Auzins shows both his class and lack of it

Bison 2 Peterborough Phantoms 4

6/12/14

Remember the last occasion Janis Auzins, the Phantoms’ goaltender, visited Planet Ice? He displayed so many mental defects that he would have sent Freud mad trying to analyse him. He ended up getting a match penalty for charging out of his crease, standing over a prostrate Grant Rounding and assaulting him with his catcher and blocker and then going meekly back to his crease as if nothing had happened. Well last night he kept his head and, with a rock solid display, effectively won the game for the Phantoms. Alas he let down himself, his coach, his team mates and the small band of Phantoms faithful, who had made the long trip, with an inflammatory gesture towards the Bison crowd when receiving his man of the match award. More about that later.

Before last night Bison seemed to have the Indian sign over the Phantoms this season with 3 wins out of 3 including a 5-2 road win on ghostly ice last Sunday. Could their good form continue or were the Phantoms to exact revenge against Bison? Well it proved to be the latter.

All looked rosy in the Bison garden as P1 opened. James Hutchinson found himself in the greenhouse for raising his stick as high as a hoe after 56 seconds. Bison looked fresh as a daisy and weren’t going to let the grass grow under their feet or sit on the fence. They well and truly grasped the nettle and within 5 seconds it was 1-0 Bison. Marvellous Miroslav Vantroba slewed a pass to Long Ciaron Long in the slot. Had goaltender Auzins possessed the physical attributes of Charlie Dimmock, he could have blocked the goal completely, but he didn’t and he couldn’t. Long Ciaron’s slap shot was planted in the net via a tip from the stick of Maple Leaf Doug Sheppard. The spirits of the Phantoms faithfully fell like autumn leaves. Everything was coming up roses for Bison, but were we leading ourselves up the garden path?

Play continued in a competitive and robust manner. The epitome of this robustness was a massive legal hit by Lumberjack Joe Rand on the hapless Edgars Bebris. So titanic was the check that the latter’s helmet was sent flying from his head. However, things became a little too robust for referee Matthews on 7 minutes and he called Rick “The Beard” Skene for slashing. Just over a minute later there occurred an incident of great controversy. Michael “Muzzy” Wales was called for tripping goaltender Auzins. From where I sat it could have been a trip, but the Gooner, sitting behind the goal, at a different angle and much closer to the incident, said that there was no contact. He was convinced that Auzins had executed a spectacular Premiership footballer style dive, making a 3 course meal of it, and conning Ref Matthews. Many other Bison backers thought the same, as shouts of “Oh what a dive!” rent the air. One dissenter was unsurprisingly the Howling Man, who gave vent to his considered opinion at a sonic boom level of noise. Into the box went Muzzy. The Phantoms capitalised with 10 seconds of the 5 on 3 remaining. Set up by Tom Norton, Deadly Darius Pliskauskas, a perennial thorn in the side of Bison (OK no more gardening references) fired in a slap shot from the slot past a screened Skinns in the Bison net. 1-1. The goal caused the spirits of the Bison backers to become as flat as if they’d been trampled on by a gang of bovver boys wearing size 15 Doc Martens. There were those who thought that Mr. Matthews should have been awarded an assist.

On 11 minutes it was 2-1 Phantoms. Edgars Apelis’s shot hit the post. Skinns lost sight of the puck and appeared to think he had covered it as he was down on his haunches and not moving. But the puck was still loose and Alan Lack slid it over the line. Red light on. Goal awarded. The mood amongst the Bison backers became as flat as a rolled lawn (oh sorry I said no more gardening references, didn't I?).

The period ended with no further goals and only a single penalty when Hutchinson was called for delay of game for lofting the puck over the glass as if Rory McIlroy taking a tee shot. It is with great pleasure that I report that no-one was injured by the flying projectile.

Shots on goal had been about even and P2 was played out in the same manner. However, it was the Phantoms who were to take advantage of their opportunities and rack up a 4-2 advantage by the end of the period, causing the Bison backers to become not only downcast, downbeat and downheated, but also down in the dumps, down in the mouth and down at heel.

