Young Guns Shoot Bison to Silverware

Bison 5 Invicta Dynamos 2

Basingstoke Bison retained the Oliveira 4 x 4 competition trophy they won last season with an emphatic 5-2 final victory over Invicta Dynamos at Planet Ice last night. The competition win was due in no small part to the contribution of several of Bison’s young guns – Jacob Corson-Heron, Cameron Wynn, Andy Melachrino and Connor Standing. Couple that with impressive performances from the older hands and all is looking rosy in the Bison garden, but we won’t don our tinted coloured specs quite yet.

Having looked a trifle laboured in achieving a 1-1 draw against the Dynamos in the round robin game played immediately before the final, Bison didn’t hang about this time. They raced into a 4-0 lead with only 9 minutes on the clock.

The first was scored after some excellent work by Andy Melachrino. With a surname like that Andy sounds like someone from the Godfather, but he prefers to engage in the more wholesome pursuit of playing hockey than leaving severed horse heads in people’s beds. (How did they do that without waking the guy up? I digress). Andy (let’s call him “Machine Gun”  Melachrino from now on) fired in a pass from behind the goal line to the front of the net and there was Jacob Corson-Heron, the man with a double barrelled name and a double barrelled shot, to fire in past a hapless David Wride in the Invicta Net.

1-0 to Bison became 2-0 within a couple of minutes. Set on his way by Bison skipper, Tosh Redmond, Cameron “Popeye” Wynn skated across the face of the goal and lifted in a top shelfer. As if he thought that wasn’t enough of a contribution, Cam made it 3-0 in the 7th minute and only 3 minutes later. This time the playmaker was Greg “The Specs” Owen who set up Cam to score with a backhander in front of goal.

3-0 became 4-0 only 2 minutes later. Bison were running riot. A long pass from “Machine Gun” Melachrino set up Chunky Joe Greener just inside the Invicta blue line. Joe lifted his stick and sent in a crisp slapshot with considerably more force than would be needed to drive a fork into a Pukka pie. And there was Greg “The Specs” in front of the net to deflect past the goaltender.

A bizarre incident then occurred. A penalty for roughing was called. It was the only penalty of the entire tournament. The miscreant was Greg “Chubbs” Chambers. Exactly what “roughing” had involved I did not see.  Luckily for him the sentence meted out was 2 minutes sitting on a nice comfortable bench rather than 5 years hard labour, but “down the steps” he went.

Invicta then rallied and reduced the arrears from 0-4 to 2-4 with a couple of well taken goals in the 13^th and 16^th minutes respectively. The first was scored by Canadian, Justin Noble with a noble goal indeed. From a pass by Bison old boy, Callum Best (glad to see he still possesses his rosy cheeks which give him a somewhat misleading cherubic appearance), Noble took the puck from behind the goal line and rifled in a top shelf wrist shot from distance. The second was an unassisted goal from the impressive Peter Vaitanen scored in a not too dissimilar way.

With 2 minutes remaining Bison cemented the win with a 5^th and final goal. It was a sweet move involving Chunky Joe and Greg “The Specs”. Slick one time passing from Joe to Greg to “Chubbs” cut through the defense as easily as if they were slicing a loaf of bread and there was “Chubbs” to put the icing on the cake with a back door one timer into the net. The move had considerably more artistic merit than Danien Hirst’s half a sheep in a tank of formaldehyde.

At the end of the game and indeed a most entertaining tournament, keenly contested by all except the Bracknell Bees, Bison skipper Tosh Redmond went up to collect the Oliveira (Basil d’?) 4 x 4 trophy, which is about the size of an egg cup, but what the hell, it’s silverware!

Man of the match for the Dynamos was a very impressive Peter Vaisanen. Perhaps we’ll see him back in the EPL some day – his short spell with the Steeldogs was cut short by injury. An easy and indeed most popular choice for Bison MoM was Cameron “Popeye” Wynn with 2 goals in the final and 4 for the tournament. He looked sharp and linked up very well with his line mates. 

Words also for some of Cam’s team mates. Carl Graham, normally a stay at home blue liner, scored a wonderful forward’s goal in the game against Bracknell. Joe Rand looked a constant threat, linked well with his team mates and scored 2+2 for the tournament. Greg Owen ended with a goal and no fewer than 4 assists. And a very solid performance between the pipes from Connor Standing, who played in 3 of the 4 games. He showed his ability in the penultimate (that’s the one before last) game, first saving an exocet slapshot from the Slovak Cannon, Marcel Petran and then, only seconds later, raising his catcher to pluck Alan Lack’s vicious wrist shot out of the air with the same degree of consummate ease with which King Kong would have swatted a biplane. A final word for Ryan Sutton, who in the round robin game against the Dynamos, set up Joe Greener in front of goal with some wonderful skating and stick handling. He skated diagonally across the goal from the boards, leaving everyone for dead before delivering a tasty drop pass for Joe to gobble up.

