Lightning Fail to Take Advantage of Bison Blue Line Blues

Bison 5 Milton Keynes Lightning 4

24/1/15

Milton Keynes Lightning have had a disappointing season and currently languish only one place off the bottom of the EPL table. Was last night’s encounter going to be a pushover for a resurgent Bison? Those who might have thought so were in for a surprise as a determined MK traded blow for blow with the Basingstoke. Credit must go to the home team for overcoming their blue line shortages, as I shall relate.

P1 started in lively fashion, the two best chances of the opening minutes both going to Lightning with breakaway one on ones from Blaz Emersic and Jordan Cownie. Neither bore fruit as Dean “Deano” Skinns saved both efforts. Bison continued to press and snatched the lead on 12 minutes with a power play goal. Adam Carr tripped Tomas “Grandmaster” Karpov. Referee Pickett said “You’re nicked, matey.” Into the slammer went the MK captain. Halfway through the 5 on 4 Marvellous Miroslav Vantroba fired in a shot which was saved by MK goaltender, Jordan Hedley, but not frozen. The loose puck was rifled in byalf way thrugh the 5 on 4 Marvellous Miroslav Vantroba fired in a shot which was saved but n Aaron “Billy” Connolly whilst down on one knee and falling. It was an extraordinary finish. 1-0 Bison.

As the 1^st period drew to a close, Bison were looking forward to going in a goal to the good after a very even period. However, such hopes were to be dashed and exposed as a mere pipe dream. With only 31 seconds remaining Long Ciaron Long tripped and referee Pickett threw him into the penalty box. Not literally of course – now that would have been a sight to see. It took Lightning only 3 seconds of the ensuing power play to level it up. From the face off the puck broke to Lewis Hook who put it past Skinns for 1-1. Ross Bowers and Jordan Cownie assisted.

The concession of the equaliser at the death caused much annoyance amongst the Bison backers. The Bespectacled Youth’s glasses steamed up, the Man of Steel bent a poker in frustration and the Desperate Dan lookalike began to look more desperate. Bison now had to step up their game and blow the visitors away, to kingdom come and out of the water with a dominant P2 performance. They achieved the dominant performance sure enough with an impressive shot count of 23-11 and 3 goals, but the concession of 2 goals including a soft one at the death of P2 meant that Lightning were very much in it at 3-4 at the 2^nd buzzer.

But I have jumped too far ahead. Let us go back to the start of the period. Bison didn’t hang about. Doubtless smarting from their misfortune at the end of P1, they prosecuted their attack of the MK goal with drive and dash, zing and zip, vigour and vitality, agility and ability and in just over a minute they had restored their lead. Set up by Michael “Muzzy” Wales and Kurt “The Scissors” Reynolds, Aaron “Billy” Connolly skated in and unleashed a wrist shot which beat Hedley all hands down. 2-1 Bison.

Alas for Bison the lead lasted only a minute. Hook and Cownie combined to set up Emersic at the back door and all alone. He fired a snap shot past a hapless and hopelessly hung out to dry Skinns and it was 2-2.

Bison were not disconsolate, downhearted nor even discouraged by this setback and continued to besiege the MK goal. On 25 minutes they retook the lead. Maple Leaf Doug Sheppard fed Karpov, who set off on a typical one man assault against the opposition. He slipped through the D as easily as a slender framed contortionist covered in grease and unleashed a shot which was saved but not frozen. Cuddly Joe Greener stabbed it in. 3-2 Bison. 2 of Bison's 3 goals had come from rebounds off the goaltender, which goes to show that, if you get men in front of the net, good things will happen.

