot, but it did look as if Cam had lost his footing before the D-man and he went to ground. Nothing was given.  The downside for the period for Bison was the sight of Ollie Bronnimann, just back from injury, down on the ice and having to leaving the rink injured.

With only a single goal lead to defend Bison skipper Nicky Chinn drew the players into a huddle at the start of the 3^rd and we can only assume delivered an inspirational speech to bolster their spirit determination. Alas, Nicky’s words of encouragement proved as useful as a chocolate teapot as the Bees came back to level terms within a minute of the restart. Chinny, who had another fine game as a stand in defenseman, shot the puck around the boards behind the Bison goal towards his defensive partner, but it was a loose one enabling the Bees to pick up the puck and work it out front to Rob Lamey. His first shot was saved by Stephen Wall, but his second found the mark. 3-3 it was. Smital and Skene, the ex-Bison blueliner, picked up the assists once more. It was Chicago born Skene’s third assist of the night. Well done to him.

The outcome of the game teetered on a knife edge. Although the Bees had come back from a 0-3 deficit to level it, it had been a classic end to end game so far and perhaps the next score was going to be the crucial one. This indeed proved to be the case and it was Bison who nosed in front on 46 minutes and then went on to fatally swat the Bees with another two goals. Viktor Kubenko was the man who made it 3-4. Kurt Reynolds set Chris Wiggins on his way. He fired a diagonal pass into the path of the Savvy Slovak, who beat Ambler with a powerful slap shot.

On 52 minutes the scoreboard clicked on to 3-5. This time Cameron Wynn was the provider for Joe Miller to hammer in his 27^th goal of a great season with Bison. Cymru am byth, Joe! Marcel Petran got the second assist. Slovensko na veky, Marcel. You’ll have to Google both of those.

Shortly afterwards Volrab was unlucky to see his saucer pass out of defense loop over the glass, which condemned him to a 2 minute stretch for delay of game. The puck landed by a steward. “Puck! Puck!” shouted the Bespectacled Youth, who had already collected 4 of them during the practice. The steward tossed him the puck, but then had to ask for it back as they didn’t seem to have a replacement. It turned out that they did and the Youth got his puck after all. Within seconds of Volrab’s liberation, Bison scored their final goal, which featured a clever piece of footwork, of which Lionel Messi would have been proud. Petran and Redmond combined to set up Liam Chong with only Skene and Ambler to beat. The pass was short and Liam had to kick the puck forward onto his stick. In doing so he left the D-man for dead and then smacked the puck into the net, leaving Skene and Ambler wondering why he wasn’t playing football for Barcelona instead.

5 minutes later the final buzzer sounded without further scoring. The game had been played in a generally good spirit and there were no fights. The only unsavoury incident of note occurred late in the 3^rd when Chinn was involved in a bit of push and shove with Smital, the latter then tripping up the former, who fell to the ice like a sack of spuds. Referee Szuchs missed that one completely. One wonders whether Fulton Allen could have done a better job of spotting that one. Fulton who? Fulton Allen - better known as Blind Boy Fuller. Youtube him…..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7up2b4keW_k

Blue Meanies Invade Bisonland

Bison 3 Slough Jets 8

3/3/12

In the famous cartoon the Blue Meanies overran peace loving Pepperland, turning everything to stone. The Beatles came to the rescue in their Yellow Submarine. Last night it was the Blue Meanies from Slough who invaded peace loving Bisonland – OK “peace loving” is not really an appropriate expression to use with Chris Wiggins on the ice (as was confirmed late in the 3^rd period). In this case John, Paul, George and Ringo were not on hand to save the Basingstoke icemen.

Last week Bison crashed at home to “Potty” by 8-5. Last night another goal avalanche condemned them to an 8-3 defeat at the hands of a very strong “Sluff” outfit, gunning to finish in second place in the EPL. Aaron Connolly was an easy choice for the Jets man of the match with a hat-trick and two assists. Joe Miller picked up the Bison award for another all action display which, on another night, would have yielded more than one goal. The game may not have moved into overtime, but the Howling Man at the end of Row E did – see later comments.

