Popeye Wynn’s Spinach Fuelled Performance Helps Bison Put Out The Flames

Bison 5 Guildford Flames 2

EPL Playoff semi-final

5/4/14

Bison seem to have Guildford’s number this season. 5 victories to 1 in the league, a knock out from the EPL cup, including a humiliating 8 goal blast at Planet Ice, and now elimination from the playoffs. No wonder those from the Library chose to align themselves with Manchester Phoenix in the final – a strange alliance if ever there was one. There were fine and determined performances from the entire Bison bench, but my hero of the night (well it was more afternoon straddling early evening but that doesn’t sound so good) was Cameron “Popeye” Wynn, who set up two of the Bison goals, as I shall relate in this humble account.

P1 opened in robust style with the Flames taking a penalty as early as the 18^th second. Nothing came of the power play, but Bison did manage to capitalise on their second power play on 11 minutes. Martin Opatovsky got cross, cross checked and had to check into the penalty box as a result. Only 12 seconds later Bison surged into the lead on the power play. Andy “Machine Gun” Melachrino fed Tomas “Grandmaster” Karpov behind the net. He emerged at the back door and in a big sweeping arc fired the puck across the face of goaltender Gregg Rockman and in between the hapless goaltender and far post. There may have been some softly spoken, sedate and shy shrinking violets amongst the Bison crowd.  Any reservations they would normally display were well and truly given the old heave-ho, as they underwent a curious yet instantaneous metamorphosis from meek and mild introverts into a bunch of raving extroverts. 1-0 Bison.

Alas for those former shrinking violets the lead lasted only 3 minutes. Back came the Flames. A long range but powerful shot by Jez Lundin was blocked by Deans Skinns, but the rebound fell perfectly for Marcus Kristoffersson, who snapped it in for 1-1. The period expired with no further scoring nor any more extrovert behaviour from the shrinking violets.

Into P2 we went and it took only 3 minutes for Bison to establish another lead, a lead they were never to lose (sorry I’ve given the end away). The scorer was Bison skipper Nicky Chinn, who treated the crowd to a piece of vintage Chinny. Set up by Karpov from a pass by Reynolds out of defense the Welshman, who is rumoured to have been playing at the time of the Druids in his native Wales, wizzarded his way through a static Flames D which appeared as stationary as Stone Henge itself. Chinny shouldered responsibility for the team and, eying up the opportunity which had been handed to him, muscled his way headlong through. He certainly couldn’t be described as bone idle or lacking in guts as nosed his way towards goal at breakneck speed and with all the heart and soul he could muster. He deked and slotted home off his backhand to rock Rockman. Keen relish, hearty enjoyment, unadulterated pleasure – take your pick as to the expression which best described the reaction of the Bison backers most accurately. 2-1 Bison.

On 28 minutes it was 3-1 with a goal from Marvellous Miroslav Vantroba very similar in execution to Chinny’s goal and it was Chinny who sent him on his way through the Flames D. As he carried the puck forward he looked for a set up pass, but none was on. “Oh well,” thought the follically challenged Slovak blueliner, “I’ll have to do it all by myself. Chinny did so why can’t I?” And he could and did. Marvellous Miro miraculously marauded his way through the Flames D, whose members looked as ineffectual as Barbie dolls trying to stop a Saturn V transporter (the largest wheeled vehicle ever built in case you didn’t know). The Barbies failed. The Saturn V transporter succeeded. Marvellous Miro got through the lot of them, foxed Rockman with his deke and slotted home.

The clocked ticked on to 30 minutes played and what happened next propelled the Bespectacled Youth into paroxysms of praise and admiration as he acclaimed the lead up to Bison’s 4^th goal as a textbook example of how to make a dump in pay off. The object of the Youth’s approbation was Cameron “Popeye” Wynn, one third of the Wynn-Mogg-Ingoldsby “child line”. Giving his line mates the opportunity of a line change but maintaining the momentum of the attack, he dumped in the puck, chased it down, scrapped for it on the boards, ground it out and fed a pass to the slot where Lumberjack Joe Rand, who had just come over the wall, made the Flames fans go up the wall and invoke a wall of sound from the Bison backers as he forced it over the line for 4-1 Bison. What commitment. What grinding. What passing. Popeye was awarded a thoroughly deserved assist. He should have got a can of spinach, but none was available. Behind me the holders of membership card numbers 001, 002 and 003 of the Cameron Wynn Appreciation Society politely applauded. Really? Well OK no. They erupted like a trio of raving lunatics, for whom strait jackets should have been ordered. Unsure exactly how the goal had been scored (prior to hearing the Bespectacled Youth’s account) I asked one of them how it had gone in. All he said was “It was a mess” and our conversation terminated with me being none the wiser.

Soon after Bison snuffed out a 5 on 3 with Baird and Vantroba sharing a cell for boarding and holding respectively and there was no more scoring in the period. And so into the 3^rd we passed as intoxicated Telford Tigers fans next to the Bison block began to pass out. Sitting comfortably at 4-1 to the good, Bison had to keep it tight, knowing full well that the Flames were quite capable of staging a comeback. To let their opponents back in with an early second goal would have been as undesirable as the Bearded Rabble Rouser of Block A coming home to find his eccentric butler doing a doggie sweep in the garden using the top hat from his Royal Ascot apparel as a collecting vessel. They held firm until the 53^rd minute when the Flames grabbed a power play goal through Branislav Kvetan. The referee didn’t think highly of Nicky Chinn’s high stick and stuck him in the box. Only 4 seconds into the 5 on 4 Marcus Kristoffersson squared to Kvetan in front of goal and he wristed in a top shelfer. 4-2 with enough time for a grand recovery, but Bison had other ideas, as I shall relate.

Re-enter Popeye Wynn, who was surely having the game of his life, particularly bearing in mind the importance of the game. Not content with his marvellous set up for goal no. 4 he proceeded to set up goal no. 5. Breaking forward from the left wing, he received a pass from Long Ciaron Long and fired in a wrist shot from the point. The Herculean force of the shot belied the slight frame of the body building shake imbibing Bison forward. So hot was the liquid spinach enhanced shot that Rockman could only spill it into the slot where lurked Cuddly Joe Greener, carrying 56 lbs more bodily tissue than Popeye. Joe put his full weight behind his snap shot and it was 5-2. Cam had earned his second can of spinach.

For the Bison backers it was turning into a joyous jape, jolly and jaunty. Conversely for the Flames faithful the concession of the goal was a morose moment, melancholy and mournful. They must have realised, now back to 3 goals to the bad with less than 3 minutes to play, it was all over but the shouting, most of which was being done by Duracell Man. A unkind song arose from the Bison blocks....♫...Go back to the Library...Go back to the Library..♫ And when the final buzzer sounded to confirm it would be a Bison v Phoenix final, they did.