Phantom Lauko returns to haunt Planet Ice

Bison 2 Peterborough Phantoms 5

27/12/11

Some bizarre decisions left the Bison crowd wondering whether Stevie Wonder, Ray Charles and Louis Braille could have done a worse job than the three officials. However, let not the outrageous and indeed malevolent incidents which I am about to relate mask the fact that Bison lost a game in which they looked lack lustre in contrast to their opponents who looked very much up for the game. Why? Was it too much Christmas pud, lack of preparation, too long a break since their last game or all of those three. Or was it something much more serious and deep rooted to do with the morale of the team and the will to win? Only Mo and those in his dressing room can answer that one.

During the course of the game two unsavoury incidents of the most unseemly type flared up. The result? Two Bison players, Chris Wiggins and Jacob Heron, were thrown out of the game. The first occurred in the 15^th minute when Wiggins crashed into an opponent sending him to the ice like a sack of King Edwards. One of his team mates tried to exact revenge on Wiggins but was restrained. Wiggins received a 5 + game. The Phantoms vigilante? Nothing at all. In the 31^st minute Bison’s Liam Chong was robustly boarded by Maris Ziedins. As he crumpled to the ice, Jacob Heron charged in and there developed an ignominious conflict with Ziedins as the former expressed his views concerning the latter’s conduct. Heron was given a 2 + game and Ziedins only a 2 boarding and nothing for roughing. The howling man on the end of Row E voiced his disapproval of both decisions in the most vociferous manner as did most of the crowd, albeit not as loudly. Perhaps the incidents looked different depending on where you were sitting, but from the seats above the red line, they looked more or less like a carbon copy of each other. How strange, therefore, that Bison ended up with two players thrown out of the game and the Phantoms merely a 2 minute boarding penalty to one player.

On 11 minutes the Phantoms opened the scoring. With Kurt Reynolds serving a 2 + 10 for “checking from behind” the visitors and made the extra skater count as Jeff Glowa centred to Maris Ziedens lurking at the back door. Bison netman, Stephen Wall, got a piece of the puck but couldn’t prevent Ziedens’s shot from crossing the line.

Bison’s best goal chance of the period occurred during the power play when Liam Chong nicked the puck as stealthily as one of Fagin’s pickpockets and burst clear. He bore down menacingly on goaltender King, but failed to bamboozle the Phantom’s netman with his deking and his shot was saved.

Bison found themselves 2 goals to the bad within 5 minutes of the restart. Maris Ziedens’s shot was saved by Wall, but the puck fell into the crease and was bundled in by Robbie Brown. A scrappy goal, but they all count. As Mr. Punch says, “That’s the way to do it”. Get someone in front of the net to scuff in those rebounds – something which Bison seem to do all too infrequently.

The mood of the Bison crowd became dark – like Dunkirk without the spirit. However, within a minute a ray of hope appeared from behind the black cloud of defeatism as Slovak cannon Marcel Petran chalked up an unassisted goal. He pounced on a slack clearance out of defense to rifle home a top shelf slap shot which deflected off the bar and in with that characteristic “PING!” sound. Surely this would signal a Bison revival. A goal was all they needed to raise their spirits and power on to level the scores and even go on to win, was it not? Alas such optimism proved to be folly of the greatest magnitude. It took only another couple of minutes for the air to be squeezed from the Bison balloon. An overhit and woefully inaccurate pass out of defense struck Viktor Kubenko’s skate and deflected straight to James Ferrara. It was a late Christmas present and the Phantoms forward was doubtless thinking “Thank you Santa” as he hammered home. 1-3 it was.

Worse (indeed far worse) was to come shortly afterwards. Returning as a Phantom, Bison old boy Ondrej Lauko, who most Bison fans were disappointed not to see back at Planet Ice this year, drove a dagger into the hearts of the Bison faithful. On 31 minutes, set up by the brothers Ferrara, he rifled in an unstoppable slap shot. You could tell by his exuberant celebration how sweet the moment was for him. It left us wondering whether there was more than met the eye about his departure from Basingstoke.

There was no more scoring until the 8^th minute of the final period. This time it was bouncing Czech, Daniel Volrab, with an unassisted goal to reduce the deficit to 2-4 and breathe some hope into the Bison cause. From an acute angle he found the gap between goaltender and near post. Once again, however, the Bison revival was short lived, as 3 minutes later Luke Ferrara joined his brother James on the score sheet. (Does this piece of paper actually exist?) Lauko’s centring pass found Luke at the back door to smash the rubber disc into Wall’s net – a very similar goal to their first of the game. Now at 2-5 behind and looking utterly deflated, Bison’s prospects of a revival looked as likely as Robbie Coltrane flying to the moon on the back of a pigeon. Neither occurred.

With the clock ticking down Ondrej Lauko broke clear of a statuesque Bison back line. It was touch and go as to whether he could get his shot away before the buzzer went. The man in the Charlestown Chiefs shirt and many others I am sure didn’t know whether to look at the play or the clock. Would Lauko try one feint too many and be beaten by the buzzer? Would he shoot from long range and score before the buzzer went? As it turned out Lauko’s shot thudded against StephenWall just as the buzzer sounded and it was all over. Another depressing evening for the Bison crowd.

X-rated violence tarnishes Steeldogs win

Bison 4 Sheffield Steeldogs 5

10/12/11

We were expecting a physical game and that’s what we got. André Payette and the Steeldogs rode into town for an ill tempered match, which contained almost as much violence as the gunfight at the OK Coral. Tempers would flare, fists would fly and the crowd would bay for blood.

