Bison 5 Guildford Flames 4 (shoot out)
28/2/15
“Game of the
season,” many said as they tramped away from Planet Ice high on a cocktail of
hockey entertainment, but hopefully nothing else. The game had virtually
everything – fast flowing hockey in front of a sell out crowd, plenty of goals,
bizarre officiating, a short handed goal, a fight and a shoot out decider. Last
season the Bracknell Bees won a shoot out at Bison with the winning goal coming
from General Grant Rounding. Now Rounding, back from a long injury lay off,
plays for the Bison and he showed it was no fluke with a rifling penalty shot
past the hapless James Hadfield for the decisive goal. But, dear reader, I fear
I jump too far ahead. Let us return to the beginning.
The game opened
in a fast, flowing fashion. The early exchanges were robust. The first major
incident of the game occurred in the 7th minute. It was not a goal,
but a scandalous confrontation of the physical kind, most deplorable,
disgraceful and distressing for those in the crowd who abhor violence and had
the misfortune to witness it. I saw no such individuals. Everyone around me seemed
to be on their feet - men, women and children alike, even babies, their blood
lust manifesting itself by shaking, shouting and salivation. Declan “Barrack-O”
Balmer hooked Andrew McKinney and the latter took umbrage. The two came
together in a slugging match which was fought to an honourable draw with both
still standing to satisfy the blood lust of the crowd, babies and all. Off to
the box went the pugilists to do their porridge.
The Flames broke
the deadlock in the 10th minute. Set up by Vladimir Kutny and Tom Duggan,
Matt Towe picked up the puck, skated forward and fired the puck through Dean “Deano”
Skinns for 1-0 Flames. The goal caused the home fans to adopt a miserable
Albert Tatlock-esque demeanour, but they needn’t have because there was still a
long way to go with many twists and turns along the yellow brick road to come.
A mere 11
seconds of play later we saw an altogether opprobrious attempt by Kutny to
murder Andy “Machine Gun” Melachrino, not by shooting, stabbing or poisoning,
but by boarding. It was an outrage and the Bison crowd, with a purple pulsating
Howling Man in the vanguard, let their feelings be known. Referee Hogarth
pointed at Kutny. ”You’re banged to rights. Bang goes your freedom. You’re
gonna be banged up,” he said. And indeed he was and, as it turned out, to the
detriment of his team as they could not defend the resultant power play. The
equalising goal was not the most aesthetic as Aaron “Billy” Connolly stabbed
home a rebounded shot, but they all count. 1-1. Cuddly Joe Greener and Long
Ciaron Long assisted.
As the clock
ticked down the period seemed to heading towards first interval parity, but the
Flames had other ideas and with just over a minute to play Branislav Kvetan,
set up by Roman Tvrdon and Neil Liddiard, scored the goal of the game with a
rocket powered slap shot. 1-2 Flames. Albert Tatlock-esque demeanours amongst
the Bison backers returned.
The 2nd
belonged to Bison. Oushooting their opponents by 14-7 they scored the only 2
goals of the period to come from a position in the rear to one in front. The
first goal was scored on 24 minutes. Marvellous Miroslav Vantroba and Michael “Muzzy”
Wales combined to set up Cuddly Joe Greener on the breakaway. Joe’s shot was
saved but he banged in the rebound for 2-2.
4 minutes later
the Flames thought they had scored. A loose pass back went well wide and at
pace past Long Ciaron Long. A Flames player (sorry not sure who that was)
skated after the puck and one timed it. Flames’ arms went aloft to celebrate
the “goal”, but, according to Speedway Girl, a close observer of the incident,
the puck hadn’t even gone in and certainly the goal light remained
unilluminated. Furthermore a delayed penalty had been called and the moment the
stick hit the puck was the moment play would be stopped. The “goal” would have
been obliterated from the records, as if it had never happened, if indeed it
had ever been entered in the records, which it hadn’t. Had it been an illusion?
A dream? A fantasy? To the Flames players it must have been. They were
convinced it had been a goal, judging by their celebrations. The score remained
at 2-2.
On 33 minutes “Billy”
Connolly was called for high sticks. Advantage Flames? As it turned out, no.
