Blueline Horror Show

Bison 5 Peterborough Phantoms 8

25/2/12

Hmmm….where to start? Condemn them? No. I would give them medals – all of them. Maybe this was the night when Bison’s weeks of short benching, not to mention the current spate of illness raging along the roster, finally caught up with them. Too often caught in 2 on 1s, 3 on 1s and even a 3 on 0 at one stage (goaltender Stephen Wall miraculously saved that one!), the Bison players’ fatigue and poor health seemed to take its toll. Throw into the recipe a Phantoms team desperate to get in contention for the playoffs, but possessing a defense as holed as a colander, and you begin to get an idea of how it rained goals at Planet Ice last night. Following on from the 6-6 game in Peterborough last Sunday (Bison won in a shoot out), we saw another 13 goals here last night. Quite a few of the 8 “Potty” scored would have been prevented by a fit and full strength Bison side on another night. The hockey gods went AWOL.

It was difficult to believe at the end of the 1^st period that the game would explode with goals after a rather dull 1^st passage of play ending 0-0. However, within 16 seconds of the start of the 2^nd, Bison took a 1-0 lead through the admirable Joe Miller, Bison’s top scorer. Bouncing Czech, Daniel Volrab, speared in an inch perfect pass from wide to put in Joe. The Welsh Wizzard raced forward like an accelerated particle (bit of astrophysics there), deked and scored. The lead didn’t last long. In the 22nd minute it was all square at 1-1 with Will Weldon rifling home a Robbie Brown rebound off the post. It took only a couple of minutes for the Phantoms to snatch the lead. A 2 on 1 saw Tom Carlon and James Ferrara get the better of Marcel Petran, Ferrara scoring.

It looked like Bison were going to reach the buzzer trailing, as, with the minutes of the period ticking away, they found themselves defending a power play. A rather harsh call condemned Joe Miller to serve 2 minutes in the cooler. However, the deadly Czech/Slovak (not Czechoslovak – doesn’t exist any more) combination of Daniel Volrab and Viktor Kubenko pulled a short handed goal out of the bag, rather than a rabbit out of a hat. Volrab’s cross ice pass found King Kubo all on his “tod” (see last week’s report) at the back door. A firm shot planted between goaltender King and post caused the goal light to illuminate. Nicky Chinn picked up the second assist. 2-2 seemed a fair reflection.

Now you would have thought that 3 final period goals would be enough for Bison to win the game. Well actually no. Why not? Because they allowed (why do we use that word “allow” – it makes it sound so polite) no fewer than 6 goals, including 3 which were scored in a little over one minute. The goal avalanche started in the 42^nd minute with Maris Ziedins sending in a Latvian slapshot under Wall’s English leg from a Canadian pass by Jeff Glowa. An interesting combination of nationalities. 2 minutes later the game was tied up again at 3-3 with a power play goal. Slovak, Kubenko, Bison’s man of the match, took the puck around the back of the goal and fed Canadian Colossus, Steve Moria, who was sitting (well standing actually) on the post with no Phantom to scare him. It was a simple tap in for Mo as he beat the English King (don’t misunderstand – he’s not royalty).

The glass half full Bison supporters, now swaggering with fresh confidence, urged their team forward to what they envisaged would be certain victory. Alas it was the other lot, the glass half empty Jonahs, who were proved right. The Bison crowd sat groaning and open mouthed in disbelief as their team crumbled like the walls of Jericho, only I didn’t hear any Phantoms players blowing trumpets. It must have been the worst minute of ice hockey experienced at Planet Ice this season as the score ticked from 3-3 to 3-4 to 3-5 to 3-6 and game over. The 1^st of the Phantoms’ goal glut was unfortunate for Bison to say the least. Liam Chong fluffed a slap shot and could only flounder on the ice and watch as Richard Bentham picked up the loose puck, skated in on Wall and scored. Then James Ferrara scored his second of the game with two Bison players sprawling on the ice and out of the game and the bespectacled youth in Block C bellowing louder than the Howling Man for a penalty against the Phantoms which wasn’t called. Both goals were unassisted. Then to add insult to injury former Bison idol Ondrej Lauko treacherously sneaked in a near post shot. Bison were shell shocked and reeling from a series of unfortunate occurrences which had led to 3 goals being scored from 3 shots. A time out was called by bench coach Tosh Redmond, who managed to inject a bit of Gaelic spirit into the flagging players. A rejuvenated Bison reduced the arrears 2 minutes later with a Marcel Petran TNT powered slap shot goal from the point. It was lucky that the puck was made of solid rubber or it would have burst under the impact. Moria was credited with an assist. It was now 4-6.