Player/coach Payette clearly had a game plan. Target Chris Wiggins, Viktor Kubenko and Joe Miller and get them off the ice. Before the game had even started he began his provocation by mouthing off to the Bison bench. On the ice waiting for the first face off he was clearly seen tapping Joe Miller with his stick, but Joe did not rise to the obvious bait. Payette was looking for an opportunity to make Chris Wiggins explode and got it in the 5^th minute. He slashed the Bison enforcer and, when Wiggins confronted him, in steamed Steve Duncombe (so obviously pre-arranged by Payette) to slug it out with Wiggie. They each received a 2 + 2 roughing and a further 10 misconduct (with Wiggins another 2 cross checking), while the cynical Payette escaped with a 2 minute slashing penalty. A clever ploy. No 1 objective achieved with Wiggie off the ice. Worse for Bison was that Wiggins injured his shoulder in the malodourous fracas and took very little part in the remainder of the game.

Next Kubenko. Driven to the brink of tolerance that even Job would have had trouble coping with (O-level RE), King Kubo finally squared up to Ashley Calvert after a cynical cross check. 2 + 2 + 2 for each was the referee’s verdict.

Play eventually restarted and within a minute yet another unsavoury embroilment was witnessed. The crowd were shocked to see the normally placid Ollie Bronnimann dropping the gloves, removing his helmet and getting stuck into Lloyd Gibson. The affray was not preceded by an infraction and so the provocation must have been solely of a verbal variety. 2 + 2 + a 10 misconduct for each.

Payette must have been astonished at how well his master plan was coming together. The penalty boxes were filling up, especially that of the Steeldogs where there was standing room only. The genial Brummie in the 33 Kieras shirt in Block C began to worry that they would soon run out of players and that volunteers from the crowd would be invited down onto the ice to play, but fortunately this was not required.

Having outshot the Steeldogs by 16-7 in the first, Bison took a deserved lead in the 24^th minute. Miller fed Sam Oakford, whose shot was blocked by Bowns. Canadian colossus, Steve Moria, swept in the rebound. A minute later it was 2-0. Chinn to Moria to Kubenko. The savvy Slovak’s shot sneaked under Bowns’s pad and dribbled across the line. On came the red light and all looked rosy in the Bison garden. However, the Steeldogs powered back with 3 unanswered goals to take a 3-2 lead by the end of the period. First Stuart Brittle (one of the four brothers Brittle) scored from Calvert and Morgan. Then Brittle scored again with a slap shot assisted again by Morgan. Next it was Calvert’s turn assisted by Brittle and Morgan. Brittle’s shot was blocked by Colclough, who seemed not to know where the puck was as he made no attempt to freeze it inside the crease. Calvert was on hand to sweep it past him into the net. All credit to D-man Ben Morgan. He had notched up assists for all 3 goals and this was after looking very pasty in the first interval. Maybe he’d eaten too many Pukka pies. Payette’s shouted instruction to him in front of Block B was “Make yourself throw up. You’ll feel much better”. And so it proved. Fortunately the crowd was spared the unsavoury spectacle.

Things went from bad to worse for Bison in the third. Within 7 minutes the Steeldogs had opened up a 5-2 lead. First Payette and Wood set up Latvian Edgars Bebris to squeeze a shot under Colclough. Then Bebris broke clear and bore down on the Bison goal. Colclough came out to narrow the angle, but alas when the Latvian delivered a cross goal pass instead of shooting, there was bogey man Payette with an open goal, as wide as the mouth of a wide mouthed frog (go on Youtube it), to shoot into.

The Steeldogs looked out of sight, but with 6 minutes remaining Bison pulled one back on the power play with Pavel Gomeniuk in the box for hooking. Bouncing Czech, Daniel Volrab, passed to Slovak cannon, Marcel Petran in the slot. Marcel killed the puck and then raised his stick high. Bowns knew what was coming, but stopping it was another matter entirely. With the puck screaming towards him at a speed of 90 m.p.h. plus, he had no chance of reacting - he just had to make himself as large as possible. He stood as stationary as Lot’s wife after she had turned to a pillar of salt (O-level RE again), as the puck left the ice and rocketed over his left shoulder and into the net.

The Steeldogs once again turned up the physical side of their game. The referee failed to call a number of obvious infractions. When he ignored Petran being thrown to the ice with what looked like a judo throw, the frustration of the man in the Charlestown Chiefs shirt in Block C finally bubbled over. “Are you blind, ref?” he enquired. Those around him initially thought that he had a genuine concern for the referee’s state of optical health. However, his follow up comment of “Bring on Ray Charles. He could do a better job” left them in no doubt that he didn’t know what he was talking about. Not only was the aforementioned Mr Charles not in the building, but he is not even in the land of the living thus precluding the possibility of him taking the ice to replace Mr. Thompson.

With only 50 seconds remaining Bison made it a one goal game. Petran’s slap shot was blocked and Joe Miller bundled in the loose puck. Could Bison bag another in the dying seconds? Well they were going to die trying. To the bench went Matt Colclough faster than Usain Bolt on speed to enable a 6 on 5, but the Steeldogs held out and the final buzzer sounded as Petran hammered a desperate and wayward slap shot from long range.

Highway Robbery!

Bison 5 Telford Tigers 6 (shoot out)

3/12/11

Did you catch the name of the referee? Was it Dick Turpin? No. At least the real Dick Turpin had the decency to wear a mask so his profession of thief was obvious to all. Tonight’s referee, Mr. Poplar left Planet Ice as Mr. Unpopular having denied Bison an overtime winning goal, leaving the crowd believing that Stevie Wonder could not have done a worse job. What happened? Liam Chong and Joe Miller broke away in a 2 on 1. Chong centred for Miller to shoot from an acute angle. The puck went under the bar, bulged the top of the net (everybody in blocks A & B and most in block C saw that), hit the top of the stanchion on the other side and came out. Despite the fact that the red goal light came on, the referee made his own decision. “No goal” he said and so it was “the goal that never was”. So instead of an overtime win, Bison had to suffer the ignominy of a shoot out loss to the bottom team in a game which they should never have let slip.

