Lightning Triple Strike Zaps BisonTitle Hopes

Bison 1 Milton Keynes Lightning 3

17/2/13

Bison saw their chances of the EPL title slip further down the greasy pole with defeat on home ice last night (only their third of the season) to the Milton Keynes Lightning. Following on from a shoot out defeat at Slough the night before and coupled with another 4 point weekend for the Guildford Flames, title hopes seem to be evaporating game by game. Once again, Bison’s season has been unhinged by a spate of injuries, which last night saw Cuddly Joe Greener, Kurt “The Knife” Reynolds, Matt Selby, Jacob Corson-Heron and Andy “Machine Gun” Melachrino scratching (not literally of course). If that wasn’t enough, Lumberjack Joe Rand was chucked out of the game early in the 3^rd for what many regarded as a legal check and the resultant 5 minute power play proved the undoing of Bison. Up until that point they looked capable of going on from a 1-1 position to win the game. Such is fate.

An even 1^st period ended with a solitary goal to separate the teams. That came in the 16^th minute and was quite a spectacle it must be said. A mid ice collision enabled Adam Brittle and Blaz Emersic to set up Leigh Jamieson, but skating across and away from goal. He suddenly spun around like a ballerina on top of a musical jewellery box, although obviously he didn’t look like one, turning on a sixpence you might say (thankfully monetary decimalisation hasn’t changed this expression to “turning on a 5 pence piece”). In one fluid movement he unleashed an unstoppable wrist shot which flew high over Stonewall Stevie Lyle’s shoulder. 

The 2^nd period belonged to Bison. Playing with more cohesion, but still finding it difficult to find a way past the wall which is Stephen Wall, Bison had to wait until the 35^th minute to get back on level terms, although not in the way one would have expected. A 34^th minute clash between Alex Symonds and Janne Jokila, formerly of the Syracuse Crunch (yes really) resulted in a 2 + 2 for the Welshman for cross checking and slashing and a 2 elbows for Jokila supplemented by a 10 for abuse of the officials, as he delivered his considered opinion in a what must have been a robust and forthright manner. Quite an impressive collective list of crimes. The least they could have done was round it off with a bit of cross checking and spearing, but sadly no. By the time the dust had settled and the convicts settled in their respective boxes, Lightning were on a power play.

Things didn’t go the way the MK icemen planned, however - the Bison penalty kill unit were about to zap them between the eyes. An interchange between Coach Sheppard and his captain Tosh Redmond set Lumberjack Joe Rand on his way with one blueliner to outsmart. Joe’s progress towards goal could not be described as gradual or tardy, but rather precipitous and hasty. He glided forward with poise and balance akin to that of The Great Blondin crossing the Niagara Falls on a tightrope, but rather quicker (The Great who? Google him). A burst of power and Joe had reduced the hapless D-man to rôle of an impotent or indeed emasculated observer of the play. He had been outpaced  like a Reliant Robin left standing at the lights by a Maserati. Now Joe had only the goaltender to beat. Wally must have realised he was not going to be able to make himself larger and the goal frame sure wasn’t going to get any smaller as would a woolly jumper in a hot wash. (Undomesticated blokes take note that you don’t wash woollens on “hot”). It was all a question of perspective in the same way that some items are small and others appear to be the same size but are, in fact, larger but far away, as Father Ted would have explained. It mattered not a jot as Joe toe dragged the puck and slid a backhander in through the wide open isosceles triangle that was Wally’s 5-hole. As the puck slid across the line, a wild uproar, which could only be described as unrestrained disorder, suddenly broke out in the Bison blocks. The crowd always love a shortie. Some sympathy is due to Wally, the ex Bison backstopper. He must have felt small and wished he was far away at that moment.

Bison started the 3^rd with much more vigour than before and looked the likelier of the two teams to win the game. An extraordinary incident occurred just 3 minutes into the period. Nicky ”You What?” Watt attempted a wraparound and just as Wally was saving the shot, the net crashed forwards on top of him and left him looking like a caged animal. I can only assume that one of the pursuing D-men lost his footing and fell into the back of the net thus pitching it forwards.

Fate then vomited on Coach Sheppard’s best suit. Lumberjack Joe Rand was called for a head check on Lewis Christie, and given a 5 + game penalty. There was a delay on the call, which was not made by the two officials closest to the incident, but by another far away (let’s not revisit Father Ted) and seemed to be influenced by the crumpled form of Christie remaining on the ice, apparently at death’s door. There were many amongst the Bison faithful who said that it was a perfectly legal check. However, the officials decided otherwise and decreed that Bison should have a 5 minute power play to kill. This became a 4 on 4 just over 2 minutes later with Lightning’s Ross Green banged up for holding, but a minute later MK grabbed the lead. A shot from Tvrdek was kick saved by Lyle, but unfortunately the puck went straight to Blaz Emersic who returned it with interest. 2-1 Lightning.

Still with the Rand penalty current, Zach Sullivan was the next to receive an invitation to observe the game from the comfort of the Bison penalty box, this time for hooking. Bison were defending the 5 on 3 well until, Tvrdek, his name as unpronounceable as ever, hammered in a piledriver of a slap shot from the point which Lyle probably never saw as it whistled past him high into the net. An assist to Leigh Jamieson who set up the chance with a cross ice pass to his team-mate. 3-1 Lightning.

Was there a way back for Bison? It wasn’t looking likely, even though there was enough time for a late rally. However, goaltender Wall was playing a blinder. The Man from MI5, observing incognito from Block C, was beginning to think that the MK goal was becoming as impenetrable as the Iron Curtain. Although Bison rained in 17 final period shots on goal, Wally appeared as massive as a great English oak from the heart of Sherwood Forest, instead of a Bonsai tree from Forest Gate, which the Bison faithful would have preferred. The minutes wound down with Bison on 5 on 4, then 5 on 3 power plays until finally with Stonewall Stevie withdrawn from the net a 6 on 4. All to no avail. “Doh...Ray...Me...Far...So...La...Te...Doh”. The fat lady had been practicing her scales. Now she was ready to sing.