Battling Phoenix Go Down in Flames

Bison 3 Manchester Phoenix 1

19/1/13

For the second Saturday in a row Bison leapfrogged over the Guildford Flames to the top of the EPL and the Manchester Phoenix played their part on both occasions. Last week, as Bison were eclipsing the Slough Jets by 4-1, Phoenix pulled down Flames’ trousers and gave them a jolly good spanking by 6-1. Last night with Guildford having a night off, Bison overcame a strong and spirited challenge from Phoenix to reclaim top banana spot and send their fans home with a warm glow inside or at least those fans who had consumed Pukka pies.

The game started in lively fashion, especially for new Bison signing, Nicky “You What?” Watt. At the start of his first shift he delivered a massive forechecking hit and then immediately broke forward with the puck, which had fortuitously fallen into his path, deked and shot, but just wide of the mark. 2 minutes later he was in the box for hooking. During the resultant power play a scramble in front of goal resulted in the net coming adrift. Referee Cloutman’s whistle blew well before a long range wrist shot ended up in the net, so no goal.

On 11 minutes a defensive blunder, as cataclysmic a disaster as the fall of Rome (OK I’m exaggerating a bit), let in Shoeless Joe Miller. As Joe bore down on goal, the Phoenix fans must have been wishing that their goaltender, Steve Fone, was the size of Mr. Blobby, so that he could have provided a more formidable obstacle in the goal. But let’s face it who would want Mr. Blobby as their goaltender – think of your team’s credibility. In the end it mattered not a jot as Joe’s shot struck the bar.

Phoenix were putting together some smart moves and the pressure finally paid off with 15 minutes on the clock. Michal Psurny held the puck behind the Bison goal line and then fired it to Luke Boothroyd lurking just goal side of the blueline. He raised his stick high above his shoulders and brought it down in a sweeping arc to hit the ice just as the puck arrived. The stick bent and immediately restaightened (OK I couldn’t actually see that from Block C) and sent the puck hurtling goalwards at incredible speed. Stonewall Stevie Lyle in the Bison net must have thought “I don’t want to be here”. But the matter was neither here nor there, as here, or rather there, was where he was, albeit that he might just as well have been not here nor there nor, in fact, anywhere because he couldn’t prevent the puck from finding the net. In fact, he probably never even saw it, so much of a humdinger was the shot. It was a spectacular goal and the Man in the Charlestown Chiefs shirt felt moved to congratulate Boothroyd on his goal in the interval, but he warned the Phoenix D-man not to score any more. The warning was obviously heeded as he didn’t.

Shortly after we were treated to some nifty footwork from Bison old boy Liam Chong. He emerged from a centre ice challenge without his stick, but moving forward with the puck at his feet. He had no option but to dribble on and actually managed set a team mate for a shot. It was wonderful stuff from Liam – good to see him back to full fitness and back at Planet Ice once more. 

Two second period Bison goals and one in the 3^rd upset the apple cart and made the Phoenix challenge go pear shaped. Coach Sheppard and Cuddly Joe Greener proved they were no lemons as they squeezed the juice out of the visitors to set each other up with plum opportunities and turn Phoenix faces as red as tomatoes. Shep’s goal was the bread and butter equaliser, Cuddly Joe’s provided the icing on the cake and Shoeless Joe Miller the cherry on top with his 3^rd period strike. Bison, with a feast of goals, were having their cake and eating it. 

The equaliser on 35 minutes saw Greg “The Specs” Owen exit from the dungeon of incarceration that is the Sapphire Cleaning penalty box and immediately get back into the thick of the action, making a thorough nuisance of himself. Some first rate never say die scrapping for the puck behind the goal line helped Cuddly Joe Greener set Coach Sheppard on his way. Maple Leaf Doug passed behind the goal and then circled out in front with no-one challenging him. He picked his spot and drove in an unstoppable wrist shot which sneaked under Steve Fone’s arm  blocker side (so the Bespectacled Youth observed), for 1-1. Some of the spectators immediately texted, tweeted or Facebook messaged the good news to their friends and family. The Man from MI5, observing incognito from Block C, relayed the score back to his controllers using the transmitter concealed in his bow tie, but no one noticed. Look I told you last week this man really exists. OK?

Bison took the lead in the 38^th minute, taking advantage of a 5 on 3 power play with both Ondrej Pozivil and Michal Psurny banged up, the latter rather luckily for only a 2 minute minor, as his high stick gashed Lumberjack Joe Rand's tongue, enabling him to "speak with forked tongue". With only a solitary second left on the 5 on 3 (you can’t cut it much finer than that), Cuddly Joe Greener shovelled in the puck at the back post from a pass by Coach Sheppard. It appeared to deflect off Fone’s pad as it looped over the leg of the hapless netman and plopped back down onto the ice netside. 2-1 Bison. Greg “Chubbs” Chambers with the second assist.

The final period saw a much livelier Bison, undoubtedly galvanised by their two 2^nd period goals, but Phoenix were by no means out of it. Tony Hand, their legendary player/coach, seemed to be constantly on the ice as he continued to urge his team forwards. It was truly end to end stuff. Bari McKenzie found himself between a rock and a hard place in the 50^th minute when a bit of push and shove in front of the Bison net found him playing the part of the filling in a Greener/Watt sandwich. It could have been fatal for the fellow, but thankfully it wasn’t.

On 53 minutes Bison surged into a game winning 3-1 lead. An interchange between Alex Symonds and the Bouncing Czech, Jaroslav Cesky, set Shoeless Joe Miller racing across the face of goal to put himself in on Fone. As Joe bore down on goal, the Phoenix goaltender must have appeared as formidable an obstruction in his goal as Big Sue, the subject of Lucien Freud’s painting “Benefits Supervisor Asleep” (Google that, but be prepared for a shock). However with some clever deking he made Steve look as effective at goal blocking as one of L.S. Lowry’s matchstick men, as he backhanded the puck over the line. If there were any members of the aristocracy present (unlikely) they may have described the goal as spiffing, spanking, top drawer, bonzer, wizard or capital. What ho? To the rest of us it was just a bloody good goal.

The clock ticked down to the final buzzer with no more goals but with much goalmouth action. It had been a pulsating game with much to be admired from two of the top EPL teams. Phoenix must be sick of the sight of Bison with a 0-5 record against them this season. Tom Duggan was their top banana, Shoeless Joe Miller Bison’s.