Bison Strike Lightning Twice

Bison 3 Milton Keynes Lightning 2

29/9/13

Following on from the previous night’s goalfest at Milton Keynes with Bison running out 6-3 winners and Shoeless Joe Miller grabbing a hattrick, the second half of the double header took place at Planet Ice last night with Bison again taking the victor’s laurels with all five of the game’s goals most unusually being scored on the power play.

The contest began with a typical Sunday night feel about it, but boiled over close to the period’s halfway mark when Cuddly Joe Greener and Janne Jokilla emerged from a bundle in the corner in obvious contrary discussion. Perhaps Jokilla wanted to live up to his name and kill a Joe. He had come to the right place – we have four to choose from. Suddenly Grant McPherson steamed into the affray. “Third man in” we all thought. Fortunately for McPherson the scandalous scuffle had not scaled up into a shocking skirmish of the most sordid sort and so he escaped a “third man” punishment. When the dust had settled, the officials doled out their sentences to the miscreants. Strangely enough, both McPherson and Jokilla escaped censure entirely and it was slashing Joe and roughing Ben (Russell) who were invited to take a 2 minute break each. I am not sure how that one was worked out.

Further violence occurred on 12 minutes and Leigh Jamieson was called for roughing on Vantroba. Into the box he went. Bison’s consequent power play bore fruit. Tomas “Grandmaster” Karpov fed Shoeless Joe Miller. Joe’s back handed wrist shot thudded against the pads of 17 year old goaltender Jordan Hedley. He thought he had saved it, but, little did he realise until too late that the puck, not totally devoid of momentum, had dropped from his pad and was continuing, albeit rather slowly, in pea rolling motion towards the goal line. Eventually, when the young netman had been appraised of the situation by his team mates presumably shouting in pantomime fashion “it’s behind you”, he turned around and swept the puck away as if swatting an annoying fly. Unfortunately, the referee was already pointing netwards with a flat hand and indeed the Bearded Rabble Rouser of Block A was already leading his block comrades, not in an illegal insurrection to overthrow the ruling class, but in a raucous celebration of the goal. 1-0 Bison it was and Joe’s 4^th goal in 2 nights against MK – they must have been sick of the sight of him.

The period ended in spectacular style with Bison on another power play. First Hedley saved Cuddly Joe Greener’s back door snap shot and then Leigh Jamieson broke and was in on Skinns for a short handed goal effort when the buzzer sounded to stop him in his tracks.

Both teams had their chances in the 2^nd but it was not until late on that a breakthrough was finally made with Bison grabbing another power play goal. With the clock running down, Michael Farn was adjudged to have hooked Grandmaster Karpov. There was no no need for the officials to read Farn his rights. He didn’t have any. He entered the box to serve a custodial sentence. Before it expired and with the period entering its last minute, Bison skipper Nicky Chinn received the puck from Marvelous Miroslav Vantroba and steamed forward towards the MK goal. No fainéant is Chinny. No what? OK – no sluggard is he. His speed, movement and stick handling left the crowd gasping in admiration. An inch perfect diagonal pass towards the left wing found a team mate barrelling in in support. Was it Jo Brand? Thankfully not. It was Joe Rand and he hammered in a short sided top shelfer which beat the goalie blocker side, arrowing in over his shoulder. It was a move and finish which equalled the combined artistry of  Picasso, L.S. Lowry, Constable and Monet, but thankfully not all on the same canvas. 2-0 Bison.

Into the 3^rd we went with MK still looking for a goal, but they didn’t have long to wait. Only 4 minutes into the period they scored a power play goal of their own. With Joe Baird doing porridge for a slash Bison were outnumbered, outthought and out of sorts. Set up by Jamieson and Emersic, Stanislav Lascek hammered in from close range as the net moved off its moorings. A discussion amongst officials and captains ensued. It was judged a good goal and 2-1 it was. Bison nerves began to jangle. The concession of the MK goal had proved as undesirable to the Bison backers as finding a camembert cheese, 12 months past its sell by date, at the bottom of an incontinent poodle’s basket. The visitors were most decidedly back in the game with plenty of time remaining.