Less than 2 minutes later Cuddly Joe was Johnny on the spot to take advantage of a mid ice defensive blunder, latching on to a loosely passed puck and finding himself in on goal. The Lightning D-men did not display lightning movement. They couldn’t catch him and seemed to have a “devil-may-care, what-the-hell, don’t-give-a-damn, couldn’t-care-less” attitude. But I am sure they didn’t. It’s just that Joe was too quick. He barreled in and slipped the puck over the line off his backhand. 4-2 Bison and a bit of daylight between the two teams at last. In Block F, the far from furtive or forlorn figures of Franz and Fritz, the flatulent frankfurter manufacturers from Franfurt, flung forth fifty fabled filleted fresh fish, frog and fenugreek flavoured frankfurters in celebration of the goal. (OK I admit it – I made them up, but I couldn’t resist a bit of alliteration).

We were being treated to the usual array of perplexing penalty calls. On 31 minutes Vantoba and Carr, both wearing 18, possibly over who was more entitled to wear the number 18, were involved in a fracas and were called for simultaneously cross checking, notwithstanding that close observers hadn’t seen any such action from Marvellous Miro. Shouts of protest over the condemnation of an innocent man exploded from the Bison blocks. Most vociferous was our dear friend, the Howling Man. The absence of his considered opinions, delivered in his own unique style of high volume and incomprehensibility, would of course render our match day experience far less enjoyable. On this occasion I did manage to make out the words “Get a pair” directed at referee Pickett. Could he be inviting the official to embark on a course of hormone treatment I wondered. Or perhaps he had shouted “Get a pear”. Why that? But no. The Howling Man’s next outburst clarified everything for me as I heard the word “glasses”. Angst, anguish and anger to no avail. Both Vantroba and Carr went to the box to do their porridge.

The 2^nd ended as had the 1^st with Lightning scoring in the final minute. For Bison this was an undesirable as the scrapings from the inside of a navvy’s gumboot, not only because of the timing of the goal but also because it was a soft one. Not a particularly good shot from Carr became a good one as it passed through Skinns’s 5-hole and over the line to reduce the arrears to a solitary goal. Lewis Christie and Petr Horava picked up the assists.

Right on the buzzer Grant McPherson’s action caused the referee to blow up. I don’t mean he exploded like a man who had had one wafer thin mint too many. I mean he blew his whistle and called McPherson for charging. This meant that Bison would start the 3^rd with a power play. They took full advantage with their second power play goal of the night 1:11 into the 5 on 4. Vantroba fed Lumberjack Joe Rand, whose pass from behind the goal line found Karpov. A lightning wrist shot undid the Lightning netman, the Czech chap beating Hedley at the near post. Karpov celebrated the goal leaving Hedley to carp about Karpov. 5-3 Bison.

On 45 minutes a highly controversial incident occurred. Kurt “The Scissors” Reynolds hit Ross Bowers. The referee blew his whistle. “Bed your belligerent butt on the bench in the bad boy’s box, buddy,” he bellowed. The call was “checking from behind” and attracted a penalty of 5 + match. The Bison players and backers alike were outraged, but there was no appeal. It wasn’t trial by jury. It was summary justice from Mr. Pickett and Reynolds had to make his way from the bench to the locker room. MK now had a 5 minute power play. They had to take advantage. Bison, already thin on the blue line with Rabbit’s Foot Joe Baird, Junior Baird and Matt “The Tank” Selby not icing and Reynolds out of the game, had to draft in Stuart “The Cat” Mogg and Long Ciaron Long as makeshift D-men. Could Lightning bag 2 or 3 goals and throw the cat amongst the pigeons? No they couldn’t, not even one. Their lines proved as ineffectual as a line composed of Albert Tatlock, Stan Ogden and Betty Turpin and Bison defended the power play with ease. The pigeons must have been relieved.

However, the fat lady wasn’t singing yet and MK did manage to drum up another goal on 55 minutes to set up an exciting finale. With Ryan “You What?” Watt in the can for hooking, Leigh Jamieson’s shot deflected off Skinns and over the line. It was another disappointment for Deano, but he had pulled off a number of excellent saves earlier, including the two from one on ones in the opening minutes of the period, as I have already related. Assist to Horava. 5-4 Bison.

