Jarolin Plunges a Dagger into the Heart of Coach Russell

Bison 3 Milton Keynes Lightning 2

22/1/16

I don’t want to sound Scousist. (Is there such a word. Probably not, but there is now. What does it mean? Prejudiced against Liverpudlians of course). However, there are those who say that if you park your car in one of the worst parts of Liverpool you will come back to find the wheels gone. After 3 defeats in a week there were those who said that the Bison bus must have been parked in Toxteth as the wheels had surely come off. Last night, however, Bison proved that their wheels were very much in place and secured with wheel locking nuts to boot. They edged the top of the table clash against a very slick moving Milton Keynes team, who must consider themselves unlucky to have left Basingstoke with nothing to show for their labours.

The 1^st period opened well for Bison with a goal after only 4:31. It was a power play goal following a call for tripping. Was the offender Ross Kemp or maybe Hughie Green? No it was a combination of the two, not Hughie Kemp but Ross Green. It took Bison less than a minute to find the net. A cross ice pass from Cuddly Joe Greener found Shaun “The Sheep” Thompson. His slap shot was scuffed but the puck ended up in front of the goal as loose as a goose and there was René Jarolin, the man given his cards by MK, to stab it home. 1-0 Bison.

Bison nearly doubled their score on their next power play when MK were adjudged to have exceeded their allowable quota of players participating in the proceedings at one time. Referee Dave Cloutman held up six fingers (well four fingers and two thumbs to be precise as technically thumbs are not fingers) and off to the box went the MK bench or at least one man from it. In the ensuing power play Thompson and Watt were in on goal in a 2 on 1. Alas Shaun “The Sheep” rang the pipes with his shot and 1-0 it remained.

On 14 minutes MK enjoyed their first power play. Well I say enjoyed, but they probably didn’t really as they failed to score and, even worse, very nearly let in a shortie on 2 occasions. I jump ahead. Let’s go back to the offence. The dictionary defines “slash” as “attack in a savage or cutting manner.” I think that is an accurate description of what Cuddly Joe Greener did and, as a consequence, he, the perpetrator of the savage attack, cut a path to the penalty box in a manner most repentant and forlorn. In the first shortie attempt Tomas “Grandmaster” Karpov was away, but couldn’t shovel his back hander past Dean Skinns in the MK net. Moments later Long Ciaron Long failed to score and, in doing so or rather not doing so, saved the blushes of the Lightning D.

An even first period ended. The interval between P1 and P 2 saw the certain members of the crowd pondering the game’s ebb and flow. The Rabble Rouser of Block A ebbed to the bar while the Bespectacled Youth flicked his flow. What were they thinking? I have no idea.

Into P2 we passed and on 24:18 Bison added to the woes of the visitors by bagging another goal. It was a fantastic flowing move. I would love to describe the goal in graphic detail but I can’t. It was all in my head, but, when I snatched at my pen to write it all down, the pen cartwheeled into the air and landed two rows down. By the time I had got the pen back I had forgotten everything, such had been the trauma of seeing my beloved writing implement suffer a near fatal accident. What I can tell you is that the scorer was, once again, “MK reject” Jarolin assisted by Connolly and Greener. “What a good signing he’s proved to be,” blared from the tannoy. You naughty man, Bavy. 2-0 Bison.

A minute later it was 3-0. Alan “Prairie Dog” Lack did the dirty work, dug the puck out and fed Long Ciaron Long. Long Ciaron Long longed for a goal, but he settled for an assist as he found the perfect pass to Karpov, who scored with a sliding 5-hole shot. The Che Guevara impersonator in Block C threw his beret in the air, raised a clenched fist salute and shouted “POWER TO THE BISON!” before lighting up a Cuban cigar in celebration. (You think I’ve made him up don’t you? I can assure you he really exists but I will admit he was at the game in a different guise). 3-0 Bison and looking rosy.

However, the victory from this position was not to be a piece of cake for Bison and they certainly did not have their cake and eat it. They couldn’t provide the icing on the cake and MK came back very strongly and came within a slither of getting their slice of cake and send the mood in the Bison camp as flat as a pancake and some of the Bison backers as nutty as a fruitcake. No! No cake walk was it.

Within 3 minutes the visitors brought it back to a 2 goal game with a 5 on 3 power play goal. First Marvellous Miroslav Vantroba crocked Frankie Bakrlik with a high stick. (Bakrlik of course is the man who makes linesman Justin Lalonde look even shorter and fatter by merely standing next to him). Then in the ensuing discussion about who did what, with which and to whom, a bench minor was cast upon Bison for abuse of officials. Bison held out for 1:12 of the 5 on 3, but force of numbers paid off for Lightning as the swept the puck across the crease from side to side until they created a back door open goal opportunity for Jordan Cownie to fire home. It was a textbook example of how to make the extra men count. Bakrlik and Adam Carr were elected assistants to the scorer. 3-1 Bison.

The period ended with no further scoring, which was surprising as Bison twice rang the frame of the goal whilst still short handed. Firstly from Aaron “Billy” Connolly hit the bar on a breakaway and then Tomas “Grandmaster” Karpov smashed the puck against the post with Deano beaten. The pinging sound of rubber against steel gave us a warm glow but no goal. MK were not to be outdone in the nearly scoring stakes with a wraparound effort amazingly blocked by Jonny “Shut-em-out” Baston in the dying seconds. How he flew from one side of the goal to the other to block the effort seemed to defy the laws of physics. It was a vital save as a second MK goal then would have plunged the Bison backers into a state of funereal perturbation and given the visitors the encouragement they needed.

MK brought it back to a 1 goal game as early as the 5^th minute of P3. Bakrlik slipped the puck through to Grant McPherson, who put the icing on the cake (OK no more cake analogies). Michael Farn was considered to have played a sufficient part in the goal to be awarded, not a gold star, but an assist. 3-2 and all to play for.

Could Bison hold out? Their chances of doing so were dealt a blow with 2:54 remaining. Alan “Prairie Dog” Lack was adjudged to have used his elbow in an inappropriate fashion. Referee Cloutman blew his whistle. “That was a caddish thing to do, you opprobrious scoundrel,” said he. “You must atone for your misdemeanour in an appropriate manner. I sentence you to a custodial sentence of 2 minutes in the reformatory that is the penalty box.” Anyone who has conversed with Mr. Cloutman will know he doesn’t quite speak in that manner. It matters not. Off to the box went Lack. But it was Bison who nearly scored in the power play. Firstly Shaun “The Sheep” forced a turnover (not an apple one) and was away, but he couldn’t find the target. Then “Grandmaster” Karpov collected a wayward pass out of defence by Netman Deano, but his ability to send the puck into the net was lost when he dropped his stick and the only option left to him was blowing it over the line. That didn’t happen. The penalty was killed. Deano was pulled and a time out was called by coach Russell with 25 seconds remaining. His instructions, whatever that may have been other than "score a goal", were unfulfilled. The final buzzer sent shockwaves of relief through the Bison blocks.

All that remained was the election of the Top Bananas. Lewis Hook for MK and, as “Since you’ve been gone” blared from the tannoy, René Jarolin collected the beers for his team, leaving Coach Russell grinding - his teeth that is, as opposed to a load of coffee beans. As Bavi said “What a signing he has been.” Bison wheels off? PAH!