As the clocked ticked down to 6 minutes remaining, it was riveting stuff. The nuts and bolts of it were that Bison really needed to tack on another goal or see the dovetail joint of their superiority come apart. If they didn’t nail MK now, they could be screwed. The opportunity came with another power play for Bison, Grant McPherson being sent to the slammer for stick holding (someone else’s I presume). Nicky Chinn worked the puck behind the net to Tomas “Grandmaster” Karpov, the former describing the latter after the game as a “quick little bugger” or “rychlé malý prevít“ in the latter’s native tongue (that is if Google Translator is to be believed).  The latter took possession and, fulfilling Chinny’s assessment of his abilities, flew around the back of the goal and sneaked the puck in on the wraparound. The net moved off its moorings once again, but the puck was adjudged to have crossed the line and a good goal was declared. 3-1 Bison. Remember that scene in “Shawshank Redemption” when Andy Dufrayne smashed a hole in the sewer pipe and material of an unmentionable composition burst forth? Well the explosion of celebration in the Bison blocks was of a similar variety in terms of spontaneity and force, but thankfully of a far less unsavoury nature.

Hardly any further time had elapsed before MK had the puck in the net at the other end. Once again the net moved off its moorings, but this time the passing of the puck through the goal frame was adjudged to have occurred after the dislodgement and the goal was declared illegitimate.

With time running out MK’s chances of winning the game from 1-3 down were now hanging by a thread, like an overweight spider which had banqueted on too many flies desperately clinging to a gossamer thread. Just as that thread would soon break plunging the bloated arachnid to his doom, so MK’s thread would also snap, but not before a last desperate gamble which nearly paid off. With only 1:27 on the clock Cuddly Joe Greener was banged up for hooking. The Lightning pulled their goaltender making it 6 on 4, and with 34 seconds remaining, Lascek bagged his second goal of the game with a top shelfer to make it 3-2. Confusion reigned as Greener came out of the penalty box only to be replaced by Lumberjack Joe Rand, sent there for a slash in the build up to the goal thus maintaining MK’s advantage. Bison had 26 seconds to survive and, despite some hairy moments, survive they did. The buzzer sounded and it was all over.

Bison’s Man of the Match was Kurt “the Knife” Reynolds for, not only another great night on the blueline, but also some impressive contributions to the attacking play, during which he nearly opened his season’s account on more than one occasion. Young goaltender Jordan Hedley took the MK top banana award with a fine display marred only by the concession of a pea roller and a wraparound. A great result for Bison and a fine 4 point weekend to follow their 4 point weekend last time out. It was worthy of cracking open the bubbly. The Genial Brummie wished he had brought along a jeroboam of the finest champagne from his cellar (possibly a vintage Moët & Chandon or a Bollinger) so that he could celebrate in a manner most fitting. However, he had omitted to bring a bottle. Just as well as Planet Ice might have charged him corkage. And so he was left to celebrate with a frothy cappuccino from the lobby hot drinks machine instead.

Mettam’s Night of Shame

Bison 3 Bracknell Bees 1

21/9/13

“It was a game of two halves, Gary.” The parlance of a football manager. This was a game, not of two halves or even three thirds, but one of three goaltenders. Bison’s Dean Skinns and the Bees’ Tom Annetts both performed admirably, but, as for starting Bees goaltender, Alex Mettam, it was not so much a “Nightmare on Elm Street”, but a nightmare on Planet Ice, as he was pulled from the net at 0-3 with only 14 minutes gone. There is no doubting the guy’s ability. He finished top of the EPL save percentages chart last season, ahead even of Stevie Lyle for Heavens sake. But his big contract move to the Bees has not started well. You have to feel for the guy. However, Mettam is a class act and I have no doubt he will be back on top form soon.

