Miller Magic

Bison 4 Peterborough Phantoms 0

22/9/12

Were you there that night in Wolfie’s when Coach Sheppard announced the re-signing of Shoeless Joe Miller for Bison? I was there and I can tell you without risk of being accused of exaggeration (who me?) that the ovation Joe received from the assembled throng of Bison faithful threatened to take the roof off the building. Shep described Joe as a “natural goalscorer” and, if anyone needed confirmation of how good judge of a player he is, I hope they were at Planet ice last night when Man of the Match Joe hammered a hat-trick to scare the life out of the Phantoms. But it wasn’t only about Joe – it was a fine team performance.

The game began with a rather strange incident after 1:43. Chunky Joe Greener and Phantoms goaltender, Damien King went down on the ice and lay there together like a couple locked in a loving embrace, but Joe had cooked his goose, as far as the officials were concerned, and was called for interference. Into the penalty box he went to simmer for two minutes. Having served his porridge, Joe emerged from the box and within seconds had set up Bison’s first goal. The move proved a recipe for success with Chunky Joe as head chef. The puck sizzled across the ice from Joe’s stick like an egg on a hot griddle straight into the path of Doug Sheppard. Coach Sheppard bore down on goal with only one blueliner and a goaltender to beat. On the opposite wing Shoeless Joe Miller raced forward in support, tearing up the ice and ruining the Zamboni driver’s hard work. However Maple Leaf Doug didn’t need him and his unstoppable wrist shot found the net. A distinct PING! was heard. Had the puck gone in off the post or hit the stanchion at the back of the goal? I hadn’t been to Specsavers and couldn’t see. My attempt to clarify the situation in the interval failed as the Bearded Rabble Rouser, much closer to the action in Block A, could throw no light on the matter and proved as much use as a chocolate teapot. Who cares what it hit? 1-0 it was.

The game saw the return to Planet Ice of former Bison idol, Ondrej Lauko, the Slovak Sniper, who bagged no fewer than 100 goals in his two seasons at Bison. To celebrate his return the Gooner and his family (all three of them) wore Lauko shirts. They must have winced as Lauks received a different sort of welcome halfway through the period – a massive hit involving 254 lbs of muscle and bone in the form of Tomas “Fozzie Bear” Fojtik aka Tomas the Tank splatting him against the boards. Thankfully Ondrej survived the personal assault.

No sooner had the 2^nd period begun when Tom Norton was called for high sticking on Joe Rand. Into the slammer he went but for only 22 seconds as Bison made the power play count. Greg “Chubbs” Chambers’s shot was deflected into the path of Shoeless Joe, all alone at the back door. Joe made no mistake and it was Millertime once more. Joe Greener’s involvement in the game was bearing fruit with the award of his second assist.

A minute later, Shoeless Joe was sent “down the steps” for holding and in the resultant power play Coach Sheppard nearly bagged a short handed goal, chasing onto a long pass, which may indeed have been intended as a dump, controlling the puck at full stretch, but having his shot saved. Moments later the Bespectacled Youth shouted “His lid’s come off”. And so it had. Kurt “the Knife” Reynolds had lost his helmet and had no option but to leave the ice or receive a penalty for improper equipment. He was in the corner on the other side of the ice to the bench and had to skate faster than a Porsche 911 Turbo on full throttle to get off the ice as quickly as possible and allow a team mate on as the officials quite correctly permitted the game to continue.

On 34 minutes Greg “the Specs” Owen, a man who clearly has been to Specsavers, was unlucky to have a “goal” chalked off, the net moving of its moorings as he fired in his shot. That wasn’t the only time the net was off its moorings in the period. Earlier the goal had shifted off and Bison’s Caledonian Captain, Tosh Redmond, was attempting to put it back on with the action still continuing in the corner. However, Phantoms netman King didn’t like this and shoved it further adrift, ruining Tosh’s efforts and stopping play. He couldn’t be called for delay of game as the net was already off. You are not committing an offense by pushing a net off its moorings further off its moorings, so to speak.

Minutes later an extraordinary incident occurred. The slightly built Cameron “Popeye” Wynn, all 160 lbs of him, delivered a massive hit on James Ferrara, much to the astonishment of the crowd. Duracell Man confirmed to me that an elbow, unseen by the officials, was also involved – heavens above! Surely not Cam. He must have been upset by the Phantoms' No. 17. Just before the period ended Bison romped into a 3-0 lead. Chunky Joe Greener and Coach Sheppard combined to put Miller in the clear and Shoeless Joe rifled in a top shelf wrist shot.

Right at the start of the 3^rd Fojtik used his size and strength to block a Phantoms forward so effectively that I couldn’t see who it was. The incident amused the crowd, particularly the bespectacled Youth, who shouted some good advice to the Phantoms man – “Don’t mess with the Tank.” It is not clear whether the warning was heard, but indeed no-one did “mess with the Tank” thereafter.

Although the Phantoms came back strongly in the final period and succeeded in outshooting Bison, they could not find the net and it was, in fact, the home team who wrapped up the scoring in the 49^th minute. A slack pass out of defense was intercepted by Maple Leaf Doug. He fed Joe Miller, who fired in another of his unstoppable wrist shots. Damien King must have hoped that the frame of the goal had saved his bacon as he surely heard the sonorous PING! sound behind him – we all did. Alas for the hapless netman the puck had hit the underside of the bar and cannoned in. Shoeless Joe had completed a well deserved hat-trick.

Well what a night for the Bison faithful. Stonewall Stevie Lyle achieved Bison’s first shut out for two years, blocking, catching and deflecting no fewer than 33 shots. There were some hairy moments – you could say moments with more hair on them than on a Sphynx cat (you have to Google image that if you don’t know what I’m talking about), but Stonewall Stevie’s goal survived. And credit for the shutout must also go to the Genial Brummie and the Man in the Charlestown Chiefs shirt. How on earth? Well the last time Bison came close to a shutout was in February. With the clock ticking down towards 3 minutes to go and Bison leading the Bracknell Bees by 3-0, the Chiefs Man jinxed it all by mentioning the possibility of a shut out to the Genial Brummie. Within seconds the Bison goal was breached. This time, even though they thought about it as the clock ticked down, they said nothing. A lesson had been learned.