Bison were to bag that ignominious of all ignominious goals for a team on the
power play – a shortie. Long Ciaron Long took an interception and skated
forward with Lumberjack Joe Rand in support. Like a malfunctioning refrigerator,
the Flames’ D proved to be out of order, on the blink and gone to pot. They
seemed as slow to get back and cover as would have been a lethargic tortoise on
weed. It was a classic 2 on 1. Long Ciaron drew the goaltender and then fired a
centring pass to Lumberjack Joe at the back door. 3-2 Bison. Recently Gwyneth
Paltrow and Chris Martin “consciously uncoupled”. We now saw the opposite of
this as scorer and assistant threw their arms around each other and “consciously
coupled” in celebration of the goal.
There were no
more goals in P2, but it wasn’t long before we saw another in P3. On 41 minutes
David Longstaff used his long staff to carry the puck around the back of the
goal and set up Danny Meyers in front at point blank range. Myers forced the
puck over the line and it was 3-3. Ben Campbell, possibly a descendant of the
treacherous Campbells of Glencoe, was awarded the second assist.
A flurry of
penalties in and around the 54th to 56th minutes saw
Bison on a 4 on 3. 18 seconds was all they needed to take advantage with “Billy”
Connolly stabbing home his second of the game in a goalmouth scramble set up by
a Long Ciaron Long shot. Kurt “the Scissors” Reynolds picked up the second
assist. 4-3 Bison.
The game moved
into the last 2 minutes of regulation time. The Bespectacled Youth shouted to
the Flames’ bench that they ought to call a time out. Seconds later they did.
He then shouted instructions to the bench to pull their goaltender. They did.
Perhaps the Youth regretted this as his sound tactical advice resulted in an
equalising goal a mere 12 seconds into the 6 on 5. It came from a goalmouth
scramble with Kutny stabbing the puck over the line from Longstaff. 4-4. For
Bison concession of such a late gaol was just about as undesirable as the
Bearded Rabble Rouser of Block A returning home to find his eccentric butler
chopping up his Chippendale chairs to use as kindling. But all square it was
and all to play for. Hadfield returned without the need for the Youth to
instruct the Flames’ bench to reinstate him and the final minute and a half
were played out without further addition to the score. Neither did the overtime
period see a match winning goal with only 2 shots on goal, both from Bison, in
the entire 5 minutes. The overtime period was not, however, without
controversy. Long Ciaron was clean through and in on goal, but, before he could
shoot, he was hooked backed in a most violent fashion immediately prior to the
net mysteriously moving off its moorings. A venomous uproar haemorrhaged from
the ranks of the Bison backers. Some called for a penalty shot, others a
penalty goal, other still the death sentence, but, quite bizarrely, the
referee’s decision was that it had all been legitimate play. What? How? Never
mind. No use crying over spilt milk. Bison had to get on with the game and
continue their journey up the yellow brick road to win in a way which
circumvented the myopia of Referee Hogarth. Neverthelesss, the crowd were left
with the feeling that surely Stevie Wonder could have done a better job than
Mr. Hogarth.
And so the game
was going to be decided by that most nerve wracking of hockey experiences – the
dreaded penalty shoot out. From the first two rounds only Marcus Kristoffersson
managed to find the net with a rifling forehander. It was now the last chance
saloon for Bison as Tvrdon skated up to take the Flames’ 3rd shot
and win the game if he scored. Dean Skinns had to save it. He did in
spectacular style. Bison were still in the last chance saloon, however, as
shooter Cuddly Joe Greener had to score to take the shootout into sudden death.
He skated up and with a clever deke managed to get Hadfield to commit to his
left before knocking the puck past the grounded goaltender on the backhand and
then sweeping in off his forehand. Sudden death awaited. Kvetan attempted to restore the Librarians’ advantage,
but Deano blocked his effort. Next up for Bison was General Grant Rounding, no
slouch when it comes to taking penalties and clearly as cool as a cucumber. He
skated forward and rifled the puck home with the accuracy of Phil “The Power”
Taylor going for a treble 20. Just as it had near the end of overtime, an
uproar haemorrhaged from the ranks of the Bison backers, but this time it was
not a venomous one. Indeed no it was a joyous one. Bison had snatched the victors’
laurels from a pulsating encounter. Kutny and Long were elected top bananas for
their respective teams.
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