Just over 11 minutes remained. At Peterborough on Sunday Bison had been in an identical position and had pulled back from 4-6 to 6-6, going on to win the game in a shoot out. Many wondered if history would repeat itself. Such thoughts were exposed as nothing more than a pipe dream in the 55^th minute as Peterborough took advantage of a 3 on 1 and increased their lead to 7-4 through Canadian player/coach, Chris Allen. Ziedins with the assist. That seemed to knock the stuffing out of Bison. With the clock ticking down a scandalous altercation occurred between former team-mates Lauko and Kurt Reynolds with both being banged up for roughing. In Reynolds’s case the punishment seemed a bit harsh as he merely shoved Lauko in retaliation, rather than landing a meaty blow upon his opponent’s person, but the referee obviously saw more in it than I did from Block C and both players were escorted by the men in stripes to the bad boys’ pen.

Very soon after the 4 on 4 turned into a 4 on 3 in the Phantoms’ favour as Joe Miller was somewhat harshly chucked out of the game for high sticking. It looked like the final curtain of the night for Bison, but, quite unexpectedly, they soon scored their second short handed goal of the night. Assisted by Chinn, Chong drove the puck past King for 5-7. Chinn/Chong/King - those names go so well together.

Scoring over? Alas for the Bison faithful, no. Tom Carlon rounded off a great night for the ghostly visitors with a final score inside the last minute (assisted by Ziedins) to make it an astonishing scoreline of 5-8 and send the 16 travelling Potty supporters (perhaps I should rephrase that) home with 8 goals and a rare road win to give them a warm glow inside. The Bison fans (or some of them at least) had to be content with the semi-warm glow obtained by ingesting a lukewarm Pukka pie.

The Night it Rained Short Handed Goals

Bison 3 Bracknell Bees 1

18/2/12

On a night when no fewer of 3 of the 4 goals scored were short handed, Bison completed a clean sweep of home victories over Bracknell. It was a reasonably comfortable 3-1 win, but a late goal saw the chance of a Stephen Wall shut out snatched away from him, Tantalus style (a bit of Greek mythology there). The goal reduced the Bees’ deficit to 2-1 and brought on a tense finale. But with less than 30 seconds remaining and Bison defending a 6 on 4 power play, Slovak Cannon, Marcel Petran, settled the issue with an empty netter scored from behind his own goal line, which sent the jazz hands twirling.

Bison took the lead in the 11^th minute with the first short handed goal. Bouncing Czech, Daniel Volrab, watched from the penalty box, having gone there for a slash (should I rephrase that?). From wide of the goal Canadian Colossus, Steve Moria, saw Nicky Chinn steaming in and centred perfectly for the Welsh Bison skipper to score with a one timer past Tom Annetts. The goal was followed by a moonwalk celebration – maybe we have enough Michael Jackson impersonators for Nicky to be tempted by a new career and anyway he doesn’t look much like the late Mr. Jackson. The second assist went to Bison’s other Welshman, the admirable Joe Miller. The only thing which prevented it from being an all Welsh affair was coach Moria – the Canadian meat in the lava bread sandwich. Never mind, we’ll still say “Cymru am byth” (Davina are you reading this?)

Bison had a let off halfway through the period. A game of pinball in front of their goal saw players of both sides stabbing, jabbing, poking and slashing at a loose puck, which eventually Bison goaltender Wall managed to cover with his leg whilst lying prostrate on the ice. “That was pure Mark Bernard,” said the Scottish lady in the Redmond shirt (well what other player’s shirt would you expect her to wear?).