MK desperately tried to pull Hedley for a last hurrah 6 on 5 in the last minute, but as he was skating off, Bison retook possession and he had to return to the crease. The opportunity was lost and Bison ran the clock down without further drama. 2 points in the bag for them after an entertaining game, packed full of incident. Hook and Connolly were anointed top bananas.

Bakrlik's Rocket Double Not Enough To Save Phoenix From Defeat

Bison 3 Manchester Phoenix 2

17/1/15

Back to Planet Ice they came in their masses like the Mongol hordes of Genghis Khan. Admittedly not as numerous, nor indeed as violent, nor on horseback, nor armed to the teeth. Come to think of it they weren’t a bit like the Mongol hordes. Who were they then? The good folk of Basingstoke and a hearty contingent from the frozen wastes of the north, not to mention in Block A Trio Polskie, armed not with the weaponry of the Mongol hordes, but with vuvuzelas and exploding balloons. More about them later. As for the game it proved to be a tight encounter with Bison edging it by a single goal despite outplaying and outshooting their opponents, a too familiar scenario for them this season. Both teams were short benched, most significantly perhaps was the absence of Michal Psurny (with a silent P) for the Phoenix.

The 1^st period belonged to Bison as they romped into a 3-1 interval lead. Their first was claimed with only 1:22 on the clock. Cuddly Joe Greener was in on goal and fired in a shot. Steve Fone, in the Phoenix net saved it but gave up a rebound, which Long Ciaron Long fired back off his backhand. Fone saved again, but gave up a second rebound and there was Maple Leaf Doug Sheppard to put Fone out of his misery, or rather cause him some misery, with a netbound finish. 1-0 Bison. The goal caused the Bison backers to become joyful, jubilant and jolly.

In the 4^th minute Phoenix’s James Archer was adjudged to have tripped and was banged up. 55 seconds later Bison skipper Nicky Chinn was summarily convicted of an identical offence and incarcerated in the next cell to Archer. This resulted in a 4 on 4. Phoenix took advantage of the additional space created with less men on the ice to equalise. Robin Kovář  and James Neil combined to set up Fankie Bakrlik to try a slap shot from the blue line. It would have been easier to scale the north face of the Eiger than to stop this rocket shot. Dean “Deano” Skinns in the Bison net was able to achieve neither the former nor the latter. 1-1.

The game ebbed back and forth with Bison having the better of the play. Fone seemed to be giving up a huge number of rebounds, as if he himself were made of rubber, and Bison realised they had to adopt the tactic of getting men in front of the net to take advantage. It worked. In the 14^th minute they bagged their second after another pair of rebounds off the rubbery Fone. The first shot came in from Greener. The puck rebounded off Fone to Sheppard, whose shot rebounded to Long, who delivered the decisive finish. 2-1 Bison. When the goal was scored the Irishman in Block C exclaimed "BEGORRAH!", the Australian in Block B "STRUTH!" and the men of Trio Polskie in Block A “Dobre dla Ciebie Bison. Masz strzelił kolejnego gola.” See footnote.

Both Bison goals had been bagged by the Sheppard/Long/Greener line and it was that line which was to grab Bison’s third in the 17^th minute to send Phoenix reeling like a man who has drunk a yard of crème de menthe. Strangely enough this involved no rebounds off Fone. Coach Sheppard set up Long from behind the goal line. I am not sure whether it was a pass or a shot from the latter, but the puck went straight to Greener just outside the blue paint and he banged it in for 3-1 Bison. The goal drove the tormented (and possibly also the demented) Phoenix fans to new depths of despair. They wished they could be borne away from their place of anguish and back to the relative comfort of the frozen wastes of the north, but alas that was not possible.

