Bees in the Bag as Chubbs Shows his Class

Bison 5 Bracknell Bees 2

24/11/2012

Greg “Chubbs” Chambers slammed a hat-trick and Bouncing Czech, Jaroslav Cesky, a brace to propel Bison clear at the top of the EPL, as news of a Manchester Phoenix reverse at Swindon was broadcast by joyous iPhone toting fans at a packed Planet Ice last night. It turned out to be a comfortable win achieved with only 1 Joe (Rand) of 3 (Greener and Miller are still injured) and no Jacob Heron, but with new signing James “No nickname yet” Smith looking impressive and scoring 2 assists on his debut.

It took Bison only a little over a minute to stamp their authority on the game. Set up by Coach Sheppard and Greg “the Specs” Owen, Chubbs picked his spot and rifled in a top shelf wrist shot from the point for a power play goal. As the puck flew past goaltender Carl Ambler’s head it must have sounded like an angry bee and doubtless made him an angry Bee.

In the 7^th minute Bison found themselves defending a 5 on 3 power play with both Carl “Scooter” Graham and the impressively tattooed Alex Symonds (have you seen his Facebook pictures?) sent “up the river” not to a place they call Sing Sing (any Rory Gallagher fans out there?), but instead to the penalty box within 14 seconds of each other. Bison defended the penalty and, in fact, nearly scored themselves when Coach Sheppard burst clear. Stonewall Stevie Lyle saved the day with two excellent saves close to the end of the 5 on 3, the first from Scott “Turtle” Spearing at point blank range and then from Slovak Cannon Marcel Petran’s slap shot from the slot.

Bracknell’s next power play bore fruit, but not the sort of fruit they would have hoped for – not a sweet, succulent and juicy peach type of fruit, but more a rotten apple oozing with the fluids of decomposition. With Greg “the Specs” Owen banged up for stick holding (someone else’s I presume), Bison clicked the scoreboard on to 2-0 with a superbly taken short handed goal scored by Bouncing Czech, Jarolslav Cesky. Snaffling the puck at halfway he skated forward with the speed and grace of a gazelle. In contrast the dispossessed D man could pursue him only with the speed and grace of an incontinent kangaroo and had no hope of catching him. Jaro deked and slotted home off his forehand. Why travel to the Louvre in Paris to gaze at the Mona Lisa when you can see a comparable work of art at Planet Ice. The only difference is that you couldn’t frame Jaro’s goal and hang it up in a gallery. Pity. 

Into the 2^nd we moved and in the 23^rd minute the Bees were lucky not to concede another short handed goal. With Alex Symonds going to the box for a slash (that doesn’t sound right does it?), Lumberjack Joe Rand was away, but couldn’t unleash his shot before being slammed into the boards. When no call was made an incensed Howling Man was moved to voice his opinion. “Boarding!” he shouted, but nothing else – perhaps he was lost for words. Surely not.

Close to the halfway point of the period the Bees finally cracked the Iron Curtain that is Stonewall Stevie Lyle. The scorer was Martin Masa. It was a bit of a scramble. His first shot was saved, but he managed to scoop the rebounded puck over Lyle whilst in a kneeling position – very impressive. Disappointed though he must have been to see Bison concede the goal, the Desperate Dan lookalike, the founder, chairman, life president and only member of the Bison branch of the Martin Masa Appreciation Society, may have allowed himself a silent inward celebration.

Shortly after the Bison Planet Ice crowd were horrified to see a disgraceful and indeed disreputable rumpus break out. The antagonists were Carl “Scooter” Graham and Scott “Turtle” Spearing – yes him again. Mr. Spearing is about as popular with the Bison crowd as the scrapings from the inside of a camel herder’s fez. Graham and Spearing ended up doing time for various offenses – hooking, slashing and roughing. They were joined in the box by Kris “12 Gauge” Melachrino. New signing Kris has not spent a second of playing time on the ice yet, but he copped a 10 misconduct for attempting to join the fray from the bench and doubtless expressing his disappointment, probably not in the most polite of manners, when prevented from doing so by the referee.

On 34 minutes, Bison scored again. James Smith worked the puck out front from behind the goal line to Maple Leaf Doug Sheppard, who drew the goaltender feinting (not fainting) to shoot. With Ambler committed, the coach squared to the Bouncing Czech. Jaro hammered in a snap shot for his second of the game. 3-1 Bison.