A minute later Bison almost went 2-0 up with Savvy Slovak, Viktor Kubenko, gliding around the back of the goal and setting up the currently free scoring Kurt Reynolds in front of goal. Kurt’s shot was well saved by Tom Annetts. Then with the Bees defending a power play, ex Bison netman Tom stopped a Petran slap shot from the blue line and then butterflied to stop a Kubenko effort after Bison man of the match, Ollie Bronnimann, the Margate Marauder, had skated up the boards and fired in a diagonal pass right onto the Slovak’s stick tape. Annetts was to produce another fine save later, deflecting away another Petran rocket propelled slap shot from the blue line, this time with his mask. Maybe he didn’t see it coming - I cannot imagine anyone would willingly put his head in front of a Petran thunderbolt, mask or not.

Bison had to wait until 38 minutes to increase their lead. A breakaway set up by the defensive duo of Petran and Reynolds, saw Kubenko bearing down on goal on his Tod Sloan (a bit of cockney rhyming slang for you there – why not Wikipedia him he’s a very interesting character). Viktor shot low straight through the 5-hole with Annetts going into butterfly a fraction of a second too late. On came the goal light, which for some reason is white not red at this end of the rink, but who cares?

Into the 3^rd period and in the 54^th minute Scott Spearing was lucky to escape a penalty for throwing punches at Nicky Chinn, which referee Dave Cloutman didn’t see. With his glasses and newly grown white goatee Mr Cloutman has become a Colonel Sanders lookalike. Perhaps one of the players distracted his attention by ordering a KFC bargain bucket just as Spearing was inflicting his violence on Chinn. Suffice it to say Scott got off scot-free. Vigilante revenge followed shortly afterwards, however, with Jacob Heron pushing Spearing to the ice. He ended up on his backside like an upturned turtle much to the amusement of the crowd, who filled the air with ironic cheering. Chinn would later describe the affair as “just a bit of fun.”

Then a cataclysmic disaster on the scale of the 1883 eruption of Krakatoa occurred. With netminder Stephen Wall looking good for his first shutout for Bison and the clock ticking down towards 3 minutes remaining, the man in the Charlestown Chiefs shirt jinxed it. He turned to the genial Brummie in the Kieras shirt and said “are you donning your rose tinted specs and predicting a shutout”. The Brummie saw the danger and declined to make such a prediction, but it was too late. It had been said. Within a minute Bison’s Alamo style defense had been breached and it was all the fault of the Chiefs man – Wally you know who to come and see. It started at the Bees end. Petran wound up for yet another of his massive jet propelled slap shots from the slot. His stick hit the ice and two objects flew forward – the puck and the blade from his shattered stick. The latter looked likely to clear the glass behind the Bees’ goal but dipped just short and hit the glass. Petran skated away immediately to collect a new stick and managed to get back behind the blue line, but in all the excitement Bison’s formation had gone pear shaped and suddenly Matt Foord and Shaun Thomspon were in 2 on 1 on Petran. The Slovak blueliner, versatile though he may be, was unable to expand his physical form to Rick Waller proportions to cover both attackers. Foord hammered home Thompson’s pass. Andy Munroe, who had started the move, picked up the second assist. And even worse for Bison - it was a short handed goal with Masa having been incarcerated for tripping.

Things now became a trifle tense. Bracknell came forward looking for the jugular. Shots came in. Wall stood firm. After one save a bit of scuffle broke out in front of the Bison net, but the unseemly affray ended without a punch being thrown and no penalty called – it was just a few players voicing their contrary opinions in the most polite fashion I am sure. Then Chris Wiggins was called for charging with just over 2 minutes left. With only 1.25 on the clock, Bracknell called a time out and pulled their goaltender to make a 5 on 4 power play a 6 on 4. The Bison end of the ice now appeared more congested that the M25 in the rush hour. But the Bees’ reckless gamble failed. A face off at the Bison end moved the puck from Moria to Wall to Petran, who spooned an enormous saucer shot from behind the goal line through the crowd of players, miraculously hitting no-one. The puck landed and slid menacingly towards the unguarded net, which gaped as wide as the mouth of a wide mouthed frog. Was it going in? Yes it was and yes it did. Wall may not have recorded a shut out, but he was compensated with his first Bison goal assist. He hugged Petran like a long lost brother. Up went the jazz hands. 3-1 it was and 3-1 it ended.