Jack Moria—the brightest star on Planet Ice

I had intended to write my first match report of the season on last’s night’s game—the Steve Moria testimonial match between Bison and Mo19 select. However, as the game ended 13-10 in favour of Mo19 I soon realised that there was just too much to write about and my readers were likely to fall asleep during the course of reading descriptions of 23 goals, not to mention other incidents, in my usual unusual style. So I will restrict my writing instead to the best moment of the night and I hope you enjoy reliving it…..

Halfway through the second period, Mo19 were awarded a penalty shot. Ben Davies was hauled to the ice. Although he was a long way from goal and not in position to score, the ever popular, albeit rather myopic referee, Dave “Magoo” Cloutman, who had been had been serenaded by those rock sensations, the Puck Bunnies, in the first interval, made the controversial call. It was a spurious decision and one which Mr Cloutman, who had earlier earned his first assist in British hockey, admitted he made to stop himself being bullied and badgered by Steve Moria, who had been unsportingly hectoring the hapless official throughout the game. Nobody argued. Mo19s best player, Jack Moria, was selected to take the shot and the Bison faithful just knew it was going to be curtains for the Bison netman. Jack’s reputation as a sharp shooter had gone before him. He may be lacking in stature and probably wouldn’t come off too well if caught in a bodycheck sandwich between Robbie Coltrane and Rick Waller. However, he makes up for lack of height and bulk with a very sharp hockey brain and this he was about to demonstrate in grand style. As he hammered forward at breakneck speed, he became a blur to all those who should have gone to Specsavers. Things were getting hot for the unfortunate netman. In fact, it couldn’t have been hotter for him than if he’d been rotating on a spit at Satan’s barbecue. He thought he could get the better of Jack by leaving a gaping 5-hole and then butterflying to stop the obvious shot through the legs. However, Jack was far too clever to fall for this trick and pulled off one of the greatest stunts ever seen at Planet Ice. Seeing the goaltender’s stick wide of the crease he fired in the puck with such accuracy and velocity, as straight as an Agincourt archer’s arrow and as fast as fast as Postman Pat being pursued by the hound of the Baskervilles, some may say, that the goaltender couldn’t react in time. The puck cannoned off his stick and across the goal line. Had the net not been there the puck would have flown all the way to Canada. Just like the Canadian Mountie always gets his man, the young Welsh/Canadian marksman always gets his goal. Father and son celebrated the goal, Usain Bolt style, and can now expect a copyright infringement writ from the Jamaican sprinter’s lawyers.

Mo’s Magic Moment

Bison 4 Guildford Flames 3

31/3/12

Bison player/coach Steve Moria, the Canadian Colossus, has had his critics this season, but  last night with a Man of the Match performance and the winning goal scored from a penalty shot he showed the doubting Thomases that there is life in the old dog yet. He led his team to yet another home ice victory over the EPL champions – that’s 3 out of 3 or, better still, 4 out of 4 this season if you include a pre-season challenge win.

However, despite outshooting the Flames by 40 to 20, Bison had to work hard for their narrow victory. The 1^st period was the same old story. Bison with 13 shot to the Flames’ 9 still managed to go in at the first buzzer trailing by 2-0. The 1^st goal after 11 minutes had a touch of fortune about it. A lucky break saw Rick Plant pick up the puck. There was nothing lucky about what he then did with the rubber disc. A pass of pin point accuracy across the goaltender found Josef Kohut at the back door with a simple but firm tap in to execute. 35 seconds later Kohut found himself confined to a stretch of solitary for slashing. Only a minute later David Savage and Liam Chong joined Kohut behind bars for coincidental minors for interference. Within 10 seconds of Kohut being granted his liberty Jez Lundin and Rick Plant combined to send Curtis Huppe clear of the Bison defense. He flew in on Stephen Wall faster than a Spitfire chasing an Me109, deked and beat the hapless goaltender off his backhand. 0-2 the period ended.

Bison enjoyed an excellent 2^nd period, pouring in twice as many shots as the Flames and being rewarded with two goals, alas then allowing the Flames to retake the lead within a little more than a minute of their equaliser. Bouncing Czech, Daniel Volrab, opened the Bison scoring account in the 24^th minute. A shot from Craig Tribe was saved by Mark Lee in the Flames net, but the puck broke again to Tribe who passed to the admirable Joe Miller. The Welsh Wizzard’s centring pass was hammered home by Volrab from the slot. It took only a minute and a half for Bison to level the game up at 2 apiece. Viktor Kubenko’s shot was saved by Lee, who was unable to freeze the puck, which then moved through Reynolds and Moria. It eventually ended up on the stick of Liam Chong, who stabbed it in. The action between the Kubenko shot and the Chong score was all a bit of a blur to me and I was hoping for a succinct account from the Bearded Rabble Rouser of Block A in the interval as the goal was scored at his end. Much to my chagrin the Rabble Rouser admitted that his attention had been distracted by the Diminutive Enforcer at the crucial moment and he could provide no further details.