Bison romped into the lead on 9 minutes. Cuddly Joe Greener carried the puck across the ice, but was knocked off balance and fell, not from grace but on his face, forwards, frontally and forlornly. The Bees failed to take possession of the loose puck, leaving Tim “The Mole” Burrows to steam in and rifle the puck top shelf past a despairing Mettam for an unassisted goal and 1-0 Bison. The enthusiastic crowd effervesced effervescently as they effused an effervescent enthusiasm. If the hapless netman, who in all fairness had been beaten by the sheer power of the shot on this occasion, was angry to have conceded, his night was about to descend to basement level and end in embarrassment, shame and ignominy. 4 minutes later the Bees were 0-3 in arrears and a pulled Mettam had to watch the remainder of the game from the bench. 

It was 2-0 on 10 minutes. Lumberjack Joe Rand set up Cameron “Popeye” Wynn with a drop pass. Cam carried the puck forwards and then unleashed a shot from the slot. Alas for Mettam the shot may have been stoppable, but not by him. Down in semi butterfly with one leg up and the other going down he could not stop the puck deflecting off his pad and squirting through the 5-hole. Supporters of “Popeye” Wynn, a very popular player amongst the Bison backers, showed their approbation in the most vigorous manner. It was a shame that Olive Oyl, Swee’Pee and Wimpy were not present to witness the goal. Well how could they be – they’re only cartoon characters.

On 14 minutes it was 3-0. Fed by Marvelous Miroslav Vantroba, Tomas “ Grandmaster” Karpov received the puck on the boards, skated forward and cut in towards goal. He charged forward like a puma in full flight (OK I know pumas don’t fly). The Bracknell D would have stopped him if they could, but alas, in relative terms, they could muster merely the speed of constipated tortoises. The Grandmaster released his shot, we heard a thud, on came the goal light – the puck had gone through Mettam, deflecting off his blocker.

With Bison in a commanding position, the supporters of the dumbledores from Bracknell became hagrid and wanted to snape their team (they’re all real words you know – look them up if you don’t believe me). Bees’ coach, Gareth Cox, immediately called a time out. It was looking ominous for Mettam and, as far as Cox was concerned, “I have had all I can stand. I can’t stands no more!”, as Popeye might have said. Mettam’s night was over. He suffered the ultimate netminder’s ignominy of being pulled from the net. Bison old boy Tom Annetts took over and, in justification of Cox’s decision, shut the Bison forwards out for the remainder of the game. However, the damage had been done and, at 0-3 down, the Bees’chances of winning the game looked all but smashed to smithereens as surely as an ASBO toting hooligan with a sledgehammer would shatter a 15^th century Ming vase.

Early in the 2^nd a Rand effort nearly crept in through Annetts’s skates, but came to rest at the foot of the post and was cleared. Had it gone in it would have been another goaltending embarrassment. The Man with 3 Earrings was moved to enquire, “Have they got a 3^rd goaltender?” Moments later at the other end, Bison netman, Dean Skinns, stopped a puck with his throat, unwisely but involuntarily, and went down in obvious discomfort. All were concerned, especially Speedway Girl, who holds the Deans Skinns Appreciation Society membership card number 001, as she rose from her seat with a look of worry etched into her features. “He doesn’t wear a throat guard,” said the Bespectacled Youth. “Why not?” asked the Man with 3 Earrings. “Because it restricts your movement and is uncomfortable, like a dog collar” said the Youth. “Life must be hell for vicars,” thought the Man in the Charlestown Chiefs shirt. Soon after Deano was up and able to carry on, his recovery greeted by a generous round of applause from all present. His throat may have been bruised, but his ability had not been impaired in any way as he proved when, shortly after, with Tosh Redmond in the box for hooking, he prevented Lukas Smital from scoring a short handed goal and then stopped Grant Rounding from rounding off a one on one with a wonderful splits save and catch, which drew gasps of approval from all. Rounding left the ice crestfallen and exhausted looking a broken man, sapped of energy and confidence. How were they going to find a way past the Bison backstopper?

