Honours Even as Netminders Rule the Roost

Bison 2 Guildford Flames 2

8/9/2012

In eager anticipation the Bison faithful returned to Planet ice in their droves – the Gooner, the Genial Brummie, the Desperate Dan lookalike, the Bespectacled Youth, the Howling Man, GI Joe, Pol Pot, the Man with 3 earrings, the Bearded Rabble Rouser, Gollum, not to mention the Man in the Charlestown Chiefs shirt (who is that bloke anyway?). They feasted upon a diet of top competitive and hard hitting hockey as Bison, looking to avoid getting their eyebrows singed, locked horns with the reigning league champions, the Guildford Flames. It ended honours even, due in no small measure to excellent man of the match performances from the two goaltenders – Mark Lee, burning it up in the Flames net, and new Planet Ice hero, Stonewall Stevie Lyle. Not even Pretty Boy Floyd and Baby Face Nelson firing Tommy guns from the hip could have made a better job of peppering the goals, but the netmen stood firm, each pulling off a series of fine saves to keep the score down to only 2-2.

It was Bison who were first to wake up the goal judge at the Wolfie’s end and get him pressing the illuminate button. On 13 minutes Rick Plant found himself planting his hind quarters on a seat in the penalty box, having been adjudged guilty of interference. A mere 30 seconds later up went the referee’s hands, making it look as if he was climbing an imaginary rope. “High sticking” he said and into the box to join his hapless team mate went Neil Liddiard. Only 24 seconds into the 5 on 3, a neat cross ice pass from Kurt “The Knife” Reynolds, who had another excellent hard hitting game on the Bison D, found Shoeless Joe Miller in front of the net. Joe made no mistake, netting with a top shelf wrist shot, and looks set to carry on his goal scoring ways from last season. Cymru am Byth. Greg “Chubbs” Chambers picked up the second assist.

With only a minute of the period remaining a delayed penalty was called. To facilitate the bringing on of an extra skater, Mark Lee hammered to the bench with such velocity that he could he have beaten Mark Cavendish in a sprint finish on the Champs Élysées. (OK maybe not. Let’s not ascend into the realms of fantasy). The Flames could not capitalise and when the dust settled, it was Chunky Joe Greener who was adjudged to have hooked and was sent to that house of correction that is the Sapphire Cleaning penalty box to serve a term of 2 minutes at her Majesty’s pleasure or, more correctly, Dave Cloutman’s pleasure.

The penalty carried over into the 2^nd period, but Bison survived. Shortly after, Andy “Machine Gun” Melachrino, Bison forward not a Mafia hit man, was bundled to the ice in unceremonious fashion. Despite the fact that there were 4 officials on the ice (2 referees and 2 linesmen), nothing was called. The Howling Man was stirred into action for his first rant of the season, bellowing his considered opinion at full volume - “Two referees and they still miss it”. Shortly afterwards, however, they did observe Joe Greener using his elbow in an illegal fashion and into the slammer went Joe for his second spell of choky of the game. Bison survived the power play, but, just as it had ended, Canadian hit man, Curtis Huppe, levelled the score with a low wrist shot. Jozef Kohut and Bransilav Kvetan with the assists.

Shortly after the equalising goal a malodourous dispute of the most disreputable type broke out between Andrew Sharp and the man mountain who is Tomas “Fozzie Bear” Fojtik. In 188 pro games Sharp, a forward, has managed an embarrassingly paltry tally 8 goals and 4 assists, but a gargantuan 761 penalty minutes (statistics from the Guildford Flames web site, adjectives from me). No prizes for guessing why he is in the team then. The fracas appeared to start with a slash from Sharp, who probably wanted the bragging rights of the first to down Bison’s new Goliath. It was a classic case of “I’m going to pick on the big man”. Mr. Sharp was, however, in for a rude awakening. Off flew the gloves and the two came together in a clinch. Sharp delivered 3 or 4 punches before Fojtik hit back. The giant blueliner, who seems taller than the Empire State Building (OK I’m exaggerating again), then subjected his opponent to a flurry of telling punches to the face, during which the Sharp helmet was sent spinning from his head. They fought to a standstill and were separated. 2+2+2 was the sentence meted out to each. For my money Fozzie Bear had it on points. He was then seen changing his shirt in the box and the Bespectacled Youth speculated that, if blood had been spilled, then Sharp should get a game penalty. It turned out that the aforementioned garment had merely been torn, thus necessitating its substitution, rather than splattered with blood, Sam Peckinpah style. Tomas later emerged from the box wearing no. 27, but not looking at all like Nicky Chinn.

Towards the end of the period, Bison blueliner, Carl Graham was called for two offenses to the person of Huppe, the first interference and the second slashing. On the second power play the Flames snatched the lead for the first time in the game. Set up by David Savage and the long staff of David Longstaff, the deadly Canadian marksman Nathan Rempel was set clear in a one on one with Stonewall Stevie. A clever deke ending, so the Bearded Rabble Rouser in Block A, a closer observer than myself, confidently informed me, in a saucered backhander, caused the goal judge to wake from his slumber for a third time. 2-1 Flames.

Into the 3^rd and it took 7 minutes for Bison to draw level, breaking clear in a 2 on 1. Greg “Chubbs” Chambers bore in on goal from the left wing and timed his pass to perfection. Steaming onto the pass was Shoeless Joe Miller who smashed a top shelf one timer past a hapless Lee for 2-2 and his second goal of the game, scored with a flourish and a swagger, a thrust with a dagger to make the Flames stagger (blimey I’m a rapper).

Joe was on course for a hat trick, but was denied 4 minutes later by Lee, who deflected away an exocet powered slap shot. Then a long pass found Joe on the Flames blueline and he would have been in on goal, but could not control the awkwardly bouncing puck. In between these two incidents, referee Dave Cloutman called Chunky Joe Greener for charging. Joe entertained a contrary opinion of the incident, but, as his name suggests, Mr Cloutman is the “man with the clout” and into the box went Joe for his third custodial sentence of the game. At the termination of the penalty an amusing incident occurred. Two players challenging hard for the puck skated right up to the boards just as the penalty box door was being opened directly in front of them to permit the liberation of the aforementioned miscreant, Mr. Greener. The Man with 3 Ear Rings thought they wanted to leave the game and so it appeared.

On 54 minutes a scramble in front of the Bison net had the Bison faithful with their hearts in the mouths. Suddenly the net moved off its moorings and the danger passed. However, Chunky Joe was called for his 4^th naughty of the game – deliberately moving the net.

3 minutes before time a deciding goal for Bison was chalked off as the puck had hit Lee’s mask and the whistle had been blown before the puck crossed the line. In the NHL it would have counted, but not in the EPL.

The game ended with Bison pressing hard with a 5 on 3, with Plant firmly planted in the box and Potts potting a penalty also. The Flames survived and so ended a pulsating game. The downside for Bison was an injury to player/coach Doug Sheppard, sustaining a heavy check in the first period, which saw him unable to take the ice for the remainder of the game. Let’s hope that Maple Leaf Doug will be restored to full health and fitness in time for next week’s league opener against the Bracknell Bees.