Streatham Strut but Stumble and Stall

Bison 5 Streatham Redhawks 2

14/10/17

With 6 former Bison men on their roster (see footnote) and captained by Adam Carr, well known to Bison fans as a stalwart of Milton Keynes Lightning, but also boasting a spell in Australia (yes they do have hockey down there) with the Western Sydney Ice Dogs, for whom he played 6 games and scored 6 assists in 2004-5, (isn’t Elite Prospects a wonderful resource?), the newly and politically correctly renamed Redhawks from Streatham made the journey down from the Smoke to take on the might of Bison, who were looking to extend their unbeaten start to their NIHL league season with 4 consecutive wins. Blistering biriyanis – that was a long sentence. It could have been as unequal as an arm wrestling contest between Mike Tyson and Mr. Burns and, at the end of P1, when Bison led 4-0, it looked as if it was going to be just that. However, things don’t always go according to plan, as we shall see.

The Redhawks held out for 9:25. They would have liked to have held out for 9:26, but they failed. Tomas Karpov found himself behind the Redhawks’ net. He waited for the moment. Suddenly skating forward and leaving the Redhawks D for dead was one of the Antonov twins. A burst of power and the hapless Streatham D-men were reduced to the rôle of impotent or indeed emasculated observers of the play. Vanya or Ivan (I am not sure which) slapped home the puck from just in front of the crease. 1-0 Bison.

2 minutes later there was an occurrence which caused the number under ”Home” on the scoreboard to change from 1 to 2. But first let me inform you that Brendan Baird had been seen by Referee Belfitt perpetrating a bit of naughtiness. He addressed Baird thus “I am the man with the tin star and you will go to the town jail for 2 minutes for that there cross check”. With only 5 seconds of the power play remaining a shot from Kurt “The Scissors” Reynolds was deflected past Matt Colclough into the Redhawks’ net by Ashley Jackson. The Bison crowd voiced their appreciation. Some shouted “YES”, others “GOAL”. Some, in recognition of Jacko’s other sporting pastime, may even have shouted “JOLLY HOCKEY STICKS”, but I personally heard no such utterance. 2-0 Bison.

Things were starting to look a bit dicey for the visitors and on 16:04 they became even more dicey as a result of chunderous marking by the Redhawks' D. Antonov fired an across the blue line pass to Baird (Joe not Brendan) and he fired a shot goalwards from the point. Before it got to its destination Karpov, lurking in front of the crease and luxuriating in a lack of defensive attention, snapped it home past a startled Colclough, who must have wondered where his D-men had gone. 3-0 Bison.

The clocked ticked down and with 17:39 showing, Baird (of the Joe variety) was strangely called for interference after what looked like a 50/50 collision with Doughty on the blue line. Referee Belfitt was in no doubt that Doughty had been interfered with and down the steps went Baird. This presented the Redhawks with heir first power play opportunity. Could they capitalise? Well no actually and, worse still, they let in that embarrassingly ignominious of all embarrassingly ignominious of goals – a shortie. A D-man, who I shall decline to identify, but not to save his blushes, but because I don’t know who it was, dawdled on the puck. There were no friends or countrymen to challenge him, but there was a Roman - Roman Malinik to be precise. He robbed the D-man of the puck as easily as the Artful Dodger would have relieved him of his gold watch and chain. The Czech chap skated in on goal to the left of the goaltender and fired one. Colclough saved it but failed to cover the puck. It was as loose as a goose and Malinik jabbed it through the hapless net custodian’s 5 –hole. 4-0 Bison.

A minute later the buzzer sounded and P1 hostilities ceased. It had been a top hole, top drawer, top marks period for Bison. Could they top that in P2 and go on to run up a double figure score? Well no. In fact back came the Redhawks with a couple of goals to make a contest of it, as I shall relate, dear reader, so please refrain from wandering off to wash the car, read the newspaper or walk the dog. Stay here and all will be revealed.

On 23:05 Jamie Hayes was seen interfering. It was clink for him and down the steps he went to do 2 minutes porridge, not at Her Majesty’s pleasure, but at Mr. Belfitt’s, although I am not sure how much pleasure Mr. Belfitt actually derived from the whole business. Never mind. It was Bison on the power play and a chance to make it 5-0. But sometimes things don’t always turn out as one expects and, as in the 1^st when the Redhawks had conceded that embarrassingly ignominious of all embarrassingly ignominious of goals – a shortie, it was now Bison’s turn to do the same. A turnover saw Michael Farn take possession of the puck and feed Ben Paynter with acres of space. As he advanced goalwards, his movement could hardly be likened to a slow, sluggish and slothful slugabed (before you ask slugabed is a real word). This was not the time to hang about. He moved forward and roofed one. 4-1 Bison.

2 minutes later it was 4-2. Joe Allen, not to be confused with Joe Allen the footballer or indeed Joe Allen the astronaut (that's him below), surged forward and was hooked back by Malinik. Referee Belfitt raised his arms and crossed them. He was either telling Allen he had the X-factor or indicating a penalty shot. It was the latter. The puck was placed centre ice and in came Allen. One could not help but admire the speed with which he skated and in on goal, but, although he rejoiced in a eulogisable forward velocity, the question was did he possess the guile, craft and trickery to get the puck past Skinns? Sometimes a direct approach is best and this is what Allen adopted. Straight through the 5-hole. Skinns had been skinned and it was 4-2 Bison.

 

Bison had been pegged back. They had to make their dominance pay or all would be thrown away. This they did on 34 minutes with a power play goal, Jordan Gregory having had his collar felt for tripping. The puck was cycled around and around and finally ended up, courtesy of Joe Baird, at the stick of Aaron “Billy” Connolly wide to the goaltender’s left. Billy shaped to shoot. It was obvious to Colclough what was coming – no need to send a smoke signal, although the drum beat of the Streatham drummer might have suggested that one ought to be. However no-one had a fire and blanket. The Bison skipper whipped his wrist shot past the netman and it was 5-2 Bison.

There were no more goals in the period, but a disharmonious affray of the most despicable kind erupted on 38:01. Josh Smith elbowed Michael Farn, who slumped to the ice like a sack of potatoes. In steamed our favourite pugilist Nicky “You What?” Watt to exact revenge on the hapless Bison man. Watt delivered his considered opinion in a robust and forthright manner, which took a physical rather than verbal form – well there was no point discussing the matter. I don’t recall seeing Smith throw any punches, but he nevertheless copped a 2 + 2 for fighting in addition to his elbowing penalty, whereas Watt copped a 2 + 2 for fighting and a 2 minute instigator penalty. Opprobrious behaviour.

P2 ended and P 3 began. There were no more goals, but there was a match penalty dished out to Jordan Gregory for a rather spectacular trip, sweeping both the Anotonov twins off their feet from behind.

The final buzzer sounded and it was all over baby blue. The election of Top Bananas threw up a couple of interesting recipients – Watt and Skinns. However, who am I to challenge the choices? Back to the Smoke went the Redhawks, doubtless well satisfied with the end result after a first period which was as unequal as that arm wrestling contest between Mike Tyson and Mr. Burns would have been.

Footnote : Matt Colclough, Alex Sampford, Brendan Baird, Jacob Ranson and Ryan Watt are all ex Bison men. But what a lot of people don’t know is that Michael Farn is also, having played a solitary game for Bison in 2008-9.