Monday, 30 September 2013

Bison Strike Lightning Twice



Bison 3 Milton Keynes Lightning 2
29/9/13

Following on from the previous night’s goalfest at Milton Keynes with Bison running out 6-3 winners and Shoeless Joe Miller grabbing a hattrick, the second half of the double header took place at Planet Ice last night with Bison again taking the victor’s laurels with all five of the game’s goals most unusually being scored on the power play.

The contest began with a typical Sunday night feel about it, but boiled over close to the period’s halfway mark when Cuddly Joe Greener and Janne Jokilla emerged from a bundle in the corner in obvious contrary discussion. Perhaps Jokilla wanted to live up to his name and kill a Joe. He had come to the right place – we have four to choose from. Suddenly Grant McPherson steamed into the affray. “Third man in” we all thought. Fortunately for McPherson the scandalous scuffle had not scaled up into a shocking skirmish of the most sordid sort and so he escaped a “third man” punishment. When the dust had settled, the officials doled out their sentences to the miscreants. Strangely enough, both McPherson and Jokilla escaped censure entirely and it was slashing Joe and roughing Ben (Russell) who were invited to take a 2 minute break each. I am not sure how that one was worked out.

Further violence occurred on 12 minutes and Leigh Jamieson was called for roughing on Vantroba. Into the box he went. Bison’s consequent power play bore fruit. Tomas “Grandmaster” Karpov fed Shoeless Joe Miller. Joe’s back handed wrist shot thudded against the pads of 17 year old goaltender Jordan Hedley. He thought he had saved it, but, little did he realise until too late that the puck, not totally devoid of momentum, had dropped from his pad and was continuing, albeit rather slowly, in pea rolling motion towards the goal line. Eventually, when the young netman had been appraised of the situation by his team mates presumably shouting in pantomime fashion “it’s behind you”, he turned around and swept the puck away as if swatting an annoying fly. Unfortunately, the referee was already pointing netwards with a flat hand and indeed the Bearded Rabble Rouser of Block A was already leading his block comrades, not in an illegal insurrection to overthrow the ruling class, but in a raucous celebration of the goal. 1-0 Bison it was and Joe’s 4th goal in 2 nights against MK – they must have been sick of the sight of him.

The period ended in spectacular style with Bison on another power play. First Hedley saved Cuddly Joe Greener’s back door snap shot and then Leigh Jamieson broke and was in on Skinns for a short handed goal effort when the buzzer sounded to stop him in his tracks.

Both teams had their chances in the 2nd but it was not until late on that a breakthrough was finally made with Bison grabbing another power play goal. With the clock running down, Michael Farn was adjudged to have hooked Grandmaster Karpov. There was no no need for the officials to read Farn his rights. He didn’t have any. He entered the box to serve a custodial sentence. Before it expired and with the period entering its last minute, Bison skipper Nicky Chinn received the puck from Marvelous Miroslav Vantroba and steamed forward towards the MK goal. No fainéant is Chinny. No what? OK – no sluggard is he. His speed, movement and stick handling left the crowd gasping in admiration. An inch perfect diagonal pass towards the left wing found a team mate barrelling in in support. Was it Jo Brand? Thankfully not. It was Joe Rand and he hammered in a short sided top shelfer which beat the goalie blocker side, arrowing in over his shoulder. It was a move and finish which equalled the combined artistry of  Picasso, L.S. Lowry, Constable and Monet, but thankfully not all on the same canvas. 2-0 Bison.

Into the 3rd we went with MK still looking for a goal, but they didn’t have long to wait. Only 4 minutes into the period they scored a power play goal of their own. With Joe Baird doing porridge for a slash Bison were outnumbered, outthought and out of sorts. Set up by Jamieson and Emersic, Stanislav Lascek hammered in from close range as the net moved off its moorings. A discussion amongst officials and captains ensued. It was judged a good goal and 2-1 it was. Bison nerves began to jangle. The concession of the MK goal had proved as undesirable to the Bison backers as finding a camembert cheese, 12 months past its sell by date, at the bottom of an incontinent poodle’s basket. The visitors were most decidedly back in the game with plenty of time remaining.

As the clocked ticked down to 6 minutes remaining, it was riveting stuff. The nuts and bolts of it were that Bison really needed to tack on another goal or see the dovetail joint of their superiority come apart. If they didn’t nail MK now, they could be screwed. The opportunity came with another power play for Bison, Grant McPherson being sent to the slammer for stick holding (someone else’s I presume). Nicky Chinn worked the puck behind the net to Tomas “Grandmaster” Karpov, the former describing the latter after the game as a “quick little bugger” or “rychlé malý prevít in the latter’s native tongue (that is if Google Translator is to be believed).  The latter took possession and, fulfilling Chinny’s assessment of his abilities, flew around the back of the goal and sneaked the puck in on the wraparound. The net moved off its moorings once again, but the puck was adjudged to have crossed the line and a good goal was declared. 3-1 Bison. Remember that scene in “Shawshank Redemption” when Andy Dufrayne smashed a hole in the sewer pipe and material of an unmentionable composition burst forth? Well the explosion of celebration in the Bison blocks was of a similar variety in terms of spontaneity and force, but thankfully of a far less unsavoury nature.

Hardly any further time had elapsed before MK had the puck in the net at the other end. Once again the net moved off its moorings, but this time the passing of the puck through the goal frame was adjudged to have occurred after the dislodgement and the goal was declared illegitimate.



With time running out MK’s chances of winning the game from 1-3 down were now hanging by a thread, like an overweight spider which had banqueted on too many flies desperately clinging to a gossamer thread. Just as that thread would soon break plunging the bloated arachnid to his doom, so MK’s thread would also snap, but not before a last desperate gamble which nearly paid off. With only 1:27 on the clock Cuddly Joe Greener was banged up for hooking. The Lightning pulled their goaltender making it 6 on 4, and with 34 seconds remaining, Lascek bagged his second goal of the game with a top shelfer to make it 3-2. Confusion reigned as Greener came out of the penalty box only to be replaced by Lumberjack Joe Rand, sent there for a slash in the build up to the goal thus maintaining MK’s advantage. Bison had 26 seconds to survive and, despite some hairy moments, survive they did. The buzzer sounded and it was all over.

Bison’s Man of the Match was Kurt “the Knife” Reynolds for, not only another great night on the blueline, but also some impressive contributions to the attacking play, during which he nearly opened his season’s account on more than one occasion. Young goaltender Jordan Hedley took the MK top banana award with a fine display marred only by the concession of a pea roller and a wraparound. A great result for Bison and a fine 4 point weekend to follow their 4 point weekend last time out. It was worthy of cracking open the bubbly. The Genial Brummie wished he had brought along a jeroboam of the finest champagne from his cellar (possibly a vintage Moët & Chandon or a Bollinger) so that he could celebrate in a manner most fitting. However, he had omitted to bring a bottle. Just as well as Planet Ice might have charged him corkage. And so he was left to celebrate with a frothy cappuccino from the lobby hot drinks machine instead.

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