However, it was not all gloom and despondency. In fact by the 16^th minute of the 1^st Bison had romped into a 2-0 lead through Miller and Wiggins and looked very capable of inflicting defeat on their Berkshire rivals. However, Slough pulled it back to 2-1 with 8 seconds of the period remaining and then proceeded to dominate the remainder of the game, scoring another 7 and allowing only 1. Tiredness and a series of defensive errors on the part of Bison combined with some masterful attacking play and pinpoint accurate shooting from Slough dictated the outcome.

Welsh Wizzard, Joe Miller, opened the scoring in the 3^rd minute. From a pass by Nicky Chinn, Bison’s Bouncing Czech, Daniel Volrab, hammered a shot against the bar. PING! Miller was the man on the spot to hammer in the rebound. Then on 16 minutes Chris Wiggins proved he is more than “just a goon”, as many opposing fans (and probably players as well) have described him. He showed dogged determination challenging for the puck against the boards, broke clear and sliced through the Slough defense to score. The Bearded Rabble Rouser of Block A, who had had a bird’s eye view from his position, declared that Wiggie’s footwork was worthy of comparison to Michael Flatley. Assists went to Kubenko and Cameron Wynn, the 16 year old's first EPL point - well done Cam. Things were looking very rosy for Bison. However, with only 8 seconds of the 1^st remaining, Doug Sheppard moved around the back of the Bison goal and picked out Aaron Connolly in front of the net. 2-1. Joe Greener was then involved in a frank exchange of opinions with Nicky Chinn and was lucky not to pick up a penalty to go with his assist for the goal.

Slough drew level on 24 minutes. From a face off, the puck fell to Sheppard whose wrist shot flew in top shelf. Greener and Connolly with the assists. A minute later Chinn was sentenced to 2 minutes porridge for a robust boarding on Andrew Melachrino, the man with a name which would look more at home as a dish on a Gordon Ramsay menu perhaps. Melachrino took a nasty hit, but was able to continue after a period of recovery. The resultant power play produced a second goal for Connolly, who stabbed the puck across the line from close in. Sheppard assisted. 2-3. Bison then drew level at 3-3. Viktor Kubenko tried to get in a shot, but realised his route to goal was blocked and instead slid a cross ice pass to Chinn, playing as a D-man once again. The Bison skipper sent in a long range shot from the point and in it went. Craig Tribe picked up the second assist.

A second unseemly incident then occurred. I didn’t see it myself, but the Genial Brummie in the Kieras shirt (that’s a bit ironic) said that ex-Bison Mindy Kieras had delivered a head check to Wiggins. What I did see was a lot of pushing and shoving and Kieras wisely declining Wiggins’s invitation to take the matter further. Both got a 2 + 2 for roughing which seemed a little harsh on Wiggins and rather lenient on Kieras.

At the halfway point with the scores level Bison looked quite capable of powering on to victory, but it was the Jets who would run the show from then on, firing in 5 unanswered goals. The goal fest started in the 34^th minute. A defensive error yielded possession of the puck to Adam Calder. He trapped the puck, swivelled and scored to restore the Jets’ lead at 3-4. Greener assisted. 4 minutes later the Bespectacled Youth in Block C bellowed “HOLDING!”, but no call was made and Connolly took possession of the puck and managed to complete his hat-trick with an angled shot for 3-5. Adam Calder assisted.

Stephen Wall came in to replace Matt Colclough in the Bison net for the 3^rd. Within a very short space of time things went from bad to worse for Bison. An icing infringement was called and Heron went “down the steps”. With less than a minute of the power play gone Kurt Reynolds and was invited to join Heron in the slammer for slashing. The Howling Man at the end of Row E, who up until that point had remained uncharacteristically silent, decided it was now time to share his considered opinion with those around him. “You’re so biased, Cloutman”, he yelled, threatening to burst the eardrums of his fellow spectators. It seemed unlikely that Bison could survive the 3 on 5 and indeed they didn’t. A tic-tac-toe move from Darius Pliskauskas to Aaron Connolly to Dan Davies moved the score onto 3-6. The Howling Man voiced his further thoughts “That’s 3 goals you’ve cost us, Cloutman.” One got the impression that Mr. Cloutman was never going to be on his Christmas card list as he continued to rent the air with his far from objective views, whilst all the time becoming redder and redder in the face. Those near him, despite receiving an unwanted aural invasion, must have started to worry about the possibility of the Howling Man suffering a fatal seizure. Thankfully he did not.