The response from Guildford was instantaneous. Whilst still uncorking the champagne to celebrate the equalising goal, the Bison faithful were dismayed to see a Matt Towe shot from an acute angle sneak in somehow. Assists were given to Savage and Liddiard. The Gooner in the Penguins shirt commented that the good work done to get back on level terms seemed to have been wasted. And indeed it had been. 2-3 it was.

Before a further minute of play had taken place the ever dangerous Canadian goal-a-game man, Nathan Rempel, showed himself to be dangerous in another way. In fact as dangerous as a partially sighted pensioner behind the wheel of a Santa Pod drag racer. He was called for a head check. Referee Dave Cloutman, the Colonel Sanders lookalike, sent Rempel down the steps for a 2 + 10 penalty. A minute later Guildford could so easily have scored a short handed goal. Kohut was in on Wall and about to shoot when scythed down from behind by Marcel Petran. For some reason Mr. Cloutman thought that the misdemeanour was worthy of only a 2 minute minor and, much to the astonishment of the man in the Charlestown Chiefs shirt, the Bespectacled Youth, the Gooner in the Penguins shirt and many others I am sure, gave no penalty shot. The Howling Man must also have thought that it was a let off as he remained uncharacteristically silent.

As the 2^nd reached its conclusion another act of x-rated violence erupted. This time it was Scott Greenfield who high sticked (should that be high stuck?) into the face of Dan Harris. The young D-man crumpled face down onto the ice and, as he recovered, he thumped the ice in frustration, realising that one of his front teeth had been knocked out, as confirmed in the interval by GI Joe and later by the Bespectacled Youth who made Dan grin during the high 5 skate past at the end of the game. Mr. Harris is now able to flash a “hockey smile”, Tosh Redmond and Alex Ovechkin style. The Howling Man at the end of Row E suddenly sprang into action and let his views be known to all. Alas his utterings were somewhat incoherent and the only words I caught were “dressing room”. His sentiments were, however, crystal clear and Mr. Cloutman agreed. Into the slammer went Greenfield, but for only 2 minutes as no blood had been shed during Dan’s dental surgery. He was followed shortly after by Neil Liddiard for “delay of game”. Alas Bison could not take advantage of the 5 on 3 and then the 5 on 4. The best effort came from Joe Miller, whose powerfully rifled shot was brilliantly plucked out of the air by Mark Lee.

6 minutes into the 3^rd and Bison were called for “too many men on the ice”. This was indicated by Mr. Cloutman holding up a load of fingers and thumbs. I couldn’t see the exact number, but it was certainly more than 5. The Gooner maintained that a Bison player had been obstructed while trying to leave the ice. On two occasions during the resultant power play Bison so nearly scored a short handed goal. First Miller found Moria whose high shot disappeared into Lee’s catcher. Then Miller nicked the puck on the blue line, bore in on Lee unchallenged and loosed off a shot which beat the goaltender but not the post. The familiar PING! sound was heard as the puck cannoned away.

Shortly after the Guildford net moved off its moorings yet again. Not that I wish to infer anything untoward but Mr. Lee’s net does seem to do this quite often. Everyone could see it, but the referee didn’t stop the game. The Howling man shouted “Net off moorings” several times, the volume increasing with each delivery until finally Colonel Sanders popped it back on without stopping the game.

Bison continued to threaten and got their reward with just under 5 minutes remaining. A superb diagonal cross ice pass from Kurt Reynolds from the point to the Flames’ blueline (pass of the season maybe) picked out Joe Miller, who killed the puck and skated forward. Viktor Kubenko crashed the net and Lee, doubtless expecting a centring pass to the threatening Slovak, left a gap big enough for Miller to fire through. On came the goal light. It was all square at 3-3. Volrab picked up the second assist and now both he and Miller with a goal and an assist needed only a fight for a Gordie Howe hat trick. They could have fought each other to achieve this I suppose, but thankfully declined to do so.

The final buzzer sounded and the game moved into overtime, Bison dominating. With the clock ticking down to 15 seconds remaining Marcel Petran broke clear, but was forced behind the goal line before he could shoot. He did, however, retain possession of the puck and with Lee floundering on the ice like a beached whale and Bison crashing the net all it needed was a pass out and a saucer shot and the game was Bison’s. Suddenly the Flames net moved mysteriously off its moorings as if by magic, although I didn’t see Paul Daniels on the ice. This time it was not Mark Lee, but Jez Lundin who was the perpetrator of this cynical move. A penalty shot was awarded and Steve Moria was to take it. As he circled like a vulture preparing to take the puck off the centre spot the Desperate Dan lookalike in the Bronnimann shirt (if you’ve never read the Beano you’ll have to Google Image Desperate Dan) signalled his doubt that Mo was going to score to the Bespectacled Youth. The Bison player/coach took the puck forward and we all wondered whether it was to be a clever deke or a shot from distance. It turned out to be the latter. Mo picked his spot and beat Lee high, catcher side, with an unstoppable wrist shot. Had it not been for the net the puck could have flown all the way to Canada. The Bison crowd erupted Vesuvius style. Bison had done for the all conquering Flames once again.

