RAW MEAT!

 A word for Jacob Corson-Heron, who has suffered a very nasty injury. Get well soon Jacob and let's see you back on the Bison bench and scoring.

Bison 5   Sheffield Steeldogs 3

18/11/12

This was not a game for the fainted hearted, the timorous, the meek and mild or the timid. Neither was it a game for the vegetarian - it was pure raw meat. We were expecting trouble and we got it, certificate X style. Into town came the infamous Sheffield Steeldogs, led by their notorious enforcer/coach André Payette, a man who has more penalty minutes to his name than there are minutes in a whole day (that’s a fact) and who has been involved in over 200 fights in his time on the British hockey scene. He once again failed to endear himself to the Bison faithful, some of whom I am sure would regard him as undesirable as the contents of a spittoon from a tobacco chewers’ conference. 

The Dogs’ plan? Give Bison a damned good roughing up and put them off their game to negate the Dogs’ inferiority in skill. They rampaged through Planet Ice like a bunch of violent Chavs waving ASBOs, but the referee, Mr Decaux, stood for no nonsense and doled out penalties to the Dogs for their multifarious misdeeds (including no fewer than three 10 minutes misconducts) like there was no tomorrow. They met a strong and skilful Bison team, who stood up to the visitors’ obnoxious bully boy tactics. If you had to ascribe a film title to the game it would have to be “The Good, The Bad and the Ugly”, but I’ll let you decide who the final adjective best describes.

Strangely enough the first penalty went against Bison. Coach Sheppard was called for stick holding (presumably not only his own) and was sentenced to a 2 minute stretch of solitary without even bread and water (actually there may have been some water available) in the Sapphire Cleaning penalty box. The Dogs then threw away their power player advantage with only 9 seconds of the penalty served when a hooking Dimitri Rodin (obviously not related to Auguste Rodin and he clearly wasn’t thinking - Google Rodin’s Thinker if you like) joined Maple Leaf Doug in an adjoining cell.

No sooner had the punishments been served when two more were imposed. Bouncing Czech, Jaroslav Cesky, 2 goal hero at Bracknell the night before, was high sticked and an unsavoury disagreement quickly developed into a scene of the most ugly animosity and topped with a sprinkle of malevolence. Payette was the chief villain as he tried to provoke Cesky into a fight. 2 + 2 for roughing for him, with a 2 roughing to Cesky.

The Dogs were about to pay the penalty for their indiscipline. When defending a power play do not commit a further punishable offense, but that’s exactly what happened. Derek Campbell (never trust a Campbell. Remember Glencoe. I told you that last week) was called for a cross check and joined Payette in the penal institution that is the Sapphire Cleaning penalty box. The Dogs now had 1.15 to defend a 5 on 3. They failed. Greg “Chubbs” Chambers set up Lumberjack Joe Rand, whose shot was stopped but spilled by James Flavell in the Dogs’ net. On hand was Greg “the Specs” Owen to drive the puck through the gap between goaltender and post. 1-0 to Bison.

There were no more goals in the period, but plenty of incidents with Kurt “the Knife” Reynolds satisfyingly dumping the very unsavoury Craig Elliott (just ask Joe Miller about him) on his rear end and shortly after delivering a big hit on Payette, Derek Campbell (I told you not to trust a Campbell) receiving a 10 misconduct for voicing his views to the referee in a somewhat robust manner, then Hirst and Gibson each receiving penalties within 15 seconds of each other to give Bison another 5 on 3, which they unfortunately failed to capitalise on. The period ended with Duncombe and Reynolds nearly but not quite fighting and receiving a 2 roughing each. At the buzzer an ugly and angry scrum of Dogs players surrounded the referee for the purpose of intimidating him, but they clearly failed as the man in the stripes continued to punish their misdeeds throughout the 2^nd and 3^rd periods.

Within 2 minutes of the restart Bison romped into a 2-0 lead. Greg “Chubbs” Chambers pounced on a loose puck near the blue line, like a cat hunting a dormouse (sorry Cake Lady), steamed in and loosed off an unstoppable top shelf wrist shot. An unassisted goal for 2-0.

The Dogs reduced the arrears in the 31^st minute. A shot by Edgars Bebris was saved by Stonewall Stevie Lyle, but the rebound was popped in by Ben Morgan. Just before Lumberjack Joe Rand had delivered a massive hit on Payette, who disappeared from view as he slumped to the ice like a sack of potatoes to the delight of the Bison crowd. Shortly after the goal he received another penalty for a hook and no sooner had he emerged from the box than he was done again, this time for a head check and received a 2 + 10. I am sure the Bison faithful were thinking that 10 years in the Siberian salts mines would have been more appropriate, but Mr.Decaux was not empowered to impose such a sentence. As Payette skated “up the river” to “serve his porridge” the strains of “If I only had a brain” blared forth from the Planet Ice sound system. Coincidental I am sure.

Within 7 minutes of the start of the 3^rd, Bison stamped their superiority on the game and clicked the scoreboard on to 3-1 and then 4-1. First Owen and Chambers caught the Dogs defense in a 2 on 1 breakaway and were in position to execute a perfect Zulu “horns of the buffalo” encircling attack. However, the object of the exercise was to score rather than surround the Dogs’ netman and spear him to death, so they went for goal. A precision pass from Greg “the Specs” found Chubbs, who beat Flavell low. 4 minutes later the same two combined with Cesky to produce a power play goal. Chambers’s centring pass from the left found Owen on his own in front of goal. The goaltender would have had a better chance of beating Homer Simpson in a doughnut eating contest that stopping the shot. He did neither.

There then occurred a most opprobrious incident which had the Bison crowd enunciating their disapproval in the most vociferous manner and the Man from MI5 in block C so incensed as to consider utilising his license to kill to punish the Dogs perpetrator. A ferocious attempt on the life of Jaroslav Cesky was made. The would be assassin was Andrew Hirst with a cynical cross check as the Bouncing Czech was attempting to bounce back to his feet, having been knocked to the ice like a skittle. It was more akin to a Mick McManus (under 40? Google him) forearm smash and it took his helmet clean off. Cesky was then set about by Craig Elliott. The officials intervened and Cesky and Elliott copped a 2 roughing each. Hirst, who must have seen nothing wrong with his challenge, let his views be known to the officials in what must have been a manner most inappropriate. He deserved a 5 year stretch in Alcatraz. Alas Alcatraz is no longer operating as a penal institution, so he escaped with the much more lenient sentence of a 2 + 10 in the Sapphire Cleaning penalty box. It was the Dogs’ third misconduct penalty of the night. On the subsequent power play Bison romped further ahead when a Chubbs shot was deflected home by Lumberjack Joe. Alex Symonds, who would later be declared Bison’s man of the match, picked up the second assist.

Late in the game. Pavel Gomeniuk and Lloyd Gibson scored to bring a degree of respectability to the scoreline. The first was a sweet shot, the second an untidy goalmouth scramble, scoring a zero on the artistic merit scale, but they all count. 5-3 it ended.

Bison had to their credit no fewer than 3 power play goals out of 5 scored. The Dogs had only themselves to blame for being short handed for so much of the game. They racked up a staggering 58 minutes in penalty minutes. Take out their three 10 misconducts, that left 28 minutes or half the game where they were men short on the ice. No wonder they lost the game. As Dixon of Dock Green would have told us, crime does not pay. Under 60s may have to Google him.