Tigers Show Their Title Credentials

Bison 2 Telford Tigers 4

29/11/14

Those lucky enough to have been paying patrons at Planet Ice last night were treated to a cracking game of hockey between arguably the two best teams in the EPL. A very close game in all aspects ended with the Telford Tigers cementing their dominant position at the top of the league. Who can stop them? Probably no-one on this showing, although they are bound to have slip ups along the way. But who apart from the curmudgeonlies would deny them their title, if indeed they are destined to win it, after an Atlas type existence propping up the EPL for so many seasons. Is “buying the league” morally right? Discuss amongst yourselves.

P1 was played out in a very competitive and entertaining fashion with Bison slightly the better side, outshooting the Tigers by 12 to 9. The Tigers’ best opportunity came when Joe Miller and Peter Szabo found themselves in on goal in a 2 on 1, but alas for the Tigers it all came to naught as Szabo slipped and crash into the net, forcing it off its moorings and stopping play.

The interval saw the Bison backers contemplating the proceedings. Whilst doing so the Rabble Rouser of Block A applied fresh wax to the ends of his moustache. Bison’s own Man of Steel nonchalantly broke a chain across his pectorals. Oxobloke poured himself another cup of gravy. What were they thinking? I have no idea.

P2 was played out in the same fashion as P1. Although more dominant, certainly if the shot count of 10 to 5 is anything to go by, Bison managed to fall behind twice before ending the period on level terms. The deadlock was broken in the 29^th minute following a period of Bison pressure. It was the visitors who snatched the lead. Jonathon Weaver broke clear from a scrap on the boards and fired in a shot. Dean “Deano” Skinns saved it, but the puck bounced into the air to Jason Silverthorn who made himself a thorn in Bison’s side by batting it into the net. 0-1 Tigers.

The Tigers’ lead was short lived. Less than 3 minutes later Bison had levelled it. The goal followed a pair of penalties. Martin Ondrej checked Lumberjack Joe Rand from behind and sent him into the boards with a loud report. Bison skipper Nicky Chinn, seeking retribution, set about Ondrej. “It’s clink for you two fine fellows” said referee Pickett, as he doled out a 2 + 10 to Ondrej and a 2 minor to Chinn. Within 3 seconds of the restart the puck was in the back of the net. Directly from the face off the puck fell to Marvellous Miroslav Vantroba. Goaltender Tom Murdy knew he would be unable to react to the shot, as he saw Miro’s stick coming down to send in a one timer slap shot, so he had to make himself as large as possible and hope that he blocked the majority of the goal. Alas he did not possess the goal blocking qualities of Augustus Gloop, that “great big greedy nincompoop”. Worse still Rand got his stick in for a tip and the puck flew past the hapless Murdy making him look like a nincompoop, if not great, big and greedy. 1-1. An orgy of celebration, but thankfully not of any other variety, was seen in the Bison blocks.

But the Tigers were not disheartened and came back with a goal of their own some 3 minutes later to retake the lead. Silverthorn laid a drop pass for Peter Szabo to fire in with a well placed wrist shot from the point. Joe Miller picked up the second assist. 1-2 Tigers.

The Tigers’ celebrations had hardly died away before it was 2-2. Crikey! It was a cataclysmic, calamitous and comedic catastrophe caused by crummy, cruddy and crumbly D work. Well it was unlucky anyway. An attempted pass out of the Tigers’ defensive zone hit a Telford player. I did not see who passed it and whom it hit alas, but I am sure the two fellows in question would prefer to remain unnamed and unshamed. In such a situation what would you, as a Tigers’ player, coach or fan, not want? Well they got exactly what they didn’t want as the puck fell to a lurking Coach Sheppard. He seemed as surprised as a man whose false teeth had fallen out on a dinner date. However, he quickly composed himself, took the puck forward, feinted to shoot and then slotted past Murdy catcher side. 2-2. The goal resulted in a scene of joyous jollification, jaunty joviality and jocular jubilation amongst the Bison backers, if not the Tigers’ faithful, who, bearing in mind the current fortunes of their team, were numerically rather small.

The deciding goal came on 46 minutes. I could not describe in detail exactly what happened, but it appeared to be a comedy of errors as a bouncing puck seemed to hit almost everyone on the ice except the Tigers’ goaltender and then go in off a Bison player. The goal was awarded unassisted to Joe Miller who was adjudged to have been the last Tigers player to touch the puck. It was an incredibly scrappy affair and had the Bison D been composed of Homer Simpsons all would have said, “D’oh!” The Tigers faithful, albeit lacking in numbers if not enthusiasm, were overjoyed and had they counted amongst their number Bart Simpson and Ned Flanders they may have greeted the goal with shouts of “Ay Carumba” and “Hey-diddly-ho” respectively, but neither was at the game. 2-3 Tigers.

The Tigers nearly put the game beyond doubt on 51 minutes, but a spectacular double save from Deano kept the homesters in it. Bison were continuing to press, but without reward. They were becoming as frustrated as a masochist with no-one to whip him (let’s not go there).

Finally with 34 seconds remaining Bison called a time out and proceeded to the restart without their goaltender. Things turned from potentially sweet to definitely sour when Jason Silverthorn scored an empty netter from a position on the boards at halfway. Bison’s chances of winning were now as dead as a Chicago gangster who had been “rubbed out” by the mob, mown down in a hail of Tommy gun fire, then stabbed and then garrotted to make sure. Such chances were now wearing concrete boots and sleeping with the fishes. 2-4 Tigers.

However, the game was not quite over and an unsavoury incident from the face off after the goal soured the proceedings for the Bison backers even further. Cuddly Joe Greener and Maxim Birbraer entered into a disagreement, which seem to result in the latter plummeting to the ice as if shot. Many were of the opinion that Birbraer had taken a Premiership footballer style dive, there being minimal contact from Cuddly Joe. In fact, it would be true to say that an angry tirade of disagreement erupted from the Bison backers. Some hit the roof, others hit the road, whilst others still wanted to hit the bottle. Having said all that, Birbraer left a patch of blood on the ice when he eventually got to his feet (skates). The abrasion had to have happened when he fell and the necessity of his falling over was the contentious issue. Cuddly Joe received a 5 + match and, as there were only 10 seconds remaining, there was no realistic chance of Birbraer getting back on for at least a token shift (the usual sporting practice) so that the penalty could be reduced to a game.

Aaron “Billy” Connolly and netman Tom Murdy received the Top Banana awards for their respective teams. Telford had grabbed their 17^th win from 20 games. Can they be pipped for the league this year? It is not looking likely at the moment. Are they “buying the league” and, if so, is that morally right? Well, although no accounts are ever made available, it is highly likely that their balance will be massively in the red this year. However, it needs good coaching and motivation to mould a collection of good players into a winning team, so having “the best” players is not necessarily a guarantee for success. Are they a winning team? You bet. And likely to get better.  And is it morally right? Opinions are polarised. I am not saying “yea” I am not saying “nay”, but what I would say is that Telford have paid their dues in this league, propping it up and acting as everyone’s whipping boys for several seasons before the big money takeover. And if it had happened to our team, would we have protested petulantly, parading with placards outside Planet Ice saying “we don’t want your money, Mr. Scholes”? I think not.