Payette’s Gunslingers Shoot Down Bison

Bison 2 Sheffield Steeldogs 6

24/3/12

Into the sleepy town of Basingstoke rode the gunslinging hardmen of Sheffield to rob the bank of Bison, firing their Colt 45s from the saddle and led by the notorious hockey outlaw André “Pieface” Payette. At the end of 60 minutes of hard hitting hockey it was the Dogs who deservedly galloped back to their mountain hideout (well Sheffield really) with the points. This was not a game for the shrinking violet.

Payette is the ultimate Marmite hockey player. Everyone in Sheffield loves him, whereas everyone outside of Sheffield hates him, although there are no doubt many who secretly admire him. Why? Well he is a man of limited skill and talent as a player. He wears the number 7, as did the great talent who was Eric Cantona, but the only thing these two could do in common would be Kung Fu kicking. Payette’s success has been in transforming the Dogs on a limited budget from a soft, no hope, bottom 3 EPL team into a tough hitting outfit who, if remaining results go their way, could finish 2^nd in the league this year. I wish I could have spent the whole of Payette’s 20 or so minutes of ice time watching the man himself and not the play, as his antics were pantomime villain personified. The expression agent provocateur could have been invented for him. He jostled, nudged, poked, pushed, slashed and sledged any player who came near him, picking on those who he knew had a short fuse. His cheap shots out of the officials’ view were legion. It was very clear what he was trying to doing. However, he didn’t have it all his own way and for long periods Bison gave as good as they got, especially in the form of Kurt Reynolds, who hit hard and then some including a massive hit on Payette himself after 90 seconds, which saw the French Canadian enforcer slump to the ice like a sack of potatoes, much to the delight of the crowd.

Things started well for Bison with Steve Moria giving his team a 1-0 lead in the 3^rd minute. The Canadian Colossus, such a light year ahead of Payette in terms of hockey skill, robbed his opposite number close to the blue line and would have been in on goal had Payette not hooked him. The referee, exercising the type of myopic sight typical of Mr Magoo, let it go. Mo kept his feet and possession of the puck, passed to Liam Chong on the boards, received the return pass and 5-holed Ben Bowns in the Dogs’ net.

On 7 minutes Nicky Chinn was invited to spend time at Her Majesty’s pleasure for a hook and the resultant power play saw the Dogs draw level with a goal from Ukrainian D-man, Pavel Gomeniuk. Set up by Payette and Steve Duncombe, he drifted in unchallenged and 5-holed Stephen Wall. A minute later it was 1-2 with Janis Ozolins planting a top shelf wrist shot past Wall from a pass by Stuart Brittle. Then only a minute after that Joe Miller was banged up for interference and during the power play which followed Slovak Cannon, Marcel Petran, was called for cross checking. He didn’t like it and let his view be known to the referee, continuing his angry monolog, even after he had left the ice, by hauling himself up to appear Kilroy like over the top of the glass. His protests were echoed by the Howling Man at the end of Row E, who expressed his contrary views in his usual arm waving, vocal style. This was considered beyond the pale by Mr. Boniface (Marcel’s actions, not the Howling Man’s that is) and he slapped a 10 minute misconduct on the hapless Slovak. On hearing this the Bespectacled Youth gave vent to his feelings on the matter in a manner so loud as to vex the Howling Man’s wife, would you believe?

Bison survived the 5 on 3 power play, but after Miller had returned to the ice to reduce the disadvantage to 5 on 4, the Dogs got their reward with their 3^rd goal – a back handed effort form Ben Morgan, assisted by Greg Wood and Edgars Bebris.

The 2^nd period belonged to Bison with Steve Moria claiming his 2^nd to make it 2-3 on 34 minutes, firing home from in front of the net and then striking a Ussain Bolt pose (yes he really did that), obviously having felt the need to challenge the Nicky Chinn moonwalk, to which we were treated a couple of weeks ago. Craig Tribe and Joe Miller assisted.

Late in the period there occurred an unsavoury incident of the greatest opprobrium. Coach Payette (yes him again) managed to dig the puck out from under Wall’s hand after he had frozen it. This was done on the blindside of the referee, who, had he seen it, may indeed have allowed the move, such was his optically challenged performance on the night, not to mention his selective calling. It made the Bearded Rabble Rouser of Block A, a close and wholly reliable eye witness to the misdemeanour, fly into an apoplectic rage with the force of the Krakatoa eruption of 1883, although still less animated than one of the Howling Man’s outbursts. The Rabble Rouser even went as far as to suggest “Bonniface and Payette are shortly to engage in a civil partnership given some of their warm and tender exchanges this less than fine evening”. Surely an outrageous and indeed preposterous suggestion?  Perhaps the Rabble Rouser has inside information. The incident ended with the usual push and shove scrum, but nothing more. Most would agree that Payette deserved a severe punishment or, better still, to be laid out cold, for such a disgraceful and cynical attempt at cheating.

