Bison Old Boys Grab a Win for the Bees

Bison 3 Bracknell Bees 4 (shoot out)

9/11/2013

On paper it looked like a stuffing in the making. Bison, jousting for top spot in the EPL and on the back of two consecutive 4 point weekends which included a dominant 5-1 home victory over the Guildford Flames, entertained the Bracknell Bees. The Dumbledores (yes it’s a real word – I told you before) came to the Basingstoke pad bottom but one in the EPL, with a horror weekend of 0-7 and 0-6 defeats last time out, a record of only 1 road win in 9 this season, a very poor EPL record at Planet Ice and an import light on the night. Surely it was going to be a cakewalk. Well no! Not even Nostradamus would have predicted what we were about to see. Well, why would he have bothered? He was too busy predicting the Great Fire of London, World War 2 and the French Revolution. The Bees returned home with the points in the bag. What we saw was a scrappy game with two poor teams playing tic-tac-toe hockey without the toe and frequently lacking the tac also. In the end it went down to a penalty shoot out with Grant Rounding making himself hero of the night with the winning score.

The 1^st period belonged to Bison. Although clearly struggling to produce flowing hockey with crisp passing, they did manage to hit the target with more shots than they managed for the rest of the game, 21 to be precise. However, by the end of the period they had only a solitary score to their credit and failure to capitalise on their 1^st period dominance proved their undoing in the final analysis. It was Lumberjack Joe Rand, continuing his fine scoring streak, who bagged the goal in the 12^th minute. Set up by Bison skipper Nicky Chinn, Rabbit’s Foot Joe Baird, the most superstitious man in the EPL, fired in a shot from just inside the blue line. We heard a thud. Annetts had saved it with his pads. However, much to the chagrin of the hapless netman, the puck passed through him and came to rest behind him. Lumberjack Joe was quickest to the loose puck and stabbed it home for 1-0 Bison. A celebration, most lawless and licentious, lifted from the legion of locals.

Having been outplayed and outshot by 21-9 in the 1^st the Bees had to do something more positive in the 2^nd otherwise even a stuttering Bison were capable of going on to seal an easy victory. They didn’t look capable. Buy they produced that something from nowhere within a minute of the restart. Smital and Thompson combined to set up Ollie Bronniman at the back door and he fired home with no-one to challenge him. The goal had come out of the blue. The Bison faithful looked as shocked as if they had seen the Archbishop of Canterbury fired from a cannon in the Planet Ice car park. Perhaps he had been, but, if so, I didn’t see it.

Bison needed to snatch back the initiative and this they did only 4 minutes later. Cuddly Joe Greener fed Shoeless Joe Miller, who fired a diagonal cross ice pass to Coach Sheppard steaming in in front of goal. Maple Leaf Doug delayed and then with goaltender Annetts committed he fired in through the gap between the hapless goaltender and the post. The Bison fans leaped to their feet and opened their mouths wide to emit their wild roars of approval. So much so that you could see their fillings except those who had paid extra for white fillings of course.

Things were not quite looking rosy, but at least at 2-1 ahead Bison had the opportunity to take the game by the scruff of the neck and go on from there. However, it was a stuttering Bees team who would dominate the period, turning a 0-1 deficit into parity of 3-3 by the end with some smart finishing. Their second equaliser came only a minute later. And it was to be Bison’s greatest alumnus, Tosh Redmond, Mr. Basingstoke himself, who would thrust the dagger into Bison hearts. Set up by Bendik (nothing to do with chocolates), Grant Rounding fired in a shot which Dean Skinns saved, but could not hold. The rebound fell to Tosh at the back door.  He was the right man in the right place at the right time. Even Bobby Caldwell would have scored. (Bobby who? Why Minnie Caldwell’s cat of course). And he did (Tosh not Bobby that is).

4 minutes before the end of the period Bison managed to resnatch (that’s not a real word by the way) the lead. Don’t ask me to describe the sequence of events after a shot was fired in by Rabbit’s Foot Joe Baird. The spilling of the puck by Annetts resulted in the mother of all mellées in front of the net. Suddenly the whistle blew, goal light came on and the net moved off its moorings all in the space of a fraction of a second. The officials decided it was a good goal and 3-2 Bison it was. It was a Joe goal – Miller from Greener from Baird. Should it have been allowed? The Headbanger was dubious. “Definitely players in the blue paint” said he in the interval. But a goal it was and a stuttering Bison had their noses in front once more.

Up until now the game had been characterised by a serious of strange decisions from the officials. Earlier it had caused the Howling Man to become very angry. His rant included the words “Open your eyes”, but I failed to decipher anything else he bellowed. Clearly the officials were proving to be the grit in his hockey spectating Vaseline. The poor officiating was typified shortly after the goal by a slashing by Spearing (I think) down onto Marvelous Miroslav Vantroba’s arm. So obvious was it that the whole of Planet Ice saw it and so noisy was it that it must have been heard in Timbuktu. However, nothing was given and the Bison blueliner was reduced to throwing his stick to the ice in frustration. I once knew a limerick which began “A young man from Capricorn Tropic, Had sight that was rather myopic”. Enough of that.  Judging by Mr Szuchs’s and Mrs Johnston’s failure to see the slash I must conclude that they may be from Capricorn Tropic themselves.