On 30 minutes, Scott Spearing, second only to André Payette as everyone’s favourite pantomime villain, received a 2 + 10 misconduct for checking from behind and then airing his views, in the most polite manner I am sure, to the officials who had called the illegal check. Then came the highlight of the period for many - a most tremendous bone crunching body check from Carl “Scooter” Graham on Grant Rounding. The noise of the massive collision reverberated around Planet Ice as Graham hammered the hapless Bee against the boards. Such was the force of the check that it was surprising that Rounding was not reduced to the thickness of an After 8 mint. He may have looked a broken man before (see above). Now he was lucky not to actually be one.

A minute later Grandmaster Karpov, fed by Cuddly Joe Greener, hammered the puck just wide of the post, the puck ending up in the outside of the net. It appeared to have gone in, at least so the goal judge thought. His light shone out like a red warning beacon on a stormy night. However, 4-0 it wasn’t. The puck was retrieved and a face off ensued. 

Into the 3^rd we went and on 46 minutes Stuart “The Cat” Mogg nearly embarrassed Tom Annetts, who was attempting to harvest the puck behind his net. Mogg dispossessed him, but unfortunately lost his stick in the process and was unable to make anything more of his never say die effort. Moments later the Bees pulled one back through Bison alumnus, Oli Bronniman. Set up by Spearing and Thompson, Oli took a cross ice pass on the right wing and cut in towards goal. Marvelous Miroslav Vantroba moved across to cut him off, but could not prevent the Margate Marauder from delivering a powerful wrist shot, which flew between Skinns and post to bulge the net behind. It was 3-1. The Bison D had been caught with their trousers down, but thankfully only metaphorically speaking (hockey is family entertainment after all).

With 14 minutes of the final period to play and Annetts looking rock solid, to let the Bees back into the game was to the Bison faithful as undesirable as finding half a maggot in the apple you’re eating (think about it). However, Bison played a game of containment and, with Skinns also looking rock solid, never looked in danger of allowing the Bees to make it a one goal game and bring on a nerve jangling finale.

With just over a minute left, the Bees were forced to throw caution to the wind. Annetts hammered off to leave his net a yawning chasm and on came a 6^th skater. Could the Bees grab 2 late goals to force the game into overtime? That seemed as unlikely as a meths swilling vagrant with one leg and an eye patch, but alas no deodorant, being able to blend in with the guests in the Royal Enclosure at Ascot. And so it proved. However, Bracknell had to survive a couple of worrying moments.  First a lobbed shot failed to find the empty net and then Bison skipper Nicky Chinn miraculously wriggled his way through after appearing to have lost possession of the puck twice, but his diagonal pass had Aaron “Billy” Connolly stretching to reach it and he could only put the shot wide. That was virtually it. The fat lady was singing, but her regal rendition was rendered redundant by the raucous rumpus and riotous rejoicing and revelling of the rowdy rabble. Had Ena Sharples, Minnie Caldwell and Martha Longhurst been amongst the spectators, they would no doubt have wished to break out the milk stout in celebration (Who? You obviously didn’t watch Coronation Street in the ‘60s – Honest Pete did). 

Minnie (and Bobby), Ena and Martha (posted up just for Honest Pete)

Stonewall Stevie Spoils the Bison Party

Bison 1 Swindon Wildcats 2

14/9/13

 

Was it the ghost of Jacob Marley complete with clanking chains who had returned to haunt Planet Ice? Or maybe a headless horseman or some other ghostly, ghastly apparition? No it was former Bison goaltender, Stonewall Stevie Lyle, who, apart from an embarrassing error failing to prevent the Bison goal, was a colossus of the net all night. The Wildcats are by no means a one man team, but, as he did last season for Bison, Lyle will undoubtedly win them a lot of games this season as he did last night. Well done to Stevie and the Cats who must be very pleased to start the season in winning form. 