Lightning Doesn’t Strike Twice but Reynolds Does

Bison 3 Milton Keynes Lightning 2

12/2/12

A Kurt Reynolds double strike (to add to the goal he scored last night at Swindon) capped another magnificent performance by the Bison’s no. 7 as the Basingstoke icemen overcame near impossible odds to record a memorable victory over the Lightning. The win was a greater miracle than the turning of water into wine. Impossible odds? Miracle? OK I’m exaggerating. But it was a superb win in which each Bison player can be proud that he gave his all and nothing less (dare I say 110% - I know that’s mathematically impossible). The Problem? A short bench. Indeed a very short bench. As at Swindon the night before Bison had 5 scratches – forwards Kubenko and Chong and defensemen Oakford, Harris and Redmond. That left Petran and Reynolds as the only specialist blueliners with skipper Nicky Chinn icing as an emergency defenseman, as he had the night before. This meant that for the second night in a row these three covered the defense for the entire duration of the game and must, therefore, have averaged 40 minutes of ice time each. They must be fitter than Fit Finlay (go on Google him if you like).

The game had a lively opening. Cameron Wynn, playing only his second game for Bison, must have best astonished to find himself opening on the top line with Daniel Volrab and Joe Miller. In the 1^st minute a 2 on 1 breakaway saw the admirable Miller carry the puck forward and delay his pass until almost on top of Lightning netminder, Alex Mettam. He then unselfishly flicked the puck across the face of the Lightning goal with the accuracy of a Ronnie O’Sullivan black ball pot right into the path of Wynn. Alas Cameron shot wide and the chance was gone. A lively opening.

Within no time Bison found themselves behind. Leigh Jamieson took the puck around the back of the goal, emerged at the back door, took the puck forward, swivelled and shot low to beat Matt Colclough in the Bison goal. It was Jamieson’s 30^th of the season and a goal which cemented his position at the top of the British players scoring chart. Blaz Emersic and Adam Brittle (one of the 4 brothers Brittle) picked up assists.

In the 7^th minute there was an ugly scene of violent play and even more violent conduct which resulted in Grant McPherson being condemned to serve a 4 minute stretch for the dual infractions of tripping and roughing. His victim was Kurt Reynolds, who resisted the temptation to get involved in a fight with the niggly Scotsman, thus preventing the encounter from developing into an unseemly altercation of the most unsavoury variety. McPherson’s incarceration left Lightning needing to survive a 4 minute power play. They failed. 2 minutes in and Reynolds blasted his first of the game to level it up at 1-1. The Margate Marauder, Ollie Bronnimann, fed the Slovak Cannon, Marcel Petran, who slid a cross ice pass into the path of Reynolds. As Kurt fired in, Mettam must have hoped for a wayward shot or, failing that, Divine intervention. It was neither. The D-man's unstoppable wrist shot flew past the hapless goaltender’s shoulder and into the net. On came the red light. It was yet another power play goal for Bison.

Early in the 2nd Lightning were no doubt thankful to survive another Bison power play with Michael Farn banged up for tripping. However, shortly after his liberation Bison took the lead for the first time in the game. Once again Marcel Petran was the playmaker, this time with a diagonal pass arrowed to Bison enforcer, Chris Wiggins, who scored at the back door. 2-1 Bison. Craig Tribe picked up the second assist.

Things went from good to better for the Bison crowd 4 minutes later. Set up by Bouncing Czech, Daniel Volrab, Kurt Reynolds rifled in his second of the game and another top shelfer. The shot deflected in off Mettam’s blocker, which clearly failed to do its job. At 3-1 things were looking comfortable for Bison. Perhaps the genial Brummie in the Kieras shirt was thinking of donning his rose tinted specs. Certainly the man in the Charlestown Chiefs shirt was beginning to feel rather confident of a Bison victory. However, he was soon plunged back into his normal glass half empty state of mind by an MK power play goal to reduce the arrears to 2-3. With Joe Miller behind bars for hooking Bison had a let off when Slovenian Blaz Emersic, formerly of the Rio Grande Killer Bees (yes really), hammered the puck against the angle of post and bar. The Bison fans’ relief was short lived. A blink of an eye later former Bison man, Michael Wales committed treachery of the worst possible kind and scored against his old team. And a goal of great controversy it was. A bundle in front of the goal had the bespectacled youth in Block C shouting “goaltender interference” as the red light came on. The bearded rabble-rouser of Block A later confirmed to the Charlestown Chiefs man as they hung around in the Gents during the second interval (for no other purpose than to discuss the game I hasten to add) that the net had moved off its moorings before the puck crossed the line and the goal should not, therefore, have been given. However, Mr Cloutman, the referee, saw otherwise, allowed the goal and skated back to the red line tapping his white stick on the ice as he went. Assists to McPherson and Green.