The period time expired with no further goals. It had been a very satisfactory period for the home team, outshooting their visitors by 19 to 11 and making that superiority count with a goal advantage of 3-1. In between Ps 1 & 2 the crowd cogitated, meditated and ruminated. Bison’s own Man of Steel tore up a telephone directory. Mystic Jo laid out her tarot cards. Trio Polski inflated balloons. What were they thinking? I have no idea.

And so we entered P2, which was to prove a scoreless period, played at a less frantic pace and with better D work from both sides restricting the shots on goal to 9-7 in Phoenix’s favour. The period was not without incident, the most remarkable of which was a sudden noise as loud as a volcanic eruption, an Alpine avalanche and an atomic explosion all rolled into one being heard by all assembled and emanating from Block A. Trio Polskie had exploded a balloon to set off a chant.

Both teams stepped up their efforts to find the net in P3 and we saw a livelier period akin to P1. With the period barely more than a minute old Phoenix Coach Tony Hand fell to the ice with an injury and the whistle blew. I did not see what had happened to him but I did see him kicking his legs like a petulant child. No call was made and, after returning to the bench, Coach Hand decided to deliver his considered opinion to the officials. What was said remained unheard by us observing from Block C, but it almost certainly did not start “I value your opinion, referee. However……” Referee Brooks doled out a bench minor to Hand for abuse of officials and the coach wearily made his way to the allotted house of correction with “Who’s sorry now” and so many other appropriate songs too numerous to mention blaring from the Planet Ice sound system.

On 46 minutes it was the turn of Bison to fall foul of the law with Kurt “The Scissors” Reynolds called for interference. In Greek mythology a phoenix was a bird which was capable of rebirth, obtaining new life by arising from the ashes of its predecessor. Could the Manchester Phoenix start their own process of rebirth from the ashes of their quest for victory over Bison by taking advantage of the power play? Yes they could. A minute and a half later Robin Kovář and James Archer worked the puck to Frankie Bakrlik in a very similar position from where he scored the first Phoenix goal. Just as it is a certainty that, if you cut open a steak and kidney Pukka Pie, you will not find a recognisable piece of kidney (come to think of it you won’t find recognisable steak either), it was also certainty that big Frankie, presented with an opportunity of this type, was not going to miss the target. All he had to do was find a gap between Dean Skinns and the goal frame. He did. The puck flew past Deano’s head and bulged the net behind. 3-2 and all to play for.

And so with nearly 12 minutes remaining Phoenix found themselves back in the game. They needed to keep their discipline at all costs. With 10 minutes remaining an unfortunate incident occurred. Kovář high sticked Reynolds in the face. Kurt “The Scissors” went down spilling corpuscular material all over the ice, causing several members of the crowd to feint at the sight of the blood. There was an unprecedented uproar from the Bison blocks as in unison the unsettled and the upset took umbrage. Most vociferous was the Howling Man, whose utterance was, for once, clearly heard by all in close proximity. “Get that goon off,” said he. And that is exactly what the officials did. Kovář was given a 5 + match (later downgraded to a 5 + game as a patched up Reynolds was able to return to the ice). These sorts of incidents are frequently accidental, but “rules is rules”, as they say, and, if you high stick someone in the face and spill blood, you must suffer the consequences. Kovář had shown his sporting nature earlier in the game when Dean Skinns dropped his stick and  the Czech chap returned it to him whilst play went on. 

Phoenix defended the 5 minute power play, but only just as, with a minute of the 5 on 4 left, a rocket shot from Marvellous Miroslav Vantroba rattled the bar and came down in the crease.  Back to full strength with 5 minutes remaining Phoenix redoubled their efforts, but Bison looked just as likely to score again. Neither side did and the final buzzer sounded with the score at 3-2 and the points in the bag for Bison. Bakrlik, scorer of both his team’s goals (and tremendous shots they were too) was elected top Phoenix banana and Cuddly Joe Greener Bison’s. 

Footnote : Dobre dla Ciebie Bison. Masz strzelił kolejnego gola. Good for you Bison. You have scored another goal.