Telford’s last four visits to Basingstoke had yielded a staggering 44 goals. The goalfest continued here tonight, Bison leading the way with 2 goals in the first 6 minutes. Liam Chong, who won the man of the match award for his all action display, stole the puck centre ice, picking the pocket of the defenseman as easily as the Artful Dodger would have. He bombed forward and sent in a centring pass for Jacob Heron to arrow in for 1-0.

The second was a short handed goal. You should never concede a short handed goal. It’s  almost as bad as conceding an even handed goal to a team of one armed men. With Reynolds in the box for boarding, Bison executed a sweet end to end move started by Dean Skinns with an accurate pass to Nicky Chinn on the blue line. He moved forward and then delivered a slide rule pass, of which Albert Einstein would have been proud, to Viktor Kubenko. The savvy Slovak hammered forward faster than a City banker rushing to collect his bonus, bamboozled netminder Ryan and scored. He handles a stick better than cute little Shirley Temple handled a lollipop (go on Youtube her).

In contrast the Tigers’ next power play bore fruit. Josh Bruce hammered in a vicious slap shot to bring it back to a one goal game. Soar and Bowley assisted. 4 minutes from the first buzzer Henry crossed from the left for McKenzie to net over Skinns’s shoulder. 2-2.

Bison well and truly ran away with the 2^nd period, outplaying the Tigers and rattling in 3 goals without reply to power into a 5-2 lead. The first of those came in a 4 on 4 with Reynolds and Brittle in the box for roughing. Didn’t look very rough to me – just a bit of pushing which failed to escalate into an ugly affray much to the chagrin of the crowd. Canadian colossus, Steve Moria, set up Marcel Petran, lurking in the slot. The puck bounced awkwardly in front of the Slovak cannon and was actually standing up on its edge when the stick came down. Declan Ryan knew what was coming, but couldn’t block his goal as effectively as Fatty Foulke (Google him if you like) would have done. The puck flew as straight as a bolt fired from William Tell’s crossbow past the young netman’s head and under the bar. Quite amazingly, Marcel initially forgot to raise the jazz hands in celebration. Then he remembered and up they went.

Moments later Petran received a nasty puck to the knee to add to his hideous finger injury sustained in the first period and had to vacate the ice in obvious pain. An ice pack was applied to the damaged joint and things were looking bad. However, Marcel was back on the ice very soon after, despite crocked knee and finger, proving that hockey players are made of stern stuff. Take note Mr. Harabin (see last week’s report)!

The 4^th Bison goal in the 38^th minutes was simplicity defined. Joe Miller’s centring pass was slammed in at the back door by Kubenko. It was King Kubo’s second of the night. Dan Harris picked up the second assist.

Only 2 minutes later the scoreboard clicked on to “Home 5”. Daniel Volrab steamed in from the left wing and shot. Ryan saved, but gave up a rebound. A veritable scramble ensued with goaltender and forwards grabbing, stabbing, jabbing, poking and slashing at the loose puck. Moria eventually managed to dig it out, diverting it back to Volrab who scored. Ollie Bronnimann was credited with the second assist.

The spirits of the Bison crowd were well and truly buoyed. Back to winning ways surely. In the interval between the 2^nd and 3^rd, the genial Brummie in the 33 Kieras shirt in Block C donned his rose tinted spectacles and predicted a Bison goal avalanche in the 3^rd. And so it should have been. However things don’t always go according to plan, as milkman Ernie found out at his high noon showdown with Two Ton Ted from Teddington (anyone under 40 will have to Google that one). Bison lost their way and allowed the Tigers back into a game which should have been a country mile beyond them.

On 41 minutes Luke Brittle (youngest of the 4 brothers Brittle) popped in a rebound from Bruce’s shot. 3-5. On 46 minutes defenseman Daniel Croft scored with a slap shot which appeared to deflect off a Bison skate to put them 4-5 and within touching distance of Bison. And then 5 minutes from the buzzer Volrab had his pocket picked in mid ice by the admirable Scott McKenzie. The compatriot of Tosh Redmond skated clear and didn’t mess about. He elected for power from distance as he hammered an unstoppable slap shot past a despairing Dean Skinns for the equaliser and his 2^nd goal of the game.

There was no further scoring in overtime – well there was (see the beginning of this report), but alas the referee must have dropped his white stick and been looking for it on the ice because he missed both the goal and the beacon like red light behind the goal. And so we moved on to the drama of a shoot out. For Bison Miller netted, but Kubenko and Moria failed to score, making McKenzie’s miss irrelevant as the Tigers’ Slovak pair of Senko and Hornak both skinned Skinns to score.

Congratulations to a young Telford team who showed spirit and determination to score an unexpected road win. And for us, the Bison faithful, one final word……BAH!

Bison Express hits the buffers

Bison 1 Manchester Phoenix 5

26/11/11

Bison’s magnificent run of 6 straight wins came to a shuddering halt last night with a painful reverse against the reigning EPL title holders, Manchester Phoenix. Despite outshooting their opponents by 38-24, Bison failed to capitalise due in no small part to a goaltending super show by Steve Fone, who picked up the Phoenix man of the match award, edging out Tom Duggan who smashed a hat-trick. The match was, however, spoiled by a shameful piece of gamesmanship by Ladislav Harabin. More about that later.

Having hammered 14 goals in last weekend’s games, it looked like Bison’s hot scoring streak was going to continue to infinity and beyond when Canadian colossus, Steve Moria, hammered Bison into a 1-0 lead after only 37 seconds. Joe Miller challenged for the puck on the boards, enabling Daniel Volrab to pick it up, skate behind the net and rifle an inch perfect pass to the bandana wearing Moria lurking at the back door. Perhaps Fone was momentarily distracted by Mo’s Movember mo (and very impressive it is if I may say so) as he failed to stop the shot. The crowd jumped to their feet in unison, many waving their arms in the air like so many Hydra (O-level biology). Alas for Bison Fone spent the next 59 minutes catching, blocking, deflecting and swallowing the puck to ensure that Moria’s goal was the only goal of the night for the home icemen.