Outshooting Bison in the final period, MK fought to level things up, but defense as resolute as at Rorke’s Drift in 1879 prevailed. With only 2 mins 32 remaining Adam Carr virtually threw his team’s chances out of the window with a trip on Reynolds. The eagle eyed Mr Cloutman, looking remarkably like Burl Ives with his newly grown white goatee (Google image him if you like), no longer needed his white stick. He got it spot on, called the penalty and sent Carr down the steps (well actually up one step) for 2 minutes. This meant that Bison had to avoid conceding a very rare short handed goal during the powerplay and then survive the last 28 seconds with Lightning at full strength. As Carr was liberated from the box, Mettam was pulled from the net to give Lightning a 6 on 5 for the final seconds. They failed to capitalise. The final buzzer sounded. Bison players and fans alike raised their arms aloft to celebrate an unexpected victory.

Man of the match awards went to defensemen Marcel Petran (over Kurt Reynolds somewhat surprisingly) and Ross Green, both of whom managed to slip over during the course of the presentation ceremony. This was certainly not the first time Marcel had been off his feet as, during the match, he had thrown himself to the ice on a couple of occasions to make very important blocks. A word also for Matt Colclough, who made a string of important saves, blocks and deflections to round off another excellent game in front of the pipes for him. However, it must be said that the entire team deserved medals.

Unhappy Return to Planet Ice for Deano

Bison 5 Swindon Wildcats 4

4/2/12

On a night when it rained power play goals, it was the two goaltenders who would decide the issue. Bison’s Stephen Wall enjoyed a good game, allowing 4 admittedly but stopping so many more. Returning Bison old boy, Dean Skinns, was unlucky to see the game swing from 4-3 in the Wildcats’ favour to 4-5 with one soft goal and one scrambled goal, both of which he should have kept out.

In only the 1^st minute the Wildcats opened their account – a more legitimate account than the Swiss bank account in the name of Harry’s Redknapp’s dog. From a melée behind the Bison goal, the puck squirted forward like ketchup from a plastic bottle to Jarolsav Cesky. The bouncing Czech stabbed in past Wall from point blank range. Nell assisted.

On 12 minutes another of Swindon’s Czech imports, Jan Melichar, found himself doing a stretch for interference. 13 seconds into Bison’s power play, Petran was called for holding and joined Melichar in the cooler. When the door of Melichar’s cell swung open the D-man returned to the ice with Bison’s skaters committed forward. Cesky’s pin point pass from defense found Melichar on the Bison blue line. He brilliantly controlled a bouncing puck, turned and skated in on Wall, beating him with a top shelfer. It was a superb goal. Amazing to recount, this was the first goal scored by a Swindon blueliner this season. It makes you appreciate the goal scoring contribution of Bison’s Petran. The Slovak D-man would add to his tally later in the game to bring his season’s haul to an impressive 15.

Towards the end of the 1^st the puck looped up into the crowd. The man in the Charlestown Chiefs shirt in Block C flung himself to his right and pulled off a brilliant one handed diving catch of which Matt Prior would have been proud. O.K. I’m exaggerating – it was a dolly really. Shortly afterwards the new puck hammered into Petran’s ribs as he stood behind the barrier. OUCH! (Thanks for that snippet, Carol & Laura).

With 13 shots on goal in the 1^st Bison were unlucky not to find the net. The genial Brummie in the Kieras shirt had obviously left his rose tinted specs at home. “Oh no. It’s not going to be one of those nights, is it?” he wailed. Bison needed to get back into the game as soon as possible, as the Wildcats were playing some impressive attacking hockey with slick moving and passing, particularly on the break, and looked quite capable of increasing their lead. However, the Basingstoke icemen managed to peg them back with only a minute of the 2^nd gone. From a face off in the Wildcats’ defensive zone Steve Moria found flame haired Jock, Tony Redmond, close to the blue line. Tosh killed the puck and skinned Skinns with an unstoppable top shelf wrist shot.

