Bison 5 Bracknell Bees 2
17/2/18
Lazarus were you
there last night at Planet Ice? You should have been because you would have
witnessed yet another outrageous revival from a losing position by Bison to
show they are much better at coming back from the dead than you. They have now
done it twice in the space of 3 home matches. You only did it once. Their recovery
from a position of doom was admittedly helped by the bumbling Bracknell Bees,
who bungled, blooped, botched and boo-boo-ed their way to a blunderous beating.
However, they did start well, very well in fact, as I shall relate.
The visitors
took the lead on 3:18. Carl Thompson fired the puck netwardsly from the point
and there in front of goal was Josh Martin, who lifted the puck over netman
Dean Skinns’s shoulder 1-0 Bees.
Not content with
a 1-0 lead, the Bees advanced to a 2-0 lead with a delayed penalty goal on
11:52 courtesy of the ever popular Frankie Bakrlik and it has to be said it was
a coaching manual lesson on how to breakaway and take your chance, although,
having said that, I didn’t see Bakrlik waving a manual as he latched onto a
pass from Shaun “The Sheep” Thompson and hammered forward as if his life
depended on it. He couldn’t have got to goal faster if he’d caught a bus, but
he always seemed to be at full stretch and not quite in complete control. That
mattered not a jot as he took the puck wide and then extended his proboscis to
jab the puck behind Skinns and over the line. 2-0 Bees.
The dastardly
pessimists amongst the Bison crowd now descended into a state of melancholy
hopelessness as they wallowed in their own cess pool of defeatism, depression,
dejection and despondency, giving rise to head aches, flatulence and even
dyspepsia for those poor unfortunates. To them Bison’s chances of winning the
game now seemed as dead as Billy Clanton and Tom and Frank McLaury on October
26th 1881. (Who? Well if you don’t know you’ll have to Google Wyatt Earp and
the gunfight at the OK Corral). Their team faced a challenge, for sure, and
they rose to that challenge 2 minutes later, making it a one goal game,
notwithstanding that three goals had been scored. Kurt “The Scissors” Reynolds
supplied the puck to General Grant Rounding just inside the blue line. His
cross ice pass found Ryan Sutton. Members of the insectile D were nowhere to be
seen at this juncture. They had made themselves scarce as if on the run from
the Old Bill. Sutton, who incidentally is not from Sutton, had time to pick his
spot and whip a vicious wrist shot past a despairing Bees’ netman, Alex Mettam.
The net bulged and Referee Boardman’s hand became flat and pointed netwardsly. 2-1
Bees
There was no
more scoring in the period nor in P2, so I will dwell no further on those
scoreless durations of play. Instead we will move forward to the start of P3
when the game was turned on its head and the pessimists heretofore mentioned
were now heard to utter “I never doubted you” in a Private Fraser-esque
fashion.
As P3 opened it
looked as if it was going to be an uphill struggle for Bison if they were going
to get the win they desperately needed. No-one could possibly have predicted
what was to unfold. Not Nostradamus, not Mystic Jo, not even Paul the physic
octopus from the 2010 football World Cup (that's him below). Within 2:15 of the restart Bison bagged not one, not two, but three
goals to surge into a 4-2 and leave the Bees reeling like a punch drunk boxer
who had just consumed a yard of brandy and smoked a couple of spliffs and then
been hit on the head with a baseball bat. The visitors sure managed to bollix
it up. (Yes that is a real word and not an invention of mine and certainly not
one of testicular derivation. By all means look it up).
The levelling
score came within a mere 28 seconds of the restart and it was a masterpiece of
skating, movement and stick handling from Roman Malinik. His quicksilver
movement outstripped the leaden legged Bees’ D as he cut through. Bison’s
mercurial golden boy had created for himself a chrome plated opportunity with
brass knobs on thanks to his iron resolve. He steeled himself for the shot. In
it came, but Mettam proved equal to it. Alas for the follically challenged netman
the puck went straight to Sutton who put it in. 2-2.
29 seconds later
it was 3-2. The Antonov twins sent Tomas Karpov on his way. He carved his way
through and let one go. Mettam got a piece of it, but, alas for the luxuriantly
bearded, but follically challenged custodian of the Bees’ net, a piece not big
enough. The puck squirted through him and slid over the line. On came the goal
light, up went Bison arms, out came the Boardman flat pointy hand. It was 3-2
Bison.
Not content with
a solitary goal lead, Bison surged even further ahead on 42:15 with a goal of
some spectacularity. Once again the coaching manual was out as Rounding and
Malinik showed the Bees how to execute a 2 on 1. Sutton sent Malinik on his way
with Rounding in support and a solitary D man to cover both. The trio surged
forward (backward as far as the D-man was concerned). Malinik squared to Rounding,
who passed it back to Malinik and there, created by such rapid movement and
passing, was a massive expanse of open net, into which the Czech chap drove his
snap shot. 4-2 Bison.
There must have
been some patrons who missed all 3 goals, whilst waiting in the food queue. I
miss the occasional goal, but that doesn’t prevent me from confidently describing how the goal was scored in these humble accounts, but then you don’t read these reports expecting
accuracy do you, dear reader? But to miss 3 goals? Was that Planet Ice tepid and
unappetising hot dog worth it?
It had taken
Bison 2:15 of the 3rd to surge past the hapless Bees with 3 bonzer
goals. The visitors were not having a G’day. A time out was called by a frantic
Bees bench. We couldn’t hear what was being said, but it couldn’t have been
complimentary. The Bees had got off to a bad start in P3 and certainly off on
the wrong foot. They had been caught off the pace, off limits and off guard. No
time off for good behaviour for them. Bison were not easing off. Coach Spearing
must have gone off his rockers and off out of it as he chewed his team’s collective
ear off.
Despite the aural
assault and much as they may have tried, the Bees could make no impression on
the homesters. In fact their game descended to basement level, as they copped 4
x 2 minute minors and 2 x 10 misconducts and found themselves restricted to a mere
3 shots on the Bison net for the whole period. Everything kicked off on 54
minutes, as Danny Ingoldsby threw his stick to the ice and dropped his gloves
indicating he wished to engage in pugilistic activities with Rounding. The
latter merely skated off and rejoined the game which was still in progress,
leaving Ingoldsby thinking “what do I do now?” It was a moment possessing great
comedic value, notwithstanding that I am sure Ingoldsby failed to appreciate
the jocularity of the moment. Soon after the game was stopped as ugly scenes
developed and penalties were doled out.
Eventually the
Bees were in the last chance saloon and pulled Mettam from the ice. An empty
net shot from I know not who slid agonisingly slowly towards the line and was
swept away by a frantically back skating Harvey Stead with a matter of inches
to spare. He needn’t have bothered as seconds later the Antonov twins found
Rounding with only one D-man to beat. He jumped past the hapless fellow like a
springbok in full flight (OK perhaps not quite in the manner shown below) and fired the puck into the empty net, much I am sure
to the chagrin of his would be assailant Ingoldsby. Blistering biltong! 5-2 Bison
and curtains for the Bees.
Top bananas were
elected. Josh Martin, who had scored a goal and put himself about a bit, bagged
the Bees’ beers and Ryan Sutton, with a 2+1 evening was adjudged Bison’s finest
fellow.
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