 4 minutes later it was 4-1 with a delayed penalty goal. Blueliner Symonds shot a speculative puck forward. Could Greg “Chubbs” Chambers chase it down? Yes he could - at a stretch. Could he bring it under control? Yes he did. Could he deke and beat Ambler? Enough rhetorical questions. Yes! Second assist to Symonds’s fellow D-man Zach Sullivan.

And so into the 3^rd period and it was not long before Chubbs had completed his hat trick. James Smith broke away, but was forced away from goal and behind the goal line. He flicked the puck back to Chubbs, who moved around the back of the goal, circled out in front with the Bees D AWOL and rifled in a top shelfer from the slot. Ambler would have had more chance of stopping a Saturn V transporter on full throttle than this shot. (Go on Google image “Saturn V transporter” – you’ll be very impressed). 5-1 Bison.

A ray of sunshine entered the world of Bracknell on an otherwise dark and rainy evening (yes rain was actually coming in through the roof of Planet ice and drenching the Genial Brummie, but he still managed to retain his geniality in the face of this great adversity). The Bees pulled back a goal on their second 5 on 3 power play of the night. First of all Cesky tripped and was asked to make a trip to the box. Then Owen high sticked, causing Marcel Petran to fall face down to the ice, his gloves flying off in the process. The Man with 3 Ear-rings rather unsportingly called for an “improper equipment” penalty, but this was not given. To the box went Greg the Specs. The Bees capitalised at last on a power play opportunity with Shaun Thompson popping in a rebound off Lyle from Lukas Smital’s shot, but it was too Smital too late, as the Bearded Rabble Rouser of Block A put it. The Bees had as much chance of pulling back their 3 goal deficit as Long John Silver would have of beating Usain Bolt in a 100 metre sprint (maybe Long John would have if he had not been a fictional character).

As the minutes ticked down another incident involving rancour of the most virulent variety broke out. The principal antagonists in this case were Alex Symonds and Alan Lack. The final jostling scrum involved 7 players and 3 officials, who looked as if they were huddling together to keep warm. You could have thrown a lasso around the bunch. Climbing Girl, a very close eye witness, confirmed that the unsavoury altercation went no further than pushing, shoving and the voicing of contrary opinions. Symonds and Lack were sent to the cooler presumably to cool off.

The final buzzer sounded with the Bison faithful la-la-ing the traditional “Great Escape”, but there was nothing Houdini like about the Bison performance. Coach Sheppard and his flock (no sorry that’s shepherd) looked in control for the whole game and came away with a well deserved victory. Greg “Chubbs” Chambers skated off with the Man of the match beers for another impressive performance and a hat-trick displaying finishing of the highest quality. 

I see from my blog stats that I have a worldwide audience with readers from the USA, Canada, France, Germany, Russia, Indonesia and elsewhere. Heavens above! I am honoured. I am not sure why you read these rather off the wall reports of games played by a small but much loved hockey team in the UK where hockey is very much a minority sport, but thanks very much for doing so. By all means post up a message if you like. I would be intrigued to hear from some of you.

RAW MEAT!

 A word for Jacob Corson-Heron, who has suffered a very nasty injury. Get well soon Jacob and let's see you back on the Bison bench and scoring.

Bison 5   Sheffield Steeldogs 3

18/11/12

This was not a game for the fainted hearted, the timorous, the meek and mild or the timid. Neither was it a game for the vegetarian - it was pure raw meat. We were expecting trouble and we got it, certificate X style. Into town came the infamous Sheffield Steeldogs, led by their notorious enforcer/coach André Payette, a man who has more penalty minutes to his name than there are minutes in a whole day (that’s a fact) and who has been involved in over 200 fights in his time on the British hockey scene. He once again failed to endear himself to the Bison faithful, some of whom I am sure would regard him as undesirable as the contents of a spittoon from a tobacco chewers’ conference. 

