Bison Edge Past Courageous Cats

Bison 2 Swindon Wildcats 1 (Aggregate 5-4)

31/3/13

What a Titanic struggle. You could barely fit an After Eight mint nor indeed a Rizla fag paper between the two teams. Two epic games saw Bison emerge on top to book their place in the EPL play off finals, their first visit to Coventry (better than being sent to Coventry I suppose) since dropping down into the EPL 4 seasons ago. For me the feature which emerged over this quarter final tussle is how competitive the EPL is with Bison, the 2^nd placed team, only just squeezing past the 7^th placed team. All credit to the Wildcats from Swindon who could so easily have emerged as victors. Their a top line of Aaron Nell, Matias Perkkio and Jonas Höög with over 120 goals between them this season, looked capable of pulling anything, least of all a rabbit, out of the hat at any time. In the final analysis it was Cuddly Joe Greener, who showed that the grass is always greener by bagging an overtime winner to send the Bison faithful into raptures, but hopefully none into ruptures.

The first leg, played in Swindon on Saturday night, ended 3-3 with Nell grabbing a hat-trick for the home team and Greener and Cesky 2 getting their team’s goals. It could have been much worse for the Cats as they trailed 1-3 in the 2^nd period, but clawed their way back to take a share of the spoils. And so the stage was set for a dramatic Planet Ice finale.

The game started in fine style with both teams playing a hard hitting attacking game. The best of the early chances fell to Joanas Höög in the 6^th minute. He couldn’t have got to goal faster than if he’d caught a bus. As he outstripped the Bison D, his movement could hardly be likened to a slow, sluggish and slothful slugabed. On the contrary it was more akin to a fast and flying fleet of foot. (Sluga-what? Look it’s a real word OK? Look it up if you don’t believe me). However, the end product didn’t require the goal judge to awaken from his slumbers as Höög’s wrist shot towards the top corner of the net was nonchalantly plucked out of the air by Stonewall Stevie Lyle like a frog with a long sticky tongue. 

Then in the 14^th minute Bison took the lead in the game and also the tie. Coach Sheppard moved forward on the left wing. Suddenly he found himself alone, not in terms of covering D men, but in terms of team mates – they had all departed from the ice and left the coach to get on with it on his own. This did not deter Maple Leaf Doug and he continued forwards and behind the goal line. Eventually he found the perfect pass to new shift member Lumberjack Joe Rand in front of the net. Joe’s initial effort was almost caught by Cats netman Dean Skinns, but he juggled it and Joe stabbed in the rebound. 1-0 Bison. The crowd greeted the goal with an appropriate show of approbation. Some may have wanted to sing, “We’re all going to Coventry. La La La La. La La La La,” but thankfully nobody tempted fate by doing so.

The 1^st period was characterised by a strange lack of offside calls as if the lineman at the Bison end had unilaterally decided not to enforce the rule. Many, including the legendary Howling Man in Block C and the Bespectacled Youth close by, greeted each decision or rather lack of them with shouts of “OFFSIDE!” to remind the linesman when he needed to make a call, but to no avail. The Man from MI5, observing incognito from Block C, was also becoming frustrated with the linesman and it was lucky that the latter wasn’t given a lift in the former’s Aston Martin after the game or the ejector seat would have been operated for sure.

The Bison faithful ended the period in an optimistic mood, but all was to come crashing down within 2 minutes of the restart. Set up by Shane Moore, Sam Bullas found a gap between Lyle and the goal frame and put his team back on level terms. To the home fans the goal was as undesirable as the scrapings from the sole of a sewer worker’s gumboot. It caused them to become alarmed, anxious, apprehensive, annoyed, anguished and agitated and plunged many into a glass half empty state, as I will describe shortly. 

A cracking period of end to end play with both goaltenders outstanding saw no more goals, although the pipes were rattled by Nicky “You What” Watt, sporting his usual Mohican style playoff haircut, a source of inspiration to GI Joe and the Bespectacled Youth, but the less said about that the better. And we were treated to a classic Howling Man rant, sadly the last of the season. It was all over the lack of offside calls. Suddenly, as if someone had flicked a switch, he flew into a purple vein throbbing, apoplectic rage and looked in real danger of spontaneously combusting. His utterances were characteristically incomprehensible and the only word I caught, dropped in at the end of the tirade, was “idiot”. No prizes for guessing who the Howling Man wished to attach that particular tag.

