Sunday, 4 March 2012

Blue Meanies Invade Bisonland


Bison 3 Slough Jets 8
3/3/12

In the famous cartoon the Blue Meanies overran peace loving Pepperland, turning everything to stone. The Beatles came to the rescue in their Yellow Submarine. Last night it was the Blue Meanies from Slough who invaded peace loving Bisonland – OK “peace loving” is not really an appropriate expression to use with Chris Wiggins on the ice (as was confirmed late in the 3rd period). In this case John, Paul, George and Ringo were not on hand to save the Basingstoke icemen.

Last week Bison crashed at home to “Potty” by 8-5. Last night another goal avalanche condemned them to an 8-3 defeat at the hands of a very strong “Sluff” outfit, gunning to finish in second place in the EPL. Aaron Connolly was an easy choice for the Jets man of the match with a hat-trick and two assists. Joe Miller picked up the Bison award for another all action display which, on another night, would have yielded more than one goal. The game may not have moved into overtime, but the Howling Man at the end of Row E did – see later comments.

However, it was not all gloom and despondency. In fact by the 16th minute of the 1st Bison had romped into a 2-0 lead through Miller and Wiggins and looked very capable of inflicting defeat on their Berkshire rivals. However, Slough pulled it back to 2-1 with 8 seconds of the period remaining and then proceeded to dominate the remainder of the game, scoring another 7 and allowing only 1. Tiredness and a series of defensive errors on the part of Bison combined with some masterful attacking play and pinpoint accurate shooting from Slough dictated the outcome.

Welsh Wizzard, Joe Miller, opened the scoring in the 3rd minute. From a pass by Nicky Chinn, Bison’s Bouncing Czech, Daniel Volrab, hammered a shot against the bar. PING! Miller was the man on the spot to hammer in the rebound. Then on 16 minutes Chris Wiggins proved he is more than “just a goon”, as many opposing fans (and probably players as well) have described him. He showed dogged determination challenging for the puck against the boards, broke clear and sliced through the Slough defense to score. The Bearded Rabble Rouser of Block A, who had had a bird’s eye view from his position, declared that Wiggie’s footwork was worthy of comparison to Michael Flatley. Assists went to Kubenko and Cameron Wynn, the 16 year old's first EPL point - well done Cam. Things were looking very rosy for Bison. However, with only 8 seconds of the 1st remaining, Doug Sheppard moved around the back of the Bison goal and picked out Aaron Connolly in front of the net. 2-1. Joe Greener was then involved in a frank exchange of opinions with Nicky Chinn and was lucky not to pick up a penalty to go with his assist for the goal.

Slough drew level on 24 minutes. From a face off, the puck fell to Sheppard whose wrist shot flew in top shelf. Greener and Connolly with the assists. A minute later Chinn was sentenced to 2 minutes porridge for a robust boarding on Andrew Melachrino, the man with a name which would look more at home as a dish on a Gordon Ramsay menu perhaps. Melachrino took a nasty hit, but was able to continue after a period of recovery. The resultant power play produced a second goal for Connolly, who stabbed the puck across the line from close in. Sheppard assisted. 2-3. Bison then drew level at 3-3. Viktor Kubenko tried to get in a shot, but realised his route to goal was blocked and instead slid a cross ice pass to Chinn, playing as a D-man once again. The Bison skipper sent in a long range shot from the point and in it went. Craig Tribe picked up the second assist.

A second unseemly incident then occurred. I didn’t see it myself, but the Genial Brummie in the Kieras shirt (that’s a bit ironic) said that ex-Bison Mindy Kieras had delivered a head check to Wiggins. What I did see was a lot of pushing and shoving and Kieras wisely declining Wiggins’s invitation to take the matter further. Both got a 2 + 2 for roughing which seemed a little harsh on Wiggins and rather lenient on Kieras.

At the halfway point with the scores level Bison looked quite capable of powering on to victory, but it was the Jets who would run the show from then on, firing in 5 unanswered goals. The goal fest started in the 34th minute. A defensive error yielded possession of the puck to Adam Calder. He trapped the puck, swivelled and scored to restore the Jets’ lead at 3-4. Greener assisted. 4 minutes later the Bespectacled Youth in Block C bellowed “HOLDING!”, but no call was made and Connolly took possession of the puck and managed to complete his hat-trick with an angled shot for 3-5. Adam Calder assisted.

Stephen Wall came in to replace Matt Colclough in the Bison net for the 3rd. Within a very short space of time things went from bad to worse for Bison. An icing infringement was called and Heron went “down the steps”. With less than a minute of the power play gone Kurt Reynolds and was invited to join Heron in the slammer for slashing. The Howling Man at the end of Row E, who up until that point had remained uncharacteristically silent, decided it was now time to share his considered opinion with those around him. “You’re so biased, Cloutman”, he yelled, threatening to burst the eardrums of his fellow spectators. It seemed unlikely that Bison could survive the 3 on 5 and indeed they didn’t. A tic-tac-toe move from Darius Pliskauskas to Aaron Connolly to Dan Davies moved the score onto 3-6. The Howling Man voiced his further thoughts “That’s 3 goals you’ve cost us, Cloutman.” One got the impression that Mr. Cloutman was never going to be on his Christmas card list as he continued to rent the air with his far from objective views, whilst all the time becoming redder and redder in the face. Those near him, despite receiving an unwanted aural invasion, must have started to worry about the possibility of the Howling Man suffering a fatal seizure. Thankfully he did not.

In the 52nd minute a bit of push and shove between Kubenko and Galazzi escalated into a full scale unseemly altercation of the most unsavoury variety with Wiggins and the ever niggly Jets skipper, Joe Greener. It was difficult to see exactly what happened from the other side of the rink and with players in between, but the fists certainly flew and nearby observers declared a “win” for Wiggins. There then followed the usual negotiations between the officials and the two captains, trying to unravel who did what to whom. Suddenly the helmetless Greener skated across to his bench. “He’s been chucked out of the game,” declared the Genial Brummie, but he was wrong. Not only had Greener not been “red carded”, but he also escaped censure of any kind. How on earth? That had to be the most incomprehensible officials’ decisions ever seen at Planet Ice. One can only assume that Greener possesses a tongue so silver it bears a hallmark and managed to talk himself out of any form of punishment. Instead Galazzi received a 2 for roughing and Wiggins a 2 holding and a 2 + 2 + 10 for roughing. The Howling Man was apoplectic with rage once more. All the while the discussions were going on Bison goalie Wall sat on top of his goal with legs dangling, looking rather like Humpty Dumpty (thanks for that comparison Catherine) – a strange and somewhat entertaining spectacle.

The game then resumed. In desperation the man in the Charlestown Chiefs shirt shouted "Come on, Bison. Just give us a goal." But they didn't. Instead Slough rounded off a very satisfactory night for their fans with another couple of goals, both from the ever dangerous Pliskauskas, one a back door score on the power play and the other resulting from a sloppy Bison line change leaving the lethal Lithuanian clear to skate in on goal and score. Davies assisted on both goals and Terry Miles on one. Pliskauskas now has no fewer than 40 for the season. The final buzzer was greeted with a sense of relief by many of the Bison fans – no double figure score. There was no sign of the Yellow Submarine.

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