Bison Bushwackers Head Telford off at the Pass

Wild West Special

Bison 4 Telford Tigers 3

13/10/2012

On September 7^th, 1876 the notorious Jesse James gang were bushwhacked by the citizens of Northfield Minnesota as they attempted to rob the First National Bank and were all but annihilated. At Planet ice last night a bushwhacking of similar magnitude took place. (OK I might be exaggerating a bit as no-one got shot). A hard working Telford team came within a wrangler's whisker of claiming victory at a place which has become a happy hunting ground for them in the last couple of seasons. It took two goals in the last 4 minutes for Bison to make the Tigers bite the dust.

It was the Tigers who claimed the first goal of the game. Brittle took the puck around the back of the net and fired across the goal for Tim Burrows to score via Green. It was as big a calamity as Calamity Jane herself. Stonewall Stevie Lyle conceding after only a minute of the game seemed as unlikely as the Lone Ranger being seen riding Silver around Trafalgar Square, shouting “Hi, ho!” But, quite incredibly, it had happened. The former not the latter of course.

Bison were level within 3 minutes. Greg “Chubbs” Chambers centred for Maple Leaf Doug Sheppard to shoot in with the accuracy of a .52 calibre bullet fired from a Sharps carbine or was it the other way around? No-one seemed to be sure let alone the announcer who credited the score to Greg Sheppard. Or was it Doug Chambers. What is certain is that Cuddly Joe Greener picked up the second assist. (Incidentally, the nickname “Cuddly Joe” has now been officially approved by Mr Greener himself no less).

On 10 minutes Bison went ahead. Joe Greener, as quick thinking as a Mississippi riverboat card sharp, spotted a gap with the eagle eye of a prospector panning for gold and skated inside to loose off a wrist shot forcing an excellent glove save from Declan Ryan. From the ensuing face off, the puck squirted across goal to Coach Doug Sheppard. He wasn’t toting a six shooter, but he was toting a hot hockey stick (equally as lethal) and he proved he was as deadly a shot as the notorious Kid Curry (the real one, not the fictional one). 2-1 to Bison. The goaltender was starting to look a bit sick. Perhaps he needed to consult Doc Holiday – well not really as Doc was not a real doctor of course. 

In the 14^th minute Greg Chambers became an outlaw. Sheriff Pickett said “I am the man with the tin star and you will go to jail for 2 minutes for slashing”. 65 seconds later Chubbs was joined by Tosh Redmond in the town jail for hooking and Bison had to survive 55 seconds of a 5 on 3. This they did and also the ensuing 5 on 4.

Then the Bison crowd were treated to a scene which wouldn’t have looked out of place in a Sam Peckinpah film. Alex Symonds received a stick in the face and shed blood, but the offence was missed by the officials. Shortly after, Greg Chambers received a 10 misconduct for arguing that the Tigers were changing their line after icing in too vociferous a manner. It wasn’t Judge Roy Bean who passed sentence, it was referee Pickett.

As the clock ticked down Cameron “Popeye” Wynn found himself in on goal. He hammered forward faster than the Wells Fargo stage from Laramie with its team of horses at full gallop, but alas his shot was saved and he broke his stick in the effort of shooting (the nobbly bit - sorry I don’t know if that has a technical name - came off the top). Just as well for the Tigers, as to concede a third at this stage would have been as undesirable as the scrapings from the inside of a wrangler’s stetson after a month on the trail.

Telford quickly turned the tables and levelled things up within 2 minutes of the restart. Stonewall Stevie Lyle looked as if he thought that Adam Taylor’s lob was going over the bar, as the puck dropped in over his raised blocker. It was embarrassing for the Bison netman as he had appeared to put up about as much resistance as the ugliest girl at the Golden Nugget saloon. However, it later transpired that he had lost sight of the puck against the crowd – a misfortune which could befall any goaltender. He had been as unlucky as if he’d been Wild Bill Hickok holding the dead man’s hand (the what? Google it). 2-2 it was.