In the 52^nd minute a bit of push and shove between Kubenko and Galazzi escalated into a full scale unseemly altercation of the most unsavoury variety with Wiggins and the ever niggly Jets skipper, Joe Greener. It was difficult to see exactly what happened from the other side of the rink and with players in between, but the fists certainly flew and nearby observers declared a “win” for Wiggins. There then followed the usual negotiations between the officials and the two captains, trying to unravel who did what to whom. Suddenly the helmetless Greener skated across to his bench. “He’s been chucked out of the game,” declared the Genial Brummie, but he was wrong. Not only had Greener not been “red carded”, but he also escaped censure of any kind. How on earth? That had to be the most incomprehensible officials’ decisions ever seen at Planet Ice. One can only assume that Greener possesses a tongue so silver it bears a hallmark and managed to talk himself out of any form of punishment. Instead Galazzi received a 2 for roughing and Wiggins a 2 holding and a 2 + 2 + 10 for roughing. The Howling Man was apoplectic with rage once more. All the while the discussions were going on Bison goalie Wall sat on top of his goal with legs dangling, looking rather like Humpty Dumpty (thanks for that comparison Catherine) – a strange and somewhat entertaining spectacle.

The game then resumed. In desperation the man in the Charlestown Chiefs shirt shouted "Come on, Bison. Just give us a goal." But they didn't. Instead Slough rounded off a very satisfactory night for their fans with another couple of goals, both from the ever dangerous Pliskauskas, one a back door score on the power play and the other resulting from a sloppy Bison line change leaving the lethal Lithuanian clear to skate in on goal and score. Davies assisted on both goals and Terry Miles on one. Pliskauskas now has no fewer than 40 for the season. The final buzzer was greeted with a sense of relief by many of the Bison fans – no double figure score. There was no sign of the Yellow Submarine.

Blueline Horror Show

Bison 5 Peterborough Phantoms 8

25/2/12

Hmmm….where to start? Condemn them? No. I would give them medals – all of them. Maybe this was the night when Bison’s weeks of short benching, not to mention the current spate of illness raging along the roster, finally caught up with them. Too often caught in 2 on 1s, 3 on 1s and even a 3 on 0 at one stage (goaltender Stephen Wall miraculously saved that one!), the Bison players’ fatigue and poor health seemed to take its toll. Throw into the recipe a Phantoms team desperate to get in contention for the playoffs, but possessing a defense as holed as a colander, and you begin to get an idea of how it rained goals at Planet Ice last night. Following on from the 6-6 game in Peterborough last Sunday (Bison won in a shoot out), we saw another 13 goals here last night. Quite a few of the 8 “Potty” scored would have been prevented by a fit and full strength Bison side on another night. The hockey gods went AWOL.

It was difficult to believe at the end of the 1^st period that the game would explode with goals after a rather dull 1^st passage of play ending 0-0. However, within 16 seconds of the start of the 2^nd, Bison took a 1-0 lead through the admirable Joe Miller, Bison’s top scorer. Bouncing Czech, Daniel Volrab, speared in an inch perfect pass from wide to put in Joe. The Welsh Wizzard raced forward like an accelerated particle (bit of astrophysics there), deked and scored. The lead didn’t last long. In the 22nd minute it was all square at 1-1 with Will Weldon rifling home a Robbie Brown rebound off the post. It took only a couple of minutes for the Phantoms to snatch the lead. A 2 on 1 saw Tom Carlon and James Ferrara get the better of Marcel Petran, Ferrara scoring.

It looked like Bison were going to reach the buzzer trailing, as, with the minutes of the period ticking away, they found themselves defending a power play. A rather harsh call condemned Joe Miller to serve 2 minutes in the cooler. However, the deadly Czech/Slovak (not Czechoslovak – doesn’t exist any more) combination of Daniel Volrab and Viktor Kubenko pulled a short handed goal out of the bag, rather than a rabbit out of a hat. Volrab’s cross ice pass found King Kubo all on his “tod” (see last week’s report) at the back door. A firm shot planted between goaltender King and post caused the goal light to illuminate. Nicky Chinn picked up the second assist. 2-2 seemed a fair reflection.