So ended the 2^nd with the Bison crowd well satisfied with their team’s performance after an iffy 1^st. They had ridden the storm of the Steeldogs’ physicality, given as good as they had got, cheap shots apart (well maybe there were one or two but only in retaliation) and, at only one goal in arrears, there was every chance of a come from behind win. However, things didn’t go according to this plan at all. Throughout the 3^rd Bison played like the Tin Man from the Wizzard of Oz i.e. with no heart. A capitulation saw them slip from 2-3 to 2-6. The Steeldogs’ 4^th goal came in the 45^th minute – an unassisted score from Ashley Calvert through Wall’s 5-hole. Worse was to come. Only a minute later Brittle had his collar felt and into the slammer he went for hooking. Bison desperately needed to make the power play count, but it was the Steeldogs who took advantage of some slack defending as Ozolins raced clear of a statuesque Bison blueline, fooled Wall with a clever deke and backhanded the puck over the line for 2-5 and game over. Ben Morgan and Ashley Calvert picked up the assists.

There then occurred a bizarre incident which cast further grave doubts in the minds of many concerning Mr. Boniface’s fitness to officiate. Kurt Reynolds was hit and collapsed in a heap to the ice. The aforementioned official, standing within a couple of feet of the clearly injured Bison D-man, allowed play to continue for some considerable time, before finally blowing the whistle. Why?

On 49 minutes Ozolins, looking for his hat-trick sent in a shot which cracked against Wall’s mask without causing injury to the netman. “Thank God for Jacques Plante” he must have thought. Jacques who? The first goaltender to wear a mask of course. However, Ozolins was not to be denied. With 5 minutes remaining he finished a slick move from Gibson to Brittle, beating Wall with a rocket wrist shot. It was goal number 53 of a fantastic season for the EPL’s top scorer. It was no surprise that the young Latvian sniper picked up the Dogs’ man of the match award. Liam Chong picked up the Bison beers for another all effort performance and his third successive MoM.

A final little cameo to relate. The rumours of Payette being the next player/coach of Bison are rife. At the end of the game he did a solo skate past and salute of the Bison blocks, maybe to gauge the reaction of the Bison crowd? Who knows?

Saving Ryan Seals Tigers Triumph

Bison 1 Telford Tigers 4

17/3/12

Bottom of the league Telford Tigers came to Planet Ice with a season’s record of only 9 wins (of which only 3 were won in regulation time) in 48 games and a goal tally of 1 scored for every 2 conceded. Everyone expected this to be like mugging a pensioner, shooting an unarmed man or stealing a sheet of music from Stevie Wonder. But on an evening of surprises, the Bison crowd were left open mouthed in shock as the pensioner fought back, the unarmed man ducked and Stevie Wonder clung tenaciously to his sheet of music. In the end a young Tigers team ran out winners by 4 goals to 1 and Bison can blame only themselves for a poor defensive display in the 1^st period which allowed the Tigers to rack up a 3-0 lead and effectively win the game.

Why is it that Bison have so much trouble beating the Tigers at home? 3 of their last 4 games at Planet Ice have seen the Tigers go home with the points. Do they raise their game or do Bison lower theirs or is it simply a case of over confidence? Probably all three of those apply.

Telford started the first period in lively fashion and roared into the lead with 2 goals inside a minute in the 6^th. Set up by the admirable Scott McKenzie, Slovak D-man, Juraj Senko fired in a shot which goaltender Matt Colclough seemed to have saved, but the puck squirmed under him. On came the goal light, up went the Tigers arms in celebration. These two were also involved in the second goal. This time Senko fed Joe Henry, whose centring pass was hammered home by way of a one timer snap shot from McKenzie standing all alone in front of goal without a Bison player to put him off. A similar lack of blue line vigilance resulted in the third goal on 16 minutes. This time it was 18 year old Callum Bowley firing in unmarked in front of goal for 0-3.

So ended the 1^st period with Bison outshooting the Tigers by 14-10, but failing to find a way past young netminder, Declan Ryan, who would walk off (actually skate off) with the Tigers’ Man of the Match beers at the end of the game. And a worthy winner he was. He faced 46 shots on the night and allowed only 1 – a save percentage of just below 0.98. It has to be said, however, that, although Ryan produced a series of good saves, many of his stops and blocks were made easy by Bison shooting straight at him and not finding the gaps. He didn’t have to be the size of Fatty Foulke (go on Google him).

Bison continued to press in the 2^nd, but without reward. 16 shots rained down on Ryan from all angles, but he stood as solid as the Great Wall of China. Towards the end of the period Slovak Cannon, Marcel Petran, received a 5 + game penalty for a head check on Scott McKenzie (someone correct me if I’ve got the wrong player). Just under 2 minutes of the penalty carried forward into the 3^rd period and shortly after Ryan Sutton, serving the penalty on Petran’s behalf, was sprung from the box, Bison finally clicked the scoreboard onto Home 1. In typical style, the Savvy Slovak, Viktor Kubenko, took the puck around the back of the Tigers’ net and slipped a pass to Bison top scorer Joe Miller. He found the gap between Ryan and post to score his 29^th of the season. Bison skipper, Nicky Chinn, picked up the second assist.