Bison needed to step things up and impose their authority on the game. Otherwise it was going to be a very quiet weekend at the OK Corral. However, it was the Tigers who finished the period in whooping and hollering style. Tomas Kruzik found himself a solitary gunslinger in front of goal. The Bison D had given way as easily as the swing doors of the Long Branch Saloon. As he shaped to shoot, it was obvious to the goaltender what was coming – no need to send a smoke signal. However, stopping it was another matter. Kruzik  snapped his wrists and beat Stonewall Stevie to the draw. 2-3 Tigers.

The period ended with a bench clearance. It looked like a scene in the Acme Saloon as two rival gangs of cowpokes got lively at the end of a long trail drive, but in the end no-one was thrown through the saloon windows.

So, Bison went into the third period trailing. Could the top team in the EPL lose to the bottom team? It seemed as believable as the sales pitch of a travelling medicine man. Bison pressed forward and things started to get hot for the goaltender – as hot as if he was being roasted over a cowboy’s camp fire. First of all he faced a 2 on 1 as Cuddly Joe Greener and Lumberjack Joe Rand charged towards the goal like a pair of Pony Express riders. Alas for Bison Greener’s shot was stopped by Ryan. Then Coach Sheppard saw a slap shot from the point deflected as high as the High Chapparal off the covering D-man’s stick.

The crowd were then treated to a massive hit by Kurt “the Knife” Reynolds on Luke Brittle, who did not live up to him name and came away from the encounter in one piece, but looking decidedly uncomfortable as he headed for the bunkhouse. Then Greg “Chubbs” Chambers, Bison’s  maverick forward, sliced through the Tigers’ defence like Geronimo’s tomahawk, looking as dangerous as a Nevada desert rattler and with the poise and balance of Buffalo Bill riding in amongst a galloping herd. Chubbs drew and fired from the hip, but Ryan swallowed the puck like a hungry wrangler scoffing a plate of beef and beans.

Bison were fast entering the last chance saloon. As the clock ticked down, it was looking to the whiskey glass half empty fans that Bison’s chances, although not quite lost and gone forever, like my darling Clementine, were certainly fading fast. Then came the turning point. Tomas Janak was sent to the town jail for 2 minutes, not for shooting up the town, but for the much less serious offence of tripping. He didn’t like the call and petulantly shrugged off hands that were laid upon him. The Bison crowd called for a hanging but no rope (or indeed a tree) could be found. As the outlaw was escorted to the town jail, the linesman would have asked him to hand over his six shooter, had he been carrying one, but he was not. Almost immediately Bison scored on the power play. The puck was worked around the back of the goal from Greg “the Specs” Owen to Maple Leaf Doug Sheppard and there in front of the net was Cuddly Joe Greener, faster on the draw than even John Wesley Hardin. The goaltender may have wished that he could block his goal with something as large as Mr Wishbone’s chuck wagon (only you and I are old enough to remember that, BisonPete), but he proved woefully smaller. Joe fired in for 3-3 - another notch on his stick, but not as many as William Henry McCarty alias Bonney had on the butt of his Winchester rifle. (William Henry who? Why Billy the Kid of course).

With only 47 seconds remaining Bison snatched victory. An untidy scrap in front of goal ended with Greg Chambers firing in a rebound as the net moved off its moorings. It was touch and go, but the referee allowed the goal, much to the fury of the visiting players. Thankfully for Mr. Pickett, they didn’t turn into an angry lynch mob, but his decision meant that the Tiger’s hopes of winning the game were now well and truly assigned to a plot on Boot Hill. The Bison crowd celebration must have been as annoying to the away fans as an out of tune honky-tonk piano playing “The Yellow Rose of Texas” in the Lucky Strike saloon.

In the dying seconds Ryan was pulled, but it was too late. The Tigers’ net, gaping as wide as the Grand Canyon, survived two empty net chances, the second from Cuddly Joe Greener crossing the goal line just after the buzzer sounded.

And so ended a tense game with the Tigers unlucky to leave town without a point after a spirited performance. Greg “Chubbs” Chambers received the Bison Man of the Match award – a box of Budweiser rather than a fistful of dollars.