Now you would have thought that 3 final period goals would be enough for Bison to win the game. Well actually no. Why not? Because they allowed (why do we use that word “allow” – it makes it sound so polite) no fewer than 6 goals, including 3 which were scored in a little over one minute. The goal avalanche started in the 42^nd minute with Maris Ziedins sending in a Latvian slapshot under Wall’s English leg from a Canadian pass by Jeff Glowa. An interesting combination of nationalities. 2 minutes later the game was tied up again at 3-3 with a power play goal. Slovak, Kubenko, Bison’s man of the match, took the puck around the back of the goal and fed Canadian Colossus, Steve Moria, who was sitting (well standing actually) on the post with no Phantom to scare him. It was a simple tap in for Mo as he beat the English King (don’t misunderstand – he’s not royalty).

The glass half full Bison supporters, now swaggering with fresh confidence, urged their team forward to what they envisaged would be certain victory. Alas it was the other lot, the glass half empty Jonahs, who were proved right. The Bison crowd sat groaning and open mouthed in disbelief as their team crumbled like the walls of Jericho, only I didn’t hear any Phantoms players blowing trumpets. It must have been the worst minute of ice hockey experienced at Planet Ice this season as the score ticked from 3-3 to 3-4 to 3-5 to 3-6 and game over. The 1^st of the Phantoms’ goal glut was unfortunate for Bison to say the least. Liam Chong fluffed a slap shot and could only flounder on the ice and watch as Richard Bentham picked up the loose puck, skated in on Wall and scored. Then James Ferrara scored his second of the game with two Bison players sprawling on the ice and out of the game and the bespectacled youth in Block C bellowing louder than the Howling Man for a penalty against the Phantoms which wasn’t called. Both goals were unassisted. Then to add insult to injury former Bison idol Ondrej Lauko treacherously sneaked in a near post shot. Bison were shell shocked and reeling from a series of unfortunate occurrences which had led to 3 goals being scored from 3 shots. A time out was called by bench coach Tosh Redmond, who managed to inject a bit of Gaelic spirit into the flagging players. A rejuvenated Bison reduced the arrears 2 minutes later with a Marcel Petran TNT powered slap shot goal from the point. It was lucky that the puck was made of solid rubber or it would have burst under the impact. Moria was credited with an assist. It was now 4-6.

Just over 11 minutes remained. At Peterborough on Sunday Bison had been in an identical position and had pulled back from 4-6 to 6-6, going on to win the game in a shoot out. Many wondered if history would repeat itself. Such thoughts were exposed as nothing more than a pipe dream in the 55^th minute as Peterborough took advantage of a 3 on 1 and increased their lead to 7-4 through Canadian player/coach, Chris Allen. Ziedins with the assist. That seemed to knock the stuffing out of Bison. With the clock ticking down a scandalous altercation occurred between former team-mates Lauko and Kurt Reynolds with both being banged up for roughing. In Reynolds’s case the punishment seemed a bit harsh as he merely shoved Lauko in retaliation, rather than landing a meaty blow upon his opponent’s person, but the referee obviously saw more in it than I did from Block C and both players were escorted by the men in stripes to the bad boys’ pen.

Very soon after the 4 on 4 turned into a 4 on 3 in the Phantoms’ favour as Joe Miller was somewhat harshly chucked out of the game for high sticking. It looked like the final curtain of the night for Bison, but, quite unexpectedly, they soon scored their second short handed goal of the night. Assisted by Chinn, Chong drove the puck past King for 5-7. Chinn/Chong/King - those names go so well together.

Scoring over? Alas for the Bison faithful, no. Tom Carlon rounded off a great night for the ghostly visitors with a final score inside the last minute (assisted by Ziedins) to make it an astonishing scoreline of 5-8 and send the 16 travelling Potty supporters (perhaps I should rephrase that) home with 8 goals and a rare road win to give them a warm glow inside. The Bison fans (or some of them at least) had to be content with the semi-warm glow obtained by ingesting a lukewarm Pukka pie.