The game started well for Bison, who took the lead after only 6 minutes. There was considerable dispute amongst the fans, to whom I spoke, as to who scored the goal. A player who I thought was Tomas Karpov skated across the goal and sent in a rather tame looking back handed shot towards the goal. The puck appeared to pea roll past Lyle between pad and post with another Bison player lurking at the back door. The scorer was announced as Marvelous Miroslav Vantroba with Karpov and Andy “Machine Gun” Melachrion picking up the assists. Did the back door man get a touch? Was it Vantroba who sent in the backhander? Why ask me? I have no idea. All I can say is that such was Stonewall Stevie’s embarrassment by being beaten by such a slow moving shot that he must have wished for the ice to open up and swallow him. Bearing in mind the state of the Planet Ice ice, that could have happened. To greet the goal the Bison backers bubbled over boisterously as if bonkers. Perhaps they really had gone bananas. Waving arms in the air, jumping up and down, shouting incoherently and hugging strangers. Are those the actions of the sane?

The game continued to ebb and flow, mainly at the Cat’s end, but the visitors certainly had their moments too. They almost bagged a shorthanded goal on 13 minutes. Coach Aldridge, having had his collar felt for elbows, was languishing in the box and watched as Jonas Höög, a man nearly as dangerous as Dangerous Brian, barrelled forward and produced a fine save from Skinns at the base of his right hand post. Moments later Marvelous Miroslav threatened to take of Lyle’s head with a vicious slap shot from the slot only to see the puck bounce off the netman and away.

The Cats returned the score to parity inside the last minute of the period. Sam Smith fed Henri Sandvik, who moved in on Skinns. Deano presumably thought that Sandvik was going to move to a shooting position in front of the net and came off his post to narrow the angle. Alas in doing so he left a gap, into which Sandvik shot. The goal caused ecstasy to circulate around the Wildcats block (not in pill form thankfully). Despite a shot count of 16 to 5 in Bison's favour for the period, the scores were level and in the interval the Bison fans raked over the coals, mostly satisfied that, although on level terms, Bison had dominated the 1^st period and should be able to produce more of the same in the 2^nd. The Man from MI5, observing incognito from Block C, mused as he chomped into his interval hot dog. Fortunately he had remembered to take the concealed cyanide capsule out of his mouth before he tucked in. (Oi! Let’s not go through all this again. I told you last season this man really exists).

The 2^nd period started badly and then went steadily downhill for Bison. In the 33^rd minute there was a scramble in front of the Bison net and some, mainly Wildcats players, thought that the puck had crossed the line. The Man with 3 Earrings told me that the goal light had actually come on. However, the officials said “No goal.” The Bespectacled Youth told me that the goal had been “washed off”, but I didn’t see anyone out there with mops and buckets of soapy water. Perhaps I misheard.

The turning point of the game occurred with a second Cats goal on 35 minutes. With Aaron “Billie” Connolly doing a stretch, the Cats carved open the Bison penalty kill unit, in which there appeared to be more holes than in Ena Sharples’s hair net. (If you weren’t a Corrie fan in the 60s/70s you might have to Google Ena or see below). Smith’s cross ice pass found Alex Symonds near the point with a huge gap between goaltender and post. He made no mistake. The Cats fans’ spirits elevated to a new level of nirvana. As for the Bison fans, some looked down in the mouth, others sat open mouthed.  Some put their hands on their heads, others hung their heads. Some cast their eyes Heavenwards, others cast their match programmes to the floor. Some bemoaned the Cats’ scoring feat, others merely shuffled their feet. A few may even have done all of those things.

 Ena Sharples

Bison almost restored parity a minute later when Lumberjack Joe Rand wriggled and jiggled his way through from a wing position to set himself up in front of the net, but Lyle saved his shot and also Joe’s second shot from the rebound. Moments later Cuddly Joe Greener was dumped on his posterior by a blatant shirt pull missed by the officials. Suddenly a familiar barrage of sound arose in Block C. The Howling man was giving vent to his views. Explosive anger - incandescent rage - apoplectic fury. Take your pick. The Howling Man was showing the attributes of all three as he attempted to acquaint the arbitrator with his assessment of the adjudication. All to no avail and the period terminated.