The Dogs’ plan? Give Bison a damned good roughing up and put them off their game to negate the Dogs’ inferiority in skill. They rampaged through Planet Ice like a bunch of violent Chavs waving ASBOs, but the referee, Mr Decaux, stood for no nonsense and doled out penalties to the Dogs for their multifarious misdeeds (including no fewer than three 10 minutes misconducts) like there was no tomorrow. They met a strong and skilful Bison team, who stood up to the visitors’ obnoxious bully boy tactics. If you had to ascribe a film title to the game it would have to be “The Good, The Bad and the Ugly”, but I’ll let you decide who the final adjective best describes.

Strangely enough the first penalty went against Bison. Coach Sheppard was called for stick holding (presumably not only his own) and was sentenced to a 2 minute stretch of solitary without even bread and water (actually there may have been some water available) in the Sapphire Cleaning penalty box. The Dogs then threw away their power player advantage with only 9 seconds of the penalty served when a hooking Dimitri Rodin (obviously not related to Auguste Rodin and he clearly wasn’t thinking - Google Rodin’s Thinker if you like) joined Maple Leaf Doug in an adjoining cell.

No sooner had the punishments been served when two more were imposed. Bouncing Czech, Jaroslav Cesky, 2 goal hero at Bracknell the night before, was high sticked and an unsavoury disagreement quickly developed into a scene of the most ugly animosity and topped with a sprinkle of malevolence. Payette was the chief villain as he tried to provoke Cesky into a fight. 2 + 2 for roughing for him, with a 2 roughing to Cesky.

The Dogs were about to pay the penalty for their indiscipline. When defending a power play do not commit a further punishable offense, but that’s exactly what happened. Derek Campbell (never trust a Campbell. Remember Glencoe. I told you that last week) was called for a cross check and joined Payette in the penal institution that is the Sapphire Cleaning penalty box. The Dogs now had 1.15 to defend a 5 on 3. They failed. Greg “Chubbs” Chambers set up Lumberjack Joe Rand, whose shot was stopped but spilled by James Flavell in the Dogs’ net. On hand was Greg “the Specs” Owen to drive the puck through the gap between goaltender and post. 1-0 to Bison.

There were no more goals in the period, but plenty of incidents with Kurt “the Knife” Reynolds satisfyingly dumping the very unsavoury Craig Elliott (just ask Joe Miller about him) on his rear end and shortly after delivering a big hit on Payette, Derek Campbell (I told you not to trust a Campbell) receiving a 10 misconduct for voicing his views to the referee in a somewhat robust manner, then Hirst and Gibson each receiving penalties within 15 seconds of each other to give Bison another 5 on 3, which they unfortunately failed to capitalise on. The period ended with Duncombe and Reynolds nearly but not quite fighting and receiving a 2 roughing each. At the buzzer an ugly and angry scrum of Dogs players surrounded the referee for the purpose of intimidating him, but they clearly failed as the man in the stripes continued to punish their misdeeds throughout the 2^nd and 3^rd periods.

Within 2 minutes of the restart Bison romped into a 2-0 lead. Greg “Chubbs” Chambers pounced on a loose puck near the blue line, like a cat hunting a dormouse (sorry Cake Lady), steamed in and loosed off an unstoppable top shelf wrist shot. An unassisted goal for 2-0.

The Dogs reduced the arrears in the 31^st minute. A shot by Edgars Bebris was saved by Stonewall Stevie Lyle, but the rebound was popped in by Ben Morgan. Just before Lumberjack Joe Rand had delivered a massive hit on Payette, who disappeared from view as he slumped to the ice like a sack of potatoes to the delight of the Bison crowd. Shortly after the goal he received another penalty for a hook and no sooner had he emerged from the box than he was done again, this time for a head check and received a 2 + 10. I am sure the Bison faithful were thinking that 10 years in the Siberian salts mines would have been more appropriate, but Mr.Decaux was not empowered to impose such a sentence. As Payette skated “up the river” to “serve his porridge” the strains of “If I only had a brain” blared forth from the Planet Ice sound system. Coincidental I am sure.