The Night it Rained Short Handed Goals

Bison 3 Bracknell Bees 1

18/2/12

On a night when no fewer of 3 of the 4 goals scored were short handed, Bison completed a clean sweep of home victories over Bracknell. It was a reasonably comfortable 3-1 win, but a late goal saw the chance of a Stephen Wall shut out snatched away from him, Tantalus style (a bit of Greek mythology there). The goal reduced the Bees’ deficit to 2-1 and brought on a tense finale. But with less than 30 seconds remaining and Bison defending a 6 on 4 power play, Slovak Cannon, Marcel Petran, settled the issue with an empty netter scored from behind his own goal line, which sent the jazz hands twirling.

Bison took the lead in the 11^th minute with the first short handed goal. Bouncing Czech, Daniel Volrab, watched from the penalty box, having gone there for a slash (should I rephrase that?). From wide of the goal Canadian Colossus, Steve Moria, saw Nicky Chinn steaming in and centred perfectly for the Welsh Bison skipper to score with a one timer past Tom Annetts. The goal was followed by a moonwalk celebration – maybe we have enough Michael Jackson impersonators for Nicky to be tempted by a new career and anyway he doesn’t look much like the late Mr. Jackson. The second assist went to Bison’s other Welshman, the admirable Joe Miller. The only thing which prevented it from being an all Welsh affair was coach Moria – the Canadian meat in the lava bread sandwich. Never mind, we’ll still say “Cymru am byth” (Davina are you reading this?)

Bison had a let off halfway through the period. A game of pinball in front of their goal saw players of both sides stabbing, jabbing, poking and slashing at a loose puck, which eventually Bison goaltender Wall managed to cover with his leg whilst lying prostrate on the ice. “That was pure Mark Bernard,” said the Scottish lady in the Redmond shirt (well what other player’s shirt would you expect her to wear?).

A minute later Bison almost went 2-0 up with Savvy Slovak, Viktor Kubenko, gliding around the back of the goal and setting up the currently free scoring Kurt Reynolds in front of goal. Kurt’s shot was well saved by Tom Annetts. Then with the Bees defending a power play, ex Bison netman Tom stopped a Petran slap shot from the blue line and then butterflied to stop a Kubenko effort after Bison man of the match, Ollie Bronnimann, the Margate Marauder, had skated up the boards and fired in a diagonal pass right onto the Slovak’s stick tape. Annetts was to produce another fine save later, deflecting away another Petran rocket propelled slap shot from the blue line, this time with his mask. Maybe he didn’t see it coming - I cannot imagine anyone would willingly put his head in front of a Petran thunderbolt, mask or not.

Bison had to wait until 38 minutes to increase their lead. A breakaway set up by the defensive duo of Petran and Reynolds, saw Kubenko bearing down on goal on his Tod Sloan (a bit of cockney rhyming slang for you there – why not Wikipedia him he’s a very interesting character). Viktor shot low straight through the 5-hole with Annetts going into butterfly a fraction of a second too late. On came the goal light, which for some reason is white not red at this end of the rink, but who cares?

Into the 3^rd period and in the 54^th minute Scott Spearing was lucky to escape a penalty for throwing punches at Nicky Chinn, which referee Dave Cloutman didn’t see. With his glasses and newly grown white goatee Mr Cloutman has become a Colonel Sanders lookalike. Perhaps one of the players distracted his attention by ordering a KFC bargain bucket just as Spearing was inflicting his violence on Chinn. Suffice it to say Scott got off scot-free. Vigilante revenge followed shortly afterwards, however, with Jacob Heron pushing Spearing to the ice. He ended up on his backside like an upturned turtle much to the amusement of the crowd, who filled the air with ironic cheering. Chinn would later describe the affair as “just a bit of fun.”

