Flames Break their Planet Ice Hoodoo

Bison 2 Guildford Flames 3

5/10/13

After six consecutive EPL defeats at Planet Ice, a place where they just didn’t seem to be able to win, the Guildford Flames finally took the victors' laurels. Their quest for a third consecutive EPL title continues, but there’s a long way to go of course.

Early in the game a very interesting incident occurred. The puck disappeared into the infamous hole adjacent to the boards near the corner. The referee blew his whistle, extracted the puck, whilst examining the hole, shook the puck to get the water off and then skated to the score box. What was he going to do? Send the Zamboni driver to the penalty box? No. See below.

Shortly after there then broke out an outrageous fracas of the most disorderly description between Bison skipper, Nicky Chinn, who had had his stick knocked out of his hands, and Jozef Kohut, who would be condemned to spend 2 minutes in solitary for roughing. Badger Bloke suddenly bellowed from Block C “Kohut you doughnut” – a masterpiece of rhyme for sure and one of which any Poet Laureate would be proud. And who better to make the assessment than Badger Bloke, a culinary professional? A doughnut did Kohut indeed prove as Bison took advantage of his absence from the proceedings by grabbing a power play goal to open their account. Tomas “Grandmaster” Karpov took the puck around the back of the goal and picked out an inch perfect pass to Lumberjack Joe Rand, who forced the puck home from in front of the net for 1-0 Bison. Honest Pete, the goal judge, had discovered his light wasn’t working and had to stick his hand up to confirm that the puck had crossed the line rather like a schoolboy asking permission to go to the toilet. Perhaps that’s what he really wanted. To celebrate the goal the Bison backers wanted to launch themselves into a wild week long bachanalia, but unfortunately no alcoholic beverages were on sale at the Planet Ice bar. They had to make do with being drunk on the atmosphere of success. Their Flames counterparts, on the other hand, looked sober and sombre. They needn’t have because 5 minutes later parity was restored. David Longstaff used his long staff to move the puck behind the goal line. He picked out Curtis Huppe with a slide rule pass in front of the net and unmarked. Huppe’s snap shot was well placed and beat Bison goalie Dean Skinns, playing with a damaged shoulder, so Speedway Girl told me, for sheer pace. It was 1-1.

There was to be no further scoring in the period. In the interval an attempt to mend the infamous hole was made by order of Referee Pickett. It involved 2 men, 2 shovels and a wheelbarrow full of ice. As they ladled more and more ice into the hole the Man from MI5, who watches incognito from Block C, started to become alarmed that there would not be enough ice left for his post match Martini, which would be of course shaken not stirred.

The 2^nd period opened in lively fashion. A breakaway by Rick Plant ended in controversy with Marvelous Miroslav Vantroba called for a hook, the net moving off its moorings and some spectators convinced that the puck has crossed the line. The decision was no goal and no penalty shot, but a 2 minute holiday for Marvelous Miro. Flames fans might have felt hard done by. However, their team would claim their reward with 22 seconds of the resultant power play remaining. A Branislav Kvetan slap shot from the point arrowed in over Dean Skinn’s left shoulder. He raised his catcher, but was beaten for sheer pace by the shot. The unassisted goal made it 1-2 to the visitors.

At exactly the halfway point in the game, Neil Liddiard, one of the EPL’s more unsavoury characters some might say, was called for holding. He disagreed with the call and in contesting the conciliator’s conclusion of the circumstance he converted into a confrontational, curmudgeonly and cantankerous controvert. But his contradictory contention carried no clout and into confinement he was cast for a 2 + 10 misconduct.

On 33 minute the Flames went further ahead. The Beatles once sang a song entitled “Fixing a Hole”. It’s a pity they weren’t at Planet Ice last night because there was a bloody great hole in the Bison D which needing fixing. But they weren’t and it wasn’t and Bison were caught in a 2 on 1 breakaway. Set on his way by Huppe, Longstaff drew the solitary covering D-man and goaltender before firing a pass to Marcus Kristofferson, whose snap shot flew in top shelf. 1-3 Flames.

To the Bison backers the goal was a kick in the teeth and a knee in the unmentionables. Could their team come back from this losing position against the current EPL champions, who were becoming increasingly dominant in the period? To the pessimists in the crowd, there seemed more chance of Silvio Berlusconi being canonised as a saint. (Hang on. Does his feat of staying out of jail count as a miracle?) However, a ray of hope appeared soon after with Coach Sheppard scoring a spectacular goal. Set up by the hard working Aaron “Billy” Connolly, Maple Leaf Doug, cutting in from the left wing, fired in a fantastic wrist shot, perfectly placed under the angle of bar and post above Mark Lee’s right shoulder. It was virtually a carbon copy of Lumberjack Joe Rand’s goal against MK last week. Perhaps it’s a Canadian thing. The emotion of the Bison crowd suddenly frothed over like a badly poured pint of Guinness. It was now a one goal game and poised tantalisingly for a rousing 3^rd period finale.

Bison were to outplay and oushoot the Flames in the 3^rd. Could they find a way past Lee? If they could bag an equalising goal Flames’ nerves would start to jangle as worried thoughts about their poor record at Planet Ice would start circulating through their players’ minds. Bison would surely have a great chance of going on to win the game. The Flames survived a couple of incredible goalmouth scrambles impossible for me to describe without the benefit of Bison TV. The Flames had their chances also. In one breakaway Dean Holland raced towards goal and was about to set himself for a goal attempt. However, he wasn’t bargaining for a trademark poke check from Zach “Sully” Sullivan. Sully’s stick shot out like a giant mosquito proboscis and jabbed the puck away.

There then occurred an incident which left the Bison backers incredulous with disbelief. As he carried the puck forward at breakneck speed, Andy “Machine Gun” Melachrino was clearly held as the D-man (not sure who that was) wrapped his arms around the Bison man in what appeared to be little short of a loving embrace. Perhaps Mr. Pickett’s attention had been distracted elsewhere or perhaps he had fallen into the infamous Planet Ice hole. He gave nothing. The Howling Man objected to the lack of a decision and he proceeded to convey his considered opinion with a protest of seismic proportions. The referee saw the incident (or rather didn’t see it) from one perspective, whereas the Howling Man, not to mention 950 fellow Bison backers, saw it from another. There seemed to be a lack of common ground as Billy Bragg might find if locked in a discussion about the merits or otherwise of fascism with Paulo di Canio. To the Bison crowd the illegality of the challenge had been as plain as a pikestaff.

The clock ticked down with Bison continuing to press forwards. However, the Flames made sure they gave nothing away, trapping the puck in the corners and killing valuable time. When Bison did break out their lack of crisp passing and movement let them down and they couldn’t carve out any clearcut opportunities. Neither were they able to pull Skinns from the net to give a 6 on 5. The opportunity just didn’t arise. The fat lady was singing. (Who is the fat lady? Sue Tilley perhaps? Google image her if you’ve never heard of her. She’s more famous than you think). The buzzer sounded to signify curtains for Bison. It had been a keenly contested game, full of incident, which could have gone either way with each team firing in 27 shots on each other’s goaltender. In the end it was the clinical finishing of the Flames which told.