Phoenix levelled it on 5 minutes, Tom Duggan broke clear and bore down on Matt Colclough in the Bison goal. At that moment Matt must have wished that he possessed the bulk of Oliver Hardy, but alas he is closer in shape and size to Stan Laurel.  Duggan fired high. It was 1-1. Assists to Neil and Cingel. Less than 2 minutes later Duggan put Phoenix ahead with his second. Bison were caught in a 2 on 1 between Duggan and Ryan Johnson. Ward was awarded the second assist.

Bison had an excellent opportunity to get back on level terms when Chris Wiggins burst through the Phoenix defense. He was brought down by a slash from Johnson, but he still managed to get off a shot as he fell headlong to the ice like a factory chimney demolished by Fred Dibnah. To the box went Johnson.

In the last minute of the 1^st Joe Miller picked up a slashing penalty which carried over into the second. 17 seconds into the 2^nd Martin Cingel joined him in the box also for slashing. During the resultant 4 on 4 Phoenix increased their lead. An import fuelled move with Jaroslav Spelda and Slava Koulikov enabled Duggan to complete his hat-trick. 2 minutes later it was 1-4 with returning Bison old boy, long Ciaran Long, scoring an unassisted goal.

Marcel Petran, the Slovak cannon, then took a seat for high sticking and during the resultant power play Phoenix D-Man Harabin hammered home a rocket of a slap shot from the blue line. Colclough must have hoped that the post had come to his rescue as he heard that characteristic PING sound of rubber against metal. Alas the puck deflected into the net rather than out and the scoreboard clicked on to 1-5. It was getting depressing.

There then occurred the talking point of the entire game and an incident which most of the Bison crowd regarded as outrageous play acting worthy of an Oscar on the part of Harabin. Chris Wiggins slipped the puck past the Slovak defenseman, who tried to obstruct his path by leaning into him. Wiggie gave Harabin a shove and the defenseman crashed into the boards. Yes it was boarding. Yes it was an infraction. It should have been 2 minutes in the box. However, Harabin made such a meal of it, making his injury look much worse than it was, and the referee was conned into imposing a 5 + game penalty on Wiggins. OK Harabin did crash heavily into the boards and was hurt, but he definitely exaggerated his injury, particularly when leaving the ice bent over double and holding his head in both hands as if he was nursing the mother of all hangovers. Without the need for a single Asprin or “hair of the dog” he was back on the ice for his next shift completely recovered from what he made out to be as serious a head injury as the one which kept Sidney Crosby out for the best part of a year. Strange that!

Suffice it to say that the Bison players weren’t buying Harabin’s play acting and were incensed at the Wiggins punishment. Harabin’s card was marked. With only seconds of the period remaining, the savvy Slovak, Viktor Kubenko, sliced through a static Phoenix defense, deked in front of Fone and shot against the post. In the ensuing melee Harabin slashed and Nicky Chinn hooked. The Bison skipper then confronted Harabin, eager to make known his views concerning the latter’s conduct. Incredibly, Harabin immediately turtled, throwing himself to the ice faster than a petulant child and adopting the foetal position with his hands covering his head. In the First World War they used to shoot people for cowardice in the face of the enemy. Luckily for Harabin this was only a game of hockey and a firing squad was not required, although, had it been, there would have been plenty of Bison fans saying, “Give me a rifle.” Widely regarded as one of the best, maybe even THE best, defenseman in the EPL, Harabin showed himself to possess the gamesmanship of a premiership footballer and the courage of a fluffy kitten.

Bison pressed hard in the 4^th, outshooting Phoenix by 14-8 and trying to at least bring a semblance of respectability to the scoreline, but Fone stood as solid as a rock. By pressing forward they left themselves a little thin at the back on occasions, allowing Phoenix a couple of breakaway chances. The first fell to James Archer (no relation to Jeffrey as far as I am aware). In attempting to lift the puck top shelf past Colclough he succeeded in spooning it way over the glass and into the safety net. The second fell to Duggan, looking for his 4^th goal of the night, but on this occasion Colclough was equal to it, stopping Duggan’s wrist shot with his pad.

Not a night to enjoy for the Bison faithful.

Call the RSPCA - Cruelty to Wildcats

Bison 7 Swindon Wildcats 2

20/22/11

The word “wildcat” conjures up images of a vicious wild animal with sharp claws and teeth tearing strips of flesh from the blood soaked carcass of some poor unfortunate prey, ruthlessly pursued and murdered by driving needle sharp incisor teeth into the hapless animal’s neck. (Sorry I’m getting carried away). Alas for the Swindon fans who made the trip, the Wildcats who turned up at Planet Ice tonight were more akin to fluffy kittens rolling over to have their tummies tickled and meowing for saucers of milk. Bison showed no mercy, running riot with another 7 goals to end a goalfest weekend. After Nicky Chinn’s hat-trick at Slough on Saturday night, Daniel Volrab repeated the feat here tonight. Someone should have called the RSPCA.

It took only 4 minutes of the game for Bison to romp into a 2-0 lead. In the third minute Volrab waltzed around the back of the goal, emerged wide of the back door and flicked home a back handed shot from close range. Assists went to Tosh Redmond, possessor of only one front tooth, and the Slovak Cannon, Marcel Petran. Within a minute it was 2-0. This time savvy Slovak, Viktor Kubenko, bulged the net from a Kurt Reynolds pass.

On 12 minutes, the scoreboard clicked onto “Home 3” following some relentless Bison forechecking in the offensive zone. Swindon were unable to clear their lines. Canadian colossus, Steve Moria, receiving a pass form Joe Miller, deked in front of goal, bamboozling the Wildcat netman Murdy, and fired high.