In the interval it was revealed that the winner of the lucky programme free pizza was none other than our old friend the Bearded Rabble Rouser of Block A. It was supposed to be “delivered to your seat”, but in direct contradiction of this promise his presence was demanded on the other side of the rink to take possession of the circular consumable. Did this qualify as a contravention of the Trades Descriptions Act? Maybe. We watched with interest as he made his way back to his seat carrying a square cardboard box containing the culinary delight which was his prize. The rink lights reflected off his polished pate and saliva dribbled from his mouth. On his triumphant return to the very seat to which the pizza should have been “delivered” he immediately acquired friends he never knew he had. The Bespectacled Youth and Mystic Matthew were two of the vultures who descended upon the hapless Rabble Rouser and the pizza was devoured in less time than it would take the Desperate Dan lookalike to consume a cow pie. By the time the Man in the Charlestown Chiefs shirt arrived, it was too late – every last slice had been hoovered up.

Back to the hockey. No sooner had the 3^rd opened than Sam Smith was sent to the naughty boy’s step with a 10 misconduct, presumably for verbals to the officials. He watched on as his team nearly romped further ahead shortly after. Joe Baird lost possession of the puck to allow Bullas and Sandvik to break clear. It was a 2 on 0 and a certain score. Or was it? Well no because Skinns was determined not to be skinned and pulled off a superb spreadeagle save. To execute this the goaltender makes like a frog with a skate on each post and no 5-hole, leaving the shooter no option but to shoot high. The Bespectacled Youth, goaltender extraordinaire, tells me this is a very difficult manoeuvre to get spot on, but Deano managed it and, even better, gloved the shot.

Enter Marvellous Miroslav Vantroba. Höög was away and in on Skinns, but was prevented from shooting by a Vantroba hook. In to the box he went and we were left wondering why no penalty shot had been awarded. 7 minutes later Vantroba won a challenge for the puck on the boards, facing back towards his own goal. He then swept round in an arc and, seeing his opportunity, headed towards goal, slicing through as easily as a Stanley knife would cut through a sheet of paper. His movement possessed the beauty, finesse and elegance of Canova’s Three Graces. As for the movement of the Cats’ D trying to stop him, well that possessed the beauty, finesse and elegance of Ena Sharples. Marvellous Miroslav was in on Lyle and rifled in his shot. As we have seen so often, Stevie had stayed on his feet, as Miro shot high. The shot cannoned away off his shoulder. The Man with 3 Earrings was moved to comment of Miro “And he’s a D-Man”.

The clock ticked down with the Cats resolutely defending their winning position. Bison pulled their goaltender but to no avail. Notwithstanding some hairy late moments for the Cats, Lyle was not to be beaten and the buzzer sounded to proclaim a fine Cats’ road win to open the season. The headbanger commented afterwards “Lyle might as well have left the ice for a cup of tea. We were never going to beat him.” It’s a pity he hadn’t as that would have left an empty net.

With no wedge of the Bearded Rabble Rouser’s pizza remaining, the Desperate Dan lookalike wanted to devour a cow pie to lift his spirits, but alas the Planet Ice food bar had run out. He would have to wait until he got home where the lady who feeds him cow pies could …………..feed him a cow pie.

Last Gasp Greener Grabs the Glory

Bison 2 Guildford Flames 1
7/9/13

A late, late goal from Cuddly Joe Greener stole the victory for Bison in the first game of the traditional Guildford Flames double header challenge match to open the season. But the real star of the show and a very worthy winner of Bison’s Top Banana award was Dean Skinns on his return to the Bison net. With a series of fine saves, blocks and just downright solidity between the pipes, he kept Bison in the hunt for most of the game, which provided them with an opportunity to seal a come from behind win with 2 x 3^rd period goals. 

It was honours even in the first period, which saw Skinns blocking 14 shots on his goal and Mark Lee 10 on his. No-one could find a way past these two.

Shortly after the commencement of the 2^nd period a Flames player lost his helmet. The Man in the Charlestown Chiefs shirt enquired on the Bespectacled Youth who has lost his lid. The latter was unable to identify the player by name, but stated that he was “some bald guy”.