Then a cataclysmic disaster on the scale of the 1883 eruption of Krakatoa occurred. With netminder Stephen Wall looking good for his first shutout for Bison and the clock ticking down towards 3 minutes remaining, the man in the Charlestown Chiefs shirt jinxed it. He turned to the genial Brummie in the Kieras shirt and said “are you donning your rose tinted specs and predicting a shutout”. The Brummie saw the danger and declined to make such a prediction, but it was too late. It had been said. Within a minute Bison’s Alamo style defense had been breached and it was all the fault of the Chiefs man – Wally you know who to come and see. It started at the Bees end. Petran wound up for yet another of his massive jet propelled slap shots from the slot. His stick hit the ice and two objects flew forward – the puck and the blade from his shattered stick. The latter looked likely to clear the glass behind the Bees’ goal but dipped just short and hit the glass. Petran skated away immediately to collect a new stick and managed to get back behind the blue line, but in all the excitement Bison’s formation had gone pear shaped and suddenly Matt Foord and Shaun Thomspon were in 2 on 1 on Petran. The Slovak blueliner, versatile though he may be, was unable to expand his physical form to Rick Waller proportions to cover both attackers. Foord hammered home Thompson’s pass. Andy Munroe, who had started the move, picked up the second assist. And even worse for Bison - it was a short handed goal with Masa having been incarcerated for tripping.

Things now became a trifle tense. Bracknell came forward looking for the jugular. Shots came in. Wall stood firm. After one save a bit of scuffle broke out in front of the Bison net, but the unseemly affray ended without a punch being thrown and no penalty called – it was just a few players voicing their contrary opinions in the most polite fashion I am sure. Then Chris Wiggins was called for charging with just over 2 minutes left. With only 1.25 on the clock, Bracknell called a time out and pulled their goaltender to make a 5 on 4 power play a 6 on 4. The Bison end of the ice now appeared more congested that the M25 in the rush hour. But the Bees’ reckless gamble failed. A face off at the Bison end moved the puck from Moria to Wall to Petran, who spooned an enormous saucer shot from behind the goal line through the crowd of players, miraculously hitting no-one. The puck landed and slid menacingly towards the unguarded net, which gaped as wide as the mouth of a wide mouthed frog. Was it going in? Yes it was and yes it did. Wall may not have recorded a shut out, but he was compensated with his first Bison goal assist. He hugged Petran like a long lost brother. Up went the jazz hands. 3-1 it was and 3-1 it ended.

Lightning Doesn’t Strike Twice but Reynolds Does

Bison 3 Milton Keynes Lightning 2

12/2/12

A Kurt Reynolds double strike (to add to the goal he scored last night at Swindon) capped another magnificent performance by the Bison’s no. 7 as the Basingstoke icemen overcame near impossible odds to record a memorable victory over the Lightning. The win was a greater miracle than the turning of water into wine. Impossible odds? Miracle? OK I’m exaggerating. But it was a superb win in which each Bison player can be proud that he gave his all and nothing less (dare I say 110% - I know that’s mathematically impossible). The Problem? A short bench. Indeed a very short bench. As at Swindon the night before Bison had 5 scratches – forwards Kubenko and Chong and defensemen Oakford, Harris and Redmond. That left Petran and Reynolds as the only specialist blueliners with skipper Nicky Chinn icing as an emergency defenseman, as he had the night before. This meant that for the second night in a row these three covered the defense for the entire duration of the game and must, therefore, have averaged 40 minutes of ice time each. They must be fitter than Fit Finlay (go on Google him if you like).

The game had a lively opening. Cameron Wynn, playing only his second game for Bison, must have best astonished to find himself opening on the top line with Daniel Volrab and Joe Miller. In the 1^st minute a 2 on 1 breakaway saw the admirable Miller carry the puck forward and delay his pass until almost on top of Lightning netminder, Alex Mettam. He then unselfishly flicked the puck across the face of the Lightning goal with the accuracy of a Ronnie O’Sullivan black ball pot right into the path of Wynn. Alas Cameron shot wide and the chance was gone. A lively opening.

Within no time Bison found themselves behind. Leigh Jamieson took the puck around the back of the goal, emerged at the back door, took the puck forward, swivelled and shot low to beat Matt Colclough in the Bison goal. It was Jamieson’s 30^th of the season and a goal which cemented his position at the top of the British players scoring chart. Blaz Emersic and Adam Brittle (one of the 4 brothers Brittle) picked up assists.

