Bees in the Bag as Chubbs Shows his Class

Bison 5 Bracknell Bees 2

24/11/2012

Greg “Chubbs” Chambers slammed a hat-trick and Bouncing Czech, Jaroslav Cesky, a brace to propel Bison clear at the top of the EPL, as news of a Manchester Phoenix reverse at Swindon was broadcast by joyous iPhone toting fans at a packed Planet Ice last night. It turned out to be a comfortable win achieved with only 1 Joe (Rand) of 3 (Greener and Miller are still injured) and no Jacob Heron, but with new signing James “No nickname yet” Smith looking impressive and scoring 2 assists on his debut.

It took Bison only a little over a minute to stamp their authority on the game. Set up by Coach Sheppard and Greg “the Specs” Owen, Chubbs picked his spot and rifled in a top shelf wrist shot from the point for a power play goal. As the puck flew past goaltender Carl Ambler’s head it must have sounded like an angry bee and doubtless made him an angry Bee.

In the 7^th minute Bison found themselves defending a 5 on 3 power play with both Carl “Scooter” Graham and the impressively tattooed Alex Symonds (have you seen his Facebook pictures?) sent “up the river” not to a place they call Sing Sing (any Rory Gallagher fans out there?), but instead to the penalty box within 14 seconds of each other. Bison defended the penalty and, in fact, nearly scored themselves when Coach Sheppard burst clear. Stonewall Stevie Lyle saved the day with two excellent saves close to the end of the 5 on 3, the first from Scott “Turtle” Spearing at point blank range and then from Slovak Cannon Marcel Petran’s slap shot from the slot.

Bracknell’s next power play bore fruit, but not the sort of fruit they would have hoped for – not a sweet, succulent and juicy peach type of fruit, but more a rotten apple oozing with the fluids of decomposition. With Greg “the Specs” Owen banged up for stick holding (someone else’s I presume), Bison clicked the scoreboard on to 2-0 with a superbly taken short handed goal scored by Bouncing Czech, Jarolslav Cesky. Snaffling the puck at halfway he skated forward with the speed and grace of a gazelle. In contrast the dispossessed D man could pursue him only with the speed and grace of an incontinent kangaroo and had no hope of catching him. Jaro deked and slotted home off his forehand. Why travel to the Louvre in Paris to gaze at the Mona Lisa when you can see a comparable work of art at Planet Ice. The only difference is that you couldn’t frame Jaro’s goal and hang it up in a gallery. Pity. 

Into the 2^nd we moved and in the 23^rd minute the Bees were lucky not to concede another short handed goal. With Alex Symonds going to the box for a slash (that doesn’t sound right does it?), Lumberjack Joe Rand was away, but couldn’t unleash his shot before being slammed into the boards. When no call was made an incensed Howling Man was moved to voice his opinion. “Boarding!” he shouted, but nothing else – perhaps he was lost for words. Surely not.

Close to the halfway point of the period the Bees finally cracked the Iron Curtain that is Stonewall Stevie Lyle. The scorer was Martin Masa. It was a bit of a scramble. His first shot was saved, but he managed to scoop the rebounded puck over Lyle whilst in a kneeling position – very impressive. Disappointed though he must have been to see Bison concede the goal, the Desperate Dan lookalike, the founder, chairman, life president and only member of the Bison branch of the Martin Masa Appreciation Society, may have allowed himself a silent inward celebration.

Shortly after the Bison Planet Ice crowd were horrified to see a disgraceful and indeed disreputable rumpus break out. The antagonists were Carl “Scooter” Graham and Scott “Turtle” Spearing – yes him again. Mr. Spearing is about as popular with the Bison crowd as the scrapings from the inside of a camel herder’s fez. Graham and Spearing ended up doing time for various offenses – hooking, slashing and roughing. They were joined in the box by Kris “12 Gauge” Melachrino. New signing Kris has not spent a second of playing time on the ice yet, but he copped a 10 misconduct for attempting to join the fray from the bench and doubtless expressing his disappointment, probably not in the most polite of manners, when prevented from doing so by the referee.

On 34 minutes, Bison scored again. James Smith worked the puck out front from behind the goal line to Maple Leaf Doug Sheppard, who drew the goaltender feinting (not fainting) to shoot. With Ambler committed, the coach squared to the Bouncing Czech. Jaro hammered in a snap shot for his second of the game. 3-1 Bison.

 4 minutes later it was 4-1 with a delayed penalty goal. Blueliner Symonds shot a speculative puck forward. Could Greg “Chubbs” Chambers chase it down? Yes he could - at a stretch. Could he bring it under control? Yes he did. Could he deke and beat Ambler? Enough rhetorical questions. Yes! Second assist to Symonds’s fellow D-man Zach Sullivan.

And so into the 3^rd period and it was not long before Chubbs had completed his hat trick. James Smith broke away, but was forced away from goal and behind the goal line. He flicked the puck back to Chubbs, who moved around the back of the goal, circled out in front with the Bees D AWOL and rifled in a top shelfer from the slot. Ambler would have had more chance of stopping a Saturn V transporter on full throttle than this shot. (Go on Google image “Saturn V transporter” – you’ll be very impressed). 5-1 Bison.

A ray of sunshine entered the world of Bracknell on an otherwise dark and rainy evening (yes rain was actually coming in through the roof of Planet ice and drenching the Genial Brummie, but he still managed to retain his geniality in the face of this great adversity). The Bees pulled back a goal on their second 5 on 3 power play of the night. First of all Cesky tripped and was asked to make a trip to the box. Then Owen high sticked, causing Marcel Petran to fall face down to the ice, his gloves flying off in the process. The Man with 3 Ear-rings rather unsportingly called for an “improper equipment” penalty, but this was not given. To the box went Greg the Specs. The Bees capitalised at last on a power play opportunity with Shaun Thompson popping in a rebound off Lyle from Lukas Smital’s shot, but it was too Smital too late, as the Bearded Rabble Rouser of Block A put it. The Bees had as much chance of pulling back their 3 goal deficit as Long John Silver would have of beating Usain Bolt in a 100 metre sprint (maybe Long John would have if he had not been a fictional character).

As the minutes ticked down another incident involving rancour of the most virulent variety broke out. The principal antagonists in this case were Alex Symonds and Alan Lack. The final jostling scrum involved 7 players and 3 officials, who looked as if they were huddling together to keep warm. You could have thrown a lasso around the bunch. Climbing Girl, a very close eye witness, confirmed that the unsavoury altercation went no further than pushing, shoving and the voicing of contrary opinions. Symonds and Lack were sent to the cooler presumably to cool off.

The final buzzer sounded with the Bison faithful la-la-ing the traditional “Great Escape”, but there was nothing Houdini like about the Bison performance. Coach Sheppard and his flock (no sorry that’s shepherd) looked in control for the whole game and came away with a well deserved victory. Greg “Chubbs” Chambers skated off with the Man of the match beers for another impressive performance and a hat-trick displaying finishing of the highest quality. 

I see from my blog stats that I have a worldwide audience with readers from the USA, Canada, France, Germany, Russia, Indonesia and elsewhere. Heavens above! I am honoured. I am not sure why you read these rather off the wall reports of games played by a small but much loved hockey team in the UK where hockey is very much a minority sport, but thanks very much for doing so. By all means post up a message if you like. I would be intrigued to hear from some of you.