Trousers Down Phantoms Undone by Bison Power Play

Many of you know already that Pete Croombs (aka Honest Pete and also BisonPete) received a nasty facial injury when hit full in the face by a puck last night. Pete is a damned fine fellow and a thoroughly good egg. I am sure everyone who knows him will agree. He has been a Bison fan since Queen Victoria was on the throne and selflessly gives his time as a volunteer to Bison, acting as goal judge and in various other capacities. He was the first person to identify me as the otherwise anonymous Hockeybloke and seek me out at the rink and tell me he liked my reports, so he has a lot to answer for, as his encouraging words were probably instrumental in my reports becoming more and more outrageous and preposterous and further and further off the wall. Pete's injury could have been worse, but it's a nasty one nevertheless. Get well soon, Pete. See you back at the rink asap. Might have to rename you Scarface Pete in future reports.
 

Trousers Down Phantoms Undone by Bison Power Play

Bison 5 Peterborough Phantoms 3

7/12/12

Two goals on the power play and a 100% power play kill helped Bison to maintain their 3 point advantage at the top of the EPL table. After a 6-3 reversal (in which 2 of Bison's 3 goals were on the power play incidentally) on ghostly ice last Sunday,  Bison were looking for instant revenge. It turned out not to be the runaway victory against a struggling Phantoms team many might have hoped for, but by the end of 60 minutes Bison had the job done and the points in the bag. The game was admirably officiated by the two linesmen. The referee failed to turned up, stuck in traffic it is said, or maybe he stayed in to watch the final of X-Factor. Surely not!

Potty gave Bison a reality check in the 8^th minute by taking the lead. The scorer was dangerous Latvian, Maris Ziedins, scorer of a hat-trick last Sunday, tipping in a Tom Norton wrist shot from the point. Further assist to Jeff Glowa.

 

Bison had to step up their game - it all looked a bit too much like a training session lacking the urgency, determination and fight that we had seen at the last home game when the Phoenix were vanquished. Enter the Bouncing Czech, Jaroslav Cesky, the man who has surely the best 5 o’clock shadow in the entire EPL. Jaro, now a firm favourite with the Bison crowd, notched his 10^th Bison goal (and his 18^th of the season) to level things up at 1-1 in the 12^th minute. It was Bison’s first power play goal. Tom Norton was adjudged to have slashed. The sentence? 5 years in Strangeways? He may have strange ways, but he was not sent to Strangeways. Instead to the Sapphire Cleaning penalty box for 2 minutes he went. He disagreed with the decision, but didn’t throw his toys out of the pram, but instead he flung his stick to the floor in protest on entering the box. Bison again made the power play count. Former Phantom blueliner, James “Starsky” Hutchinson, fed Greg “Chubbs” Chambers, whose centring pass found Cesky in front of the net for a simple tap in. 1-1. 

Towards the end of the period a big hole appeared in the ice and the game was stopped for several minutes while repairs were carried out. Then came the goal that never was. Greg “the Specs” Owen’s shot had surely gone in and come out again, maybe off the centre stanchion at the back of the goal. But the goal light remained unlit, the players played on (only Greg allowed himself a celebration which quickly terminated), and the “goal” was chalked off, marked off, struck off, washed off, scrubbed off, rubbed out, wiped out, weeded out, crossed out, abolished, annulled, deleted, erased, cancelled, voided, eliminated and called “no”, not to mention purged, obliterated and expunged from the records or at least it would have been had it been recorded at all. If you need any further clarification………..it didn’t count. Had it gone in at all? Some said it hit the post, but no PING! was heard.

The period ended with a bit of push and shove behind the Potty goal, which failed to develop into a full blooded ignominious embroilment of the most disreputable variety. A what? OK to put it simply …… a punch up. As the players pushed and shoved and exchanged opinions regarding each others’ conduct, they appeared to be soiling the pure air of Planet Ice with the type of language which would have shocked both a drunken sewer worker from the Gorbals and an angry fishwife from Grimsby. However, no custodial sentences were imposed after the ugly fracas broke up.