Could Bison now see out the period? To give away their advantage before the second buzzer would have been ass undesirable as the contents of a spittoon from the Lucky Strike Saloon in Dodge City circa 1880. But that’s exactly what happened. In the final minute of the period the Bees grabbed a power play goal with Cuddly Joe Greener banged up for hooking. Bendik set up Lukas Smital for a shot. Skinns’s save went straight to the Margate Marauder, Ollie Bronniman, who slammed it in for 3-3. Troubled thoughts clouded the minds of those in the home blocks, as their Bees counterparts showed their exhilaration with a display of unbridled and frenzied effervescence.

The period ended with an unseemly altercation between Marvellous Miroslav and the aforementioned Spearing, always a popular opponent wherever he plies his trade of agitator, which is everywhere really. It was probably as a follow on from the slashing incident. Their opinions concerning each other’s conduct looked as far apart as the views on capitalism of Margaret Thatcher and Arthur Scargill. It ended with Vantroba on his backside inside the net – rather undignified I thought. A coincidental 2 + 2 roughing for each was awarded.

I will not waste space by detailing the stuttering, spluttering machinations of the two teams’ disjointed efforts to win the game in the 3^rd and subsequent overtime period. (The frustration of the crowd was epitomised by the wife of Howling Man driven to utter “Just put the puck in the net” in her vexation). However, I would report that Ollie Bronniman did receive a 10 misconduct + game penalty with 33 seconds of regular time remaining, probably for remarks made to the officials. Mr Szuchs indicated his decision by clenching his fists and driving them into the sides of his generous form. No need to call the boys in blue, Ollie went quietly until…….on reaching the bench door he did smite the wall with his stick, then threw the implement away in a fit of pique and then, so I was informed (reliably?), kicked and trampled on the stacked sticks, breaking a number.

And so to the penalty shoot out – a lottery at best. Going in to the last round of the first 3 rounds of shots leading 2-1with Rand and Miller both having put away their efforts, the Bison backers’ hopes must have been high, but Karpov’s shot was saved and Smital’s not to bring on a tortuous series of poor penalty shots until Grant Rounding rounded off proceedings at the end of the 7^th round with a decisive finish and the points were in the bag for the Bees - an outcome that would have left even Nostradamus saying, “I never saw that coming”.

Bison Spoil the Phantoms’ Halloween Party

Bison 5 Peterborough Phantoms 2

2/11/2013

The rusty hinges creaked in protest as the door of the penalty box swung open. Shoeless Joe Miller stepped back onto the ice to immediately latch on to a defense splitting pass from Rabbit's Foot Joe Baird. Like a flag fluttering in the autumn breeze the number 19 rippled on his back as he powered forward. The arena lights glinted dazzlingly off his skate blades, which sent up showers of ice particles like sea spray exploding from a wave as it dashes itself in its death throes against a breakwater. Akin to a giant mosquito’s proboscis his trusty stick, clutched in a steely grip, extended out before him as he propelled forward the vulcanised rubber disc. Between him and glory was his sole remaining opponent Tom Murdy, the Phantoms’ goaltender. The backstopper stared out through the grille of his mask like a caged animal, as he readied himself for the ultimate test. It was one on one. Could he spoil the party? His eyes opened wide. His nostrils flared. Beads of cold sweat trickled down his face. Who would prevail? Joe was now so close that an image of the pillar box red goal frame and its helmeted custodian reflected off his visor. He could see the whites of the netman’s eyes. The inviting 5-hole loomed large, but he knew it could be closed in an instant. Yet it bewitched him like the song of a Siren. It took all the mental fortitude he could muster to ignore its seductive and dangerous lure, but ignore it he did. He suddenly unleashed an unstoppable wrist shot which flew past the hapless netman. Akin to a warning beacon on a stormy night, the goal light shone out, dazzling those who dared to look directly at it. Joe had won the battle of wits. It was 4-2 Bison …….. OK I must face reality. I’m never going to win the Booker Prize with this sort of stuff, so let’s just say Joe hammered forward and scored, but why use 5 words when 300 will do?

Let’s go back to the beginning. The Phantoms, clad in corpuscular red shirts, came to Planet Ice with high hopes of repeating their 5-4 victory over Bison 3 weeks earlier. It would have been a fine Halloween celebration for the ghostly visitors had they pulled it off, but Bison had no intention of playing the pumpkins.