Within 7 minutes of the start of the 3^rd, Bison stamped their superiority on the game and clicked the scoreboard on to 3-1 and then 4-1. First Owen and Chambers caught the Dogs defense in a 2 on 1 breakaway and were in position to execute a perfect Zulu “horns of the buffalo” encircling attack. However, the object of the exercise was to score rather than surround the Dogs’ netman and spear him to death, so they went for goal. A precision pass from Greg “the Specs” found Chubbs, who beat Flavell low. 4 minutes later the same two combined with Cesky to produce a power play goal. Chambers’s centring pass from the left found Owen on his own in front of goal. The goaltender would have had a better chance of beating Homer Simpson in a doughnut eating contest that stopping the shot. He did neither.

There then occurred a most opprobrious incident which had the Bison crowd enunciating their disapproval in the most vociferous manner and the Man from MI5 in block C so incensed as to consider utilising his license to kill to punish the Dogs perpetrator. A ferocious attempt on the life of Jaroslav Cesky was made. The would be assassin was Andrew Hirst with a cynical cross check as the Bouncing Czech was attempting to bounce back to his feet, having been knocked to the ice like a skittle. It was more akin to a Mick McManus (under 40? Google him) forearm smash and it took his helmet clean off. Cesky was then set about by Craig Elliott. The officials intervened and Cesky and Elliott copped a 2 roughing each. Hirst, who must have seen nothing wrong with his challenge, let his views be known to the officials in what must have been a manner most inappropriate. He deserved a 5 year stretch in Alcatraz. Alas Alcatraz is no longer operating as a penal institution, so he escaped with the much more lenient sentence of a 2 + 10 in the Sapphire Cleaning penalty box. It was the Dogs’ third misconduct penalty of the night. On the subsequent power play Bison romped further ahead when a Chubbs shot was deflected home by Lumberjack Joe. Alex Symonds, who would later be declared Bison’s man of the match, picked up the second assist.

Late in the game. Pavel Gomeniuk and Lloyd Gibson scored to bring a degree of respectability to the scoreline. The first was a sweet shot, the second an untidy goalmouth scramble, scoring a zero on the artistic merit scale, but they all count. 5-3 it ended.

Bison had to their credit no fewer than 3 power play goals out of 5 scored. The Dogs had only themselves to blame for being short handed for so much of the game. They racked up a staggering 58 minutes in penalty minutes. Take out their three 10 misconducts, that left 28 minutes or half the game where they were men short on the ice. No wonder they lost the game. As Dixon of Dock Green would have told us, crime does not pay. Under 60s may have to Google him.

Flames Flicker and Fade

Last week I was brought to account by Steve, a chef of 26 years experience, when I described choux pastry as flaky. Steve reliably informed me that choux pastry is, in fact, not flaky at all. My mistake. Many thanks for that. I have learned something. The final paragraph in this report is specially for you, Steve. Hope you enjoy it and I hope it is free of culinary errors.


Bison 3 Guildford Flames 1

10/11/12

EPL champions, the Guildford Flames, blazed a trail into town to reignite the local rivalry with Bison, hoping to cook up a sizzling display and singe and scorch their hosts. In the final analysis they ended up the ones with their fingers burnt as on fire Bison roasted and toasted the visitors with a combustible performance, leaving the Flames with their title ambitions not quite up in smoke but certainly on the back burner.

(Sorry that opening paragraph sure is tabloid style journalism at its worst).

Bison can congratulate themselves on shutting out the deadly trio of Curtis Huppe, Nathan Rempel and David Longstaff. It was hardly surprising that the latter two failed to score a goal or even a point between them as they didn't ice.

The game started in a lively fashion and it wasn’t long before Bison found themselves on their first power play of the evening. Jez Lundin was adjudged guilty of a cross check and received an invitation to spend 2 minutes of solitary confinement in that dark, dank dungeon that is the Sapphire Cleaning penalty box. Bison’s 5 forward power play unit came on to punish the Flames, but alas they could not find a way through a solid Flames D which looked as impenetrable as Ned Kelly’s body armour.

The game ebbed and flowed with chances at both ends. Guildford were looking fractionally the better side and took the lead in the 16^th minutes. Ben Campbell collected the puck on the Bison goal line, skated back towards the blue line, swung around and beat Stonewall Stevie Lyle with a top shelf wrist shot to register an unassisted goal.  (Never trust a Campbell, some might say. Remember Glencoe!)

They say the grass is greener on the other side and this was certainly true for Cuddly Joe Greener, who stayed on the other side of the glass for the 2^nd and 3^rd periods still suffering from the injury he sustained at Slough on Sunday. Get well soon Joe.