Was this the start of a Bison revival? There was certainly enough time on the clock for them to snatch victory from the jaws of defeat. But it was not to be as Ryan continued to block, deflect, catch and engulf the puck and keep Bison at bay. 16 shots he faced in the period and only 1 goal did he allow.

With the clock ticking down past the 2 minute mark, Bison took the risk of pulling Matt Colclough. The Bison goaltender skated to the bench as fast as fast could be to allow the extra skater on for a 6 on 5. Then a bigger calamity than Calamity Jane herself struck. Surely with no goaltender, the attacking team has to keep the puck. A dump in is not a good idea as you have only a 50/50 chance of retaining possession. However, that’s what happened and the puck was picked up by Telford and worked forward to Luke Brittle by Ryan Selwood. The youngest of the 4 brothers Brittle sent the puck goalbound from the red line. Was it going in? Yes of course it was. 1-4 the game ended.

A disappointing night for Bison. Lots of effort, but, apart from Joe Miller’s goal, no end product, and a blueline nightmare which gifted 3 goals to the Tigers in the 1^st period which effectively won them the game. Well done to 19 year old Declan Ryan for his performance. He will consider himself very unlucky not to have recorded a shut out. Liam Chong with a typical all action display picked up the Bison beers. And Stevie Wonder? Well he kept his sheet of music.

Bison Nick the Bees’ Honey

Bracknell Bees 3 Bison 6

11/3/12

In their final meeting of the season with Berkshire neighbours, the Bracknell Bees, the Bison herd rampaged through their hosts’ hive, upset the honey pot (or was it the apple cart?) and made off with a very welcome 2 points. This road win ended a run of 4 straight defeats and consolidated Bison’s league position ahead of nearest rivals, the Swindon Wildcats. After romping into a 3-0 lead, the Basingstoke icemen allowed the Bees to come back to level the game at the beginning of the 3^rd and give them hope of success only to snatch the cup from their lips Tantalus style with 3 unanswered goals before the final buzzer.

Bison opened the scoring on 4 minutes. Savvy Slovak, Viktor Kubenko, carried the puck around the back of the net in his usual elegant style, but then demonstrated that he is much more than just a pretty sight by delivering a perfect pass to Ollie Bronnimann in front of goal. The Margate Marauder accepted Kubo’s kind invitation to shoot and hammered home.

Bison doubled their lead in the 8^th minute. Set up by Welsh Wizzard, Joe Miller, and Bouncing Czech, Daniel Volrab, the Flame Haired Jock, Tony “Tosh” Redmond rifled in a long range wrist shot for 0-2. Two minutes later it was 0-3. Set on his way by Chris Wiggins, Craig Tribe put his foot on the gas, powered forward and smashed a slap shot high into the net. If only the Genial Brummie in The Kieras shirt, Craig’s greatest admirer, could have seen that, but alas he was absent.

Rocked by the Bison onslaught, which had yielded 3 goals in only 6 minutes, the Bees called a time out and pulled ex-Bison goalie, Tom Annetts, doubtless suffering from shell shock, replacing him with Carl “Scrambler” Ambler (try saying that after a couple of beers). It seemed rather harsh on Tom, but the move did steady the Bees ship.

Bracknell threw themselves a lifeline scoring a power play goal in the last minute of the period with Nicky Chinn banged up for hooking. Set up by Rick Skene and Rob Lamey, Bees’ own Bouncing Czech, Lukas Smital, rifled in a wrist shot from the slot. Was it “too Smital, too late”, as the Bearded Rabble Rouser speculated? Well no because within a minute of the start of the 2^nd, it was 2-3 with Martin Masa getting his name on the scoresheet (does this piece of paper actually exist?). Don’t ask me to describe the goal because it all happened in the corner I couldn’t see. All I heard was the distinctive sound of a slap shot and saw a load of Bees players with their arms in the air. That’s all I can say. What sort of a rinkside reporter am I? Smital and Skene picked up the assists.

The play ebbed back and forth for the remainder of the period without further scoring thanks to a series of good saves and blocks by both goaltenders. 16 year old Cameron Wynn nearly scored his first goal for Bison towards the end of the period. Put through on goal he raced forward, but unfortunately slid to the ice before he could get his shot away and he, the covering defenseman and the goaltender ended up an untidy heap littering up the crease. The Bespectacled Youth called for a penalty and indeed a penalty shot, but it did look as if Cam had lost his footing before the D-man and he went to ground. Nothing was given.  The downside for the period for Bison was the sight of Ollie Bronnimann, just back from injury, down on the ice and having to leaving the rink injured.