In the 7^th minute there was an ugly scene of violent play and even more violent conduct which resulted in Grant McPherson being condemned to serve a 4 minute stretch for the dual infractions of tripping and roughing. His victim was Kurt Reynolds, who resisted the temptation to get involved in a fight with the niggly Scotsman, thus preventing the encounter from developing into an unseemly altercation of the most unsavoury variety. McPherson’s incarceration left Lightning needing to survive a 4 minute power play. They failed. 2 minutes in and Reynolds blasted his first of the game to level it up at 1-1. The Margate Marauder, Ollie Bronnimann, fed the Slovak Cannon, Marcel Petran, who slid a cross ice pass into the path of Reynolds. As Kurt fired in, Mettam must have hoped for a wayward shot or, failing that, Divine intervention. It was neither. The D-man's unstoppable wrist shot flew past the hapless goaltender’s shoulder and into the net. On came the red light. It was yet another power play goal for Bison.

Early in the 2nd Lightning were no doubt thankful to survive another Bison power play with Michael Farn banged up for tripping. However, shortly after his liberation Bison took the lead for the first time in the game. Once again Marcel Petran was the playmaker, this time with a diagonal pass arrowed to Bison enforcer, Chris Wiggins, who scored at the back door. 2-1 Bison. Craig Tribe picked up the second assist.

Things went from good to better for the Bison crowd 4 minutes later. Set up by Bouncing Czech, Daniel Volrab, Kurt Reynolds rifled in his second of the game and another top shelfer. The shot deflected in off Mettam’s blocker, which clearly failed to do its job. At 3-1 things were looking comfortable for Bison. Perhaps the genial Brummie in the Kieras shirt was thinking of donning his rose tinted specs. Certainly the man in the Charlestown Chiefs shirt was beginning to feel rather confident of a Bison victory. However, he was soon plunged back into his normal glass half empty state of mind by an MK power play goal to reduce the arrears to 2-3. With Joe Miller behind bars for hooking Bison had a let off when Slovenian Blaz Emersic, formerly of the Rio Grande Killer Bees (yes really), hammered the puck against the angle of post and bar. The Bison fans’ relief was short lived. A blink of an eye later former Bison man, Michael Wales committed treachery of the worst possible kind and scored against his old team. And a goal of great controversy it was. A bundle in front of the goal had the bespectacled youth in Block C shouting “goaltender interference” as the red light came on. The bearded rabble-rouser of Block A later confirmed to the Charlestown Chiefs man as they hung around in the Gents during the second interval (for no other purpose than to discuss the game I hasten to add) that the net had moved off its moorings before the puck crossed the line and the goal should not, therefore, have been given. However, Mr Cloutman, the referee, saw otherwise, allowed the goal and skated back to the red line tapping his white stick on the ice as he went. Assists to McPherson and Green.

Outshooting Bison in the final period, MK fought to level things up, but defense as resolute as at Rorke’s Drift in 1879 prevailed. With only 2 mins 32 remaining Adam Carr virtually threw his team’s chances out of the window with a trip on Reynolds. The eagle eyed Mr Cloutman, looking remarkably like Burl Ives with his newly grown white goatee (Google image him if you like), no longer needed his white stick. He got it spot on, called the penalty and sent Carr down the steps (well actually up one step) for 2 minutes. This meant that Bison had to avoid conceding a very rare short handed goal during the powerplay and then survive the last 28 seconds with Lightning at full strength. As Carr was liberated from the box, Mettam was pulled from the net to give Lightning a 6 on 5 for the final seconds. They failed to capitalise. The final buzzer sounded. Bison players and fans alike raised their arms aloft to celebrate an unexpected victory.

Man of the match awards went to defensemen Marcel Petran (over Kurt Reynolds somewhat surprisingly) and Ross Green, both of whom managed to slip over during the course of the presentation ceremony. This was certainly not the first time Marcel had been off his feet as, during the match, he had thrown himself to the ice on a couple of occasions to make very important blocks. A word also for Matt Colclough, who made a string of important saves, blocks and deflections to round off another excellent game in front of the pipes for him. However, it must be said that the entire team deserved medals.