Within 2 minutes of the restart, Bison powered into a 2-1 lead. It was another power play goal with Tom Norton in the slammer again, this time for roughing. The goal was similar to Bison’s first with Greg “Chubbs” Chambers setting up Lumberjack Joe Rand to backhand in in front of the net. Greg “the Specs” Owen earned the second assist.

Soon after Josef Sladok and Cuddly Joe Greener became involved in another unseemly affray. The latter slashed the former and the former slashed and then punched the latter. The former then gave the officials some “verbals”. 2 minutes slashing for both the former and the latter and a further 10 misconduct for the former (2 Greener and 2 + 10 Sladok if you’re confused - I am).

Bison were now looking more in command and increased their lead in the 25^th minute. Some superb work by Lumberjack Joe Rand made the opportunity for Coach Sheppard. They say there is a thin dividing line between genius and insanity. Let’s hope it won’t be necessary for men in white coats to cart Lumberjack Joe away in a straitjacket sometime soon. His skating and stick handling frequently border on the genius. Fleet of foot, keen of eye and sharp of brain he showed sleight of hand as he outsmarted the Potty D. He glided around the back of the goal and looked like he was going to try a wrap around. Instead he fired a short pass to set up a “can’t miss” opportunity for his boss lurking in front of the net. Shep (Coach Sheppard that is not the Blue Peter dog) accepted Joe’s invitation to find the net. 3-1 Bison.

The  Phantoms made it a one goal game again a minute later when a long range James Ferrara wrist shot from the slot was deflected in by Maris Ziedins - his 5^th goal in a week against the Bison.

Then came a great opportunity for the Phantoms to level things up. A 5 on 4 power play became a 5 on 3 as Lumberjack Joe Rand scooped the puck over the glass in an attempt to murder Honest Pete and was called for delay of game. But the Phantoms chance was frittered away. Bison killed the penalties and on the stroke of 36 minutes went further ahead. Alex “Tatooed Taff” Symonds passed out of defense to Coach Sheppard, who skated forward like crazy (perhaps he had gone crazy, at least temporarily). He muscled his way through the Phantoms defense as easily as Hulk Hogan would push through a crowd of 7 stone weaklings. Around the back of the net he went, emerged the other side and set up Cuddly Joe Greener to mark his comeback from injury with a back door snap shot goal. 4-2 Bison. Gloom, doom and despondency engulfed the consciousness of the visiting fans as their Bison counterparts exploded into a show of near orgasmic ecstasy, which threatened to elevate them to a new level of Nirvana (that is the state of mind which is achieved after a long process of committed application to the path of purification, not the Kurt Cobain sort of Nirvana).

4 minutes into the 3^rd Bison surged further ahead with an unassisted goal from Maple Leaf Doug Sheppard to make the score 5-2. Intercepting a slack pass out of defense he carried the puck at breakneck speed diagonally across the face of goal. Goaltender Damien King may have had a feeling of impending doom. If he didn’t, he should have had because Shep scored, sliding in a backhander. As he floundered prostrate upon the ice, King’s first indication that the puck had crossed the line must have come from the crowd’s jubilant, exuberant, animated, blissful, excited, ecstatic, gleeful and indeed joyful reaction, which must have made him depressed, miserable, gloomy, dismal, sorrowful, unhappy, crestfallen and indeed dejected. But his spirits may have been buoyed somewhat when his team mates reduced the arrears 5 minutes later and put the Phantoms in with a chance of a comeback. Assisted by Ferrara and Carlon, Bison old boy, Ondrej Lauko found himself in a shooting position on the point. He was unable to bend it like Beckham, but here was no need as the puck flew straight as an arrow into the top corner of the net. The Howling Man suddenly became animated. His rant indicated that he thought the goal should have been chalked off, washed off, rubbed out (we won’t go through that list again – see above) for offside, but the officials disagreed and the goal stood.

Bison stood firm for the final 10 minutes as the game trundled rather tamely towards a conclusion. Jamie Line and Coach Sheppard (with a 2+1 game) carried off the Top Banana awards. Another 2 points in the bag for Bison who maintain their lead at the top of the table.