Swindon Smash and Grab

Many thanks for all your messages of support (see last week’s post), most of which were sent privately through the Forum and Facebook – understandable that most of you don’t want to raise your heads above the parapet. Massively appreciated I can tell you. Delighted to report that not one single negative comment did I receive and my readership was maintained at its usual level. I do the reports for fun, not money or fame or whatever else and, if anyone thinks that my “abusive comments” are anything more than a bit of light hearted banter (at least one person does), well best not to read the report. To everyone else thanks again for your continued support and camaraderie and I hope you enjoy this week’s report despite the depressing result.

Bison 0 Swindon Wildcats 2

3/10/12

Those who expected an easy game against the Wildcats were well wide of the mark. The much improved Cats came up the M4, clad from head to foot in their familiar corpuscular red kit (well head to ankle to be pedantically accurate), playing fast moving, quick passing hockey to grab the honours at Planet Ice. But they had to wait as the game was delayed for one hour due to a lack of officials – someone forgot to appoint them. It’s a popular pastime amongst sports fans to criticise officials, but if ever we needed a reminder that without them there is no game, then this was it. All credit to Mr. Hayden and the curiously named, Mr. Dolphin, for stepping in at short notice, which allowed the game to go ahead. Only 2 officials, less than the usual 3 or is it 4? I get confused.

The Bison faithful were getting used to seeing shut outs. Could there be another one for Stonewall Stevie Lyle? After all he had gone for 8 periods on home ice without allowing a single goal. I wonder what Paul, the physic octopus (remember him? If not why not Youtube him), would have predicted. Alas Paul is now swimming around in that big fish tank in the sky so we will never know. In the end it wasn’t Stonewall Stevie who got the shutout, it was his Wildcats counterpart, Dean Skinns. Bison huffed and puffed but could not blow Deano’s house down. At the other end Stevie had another excellent game, but a big bad wolf called  Jonas Hoog  breached the Bison defences twice and those two goals turned out to be the numerical difference between the two sides.

It was a game packed with incident. In the 4^th minute Lumberjack Joe Rand was unlucky to have a “goal” chalked off. In on Skinns, he cleverly deked, but just before he netted his shot, Deano had made like a frog and pushed the net off its moorings (with a skate on each post to make sure). The Bespectacled Youth called for a penalty shot, but the officials gave Skinns the benefit of the doubt. Very soon after the Wildcats took the lead. Set up by the unsavoury Nicky Watt and the admirable Aaron Nell, Hoog flexed his wrists and drove a shot between Lyle and post, blocker side. The Gooner would later swear blind that it was offside, but the officials either didn't spot that one or thought otherwise. It was the first goal Stonewall Stevie had allowed in 170 minutes of play at Planet ice. Bad luck.

It must have been difficult for only two officials to keep a handle on the game and a number of calls were not made, much to the chagrin of the Howling Man, whose rant of “He’s spotted one at last” rent the air as the Wildcats were ruled offside for the first time in the game in the 8^th minute. I told you we like to criticise the ref, didn’t I?

Then came the goal that never was. I couldn’t see whose shot it was, but it seemed to go over the line by the post and come out again. Many thought it was a goal, but the officials rejoiced in a contrary opinion (they said “NO”).

Into the second and during a goalmouth melee, Greg “the Specs” Owen’s stick ended up in the net, but not the puck. Then Shoeless Joe Miller and Cuddly Joe Greener failed to capitalise on a 2 on 1, the D-man blocking the pass. Next a stretching Greg “Chubbs” Chambers latched onto a long pass and was in on Skinns for a short handed goal, but put his shot wide.

There then erupted a disharmonious affray of the most despicable kind. Shoeless Joe Miller tangled with Aaron Nell. Suddenly in steamed Mohican Nicky Watt, an agent provocateur if ever there was one. The Genial Brummie, the Bespectacled Youth and the Man in the Charlestown Chiefs shirt all agreed it was a case of “third man in” and surely a game penalty for Watt. However, the players appeared to indulge in nothing more than a noisy session of mutual hectoring coupled with pushing and shoving, but without a blow exchanged. The blood lust members of the Bison crowd who were anticipating a meaty smack up, knowing Watt’s reputation, were disappointed. When the dust had settled it appeared that, as no punches had been thrown, Miller and Nell were deserving only of a minor (2 minutes each for roughing) and Watt a 10 misconduct, possible for something he said or for his disagreeable demeanour. As he entered the house of correction known as the Sapphire Cleaning penalty box he did smite the wall in anger and frustration, thus endearing himself even further to the Bison faithful.

Greg “Chubbs” Chambers was trying to find the recipe for bringing Bison back on level terms. He showed what a class act he is. His skates bit into the thin crust of the ice as he roasted two D-men in the neutral zone. The defense made only a half baked attempt to stop Chubbs, as he sliced his way through, leaving the hapless blueliners chopped and diced in his wake. He then glided around the back of the goal and attempted a wraparound, but once again Dean Skinns kept the puck out. The Swindon D looked more embarrassed than if they’d been caught with spinach on their teeth. They had put up less resistance than a wet paper bag on this occasion.

The Wildcats’ next attack saw them plunder a second goal, again from the stick of Jonas Hoog. This time it was a slap shot which Lyle couldn’t block. A red light was put on behind the goal either by the goal judge or by a lady of ill repute looking for business. The referee must have realised it was the former as he signalled a goal rather than ask “how much?” Aaron Nell and Shane Moore picked up the assists for the goal and at 0-2 the 2^nd period ended.

Bison nearly pulled one back within a couple of minutes of the 3^rd, but a promising tic-tac-toe moved was ended by the whistle as Greg “the Specs” Owen slid inside the goal. The Genial Brummie remarked that Owen had got both himself and earlier his stick into the goal but alas not the puck. Nicky Watt then slashed Joe Miller’s stick making it spin crazily through the air and over the Wildcats’ bench. Joe held his hands up as if to say “How can he get away with that?” But he did.

Deans Skinns was having a great game. In the space of a few seconds in the 48^th he saved a Tomas “Fozzie Bear” Fojtik slap shot and then an Owen wrist shot which dumped him on his backside with the puck in his glove. At the other end Lyle was also performing heroics. In particular a fantastic catch from a vicious shot from Richardson brought gasps of admiration from the assembled.

Time was running out for Bison and with 38 seconds to go Lyle was pulled. Could Bison claw back the two goals required for overtime in those last seconds? It seemed as unlikely as Robbie Coltrane riding a penny farthing to victory in the Tour de France and so it proved. The Bison goal survived two empty net attempts, the second just crossing the line wide of the goal as the final buzzer sounded. It was all over.

No points, no goals for Bison. The Bespectacled Youth epitomised the disappointment of the Bison faithful - GI Joe heard him muttering as he left “Hmmph. Not even a bloody punch up.”