Clash of the Titans

Bison 1 Guildford Flames 0

22/12/12

The world was supposed to be ending on Friday. Perhaps the Guildford Flames and their travelling support felt it had as their 10 game winning streak came to an end. Or perhaps the world really did end and we were relocated to a parallel universe without realising. Well, if that were the case, parallel Bison are top and the parallel Flames second in the parallel EPL in that parallel universe. 

Let’s get back to reality. The Genial Brummie had started his Christmas celebrations the night before and was suffering the consequences of his deviation from the path of sobriety. He looked washed out.

The first close call of the game came just after a Bison power play in the 12^th minute. Branislav Kvetan was adjudged to have tripped. Had the game been taking place in Calcutta in 1756, he may have had to serve his sentence in the infamous Black Hole for his misdemeanour, but it wasn’t. Instead he was invited to enjoy the relative comfort and luxury of the Sapphire Cleaning penalty box. The Flames snuffed out Bison’s power play, which has proved so effective this season, but shortly after Bison came close to a goal when Greg “The Specs” Owen shaved a post.

Bison needed to get their teeth into the task of winning the game. Enter Lumberjack Joe Rand. He fought tooth and nail to keep possession of the puck on the boards. He brushed aside everyone trying to gum up his path, as he train tracked his way forward. He passed inside to Cuddly Joe Greener, who drilled his way towards goal unopposed. Cuddly Joe fired the puck behind him and across the face of the goal. There lurked Greg “The Specs”, who, filling in as Joe's support man, had eluded the Flames’ D as effortlessly as a piece of dental floss travelling between Terry Thomas’s front teeth (Google image a picture of him if you don’t know what I’m talking about). He smashed in an unstoppable snap shot. The puck squirted over the goaltender’s shoulder like a jet of toothpaste ejected from a tube at high speed and hit the net with a sound akin to a Steradent tablet plopping into a glass of water (OK that last bit might be a bit fanciful). There was much gnashing of teeth among the Flames supporters. They had had it up to the teeth and their evening’s experience threatened to become as painful as pulling teeth. Their team had been kicked in the teeth by a Bison team armed to the teeth with talent. But at 0-1 the Flames were losing only by the skin of their teeth and a comeback from this position would certainly not have been as rare as hen’s teeth.

The Genial Brummie didn't care about things dental, as he continued to look washed out.

As the period drew to a close Guildford thought they had equalised, but the goal was washed off, wiped out, cancelled, expunged (not this again – see last week’s report for a full list if you’ve nothing else to do). The ever dangerous Curtis Huppe with 29 goal notches on his stick already this season skated forward and unleashed a piledriver of a shot from the slot. The puck sailed into the net, but as Huppe skated away towards his bench with arms raised aloft to celebrate his 30^th goal, referee, Mr Boardman, was seen frantically waving his arms from side to side, indicating that, in his considered opinion, Huppe was still on 29 goals. A player was adjudged to have entered the no-go area that is Stonewall Stevie Lyle’s crease as Huppe had shot. The Flames argued, but Mr Boardman stood firm and into the break at 1-0 Bison we went. The goal was washed off and the Genial Brummie continued to look washed out.

The 2^nd period saw the Flames come on strong, but fail to snatch an equaliser. The nearest they came was when Paul Dixon shot against the post and when Huppe found himself in on Lyle, but saw his shot saved. Bison also had their opportunities, most notably whilst defending power plays. The first fell to Greg “The Specs” Owen, who robbed he puck in mid ice and loosed off a wrist shot, which was saved by Mark Lee. Later Cuddly Joe Greener nearly scored a shortie with some tasty skating and delicious stick handling. It was just like a barbecue with Joe playing the part of the accelerant as he flambé-ed his way past a static Flames D-man, whose resistance disintegrated like a crumbly biscuit. Joe knew which side his bread was buttered and, as he fired in a backhander, the final ingredient of his move, he may have been thinking “Swallow that, goaltender”. Lee did just that and Joe was prevented from having the memory of a fine goal to take away. No bread and jam effort was this, but rather caviar and smoked salmon. The Genial Brummie probably preferred not to think of food as he continued to look washed out.

The period ended in controversy as Lumberjack Joe Rand was felled to the ice. Joe was clearly hurt as he remained in the foetal position for some time. The Bison crowd became ugly. The Howling Man cranked himself up to full volume in a manner only he is capable of. The nature of his tirade clearly indicated his disagreement with the officials, but the only word I caught was “spirit”, which didn't seem to have any relevance unless he thought that the officials had been drinking spirits which had thus impaired their eyesight and judgment. A characteristic Howling Man incomprehensible rant. Close by the Man from MI5 also looked aggrieved with the call (or rather lack of one). He may even have wanted to stab one of the officials with his poison tipped umbrella, but alas he’d left it at home. The Genial Brummie was too washed out to express his anger.

The 3^rd period turned out to be a titanic struggle with only 10 shots on goal between the two teams. However, the tension and robust competitive nature of the play made for a very entertaining last 20 minutes. With less than a minute left the Flames gambled by pulling Lee from the net. This was not the time for the Flames’ netman to procrastinate, dawdle, drag his feet,  hold off,  linger, loiter, deliberate, take 5, hang loose, hold back, shill-shally, dither, stall or tarry a while. He did none of those things. He raced towards the bench faster than a Santa Pod drag racer to enable a 6^th skater to take to the ice. The ploy so nearly paid off with a goalmouth scramble in the dying seconds. Cake Lady, enjoying an excellent view of the incident, thought the puck had crossed the line, but Climbing Girl, who is good with maths and angles etc., having an equally excellent view from the other side, said “NO”. And "NO" echoed the officials. Seconds later Bison made an attempt at the empty net. The puck slid agonisingly towards the gaping goal. Was it going in? Was it going wide? Neither. It hit the post. 8 seconds late the final buzzer sounded to the relief of all (except those in the away seats), especially the Genial Brummie, who continued to look washed out.

Top Banana awards went to Guildford’s Rick Plant and Bison’s Kurt “The Knife” Reynolds for another fantastic performance on the blue line. The beers they received were almost certainly not coveted by the Genial Brummie. It was a shame that Stonewall Stevie Lyle had to miss out after putting in a top drawer performance, which was well worth his third shutout of the season. With this hard fought victory Bison extend their lead over the Flames at the top of the table to 5 points.