Skin of the Teeth Win for Dominant Bison

Bison 4 Peterborough Phantoms 3

10/1/15

The third Planet Ice encounter between the two teams was played out last night with the series at one apiece. The first game was marred by outrageous violence, the second played out in a good spirit, but marred by goaltender Janis Auzins’s gloating gestures towards the Bison backers at the end. What were we to see this time?

The opening minutes of play were dominated by Bison, who were looking very lively and passing and moving much more crisply than in recent weeks. They eventually made their superiority count with a goal on 9 minutes, but I jump ahead. First I must relate an incident of the most deplorable and depraved violence which occurred on 7 minutes. Michael “Muzzy” Wales clattered one of the brothers Ferrara. Immediately ref Thompson’s arm went up to indicate a penalty and a power play to the Phantoms. However, indiscipline by the unsavoury Greg Pick turned it into a Bison power play instead, as Muzzy’s challenge was immediately followed by a violent assault on his person by Pick, which, had it occurred in Basingstoke High Street with members of Hampshire Constabulary in attendance, would have resulted in the disgraceful and indeed despicable assailant being charged with GBH or ABH at a bare minimum and looking at a jail sentence of 6 months rather that a 2 + 2 roughing, which is the punishment he received. So it was the box which received Pick not Wormwood Scrubs. As Muzzy’s kneeing offence attracted only a 2 minute penalty and because he had not returned Pick’s punches, preferring to act as an inert punchbag, it was Bison who went on the power play.

The power play was defended, but within 8 seconds of its termination, Bison bagged an even handed goal. An interesting line was on the ice at the time - 42 year old Bison skipper, Nicky Chinn, with his linemates Stuart “The Cat” Mogg (20) and Cameron “Popeye” Wynn (19). It was like Lance Corporal Jones and 2 Pikes. However, the combination made the Phantoms D raise their hands in surrender and there was no need for Chinny to shout “Handy-hock”. He set up Popeye, whose shot was saved. The rebound was fired back in by Moggy, but once again the Phantoms’ goaltender Auzins was equal to it. However, he could only block the shot and not freeze it and Chinny shovelled it in for 1-0 Bison. Some of the Bison backers informed their friends and family about the goal. Some texted. Some phoned. Some tweeted. Some facebooked. Some sent up smoke signals. Some dot dot dashed. Some waved semaphore flags. And Broadsword called Danny Boy.

It was looking good for Bison, but all their dominance was to count for nothing as some less than top drawer defending, as a member of the aristocracy might describe it, let the Phantoms back in with 2 goals in the space of a minute and a half. A greater robbery could not have been perpetrated by a gang composed of Dick Turpin, Jesse James, Ronnie Biggs and Bonnie and Clyde, but Bison could have no complaints.

The equalising goal came on 13 minutes with Milan Baranyk setting up Marc Levers at the back door. The Bison D had left him completely on his own as they would a radioactive visitor from Chernobyl. There was a big gap between netman and post and Levers required no written invitation. He snapped a one timer past hung out to dry Dean “Deano” Skinns. Luke Ferrara received the second assist. 1-1.

Only a minute and a half later it was 1-2 Phantoms. Edgars Bebris and James Ferrara combined behind the net, the latter sending a pass out to all alone Phantoms’ forward Baranyk in front of the net. He hammered a monster of a snap shot past Skinns, who once again had been hung out to dry.

The Phantoms hit the goal frame late, but there was no more scoring in the period, which ended with a 1-2 scoreline, despite a shot count of 19-7 in Bison’s favour. And so into P2 we went. Allow me a slight digression. Did you ever transform your Bic biro into a peashooter at school? Take out the end cap and ink tube, turn it round and hey presto you have a peashooter. You could now fire out inky paper pellets to splat against the clean white shirt of your hapless classmate. What relevance is this? Well it goes to show that sometimes something can be transformed into something completely different. Bison had to undergo a metamorphosis from a team unable to put the puck in the back of the net (apart from one scrappy effort) whilst at the other end gifting their opponents goals from slack defending into a goal machine rock solid at the back. This they achieved with 2 unanswered goals and a P2 shot count of 17-6 which illustrated their dominance.

