I had intended to write my first match report of the season on last’s night’s game—the Steve Moria testimonial match between Bison and Mo19 select. However, as the game ended 13-10 in favour of Mo19 I soon realised that there was just too much to write about and my readers were likely to fall asleep during the course of reading descriptions of 23 goals, not to mention other incidents, in my usual unusual style. So I will restrict my writing instead to the best moment of the night and I hope you enjoy reliving it…..
Halfway through the second period, Mo19 were awarded a penalty shot. Ben Davies was hauled to the ice. Although he was a long way from goal and not in position to score, the ever popular, albeit rather myopic referee, Dave “Magoo” Cloutman, who had been had been serenaded by those rock sensations, the Puck Bunnies, in the first interval, made the controversial call. It was a spurious decision and one which Mr Cloutman, who had earlier earned his first assist in British hockey, admitted he made to stop himself being bullied and badgered by Steve Moria, who had been unsportingly hectoring the hapless official throughout the game. Nobody argued. Mo19s best player, Jack Moria, was selected to take the shot and the Bison faithful just knew it was going to be curtains for the Bison netman. Jack’s reputation as a sharp shooter had gone before him. He may be lacking in stature and probably wouldn’t come off too well if caught in a bodycheck sandwich between Robbie Coltrane and Rick Waller. However, he makes up for lack of height and bulk with a very sharp hockey brain and this he was about to demonstrate in grand style. As he hammered forward at breakneck speed, he became a blur to all those who should have gone to Specsavers. Things were getting hot for the unfortunate netman. In fact, it couldn’t have been hotter for him than if he’d been rotating on a spit at Satan’s barbecue. He thought he could get the better of Jack by leaving a gaping 5-hole and then butterflying to stop the obvious shot through the legs. However, Jack was far too clever to fall for this trick and pulled off one of the greatest stunts ever seen at Planet Ice. Seeing the goaltender’s stick wide of the crease he fired in the puck with such accuracy and velocity, as straight as an Agincourt archer’s arrow and as fast as fast as Postman Pat being pursued by the hound of the Baskervilles, some may say, that the goaltender couldn’t react in time. The puck cannoned off his stick and across the goal line. Had the net not been there the puck would have flown all the way to Canada. Just like the Canadian Mountie always gets his man, the young Welsh/Canadian marksman always gets his goal. Father and son celebrated the goal, Usain Bolt style, and can now expect a copyright infringement writ from the Jamaican sprinter’s lawyers.