The Flames had a superb opportunity to snatch the lead at the halfway mark. Marcus Kristoffersson broke clear and was in on Skinns. It looked odds on for a score, but Deano proved equal to the challenge and kept out the shot, drawing gasps of approbation from the Bison backers.

The deadlock was finally broken just after mid way in the 2^nd period. It was a goal preceded by a confusing flurry of penalties. First it was Shoeless Joe Miller who was invited to serve time for holding. Before the first minute of the penalty had expired the referee signalled a delayed penalty on Joe Baird for hooking. Lee hammered from his goal faster than an hyperactive kangaroo on amphetamines to enable a sixth skater to come on. However, the advantage was soon lost when the referee’s whistle stopped play. The Flames yielded possession of the puck all too quickly. Into the box went Baird to join Miller. 31 seconds into the 5 on 3, the Flames’ Joe Kohut was adjudged to have held a stick, presumably an opponent’s, and he too was invited to tarry a while in solitary. The boxes were now choc-a-bloc with Joes. Soon after Joe Miller’s emergence from the box to make it 4 on 4, the Flames snatched the lead. Somehow Bison were caught in a 2 on 1 with Rick Plant, as opposed to Robert Plant, bearing down on goal with Marcus Kristoffersson, as opposed to Kris Kristofferson, who has one less “s” in his surname, in support. Plant was forced wide by the solitary Bison D-man, but executed a smart twirl and pass to the back door where Kristoffersson hammered in a snap shot.  In the visitors’ seats there were scenes of overt gaiety. Yes they were openly gay and the mood was one of gay abandon. (If you think I mean what I think you think I mean, you’d better look up “gay” in a dictionary). As for Bison, the hapless netman looked at his team mates and they at him. What had gone wrong? No-one offered any excuses. Had they, such would have been as unbelievable as “the dog ate my homework”. It had simply been a case of being caught with trousers down.

The game now moved into the 3^rd with Bison still searching for a way past Lee. To crack the conundrum of how to cut open their competitors’ committed and composed concrete curtain of confrontation, the coach cannily called upon craft and cunning. A fast moving tic-tac-toe power play goal on 49 minutes levelled it. The goal was executed with the artistic merit of a Rembrandt painting, a Canova sculpture and a Banksie mural all rolled into one. With Neil Liddiard detained at referee Dave Cloutman’s pleasure (that doesn’t sound quite right does it?), Bison skipper, Nicky Chinn, rifled a back door pass to Coach Sheppard. Lee saw the danger and was in butterfly to block the shot. Much to his surprise and chagrin, however, Maple Leaf Doug fired a one timer pass to the slot instead of shooting himself and there was Marvellous Miroslav Vantroba to fire in a snap shot. The combined bulk of Les Dawson and his mother-in-law might have stood a chance of blocking the goal, but Lee, down in butterfly, had no hope. It was 1-1. There was no need for the Bison faithful to snort blow, shoot up some gear or pop E. The drug of success was all they needed. As for the Flames faithful, they snorted their disapproval, wanted to shoot up their D and pop to the bar.

The game ebbed and flowed with neither side prepared to settle for a draw. Bison nearly snatched the lead with a shortie on 52 minutes when Tim “The Mole” Burrows broke clear. He moved forward with the agility and poise of Michael Flatley, but, thankfully, not the looks of Stavros Flatley. Lee, however, made himself as large as Stavros Flatley as he engulfed Burrows’s shot.

The Flames were pressing hard in the final minutes and the dispirited, the discontent and the dejected amongst the Bison crowd began to write their obituaries. However, they were to prove nothing other than despicable depreciators drowning in a despond of disconsolate defeatism. With only 42 seconds left on the clock Bison sealed victory. Coach Sheppard set up Cuddly Joe Greener, who forced the puck home from in front of the net. It was 2-1 Bison. Revelry and rejoicing, most rapturous and raunchy, radiated in resplendently ritual style from the home fans. The Flames were sunk. Their spirited struggle up the slippery slope to secure a seat at the summit of success had sadly subsided both surely and spectacularly.