The general consensus of opinion amongst the Bison faithful, mumbling amongst themselves  during the break, had been that Bison needed to step up their game and that’s precisely what happened. Only a minute or so into the 2^nd they were level. The execution of the move would have impressed even Elizabeth I’s Lord High Executioner. It involved Lumberjack Joe Rand and Bouncing Czech, Jaroslav Cesky. The latter fed a cross ice pass to Maple Leaf Doug Sheppard. There was no need to bother with Pythagoras’s theorem (squares and hypotenuses didn’t enter his mind I am sure) – Jaro got the angle just right. He found the stick tape of Doug, who moved forward and snapped his wrists. His shot arrowed in over the shoulder of Mark Lee via the crossbar with a sonorous clunk. The players celebrated, but referee Mr Szucs was not sure it had crossed the line and had to consult the goal judge. It was a tense moment for the Bison faithful and many a fingernail was gnawed. Suddenly Mr Szucs swivelled around and pointed at the net with a flat hand to indicate that the goal was good.  The feelgood factor erupted from the Bison crowd as those present exploded into an enthusiastic display of approbation. 1-1 it was.

A minute later Bison blueliner Zach Sullivan was adjudged to have hooked an opponent and was sent to the penalty box to reflect upon his misdeed. As the final few seconds of the penalty ticked down and with the Flames power play unit fully committed up ice a strange knocking sound like a hyperactive woodpecker reverberated around Planet Ice. We looked to our left to ascertain the source of this annoyance and saw Mark Lee hammering his stick on the ice to warn of the imminent release of Sullivan. Had the young blueliner emerged from the box with Bison in possession of the puck, an accurate long pass would have put him in on goal unchallenged. However, the Flames kept possession until the penalty expired, which was just as well as their skaters appeared to be completely ignoring Lee’s warning. 

Shortly after a scramble in front of goal saw Lumberjack Joe Rand and Cam “Popeye” Wynn stabbing, slashing, prodding and poking at a loose puck in the crease, but Lee managed to smother it. Then Stonewall Stevie Lyle, well forward out of his goal, executed a spectacular catch from a Jez Lundin slapshot.

Bison came within a Movember whisker of increasing their lead in the 30^th minute. The absence of Cuddly Joe Greener and Jacob “Pretty Boy” Heron (an officially approved nickname by the way) through injury had forced Coach Sheppard into experimenting with some unusual line combinations. Andy “Machine Gun” Melachrino found himself in the hallowed company of Coach Sheppard and Bouncing Czech Cesky, who combined to put him in on goal. He raced forward faster than a benefit fraudster rushing to cash his ill-gotten Giro and unleashed a shot which Lee was equal to. Bad luck Andy.

As the period moved towards a conclusion, Kurt “The Knife” Reynolds survived an attempt on his life with the most extraordinary ease. A massive check into the boards had the rafters of Planet Ice ringing. The crowd winced in unison and worried about the safety of Kurt. Had he been reduced to the thickness of an After Eight mint? But no! He suddenly emerged with the puck and skated forward as if nothing had happened to set up Cesky, whose slap shot produced a butterfly save from Lee. 

Bison were now turning up the heat. They finished the period with a shot count of 19-4 and were clearly dominating play. But could they make their superiority count and take the game? Of course they could. It took only 4 minutes of the 3^rd for them to romp into a 2-1 lead. Blueliners Reynolds and Carl “Scooter” Graham” combined to set up Greg “Chubbs” Chambers. Chubbs skated in from the right wing into the offensive zone and rifled home a top shelf wrist shot. The puck was propelled forward from Chubbs’s stick with the same velocity as Grandad’s dentures ejected during a violent sneeze. The goaltender remained as motionless as a Norwegian Blue parrot nailed to his perch. (Those under 40 may have to Youtube the Monty Python “Dead Parrot” sketch). The was much hurrah and huzzah from the Bison blocks as all, except those in the away seats, celebrated a well deserved lead.

