Potent Purple Power Plays Procure the Points Pulsatingly

Bison 6 Bracknell Bees 4

23/12/17

This was a cracker (no Christmas pun intended) of a game following on from the dire hockey fare we were forced to consume last week as Bison scraped past Milton Keynes Thunder. Unlike last week there is so much to tell, so, without further ado, I implore you, dear reader, to read on.

P1 opened and it didn’t take long for Bison to snatch the lead. 3:18 to be precise. It was a masterly move with the Antonov twins firing a long pass across the back of the goal to Josh Smith. His one timer pass out in front caught the Bees’ D with their trousers down. There without a challenge, as the Bees’ D seemed out to lunch, was Tomas Karpov, who snapped the puck past an astonished Alex Mettam in the Bees’ net. It was a zim-zam-zaramango goal and 1-0 Bison.

Just before the passing of the 13^th minute mark we saw an extraordinary incident. The slightly built Antonov (not sure if it was Vanya or Ivan) delivered a mid ice check and sent his opponent crashing to the ice. Blistering Biriyanis! Before we had time to take in what we had seen Desperate Dan Davies sent Aaron “Billy” Connolly on his way over the blue line. Billy cleverly changed direction to give the covering D-man the slip and then whipped in a wrist shot top shelf. By George! It was a bally marvellous goal, don’t ya know? 2-0 Bison.

P1 ended and P2 opened. Bison were riding high. 2-0 up against a team who had lost their last 9 games in a row (the only occasion since early November when they avoided defeat was against the Telford Tigers on 10^th December, but only because the game had been postponed). Bison had outshot the Bees in the 1^st and had looked a far superior team well worth their lead. What could possibly go wrong? Well fate was to vomit on Coach Sheppard’s best suit as Bracknell came storming back. They poached 3 goals in less time than it would take to boil an egg, leaving Bison with egg on their faces and brains scrambled.

The Bees’ first came on 25:03 with Connolly copped for tripping. The ever popular Frankie Bakrlik whipped a screened shot past Dean Skinns on 25:03. His assistants on this occasion were declared as the equally popular Scott Spearing and Matt Foord. 2-1 Bison.

Then on 28:39 a defensive disaster on the Bison D allowed the Bees to restore parity with Josh Ealey-Newman firing home from the slot assisted by George Norcliffe and Tom Avery. 2-2 and it was going a bit Ooo Betty for Bison. They needed to surge back into the lead, but, alas for the Bison backers, the surge which occurred on 30:38 was a surge into a losing position as Bakrlik was on the end of a sweeping move involving Foord and Carl Thompson (cunningly disguised as Shaun Thompson). Frankie’s clapper flew past Skinns and the Bees were in the lead by 3-2. It had been a purple 5 minutes for them (well 5:33 to be precise). Some of the Bison backers sank into a dark chasm of disappointment, as they swirled around in a veritable whirlpool of pessimism, angst and despondency. From others a beacon of optimism shined forth like a shaft of gold where all else is dark. Of course Bison were going to re-establish their superiority. And it was the latter who proved to be more accurate assessors of things to come, for indeed Bison came back to restore parity, as I shall relate below, dear reader.

On 30:58 a ferocious assault with stick by Avery on Roman Malinik caused Referee Matthews to shout “Oi. matey! You can’t do that. Down the steps you go.” And indeed down the steps went the hapless Avery. It was to prove a fatal mistake for the fellow as Bison capitalised with another power play goal with 15 seconds of the 5 on 4 remaining, much to Avery’s chagrin I am sure. Set up by Malinik, Rabbit’s Foot Joe Baird sent in a speculative lobbed shot. Suddenly the goal light went on and Bison arms were in the air. Josh Smith had used his twig to tip it in. 3-3.