Within a minute it was 4-0. This time the scorer was Liam Chong. An inch perfect and well timed mid ice pass from Kubenko, enabled Chong to race clear and lift a back hander high into Murdy’s net. Red light man behind the goal illuminated his bulb. The Wildcats were now looking rather tame and highly vulnerable, even when on a power play. Nicky Chinn had been sent to the miscreants’ compound for tripping and, during the resultant power play, Kubenko broke clear, fluffed his shot but regained possession, then passed to the lurking and ever dangerous Petran, whose slap shot was saved. A short handed goal to make it 5-0 then would have sent the Wilcats well and truly out of the cat flap. However, they survived the remaining 7 minutes of the period without conceding and indeed looked a lot better in the second. They shut out Bison and reduced the arrears a minute before the end of the period with a slap shot goal from Nicky Watt. Assists went to the shaven headed Joe Baird (OK I couldn’t actually see that as he had a helmet on) and one half of the “Bouncing Czech” duo, Michal Pinc (pronounced pinch not pink). Swindon should have scored 7 minutes earlier than this, but incredibly failed to capitalise on a 2 on 0. Bearing down on goal, Aaron Nell must have thought “Even my grandmother could score here.” She would have, but he didn’t. Was he shooting at the moon? His wild shot was so inaccurate that it didn’t even hit the glass, flying high into the netting above. Oh dear!

Bison needed another goal to get their momentum going again and it took only 45 seconds of play in the third to bag that vital goal. Miller fed Moria, whose cross ice pass set up A-man/D-man, Sam Oakford, to drive a rising slap shot high into Murdy’s stringbag, Petran style but without the jazz hands.

Less than a minute later a delayed penalty for checking from behind was called on Wildcat Sam Bullas. Bison goaltender, Matt Colclough, skated  at top speed towards the bench as if pursued by an axe murderer with a rabid hatred of netminders, enabling Bison to bring on an extra skater for a 6 on 5. They cleverly kept possession of the puck, moving it forward from behind their own goal line. Daniel Volrab made the one man advantage pay, scoring his second of the night for 6-1. Assists to Chinn and Harris, who had started the move. Bullas received a 2 + 10.

On 47 minutes an unseemly altercation of the most unpleasant variety involving Kurt Reynolds and the ever niggly Nicky Watt (one half of the very unsavoury brothers Watt) occurred. The two fellows came together in a massive hit which looked 50/50. However, Watt must have made a disparaging remark to Reynolds, as the normally placid Bison No.7 immediately dropped one glove with Watt following suit. The Bison crowd rose to its feet in unison, anticipating a contest without the restrictions of Queensbury Rules.  The two pugilists came together in a clinch, helmets came off and punches were thrown. Reynolds then threw Watt to the ground with a rugby “spear tackle” - like a rag doll, so commented one observer. The contest terminated with some ineffective flailing of arms from the odious Watt. The referee imposed a 2 + 2 for fighting on each.

Only a minute later another malodourous incident was witnessed. The admirable Dan Harris, who once again enjoyed an excellent game in defense for the Bison, was the victim of a cynical Czech check from Jan Melichar. The young D-man crumpled face down on the ice in obvious discomfort. The bespectacled youth in Block C swore it was a head check. The howling man at the end of Row E confidently declared in a most vociferous fashion that it had been an elbow to Harris’s face. Eventually the game was stopped and, after a period of recovery, Dan left the ice unassisted. No penalty was called, leaving the crowd incensed and wondering if the referee needed a white stick.

Still in the 48^th minute Swindon pulled one back. The Bison defense was caught with trousers down, giving Swindon a 2 on 1 opportunity. Jonas Hoog buried a top shelf wrist shot past Colclough and 6-2 it was. Aaron Nell and Jaroslav Cesky, the other half of the “Bouncing Czechs” duo, received assists.

The final goal of the night came with 8 minutes remaining and brought with it an element of “whodunit”. It looked like Steve Moria had smashed in his second of the night. However, Daniel Volrab was credited with the goal and completion of a hat-trick. We can only presume that Volrab deflected Moria’s shot past the hapless goaltender. Miller and Moria were credited with assists. The 7-2 annihilation was complete. The RSPCA are still waiting for a call.

Stonewall Colclough keeps Flames at bay

Bison 3 Guildford Flames 2 (shoot out)

12/11/11

Bison goaltender, Matt Colclough, registered another masterful display with a series of blocks, saves and deflections with pad, glove, stick and mask, ending the night with a 0.93 save percentage. The Guildford Flames must now be worried with 6 losses in 14 games – not the title form they had been hoping for. Credit also to Bison man of the match, Tony “Tosh” Redmond, with a typical gritty performance on the blue line and a goal, and Joe Miller, who slammed the winning shoot out goal.

Bison took the lead in the 12^th minute with a back door goal from Jacob Heron brilliantly set up by Nicky Chinn. The Bison skipper moved the puck around the back of the goal and then timed his pass to perfection. Heron fired in his shot. Sting told Roxanne she didn’t have to put on the red light. The person behind the goal was clearly not Roxanne as on came the red light to confirm the goal.

Stuart Potts levelled it for the Flames only a couple of minutes later. He picked up the rebound from Jez Lundin’s slap shot, took the puck away from Colclough and then sent in a back handed shot whilst swivelling round. It was Torvill and Dean stuff.

Within 3 minutes of the 2^nd, Bison restored their lead. Don’t ask me to describe the build up from Moria and Miller. I was busy slicing into my Pukka pie with a bendy plastic knife and missed it. When I looked up there was Tosh Redmond firing in a wrist shot from the slot to make it 2-1. Never take your eye off the puck, even for a Pukka pie.

Bison were looking increasingly threatening. The Flames ended the period outshot by 15 to 7, but did have their chances. Halfway through the period, Dan Harris took a seat for hooking. During the power play, Flames skipper, David Longstaff, used his long staff to fire in a shot which Colclough blocked. He froze the rebounded puck to snuff out the danger. With Harris just released from detention, Nicky Chinn followed him into the naughty boy’s pen. Colclough again came to his team’s rescue, engulfing a savage shot from Savage like an amoeba ingesting food (O-level biology) and then appearing to stop one with his mask – Jacques Plante for ever (see last report).