Bison rounded off the scoring shortly after and clicked the scoreboard on to 3-1. They had finally made the Flames realise they had bitten off more than they could chew. Although the visitors were loath to leave the table with egg on their faces, their half-baked attempts to bring home the bacon just had not cut the mustard and it became a case of out of the frying pan and into the fire for the hapless Flames. Bison confirmed that they are no meat-and-potatoes team with another goal to spice up the proceedings. 12 minutes before the end it was salad days for Bouncing Czech, Jaroslav Cesky. Cool as a cucumber, but with form as hot as a chilli pepper, he put a real peach of a shot past the Flames’ goaltender, which helped towards him earning the top banana Man of the Match award. Put in by Owen and Miller, he was stirred onwards by the prospect of a meaty opportunity. His skates bit into the thin crust of the ice as he raced forward clear of the D, gobbling up the ice, deking and serving up a back hander. The puck sizzled across the ice from Jaro’s stick like an egg on a hot griddle. Had it been an egg Mark Lee may have had a chance of stopping it or at least breaking the yolk with his stick. But it wasn’t and he didn’t.  The egg  puck sizzled across the goal line. It was a cordon bleu goal served up by head chef, Cesky, to delight the goal gourmets in the crowd and maybe one on which he may dine out for years to come. The Flames’ D had been roasted, toasted, grilled, flambé-ed, sauté-ed, pan fried, filleted, nibbled at, gnawed at, chewed up, crunched up and swallowed up by the Bison forward lines. They had thrown the kitchen sink at them and gone through them like a hot knife through butter until their goose was well and truly cooked.

Bison Bombs Obliterate Slough

Bison 6 Slough Jets 2

3/11/2012

Come, friendly bombs, and fall on Slough!

It isn't fit for humans now

So, rather unkindly in my view, wrote the late Poet Laureate, Sir John Betjeman. Last night at Planet Ice bombs did indeed fall on Slough, but not the type that Sir John envisaged. The Berkshire visitors were subjected to a 4 goal 2^nd period blitzkrieg including an explosive 76 second treble strike which propelled Bison into a game winning position.

The 1^st period ended scoreless, but was not without incident. Halfway through the period Adam Greener attempted to check Lumberjack Joe Rand, but the Canadian, like a slippery eel, managed to avoid the robust challenge of Greener who missed and checked himself into the boards. Joe had the better of Adam all night and this may well have been a catalyst for the malodorous incident which was to occur in the 2^nd period – more about that later.

Shortly after a Greg “Chubbs” Chambers shot struck the mask of Greg Rockman, who must have been thankful to Jacques Plante (Google him). We were then treated to a wonderful move from Greg “The Specs” Owen. It was sheer artistry, as he powered through the Slough defense like a Chindit hacking through the Burma jungle, although thankfully no machete was involved. He passed to Shoeless Joe Miller, whose snap shot was saved. Then the lethal Lithuanian, Mindy Kieras, blotted his copybook. The whistle blew for offside as Mindy was shaping up to take a slapshot. Rather than stay his hand he decided to shoot anyway, hitting Stonewall Stevie Lyle. “Are you deaf?” enquired the Howling Man of Mr. Kieras at full volume from Block C. Bison skipper Tony “Tosh” Redmond was quick to reprimand the wayward Lithuanian as was referee Szuchs.

The 2^nd period opened in lively fashion with Greg “The Specs” Owen again demonstrating that he has more artistry than Tracey Emin and Damien Hirst put together. This time he received a pinpoint pass from Greg “Chubbs” Chambers and, as he glided over the Jets’ blueline, he proved as elusive as a solitary strand of linguini drizzled in olive oil slipping through the prongs of a fork. Alas his wrist shot was gobbled up by goaltender Greg Rockman, who showed that he is worth his salt. However, the Jets’ D were about to show that they were as flaky as choux pastry and as full of holes as a Swiss cheese as Bison proved they can cut the mustard and jumped on the goal gravy train. They scrambled, battered and mashed the Slough D and poached 3 goals in less time than it would take to boil an egg. The first goal, a power play goal on 31 minutes was a sweet one for the Bison faithful and a sour one for the visiting fans. A delicious move between Owen and Miller set up Rand plumb in front of goal. Joe delivered a peach of a shot, so sweet it should have had a cherry on top. 1-0 to Bison.