The Phantoms nearly opened the scoring in the 11^th minute. Frantisek Zubek broke clear, bore down on Dean Skinns in the Bison net and fired in his shot, but Deano pulled off a wonderful save. No doubt frustrated by his failure to score Zubek was adjudged to have tripped Cuddly Joe Greener immediately afterwards and was sentenced to 2 minutes behind bars. In the resultant power play, Bison stormed into the lead. Chinn to Lumberjack Joe Rand, who picked out Andy “Machine Gun” Melachrino from behind the goal line. Andy Melons (the only Bison player with 2 nicknames) bamboozled Murdy with an aesthetically pleasing swivel and back handed shot. It was 1-0 Bison. Zubek had proved to be not so much hero and villain, but more villain and villain.

Not content with the concession of one power play goal, the Phantoms decided, one assumes involuntarily, to give up another, this one in the 18^th minute with Luke Ferrara, one of the 3 brothers Ferrara, in the can for tripping. A long range slap shot from Marvellous Miroslav Vantroba was spilled like a hot potato by Murdy and Tomas “Grandmaster” Karpov poked in the loose puck. 2-0 Bison. Coach Sheppard with the further assist.

To the small but enthusiastic contingent of Phantoms fans who had made the trip the goal was a slap round the chops, a jab up the left nostril and a poke in the eyeball (with or without a sharp stick). It looked like it was going to be a long night for them. But they needn’t have worried because, within a minute, they had their own power play goal to celebrate and what a goal it was. With Baird banged up, Cesky and Weldon combined to work the puck to Bison old boy Marcel Petran. He unleashed a trade mark slap shot from the blueline, which gave Skinns no chance at all. You won’t see a more spectacular goal than this. How we miss Marcel's slap shot goals.

At 1-2 behind at the first buzzer, the Phantoms were back in it. But not for long. 2 minutes into the 2^nd it was 3-1 Bison. A shot by Karpov was spilled into the crease and, after a bit of stabbing, poking and slashing at the loose puck, the biscuit was finally propelled across the goal line by Andy Melons. Tim “The Mole” Burrows with the further assist. The goal was greeted in the Bison blocks by a scene straight from Bedlam. An observer may have thought that the Bison faithful had, in fact, gone raving mad. Depression in the Phantoms block was followed in less than a minute by the Potty fans going potty. Put in by Frantisek Zubek and brother James, Luke Ferrara, who would later be declared the Phantoms Top Banana, scored a wonderful individual goal. The slipshod Bison D slipped up and let it slip. Attempts to stop the slippery Luke slipped away as he gave them the slip, slipping through them like the slipperiest of slippery eels and slipped the puck high past Skinns. It was a one goal game once more. The Phantoms were back in it.

We were then treated to a cameo of shooting from Joe Baird, the most superstitious man in the EPL. A tremendous slap shot from Rabbit's Foot Joe hammered against the post and then moments later another from the same spot was deflected away by Murdy, the puck hitting the dust and cobweb laden net above the glass behind the goal (why don’t they take it down and wash it?). Joe was unlucky not to open his season’s scoring account.

On 29 minutes Bison romped into a 4-2 lead courtesy of Shoeless Joe Miller – see opening paragraph. I won’t repeat all that rubbish. Aaron “Billy” Connolly and Kurt “The Knife” Reynolds with the assists. With the concession of the 4th goal the Phantoms’ chances of winning the game were receding faster than the hairline of the Rabble Rouser of Block A, for whom not even Dr. Follicle’s Marvel Hair Restoring Embrocation would be of any help. Could the Phantoms come back from this precarious position? That seemed as unlikely as Gerard Depadieu winning the Tour de France mounted on a French onion man’s bicycle laden with ...... onions of course. However, they had produced not one but two amazing goals from nowhere, despite being outshot by a margin of nearly 3 to 1, so there was always a chance, wasn’t there? Well actually no. Bison, as it would later transpire, sealed the victory with their 5^th on 36 minutes. Miller fed Connolly, who skated out in front of goal, swept around in an arc and sent a pinpoint pass to the back door. And there was Karpov. Was it former world chess champion, Anatoly Karpov, acknowledged by many as one of the greatest chess grandmasters of all time? Of course not. It was Bison’s own grandmaster Tomas Karpov, who finished another aesthetically pleasing move for his 2^nd of the night. In the Phantoms’ block, some moaned, others groaned. Some phoned (a friend), others disowned (their defense). Some mourned, others looked forlorn, their hopes torn, their aspirations shorn. Some may have wished they had never been born.

There was no further scoring in the 3^rd, Bison playing a game of containment with shots on goal even. The highlight of the period was a bonzer bit of blueline work from Zach “Sully” Sullivan. Not renowned for bone crunching body checks, the unsung hero Sully’s forte is the poke check – sticking his stick where the opposition don’t want it. It’s all a question of timing. On 49 minutes a dangerous breakaway was stopped in his tracks by a classic Sully poke. Away went the puck from the stick of the marauding forward and the day was saved.

The clock ran down, the Bison backers began to celebrate. The fat lady was now singing the Beatles classic “Hello Goodbye” with the emphasis on “Goodbye”. The Halloween party was over for the ghostly visitors.