With less than a minute in the 2^nd  remaining X-rated violence (actually it was handbags) reared its ugly head. Bison blueliner Kurt Reynolds executed what looked to me like a perfectly legal body check on Milos Melicherik. The Slovak didn’t care much for the nature of the check and decided to exact vigilante revenge. An unsavoury altercation was the result. The bespectacled youth in Block C bayed for a match penalty for Melicherik and a medal for Reynolds, but the ref saw it otherwise. He gave a 2+2 to each – Reynolds for elbows and roughing and Melicherik for roughing and …… even more roughing.

Early in the 3^rd we were treated to a nice little cameo from Joe Miller. Down on the ice and sliding away from the puck he managed to poke the puck at full stretch into the path of a team mate, who hammered a shot which was saved by Mark Lee in the Flames net. Had that one gone in, I don’t think Joe would ever have chalked up a more unusual assist.

The Flames were now coming on strong and “glass half empty” Bison fans were beginning to wonder if their team could hold out. There was a very fortunate let off in the 46^th minute. Bison were suddenly caught in a 3 on 1 by the fast moving Guildford forward line. It looked like curtains, but the hockey Gods were smiling on Bison. Curtis Huppe, one of the 3 marauders, fell, slid into Matt Colclough and the two of them took the net off its moorings. The ref blew for a face off and the danger evaporated. However, within 3 minutes of this incident, the Flames drew level with a cracking goal. Longstaff fed Lundin (not literally of course) and his cross ice pass found Stuart Potts. The D-man sent an unstoppable slap shot high into the Bison net. 2-2.

There was no more scoring in regulation time and the game moved into overtime. Both teams had their chances. First Colclough was equal to a big slap shot from Branislav Kvetan. Next Dan Harris sent in a shot at the other end. Lee saved it but gave up a rebound. The follow up shot went wide. Bison A-man Sam Oakford was next with a vicious slap shot which smashed against, but fortunately not through, the glass with a resounding crash. Then savvy Slovak, Viktor Kubenko, attempted a wraparound, but, as he emerged at the back door he noticed Tosh Redmond steaming in. An inch perfect pass (maybe we should be metric and call it a centimetre perfect pass) into the path of the Scot with only one front tooth set up a thunderous shot which went wide of the target. Great vision by Kubo. Great skating and shooting by Tosh.

The period ended with no deciding goal and so into a shoot out. Ollie Bronnimann, the Margate Marauder, had his shot well saved by Lee. Curtis Huppe then also failed to score, his shot hammering against the frame of the goal with that characteristic PING. Canadian colossus, Steve Moria, put Bison 1-0 ahead, foxing Lee into going down and then lifting the puck over the prostrate goaltender. Canadian Greg Chambers then had his shot deflected away by Matt Colclough. All Bison needed was for Miller to score to win the game. Miller, the man in form, skated forward and “glass half full” Bison fans just knew he was going to produce the goods. He didn’t disappoint, rifling home past a floundering Lee, who in his attempt to block the shot moved the net off its moorings. Lee and his teammates let their views be known to referee Szuchs about his allowing of the goal. The ref said “tough luck” and the goal stood. It was Millertime.

Miller the Killer in Overtime Thriller

Bison 4 Peterborough Phantoms 3

5/11/11

What a cheesy headline! But that’s what happened. “Problem player” Joe Miller, who is fast becoming a bigger hero at Planet Ice than Lord Nelson was in Portsmouth, smashed a winning goal with only 19 seconds to go in overtime to the relief of the Bison crowd, who had begun to believe that it wasn’t going to be their night, especially after Daniel Volrab had hammered the puck against the post 2 minutes earlier.

It was a night of frustration for Bison. After cruising into a 3-0 lead by the end of the first period and looking capable of running up a cricket score, that, had the game been played on the sub-continent, may have attracted suspicions of spot fixing, they outplayed and outshot the Phantoms for the next 40 minutes, but incredibly ended the 3^rd at 3-3. All credit to the Phantoms, who could dress only 12 skaters and were one import down. They scored their 3 goals from only 9 shots on goal in the 2^nd and 3^rd. In contrast Bison fired in 34 shots without reward. How did this happen? Well you can keep the Great Wall of China, the Maginot Line, Fatty Foulke and whatever other impregnable object you care to name, Bison came up against the Great Wall of Peterborough, goaltender Stephen Wall who faced a total of 61 shots on his goal during the game and ended up with 0.93 save percentage and Peterborough’s man of the match award. Thanks to Wall, Peterborough snatched a point from a game in which they should have been dead and buried long before the final buzzer.

Bison set the scoreboard ticking in the 7^th minute. Volrab set up Miller whose shot rebounded to Canadian colossus, Steve Moria. The Bison player coach sent in a powerful shot. The man behind the goal put on his red light quicker than a lady of the night seeking business.

3 minutes later it was 2-0. Set up by Miller, the Slovak cannon, Marcel Petran, rifled in one of his explosive slap shots. The jazz hands were raised in triumph. Further joy erupted the 16^th minute as the crowd celebrated 3-0. Jacob Heron became Bison’s third scorer of the night with a well taken unassisted goal. Intercepting a slack clearance out of defence, Jacob took the puck forward, turned and shot. Red light man was working overtime.

A couple of minutes later Wall stopped a shot with his mask. He must have been grateful to Jacques Plante, the first goaltender to wear a mask. Had he not been so protected, he would have ended up looking like someone from a Sam Pekinpah film. Moments later the puck hit referee Cloutman’s hand. OUCH! He really felt that.

The Phantoms needed to pull something out of the hat (maybe not a rabbit) or all would be lost. To the rescue came the classy Latvian import, Maris Ziedins with 2 goals in the first 2 minutes of the period. His first beat Matt Colclough top shelf catcher side, his second was a big slap shot from the point, Petran style. Suddenly the Phantoms were back in it.