With only a single goal lead to defend Bison skipper Nicky Chinn drew the players into a huddle at the start of the 3^rd and we can only assume delivered an inspirational speech to bolster their spirit determination. Alas, Nicky’s words of encouragement proved as useful as a chocolate teapot as the Bees came back to level terms within a minute of the restart. Chinny, who had another fine game as a stand in defenseman, shot the puck around the boards behind the Bison goal towards his defensive partner, but it was a loose one enabling the Bees to pick up the puck and work it out front to Rob Lamey. His first shot was saved by Stephen Wall, but his second found the mark. 3-3 it was. Smital and Skene, the ex-Bison blueliner, picked up the assists once more. It was Chicago born Skene’s third assist of the night. Well done to him.

The outcome of the game teetered on a knife edge. Although the Bees had come back from a 0-3 deficit to level it, it had been a classic end to end game so far and perhaps the next score was going to be the crucial one. This indeed proved to be the case and it was Bison who nosed in front on 46 minutes and then went on to fatally swat the Bees with another two goals. Viktor Kubenko was the man who made it 3-4. Kurt Reynolds set Chris Wiggins on his way. He fired a diagonal pass into the path of the Savvy Slovak, who beat Ambler with a powerful slap shot.

On 52 minutes the scoreboard clicked on to 3-5. This time Cameron Wynn was the provider for Joe Miller to hammer in his 27^th goal of a great season with Bison. Cymru am byth, Joe! Marcel Petran got the second assist. Slovensko na veky, Marcel. You’ll have to Google both of those.

Shortly afterwards Volrab was unlucky to see his saucer pass out of defense loop over the glass, which condemned him to a 2 minute stretch for delay of game. The puck landed by a steward. “Puck! Puck!” shouted the Bespectacled Youth, who had already collected 4 of them during the practice. The steward tossed him the puck, but then had to ask for it back as they didn’t seem to have a replacement. It turned out that they did and the Youth got his puck after all. Within seconds of Volrab’s liberation, Bison scored their final goal, which featured a clever piece of footwork, of which Lionel Messi would have been proud. Petran and Redmond combined to set up Liam Chong with only Skene and Ambler to beat. The pass was short and Liam had to kick the puck forward onto his stick. In doing so he left the D-man for dead and then smacked the puck into the net, leaving Skene and Ambler wondering why he wasn’t playing football for Barcelona instead.

5 minutes later the final buzzer sounded without further scoring. The game had been played in a generally good spirit and there were no fights. The only unsavoury incident of note occurred late in the 3^rd when Chinn was involved in a bit of push and shove with Smital, the latter then tripping up the former, who fell to the ice like a sack of spuds. Referee Szuchs missed that one completely. One wonders whether Fulton Allen could have done a better job of spotting that one. Fulton who? Fulton Allen - better known as Blind Boy Fuller. Youtube him…..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7up2b4keW_k

Blue Meanies Invade Bisonland

Bison 3 Slough Jets 8

3/3/12

In the famous cartoon the Blue Meanies overran peace loving Pepperland, turning everything to stone. The Beatles came to the rescue in their Yellow Submarine. Last night it was the Blue Meanies from Slough who invaded peace loving Bisonland – OK “peace loving” is not really an appropriate expression to use with Chris Wiggins on the ice (as was confirmed late in the 3^rd period). In this case John, Paul, George and Ringo were not on hand to save the Basingstoke icemen.

Last week Bison crashed at home to “Potty” by 8-5. Last night another goal avalanche condemned them to an 8-3 defeat at the hands of a very strong “Sluff” outfit, gunning to finish in second place in the EPL. Aaron Connolly was an easy choice for the Jets man of the match with a hat-trick and two assists. Joe Miller picked up the Bison award for another all action display which, on another night, would have yielded more than one goal. The game may not have moved into overtime, but the Howling Man at the end of Row E did – see later comments.

However, it was not all gloom and despondency. In fact by the 16^th minute of the 1^st Bison had romped into a 2-0 lead through Miller and Wiggins and looked very capable of inflicting defeat on their Berkshire rivals. However, Slough pulled it back to 2-1 with 8 seconds of the period remaining and then proceeded to dominate the remainder of the game, scoring another 7 and allowing only 1. Tiredness and a series of defensive errors on the part of Bison combined with some masterful attacking play and pinpoint accurate shooting from Slough dictated the outcome.

Welsh Wizzard, Joe Miller, opened the scoring in the 3^rd minute. From a pass by Nicky Chinn, Bison’s Bouncing Czech, Daniel Volrab, hammered a shot against the bar. PING! Miller was the man on the spot to hammer in the rebound. Then on 16 minutes Chris Wiggins proved he is more than “just a goon”, as many opposing fans (and probably players as well) have described him. He showed dogged determination challenging for the puck against the boards, broke clear and sliced through the Slough defense to score. The Bearded Rabble Rouser of Block A, who had had a bird’s eye view from his position, declared that Wiggie’s footwork was worthy of comparison to Michael Flatley. Assists went to Kubenko and Cameron Wynn, the 16 year old's first EPL point - well done Cam. Things were looking very rosy for Bison. However, with only 8 seconds of the 1^st remaining, Doug Sheppard moved around the back of the Bison goal and picked out Aaron Connolly in front of the net. 2-1. Joe Greener was then involved in a frank exchange of opinions with Nicky Chinn and was lucky not to pick up a penalty to go with his assist for the goal.