Bison continued to press forward and levelled it on 31 minutes. With Jonas Hoog imprisoned for slashing, Bison continued their good form of power play goal scoring in recent matches with another. Moria and Miller worked the puck to Marcel Petran lurking at the point. He killed the puck and raised his stick high. Netman Skinns knew what to expect. He realised that he wouldn’t have a hope of reacting to the colossal slap shot that was about to come his way and threaten to take his head off. He must have hoped that he could inflate like a car air bag to block the goal. Whether or not he sucked in air in an attempt to expand his form only he will know. Suffice it to say, he remained the same size. In flew the Slovak’s exocet past the hapless goaltender’s shoulder and up went the jazz hands. 2-2, but not for long. Within a couple of minutes it was 3-2 with Bison’s own bouncing Czech, Daniel Volrab, deflecting in. It was another power play goal with Cesky in the bad boy’s locker for slashing. Moria and Sam Oakford picked up the assists.

A minute later a bundle in front of goal gave rise to an angry exchange involving Chong, Chinn and Pinc, the latter stabbing away at Wall as he covered a loose puck. Pinc and Chong had their collars felt with 2 minutes each for slashing and cross checking respectively, but Chinn got away with it. Shortly after Joe Miller joined Chong in the slammer for hooking and Bison found themselves on a 3 on 4 power play, which they successfully killed. Then 10 seconds before the end of the 2^nd, there arose an unseemly altercation of the most unsavoury type. Petran fell spread-eagled to the ice and covered the puck. Jonas Hoog tried to shovel it out from beneath the fallen blueliner. Volrab took exception and he expressed his views to Hoog while Miller tangled with another Wildcat. Amazingly it was only Volrab who attracted a penalty – 2 minutes for roughing. With Redmond already incarcerated for hooking, Bison were once again reduced to 3 skaters, carrying over to the 3^rd. They survived for 41 seconds of the 3^rd before Aaron Nell scored with a close range wrist shot for 3-3 assisted by Cesky and Pinc.

Nell bagged his 2^nd goal only 3 minutes later to push Swindon 4-3 in front. Ryan Aldridge’s shot was blocked by Wall, but the puck lifted into the air and was hammered into the net by Nell, like a cricketer hooking for the boundary. The bespectacled youth in Block C raised his arms in protest. “HIGH STICKING!” he bellowed as loudly as the Howling Man on the end of Row E would have. The ref disagreed.

The Wildcats kept their lead for 5 minutes until Nicky Chinn levelled it up at 4-4 with a goal which must have left Skinns blushing. Chinn’s close range low shot didn’t appear to be going in, but the puck deflected off the unfortunate netminder’s left leg and dribbled inside the post and over the line. Oh dear, Deano. Petran and Oakford with the assists.

With Bison pressing at the Swindon end for an opening to score a winner, an opprobrious fracas between Chris Wiggns and Michal Pinc erupted. An ugly challenge from behind on the former by the latter caused a confrontation on the boards, which initially seemed to be going no further than pushing, shoving, posturing and mouthing. Suddenly the fists flew. Separating the combatants, the referee imposed sentences of 2 + 2 on Wiggins and 2 + 2 + 10 on Pinc, which put him out for the rest of the game - a severe handicap to the Wildcats who had lost their top playmaker whilst still in with a chance of victory.

Bison’s 55^th minute winner caused Deano a final embarrassment. Jacob Heron skated through a Wildcats defense, which looked barely more mobile than Lot’s wife, and bundled the puck in past Skinns, after much scrabbling in front of the net. Liam Chong assisted. The goalie’s confidence seemed to be visible deteriorating the longer the game went on. Another 20 minutes of play might have seen him twitching like a shell shock victim. A downside for Bison fans was Viktor Kubenko being helped back to the dressing room with an injured ankle, which could see him miss a few games.Volrab and Nell were men of the match.