Bison continued to press. They didn’t want to go in at the 2^nd buzzer on level terms, having been the better team for the best of 2 periods. They needn’t have worried. On 36:00 Spearing slashed. It must have been a double slash as the victims were the Antonov twins. The Bison crowd called for a hanging for the unsavoury Spearing, but no rope (or indeed a tree) could be found. It had to be only a 2 minute sitting in the box punishment. Spearing must have been overjoyed when he obtained an early release 1:13 later, albeit not for good behaviour. No indeed it was because Bison scored a goal on 37:13. This one truly was a Jumping-Jeshosophat-on-a-pogo-stick goal, scored by Captain Marvel, Billy Connolly, his 2^nd of the game. Billy picked up the puck in his own D zone and charged forward. One could not help but admire the manner in which he sliced through the Bees’ D like a Chindit hacking through the Burma jungle, albeit without the machete. No-one could dispossess him. Were the D wallowing in a sea of ineptitude or was Billy’s lithe, lissom and athletic form proving as elusive as the Scarlet Pimpernel? Probably both. The surge ended with Billy sliding the puck through the isosceles triangle (you’ll know what that is if you paid attention in geometry at school) which is Mettam’s 5-hole. Ooo matron what a goal. 4-3 Bison.

P2 ended soon after. It had been an eventful period and, despite conceding the go-behind goal late on, it had proved a very successful one for the Bees with 3 goals from only 6 shots on target, but they were still behind.

And so into the final phase of a pulsating game we moved. Which way would it swing? Initially it swung Beewards. Carl Thompson, still posing as his brother Shaun, finished a move swiping the puck home out of the air following good work by Avery and Bakrlik. 4-4 and all to play for. But their joy was to prove short lived, as only 4 minutes later Bison restored their lead with yet another power play goal (that’s 3 in a row). On 51:08 Callum Best did his worst and had his collar felt for tripping. His incarceration was very short as it proved. Only 13 seconds later Karpov and Desperate Dan Davies set up Desperate Dan Scott for a clapper from the point. Scott’s lumber came down with an almighty crash and the puck took flight. Had netman Mettam possessed noses of similar size to those of that of Gerard Depardieu, Charles de Gaulle or Cyrano de Bergerac (a coincidence that they’re all French surely), he could have turned sideways and blocked the goal completely. But he didn’t, something I am sure he is very thankful for. But he wouldn’t have been thankful in any way about what happened next. The puck flew past him like an angry Bee and into the net, which made him an angry Bee no doubt. 5-4 Bison.

Bison wrapped up the points 3 minutes later, but the aftermath of the goal was cloaked in mystery and intrigue. Bad defending with a cherry on top gave a wrapped in Christmas paper opportunity with a 2 on 1 to Bison. The 2 were Karpov and Antonov. Ok regular readers I know Vanya and Ivan Antonov is only one bloke, so it wasn’t a 3 on 1 – there must be some modicum of accuracy here (why start now I hear you say). So Karpov surged forward on the left wing and, bypassing a despairing D-man, centred to Vanya Antonov (or was it Ivan?), who shot. Mettam saved, but Antonov squeezed home the rebound. 6-4 Bison. There then followed a bizarre round of discussion between officials and captains with Karpov sent to the box. Was it a goal? Was it not a goal? Why was Karpov in the box? Well it was a goal and Karpov had copped a 10 misconduct. The Man with 3 Ear-rings suggested that he must have spoken to Ref Matthews in Czech, which apparently is not allowed as the official does not know if he is being abused or complimented. If that happened I am sure Karpov said “Velké Vánoce, pane Matthews. Mohl byste říct panu Lalondeovi, že se zmrzne na krůtí”. (Have a great Christmas, Mr. Matthews. Could you tell Mr. Lalonde to go easy on the turkey).

It mattered not a jot what was uttered and in which language. The proceedings drew to a close minutes later and it was 2 points in the bag for Bison, enough to secure their top of the table position. And the Bees must be pleased that their record continued. Now 10 defeats in a row – not many teams can boast that.

Top Bananas were elected. Connolly received the Bison accolade, a worthy winner with 2 spectacular goals. Reformed character Frankie Bakrlik copped the Bees’ beers – 2 goals and an assist, no penalties and no nasties. Can he keep it up? As Santa might say “Yo. Ho. Ho.”