A mere 27 seconds later it was 2-0. Set up by Cuddly Joe Greener and Andy “Machine Gun” Melachrino, Coach Sheppard fire a low shot past the hapless Rockman. Only 49 seconds of play passed before it was 3-0. Tosh Redmond forced a turnover and Shoeless Joe Miller broke clear to rifle home a top shelfer. A time out called by the Jets, who were now wobbling like a Chivers jelly.

The period ended in spectacular style with a fight and a 4^th Bison goal. Adam Greener launched a seemingly unprovoked attack on Lumberjack Joe Rand at centre ice. Joe turtled (well why wouldn’t you?) whereupon the Jets blueliner stood over him and hammered his fists (at least 4 punches) into his prostrate form whilst an official tried to intervene. Greener appeared to cause more damage to himself than to Joe as he was later seen holding to his hand a bag of ice, which I would doubt was destined for his post-game Martini. The Bison faithful were appalled. “Bring back the birch” shouted the Man in the Charlestown Chiefs shirt. Fortunately for Greener Mr. Szuchs didn’t have the constitutional power to do so and the crowd had to be content with merely a 2 + 2 + 10 minute custodial sentence for Greener. Many felt that a game penalty would have been appropriate. During the resultant power play Bison stormed into a 4-0 lead. Their 5 forwards power play team made Slough pay, albeit in a rather comical fashion. Greg “Chubbs” Chambers delivered a slap shot from the point, but failed to connect in quite the manner he would have liked. The puck bobbled and bounced tamely through Rockman’s 5-hole deflecting off a stick on the way. Some thought that stick belonged to Joe Rand, who had crashed the net, but the goal was awarded to Chubbs with an assist from Bouncing Czech, Jaroslav Cesky. It is a shame that it was not possible to give an assist to Lumberjack Joe, whose presence can only have distracted and possibly also unsighted Rockman. Had the embarrassed goaltender been Captain Kirk, he would doubtless have wanted Scottie to beam him up to the Starship Enterprise and away from this misery.

And so into the 3^rd period. Slough finally chalked up a goal on 48 minutes. With Michael Wales doing time for a cross check, man mountain Frantisek Bakrlik, at 231 lbs, half a stone lighter than Adam Greener, but 7” taller, raced clear of a forward committed Bison power play unit and scored a short hander. The officials weren’t sure, but consulted Honest Pete, the goal judge, who confirmed that he had lit up. 4-1 it was. Soon after Bakrlik pushed Alex Symons into the boards and an unseemly brawl broke out. It was a scandalous confrontation of both the verbal and physical kind, which ended with both players going “down the steps”.

4 minutes later Bison restored their 4 goal advantage. Owen’s shot was saved by Rockman, but he could only spill the puck into the blue paint like a hot potato. Shoeless Joe Miller was on hand to drag the spud wide of the committed netman and rifle it home for 5-1. Rand and Owen picked up assists. Whilst still scribbling my notes the Jets scored again – only 25 seconds of play later. Don’t ask me to describe the goal, but I can tell you it was scored by the follicly challenged Matt Towlaski assisted by Michael Wales. At 2-5 could Slough come back, even at this late stage? To the glass half full Bison fans, this looked as unlikely as Rick Waller riding a Shetland pony to a win in the Epsom Derby and so it proved. It would be Bison coach, Maple Leaf Doug Sheppard, who would round off the scoring with less than 2 minutes on the clock. His first effort was muffed. But the puck went straight to Cesky, whose return pass was put in by the coach with the accuracy of a javelin thrown by Fatima Whitbread. The Bison crowd voiced their appreciation. Some shouted “YES”, others “GOAL”, maybe others “HURRAH!” (unlikely) or “BRAVO!” (very unlikely) or even “JOLLY HOCKEY STCIKS” (no). Suffice it to say, it all blended into a “wall of sound”, of which Phil Spector would have been proud (Google him if you like).

And so an impressive 6-2 win for Bison with much for the Bison faithful to cheer, not least the performance of new signing Jaroslav Cesky and 2 goals each for Miller and Sheppard. However, they were all pipped to the Man of the Match award by the admirable Lumberjack Joe Rand, who would later disclaim a Gordie Howe hat-trick (a goal, an assist and a fight) as he hadn’t thrown a punch during the unsavoury confrontation with Adam Greener.