P2 opened with another goal frame rattling shot from the Phantoms, this one from Marc Levers. Had that and the one at the end of P1 gone in it would have been a grossly unfair (on the balance of play and shot count) 1-4 Phantoms and surely no way back for Bison. But they didn’t, it wasn’t and there was.

On 27 minutes Bison equalised. A defensive slip up let in Nicky Chinn and Stuart “The Cat” Mogg. Chinny broke left and attempted to lay it on a plate for Moggy at the back door. The puck never reached him, but it mattered not a jot as hapless D-man, Jason Buckman, deflected the puck over the line. It would have been an own goal, had such existed in hockey, but it doesn’t, so Chinny was credited with his second goal of the night and Moggy an assist. 2-2.

5 minutes later it was 3-2 with a move as audacious as Captain Blood’s attempt to steal the Crown Jewells from the Tower of London in 1671. Tomas “Grandmaster” Karpov and Maple Leaf Doug Sheppard marauded towards the Phantoms goal. Karpov passed to the coach at the back door and he drew goaltender Auzins and the entire Phantoms D. Instead of shooting he snapped the puck back to Karpov. It was the perfect set up. Bison’s Czech chappie had an open goal, 6 feet wide and 4 feet high with no goaltender to spoil the view. He doesn’t miss these and didn’t this time. The goal was greeted by a hurling of hats to the rafters of Planet Ice – the city gents their bowlers, the undertakers their top hats, the professors their mortar boards and the Mexicans their sombreros.

P3 was played out with no further addition to the score, although the Phantoms did manage to ring the Bison pipes again (3^rd time) towards the end of the period. Although Bison had outshot the Phantoms by a staggering 36-13, they were still only a solitary goal to the good and the game was tantalisingly balanced. If the visitors could up their game in P3 the points were there for the taking. However, Bison had other ideas, as I shall relate.

A chance for the Phantoms to pull level came on 52 minutes with a power play. Nicky Chinn was called for tripping. He was invited to pack his bags by the referee. Well not literally of course as Chinny’s holiday was to comprise 2 minutes in the less than scenic penalty box, a break for which no luggage would be required. Could the Phantoms take advantage? No they couldn’t and, even worse, they fell further behind to a shortie of the most spectacular variety. A slack pass let in Long Ciaron Long, who skated forward and then set himself for a slap shot from just inside the blue line. It would have been easier for the Bearded Rabble Rouser of Block A to pass through the eye of a needle with a Biblical camel in tow than for Auzins to stop this missile of a shot, which was past him before he could react. 4-2 Bison and it was looking like game over. But it wasn’t as a minute later the Phantoms made it a one goal game again with a messy shovel in by Baranyk, Pliskauskas and Norton assisting. The Bison backers thought the goal should not have stood as Skinns and 2 other players were down in the crease, but the officials saw no goaltender interference and 4-3 it was. 

Deano performed heroics shortly after, losing his stick whilst making a save and then blocking a shot, whilst still stickless. The manner in which his stick flew away looked as if he was saying “I don’t need this anymore.” And indeed he didn’t. The Phantoms couldn’t score then and couldn’t score after. They pulled Auzins for the last 50 seconds, but the final buzzer sounded and it was all over. The scoreline of 4-3 hardly reflected Bison’s dominance, but it was, nevertheless, a good win against the Phantoms, who have surprised many by their much improved form this season. Janis Auzins was their top banana and, as he skated up to collect his beers, he was generously applauded by the Bison crowd, which went to show that, if you behave in the correct manner (he didn’t last time – see previous report) you will receive appropriate sporting recognition from the opposition fans. Lumberjack Joe Rand was Bison’s top banana.