Bison 4 Milton Keynes Lightning 1
23/3/14
Down to Planet
Ice they came in their droves for the last game of the regular season. Oxobloke
was clutching his flask of gravy, the Headbanger wore his Metallica T-shirt
under his Bison jersey, the Genial Brummie had a smile on his face, the Howling
Man and the Crinkly Haired Lady were ready to exercise their vocal chords. (Well
nearly all were present. The seat of the Man from MI5, who watches incognito
from Block C, was empty. Was he really absent or merely in a dastardly
disguise?) They came to see what was effectively a dead rubber, league
positions and play off quarter final opponents already decided. Was it going to
be a dull practice style game with two teams pussy footing around trying to
avoid injury? No it most certainly was not. The game was played with a tough
competitive spirit and in the end Bison emerged worthy winners over a spirited
Lightning.
Bison snatched
the lead on 6 minutes. A lightning break caught Lightning in a 3 on 2 with
Tomas “Grandmaster” Karpov streaking down on the goal with lightning pace from
wide left. He unleashed not a dog but a shot, which MK goaltender Stephen Wall
saved but could not freeze. The rebound went straight to Andy “Machine Gun”
Melachrino, who fired home with the accuracy of a bullet shot from Annie
Oakley’s Winchester rifle. 1-0 Bison. The goal caused the Bison backers to
behave as if intoxicated. Had they drunk a vat of Vat 69 or a silo of Cointreau
perhaps? No – they were merely drunk on success.
6 minutes later
an appalling and most shocking outrage occurred in front of the penalty boxes.
Janne Jokila seemed to want to live up to his name and kill a Joe as he
launched an assault on Rabbit’s Foot Joe Baird. Perhaps I missed something which the
officials saw because I didn’t see Joe doing anything other than standing his
ground and refraining from retaliating. However, each was giving a 2 roughing
penalty. The doors of their respective penal institutions swung open and they
didn’t have far to go.
The period drew
to a close with no further scoring. Bison had had the better of the period with
a shot count of 12-6 in their favour. The 2nd period was to see a similar
pattern.
At the beginning
of the 2nd a scramble behind the MK net resulted in Karpov losing
his stick. The Man with 3 Ear Rings speculated that the Grandmaster was so skillful
he could play without one. However, he decided to pick up the stick anyway and a
couple of minutes later used it in an interchange with Andy “Machine Gun” Melachrino.
The set up for Long Ciaron Long in front of goal was perfect. Long Ciaron’s
shot smacked into the wall which is Stephen Wall with a very loud thud. I lost
sight of the puck, but I did see the goal light coming on. It was a goal. The
puck had gone straight through the hapless Wall, who had proved not to be a
wall of any substance after all. 2-0 Bison.
On 34 minutes it
was 3-0. Bison skipper Nicky Chinn combined with Coach Sheppard behind the net.
Maple Leaf Doug spotted his Canadian compatriot Lumberjack Joe Rand in front of
the net a fed him a pass. Joe’s first shot was saved, but the rebound came
straight back to him and he slotted home with further ado for his 30th goal of
the season. The concession of the goal caused the Lightning backers to be
plunged headlong into the Ravine of Doom, whereas their Bison counterparts ascended
to the top of Mount Nirvana.
The period ended
with Bison 3-0 to the good and sitting comfortably. However, as we know, a 3
goal lead in hockey is nothing. 3 goals can be scored in the time it would take
to say, “My hovercraft is full of eels” and so MK were always going to be in
with a shout. The problem was how were they going to find a way past Bison
netman Dean Skinns, who was moving towards the milestone of having played
every minute of every game in the season? He seems as impregnable as ever,
particularly when MK caught Bison in a 2 on 1 at the beginning of the 3rd.
Lightning’s top marksman, Stanislav Lascek, elected to shoot rather than pass,
but, alas for him, he saw Deano execute his characteristic splits butterfly and,
seemingly nonchalantly, pluck the attempted top shelfer out of the air. It was
classic Deano.
MK were
beginning to become as frustrated as a family of head lice trying to find a
home on Joe Baird’s head. Eventually they found a way to crack the Bison D and
it was Lascek, formerly of the Chicoutimi Sagueneens (great name), who would be
the architect of the goal. In a rush
towards goal he jinked through the Bison D with craft and cunning, agility and
alacrity, subtlety and subterfuge, which was much admired by the connoisseurs
of fine skating in the crowd. As he skated across the front of the crease he
delivered a drop pass into the path of Tom Carlon. The Lightning man unleashed
a wrist shot from the slot which beat Skinns for sheer pace and flew in 5-hole
before Deano could shut it.
It was 3-1 and MK
were back in the game. They had to keep cool, keep it tight and keep their
discipline. They seemed to be doing this very well and even drew a penalty. A
cross check from Carl “Scooter” Graham made the referee very cross and he
ordered Graham to check into the penalty box for 2 minutes. MK could make no
impression with their power play, however, and 1 second before the expiration
of the Graham penalty, the referee blew his whistle. Had Whistling Jack Smith been present he could
have stopped play. (Who? A one hit wonder from 1967. Don’t bother watching the Youtube clip of “I
was Kaiser Bill’s Batman” - it’s pretty naff.) But Jack wasn’t so the referee
had to rely on his Acme Thunderer instead. Janne Jokila, the man who had
earlier tried to kill a Joe, was adjudged to have hooked, this time a Sheppard
not a Joe, and into the slammer he went of his own accord and without bothering
to wait for a striped escort or even an armed response unit to assist in his
removal. He knew he was banged to rights and to discuss a contrary view of the
proceedings with the referee would have been waste of time. This was not what
the MK faithful were looking for. Their team was 2 goals to the bad with around
10 minutes remaining and on the penalty kill. To concede a penalty, which gave Bison the chance of a
power play goal, was as undesirable as the scrapings from the inside of an
elephant herder’s turban. But that is exactly what they had done and it turned
out to be a penalty too far as Bison took advantage of the power play and
sealed the win with a 4th and final goal on 50 minutes.
The scorer was
Long Ciaron Long with his second of the game and what a goal it was. Andy
“Machine Gun” Melachrino battled long for the puck on the boards and fed
Marvellous Miroslav Vantroba. He slewed a long pass to the opposite point where
lurked Long Ciaron Long. The long and the short of it was that Long Ciaron
didn’t need to think long and hard or take a long look at the goal. He knew
exactly where it was. The crowd, who were longing for a 4th goal,
didn’t have to wait for long to see what Long was going to do. He brought his
stick down in a long arc and crack! it hit the ice and followed through to the
back of the puck. Before long (in fact in a split second) the puck had flown
the long distance from the point to the back of the net via the bar with a
sonorous clunk. It was so long to MK and the fat lady was singing, not the
Beatles classic “Long, Long, Long”, but “So Long, farewell, auf wiedersehen,
good night” from the Sound of Music.
A final word for
Dean Skinns, whose season's record will show that he played every minute of
every game (apart from empty net situations of course). A great achievement.
But not only that he put to bed all the doubts about whether he could follow in
the pads of Stonewall Stevie Lyle. He has had a fantastic season and, if there
is anyone out there he hasn’t won over, they must be curmudgeonly
down-in-the-mouths suffering from a severe paucity of spirit. Speedway Girl,
holder of membership card number 001 of the Dean Skinns Appreciation Society
must have a warm glow inside.
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