Bison had a chance to rattle in a fourth goal 7 minutes into the 2^nd. Bearing down on the Phantoms goal in a 2 on 1, the admirable Viktor Kubenko, set up the Margate marauder, Ollie Bronnimann, who unfortunately fluffed his shot with the goal at his mercy.

On 28 minutes the first penalty of the game was called. Jeff Glowa high sticked into the face of Marcel Petran. No blood so only 2 minutes in the box. Petran stayed down on the ice. It appeared that one or more of his teeth had been loosened. But he was back on the ice before his assailant’s punishment had been completed. And so the second period ended with Peterborough winning it 2-0 despite having been outshot by 6-21.

2 minutes into the 2^nd Kubenko hit the post with a wraparound attempt. The game ebbed back and forth, mainly forth with Bison continuing to pour in the shots on Wall’s impregnable goal. But it was the Phantoms who found the net with a little over 2 minutes remaining. Canadian Jeff Glowa, the man who had tried to rearrange Petran’s dental features, slammed home at the back door for 3-3, assisted by Randall and Bentham. Bison were left wondering how this could possibly have happened.

Petran tried to snatch a winner in the dying seconds with an impertinent effort – a slap shot from behind his own blue line, by George. It was on target and Wall managed to save it with his pads just as the buzzer sounded. How dreadful it would have been for the goaltender had that one sneaked in.

So into overtime and Joe Miller’s winning strike with seconds remaining. Peterborough pushing forward suddenly found themselves in a disastrous 3 on 1. Miller passed to Kubenko. The savvy Slovak could have shot himself, but Wall must have appeared as big as ever in the goal. Instead he chose the better option and delivered an inch perfect centring pass for Miller to hammer home. It was all over. Bison had edged it 4-3.

A word for man of the match Kurt Reynolds, who enjoyed an excellent game in defense, and also for Viktor Kubenko, who was everywhere, repeatedly robbing the puck back on the forecheck, skating imperiously and causing the Phantoms defense all sorts of problems. Had it not been for Stephen Wall, he could have had a hatful of goals and points on the night. His tally of 0 goals and 1 assist did not reflect his efforts.

King Kubenko returns to reclaim his crown

Bison 5 Swindon Wildcats 2

26/10/11

What a difference one player can make. Savvy Slovak, Viktor Kubenko, a greater mega hero than even Buzz Lightyear, looked capable of propelling Bison to infinity and beyond with the sort of inspirational performance the Basingstoke crowd had been hoping he would produce on his return to the herd. However it wasn’t all plain sailing. The Wildcats moved into a 2 goal lead and had Bison shut out until the 33^rd minute. It really was a “game of two halves”.

Bison fell behind in the 16^th minute. Kurt Reynolds found himself caught in a 2 on 1 between Czech Republicans, Cesky and Pinc. If he had been as large as Fatty Foulke (a 20 stone football goalkeeper – yes really Google him if you don’t believe me), he might have stood a chance. Alas Kurt is nowhere near as wide as the famous Sheffield United colossus and a clever interchange between the bouncing Czechs resulted in Cesky finding the net. Jan Melichar, yet another Czech, picked up the second assist.

Bison needed to take control from the start of the second period, but calamity struck within 22 seconds of the restart. Hoog and Richardson set up James Knight (none of them Czechs) in front of goal. He deked and slotted home top shelf past Dean Skinns. 2-0.

With half the match gone, Bison didn’t look like they were capable of even buying a goal, this match following a home shut out against the Milton Keynes Lightning, which meant they had gone past 90 minutes on home ice without a goal. However, it looked like all it would take would be for one to go in and there could be more. And so it proved. The stage was set for Viktor Kubenko, the savvy Slovak, the Slovak machine, King Kubo, Robot Man or whatever you want to call him. On 33 minutes Kubenko, set up by Chinn and Bronnimann, hammered home from in front of goal. The crowd, who at the start of the game had given him a reception worthy of royalty, went beserk.

3 minutes later Bison levelled it at 2-2. Nicky Chinn’s shot rebounded to guess who? Kubenko smashed the puck into the Wildcats’ net. Sam Oakford took the second assist.

It didn’t take long at the start of the third for Bison to edge into the lead for the first time in the game. 21 seconds to be precise. Petran fed Kubenko who moved forward using his characteristic one handed stick handling technique and then slipped an inch perfect pass to Ollie Bronnimann. The man from Margate rifled the puck into the net for 3-2.

Less than a minute later Swindon thought they had tied it up at 3-3, but the referee had a contrary opinion. He adjudged the net to have come off its moorings before the puck crossed the line and the “goal” was chalked off. Instead of getting back on level terms, the Wildcats found themselves even further behind a minute later. 4-2 it was. The scorer at the back door was Liam Chong after some nice approach play by Craig Tribe and Jacob Heron.

4 minutes later Joe Miller found himself with a chance to make it 5-2, but as he bore down on goal and about to pull the trigger, he was taken down from behind and the opportunity was lost. An incredulous crowd were left wondering why no infraction was called and a penalty shot awarded. It seemed very clear from Block C, but not to the bespectacled referee, Dave Cloutman. Miller, obviously frustrated by this injustice, decided to exact vigilante revenge shortly afterwards, but alas ended up in the box for slashing. He must have been left wondering about the referee’s selective eyesight.

In the 49^th minutes the Bison crowd were elevated to a new level of nirvana. Assisted by released prisoner Miller and Nicky Chinn, the savvy Slovak, Viktor Kubenko, smashed in his hat-trick goal. It was just like a fairy story, only it wasn’t Snow White who was doing the scoring. The crowd exhibited their appreciation of the returning hero in the most vociferous fashion. The man had picked up from where he left off last season, a season in which he bagged no fewer than 48 goals. You can keep Buzz Lightyear.