A wave of pessimism flowed over many of the Bison faithful. Many were casting doubts on Bison’s ability to get to Coventry. The Desperate Dan lookalike was particularly negative, but Bison TVs own Alfred Hithcock snatched the negativity biscuit with his opinion - “I’ve been saying all week we’re not going to do it”. He had surely reached new depths of gloom, doom and despondency. An unseemly altercation of the most unsavoury variety occurred near the food counter as the Man, whose Charlestown Chiefs shirt is in the wash, confronted the Swindon Snapper. They both insisted that each other’s team was going to win the game. Fortunately they eventually agreed to differ and no blood was spilled.

The Cats had a great chance to snatch the lead early in the 3^rd. Höög was in on goal and looking ever dangerous. Had Stonewall Stevie possessed a stick 20 feet long or, better still, extending arms like Twizzle (only old codgers like Honest Pete and I will remember him) he could have executed a poke check to stab the puck away from Höög. However, he didn’t possess extendable limbs (well who does?) or indeed an outsized stick and could do no such thing. Höög raced forward with the poise and balance, but, thankfully, not the looks of a mountain goat until…….he fell over. The chance was lost.

The period followed the pattern of the 2^nd, with fast flowing, hard hitting hockey from both teams and outstanding netminding from Skinns and Lyle, both of whom kept their respective teams in it. With only 4 seconds left to play a call which proved crucial to the outcome of the game was made. Referee Pickett blew his whistle. Some would say he held up 6 fingers, but it was, in fact, 4 fingers and 2 thumbs. Let’s not be pedantic. The call was “too many men on the ice” and the Cats were condemned to playing a man short.

Into overtime we went, but not for long as Bison made the 4 on 3 advantage pay with only 43 seconds expired. Jaro Cesky, picked up the puck in the slot and eased forward looking for an opportunity to shoot past the covering D men. After what seemed like an eternity he finally lifted his stick and sent in a slap shot, which hammered against the post. The puck fell to Cuddly Joe Greener. It was a meat and drink opportunity for Joe to bring home the bacon and put the icing on the cake. His first attempt was blocked, but he tucked the rebound in. That was it. Sudden death, not lingering death. 2-1 to Bison and 5-4 on aggregate. The  celbrations were both exuberant and comical. Joe fell over, then regained the vertical and slid on one knee pumping his arm. At the same time Jaro Cesky threw away his stick and with arms aloft executed a footballer's knee slide in Joe's direction. Alas for Jaro, Joe slid out of his path, but he was unable to stop and missed Joe entirely. When he regained his feet there was Chubbs, who had galloped across the ice like a crazy horse.  Jaro and Chubbs man hugged. Then Joe disappeared from view mobbed by his elated team-mates.

A Vesuvius style volcanic eruption burst from the stands. They whooped. They hollered. They were as pleased as Punch. Let’s not pull our punches, the Bison forwards had packed a punch, thrown a punch and had beaten the Cats to the punch and punched their lights out, as they punched home their advantage, catching with a sucker punch the punch drunk Cats penalty kill unit, who were clearly trying to punch above their weight. The fans punched the air in jubilation, but they couldn’t celebrate with a cup of rum punch as it isn’t sold at the Planet Ice refreshments counter. And thankfully no-one sang “We’re all going to Coventry. La-La-La-La.” Just as well as a non-hockey fan would have wondered why anyone would want to go to Coventry at all, let alone sing about it in a gloatingly jubilant fashion. And, be honest, it is a rather moronic song.

A final word for the Cats. They ran Bison so close and did their fans proud. Those fans were as generous in defeat as were their Bison counterparts in victory with the faithful of both teams mingling after the game, buying each other drinks and respectively congratulating and commiserating. A finer example of cross team camaraderie there never was. But at the end of the friendly hostilities, it was the Bison faithful who were entitled to sing “We’re all going to Coventry. La-La-La-La,” but thankfully didn't.