Slough drew level on 24 minutes. From a face off, the puck fell to Sheppard whose wrist shot flew in top shelf. Greener and Connolly with the assists. A minute later Chinn was sentenced to 2 minutes porridge for a robust boarding on Andrew Melachrino, the man with a name which would look more at home as a dish on a Gordon Ramsay menu perhaps. Melachrino took a nasty hit, but was able to continue after a period of recovery. The resultant power play produced a second goal for Connolly, who stabbed the puck across the line from close in. Sheppard assisted. 2-3. Bison then drew level at 3-3. Viktor Kubenko tried to get in a shot, but realised his route to goal was blocked and instead slid a cross ice pass to Chinn, playing as a D-man once again. The Bison skipper sent in a long range shot from the point and in it went. Craig Tribe picked up the second assist.

A second unseemly incident then occurred. I didn’t see it myself, but the Genial Brummie in the Kieras shirt (that’s a bit ironic) said that ex-Bison Mindy Kieras had delivered a head check to Wiggins. What I did see was a lot of pushing and shoving and Kieras wisely declining Wiggins’s invitation to take the matter further. Both got a 2 + 2 for roughing which seemed a little harsh on Wiggins and rather lenient on Kieras.

At the halfway point with the scores level Bison looked quite capable of powering on to victory, but it was the Jets who would run the show from then on, firing in 5 unanswered goals. The goal fest started in the 34^th minute. A defensive error yielded possession of the puck to Adam Calder. He trapped the puck, swivelled and scored to restore the Jets’ lead at 3-4. Greener assisted. 4 minutes later the Bespectacled Youth in Block C bellowed “HOLDING!”, but no call was made and Connolly took possession of the puck and managed to complete his hat-trick with an angled shot for 3-5. Adam Calder assisted.

Stephen Wall came in to replace Matt Colclough in the Bison net for the 3^rd. Within a very short space of time things went from bad to worse for Bison. An icing infringement was called and Heron went “down the steps”. With less than a minute of the power play gone Kurt Reynolds and was invited to join Heron in the slammer for slashing. The Howling Man at the end of Row E, who up until that point had remained uncharacteristically silent, decided it was now time to share his considered opinion with those around him. “You’re so biased, Cloutman”, he yelled, threatening to burst the eardrums of his fellow spectators. It seemed unlikely that Bison could survive the 3 on 5 and indeed they didn’t. A tic-tac-toe move from Darius Pliskauskas to Aaron Connolly to Dan Davies moved the score onto 3-6. The Howling Man voiced his further thoughts “That’s 3 goals you’ve cost us, Cloutman.” One got the impression that Mr. Cloutman was never going to be on his Christmas card list as he continued to rent the air with his far from objective views, whilst all the time becoming redder and redder in the face. Those near him, despite receiving an unwanted aural invasion, must have started to worry about the possibility of the Howling Man suffering a fatal seizure. Thankfully he did not.

In the 52^nd minute a bit of push and shove between Kubenko and Galazzi escalated into a full scale unseemly altercation of the most unsavoury variety with Wiggins and the ever niggly Jets skipper, Joe Greener. It was difficult to see exactly what happened from the other side of the rink and with players in between, but the fists certainly flew and nearby observers declared a “win” for Wiggins. There then followed the usual negotiations between the officials and the two captains, trying to unravel who did what to whom. Suddenly the helmetless Greener skated across to his bench. “He’s been chucked out of the game,” declared the Genial Brummie, but he was wrong. Not only had Greener not been “red carded”, but he also escaped censure of any kind. How on earth? That had to be the most incomprehensible officials’ decisions ever seen at Planet Ice. One can only assume that Greener possesses a tongue so silver it bears a hallmark and managed to talk himself out of any form of punishment. Instead Galazzi received a 2 for roughing and Wiggins a 2 holding and a 2 + 2 + 10 for roughing. The Howling Man was apoplectic with rage once more. All the while the discussions were going on Bison goalie Wall sat on top of his goal with legs dangling, looking rather like Humpty Dumpty (thanks for that comparison Catherine) – a strange and somewhat entertaining spectacle.

The game then resumed. In desperation the man in the Charlestown Chiefs shirt shouted "Come on, Bison. Just give us a goal." But they didn't. Instead Slough rounded off a very satisfactory night for their fans with another couple of goals, both from the ever dangerous Pliskauskas, one a back door score on the power play and the other resulting from a sloppy Bison line change leaving the lethal Lithuanian clear to skate in on goal and score. Davies assisted on both goals and Terry Miles on one. Pliskauskas now has no fewer than 40 for the season. The final buzzer was greeted with a sense of relief by many of the Bison fans – no double figure score. There was no sign of the Yellow Submarine.