With 2 minutes left on the clock there was a sudden set to between Petran and Cesky which mushroomed into an incident of the most unsavoury variety. Every single skater on the ice as well as the three officials were involved. They bunched together as if trying to keep warm. So close were they that Tom Mix (Google him as well) could have thrown a lasso around the jostling group. What went on is anyone’s guess – it was impossible to see. There didn’t appear to be any flying fists, but there was plenty of everything else as the players let their opinions be known to each other. On termination of the hostilities, no fewer than 8 players, 4 from each team, found themselves in the box. Maybe it should have been 5 each, but there simply wasn’t any bench space left. Cesky picked up a 2+2+5 and a game penalty for high sticking, slashing and  roughing – an impressive collection. Not many more offences he could have committed. Petran also attracted a game penalty. Highlight of the evening (yes even more entertaining than Kubo’s treble) was the 4 miscreants in the Bison box indulging in Mexican waves until spoken to rather sternly about their frivolous conduct by a disapproving Mr. Cloutman.

All in all a fantastic night for the Bison team and fans. Kubenko’s goals were not the only thing he brought to the team. His presence seemed to inspire the players and imbue them with a confidence that looked completely lacking in the shut out against Lightning. He received the man of the match award – merely a box of Budweiser when Champagne would have been more appropriate. A word, though, for Tony Redmond who played a rock solid game on the blue line …… and beyond, but maybe not to infinity.

Lightning edge it on night for netminders

Marie are you reading this?

Bison 0 Milton Keynes Lightning 1

22/10/11

Milton Keynes Lightning laid down their title marker with a gritty performance resulting in this narrow road win at Planet Ice last night. Championship winners 2 years ago, they finished in a disappointing mid table position last season, but they are now looking much more like a team capable of emulating that title success of 2009. And they can thank their young goaltender, Alex Mettam, who produced some fantastic saves and stood solid as a rock. His opposite number, Matt Colclough, can consider himself unlucky to record a 0.95 + save percentage and still end up on the losing side.

Lightning took the lead after 13 minutes with a short handed goal. With Kentish man Michael Wales, a player weighing 69 Kg, and Canadian Nick Poole, weighing a full 10 Kg heavier than his team mate, both in the box, Lightning had to defend a 5 on 3 for 39 seconds. This they did and after Wales had returned to the ice to see out the 5 on 4 powerplay things went horribly awry for Bison. A defensive slip let in “A” man Leigh Jameson and he 5-holed the unfortunate Matt Colclough who just wasn’t quick enough with his butterfly. It’s always disappointing to concede a short hander.

Bison thought they had equalised with only 3 seconds of the power play remaining. The puck found the net as the goal moved backwards, but the referee ruled that the net was off its moorings before the puck crossed the line and no goal it was. It was a somewhat surreal situation with the Bison players, unaware of the referee’s decision, continuing to celebrate and the scoreboard firmly stuck on “0”.

The second period saw no more goals, but there were plenty of chances at both ends. However, the goal tenders stood rock solid. Slovak cannon, Marcel Petran, keen to make amends for his defensive slip which led to the Lightning goal, showed his superb skating skills by slicing through the Lightning defense, but shot high. With only 6 seconds of the period remaining, Marcel became involved in an ugly exchange of contrary opinions with the abrasive Michael Wales, a well known agent provocateur, who had been niggling away at Petran for the whole game. The Slovak had made a great job of ignoring the MK man’s gamesmanship until then. Alas he did not possess the patience of Job and the situation eventually brewed up into a full blown unsavoury incident with pushing, shoving and verbals. No blows were exchanged, but the argy-bargy was enough to attract a 2 minutes penalty for each for “roughing”. Didn’t look very rough to me. One can only speculate on how Job would have coped with Mr. Wales.

Seven minutes into the third, Marek Dubec, playing his last game on home ice for the Bison, received a bizarre penalty for “boarding”, which looked like a legal mid ice check with no boards involved to me. However, the referee knew better. During the resultant power play, the crowd were treated to a superb cameo of defensive play by Dan Harris. Outnumbered 2 to 1 in the left hand channel he successfully blocked the way to goal for what seemed like half the evening. I hope there were some young aspiring defensemen in the crowd who saw this because it really was text book stuff. It was a perfect illustration that a blueliner doesn’t have to touch the puck to make a telling contribution. Dan made himself as large as possible with superb positioning, sometimes upright, sometimes down on one knee, sometimes with stick laid down on the ice as if to say “Only a saucer pass over my stick will do.” He didn’t rashly charge in with a reckless tackle and what he did worked superbly. They did not get the puck past him. Well done, Dan. 10 out of 10.

Halfway through the period Bison’s best chance fell to bandana wearing, Canadian colossus, Steve Moria. He received a pass from behind the goal line and seemed only to have to smash the puck into an empty net with Mettam leaving a huge gap between himself and the post. However Moria’s drilled shot was brilliantly saved by the young netman, who then completed a double save by stopping the shot smashed in from the rebound.

At the other end, Colclough, also enjoying a great game, did make an uncharacteristic but hideous error by batting the puck out wide straight to Adam Carr, whose shot back flashed across the face of the goal and missed the target to save Matt’s blushes.

Three minutes from time, Marek Dubec had a chance to mark his last game with a landmark equaliser. He raced clear, bore down on Mettam, but failed to find a way past the Lightning goaltender, who looked as impregnable as the Maginot Line, the Great Wall of China and Fatty Arbuckle all rolled into one.

The final period was marked by several incidents of fractious behaviour, following on from a number of similar differences of opinion in the second as well as the Petran/Wales encounter, but in all cases the conflagrations went no further than pushing and shoving. It had seemed almost a certainty that Chris Wiggins would get involved in another fight, but this didn’t happen.

Despite outshooting Lightning by 16-6 in the final period, Bison could not find a way through and were reduced to the risky business of pulling their goaltender with the clock ticking down. Hearts were in Bison mouths as Lightning missed an empty net chance, but Bison failed to capitalise on the 6 on 5 and the buzzer (such an awful sound when you’re losing) ended the night’s disappointment.