On 33 minutes it was 3-1. Poor defending allowed James Ferrara a run on goal. He deked and shot, but Skinns saved. Alas the puck was loose and Tom Norton slid it over the line just as the net was coming off it moorings. “After he event,” said the referee and declared it a good goal. Milan Baranyk picked up the second assist.

Bison had to get back in the game quickly as the Phantoms were threatening to run away with proceedings. Thus they did with their own 5 on 3 power play goal on 36 minutes. The first Phantoms penalty was called for boarding by Cameron McGiffin on Grant Rounding. It was a nasty check which floored Rounding for a minute or two before he left the ice in obvious discomfort. “Head check!” declared the Howling Man, who started up yet another tirade which saw his bald patch turning from pink to dark cerise in colour. Was his head going to explode? Thankfully not. 1:18 into the 5 on 4 and Baranyk was called for tripping. Had Yoda been the ref he would have said “Saw that I did. Your opponent you tripped. To the penalty box go you must.” However, he wasn’t, although Mr. Matthews may well have said these words nevertheless (unlikely).

Bison now had 42 seconds of a 5 on 3 and they capitalised with only 10 seconds remaining. A Slovak/Czech combination flourished as Marvellous Miroslav Vantroba slewed a pass from the point to Tomas “Grandmaster” Karpov in the slot. Karps fired a slap shot past a screened Auzins and it was 2-3. Lumberjack Joe Rand, who would later be elected Bison’s top banana, picked up the second assist.

Alas for Bison the revival was short lived and Mr. Matthews, in some people’s opinion, was to pick up his second assist. Luke Ferrara and Miroslav Vantroba collided in mid ice and fell over. “You tripped him,” said Mr. Matthews to Marvellous Miro. Not only I, but also the Howling Man, who again became somewhat more than mildly irritated, and 1,000 other spectators couldn’t see that in a month of Sundays, but off to the box went a frustrated Miro.

A minute later (on 38 minutes) the Phantoms scored with a smart move terminated by an unmarked James Ferrara snapping the puck in at the back door. 4-2 Phantoms. Assists to Norton and Baranyk. The goal caused the glass half empty naysayers amongst the Bison backers to start a-moanin’ and a-groanin’ and cast “I told you so” glances at fellow glass half empty naysayers.

Could Bison come back from a 2 goal deficit in P3? As the period wore on this looked increasingly unlikely as stout defence from the Phantoms forced most of Bison’s shooting to come from long range and, in the absence of deflections and/or a screen of players in front of him, Auzins was going to gobble up these sorts of shots all night. The Bison players and backers were becoming as frustrated as a man with a punctured inflatable doll and no puncture repair kit (let’s not go there). Eventually the frustration boiled over with 3 minutes remaining as an unseemly altercation, most violent in character, broke out behind the Phantoms net, principally involving Marvellous Miro and Mason Webster. Both were given 2 + 2 roughing penalties, but Miro copped a match penalty in addition for throwing off the linesman’s hand not once but twice on his way to the box. Why the lino thought it necessary to lay his hand on Miro is a mystery, as he was skating towards the penal institution quite ….. well not happily, but certainly directly and in a manner displaying sufficient rapidity. However, you can’t do what the follically challenged Slovak blueliner did and he may also have given vent to his considered opinion in the style of the Howling Man to make matters even worse. Further punishment was inevitable. The bald patch on Howling Man’s head went from dark cerise to purple as he enunciated his thoughts on the matter. Miro’s bald head may have been a similar colour, reflecting his state of mind, namely incandescent with rage, but this must remain a matter of speculation.

So ended the game, but not the controversy. On being announced as the Phantoms’ top banana, Janis Auzins skated up to receive his beers and then turned round to face the Bison crowd with arms aloft. It was an inflammatory gesture and the sort of gloating incitement which hockey, and indeed every sport, can do without. The Phantoms team were applauded in the usual sporting way by the Bison crowd as they skated past, but not Auzins. The boos rang out for him. Whether that was right or wrong is a matter for debate, but Mr. Auzins would be well advised to consider his behaviour next time he is a guest at another team’s rink.