Popeye Wynn Steals Shep’s Hat-trick Thunder

Bison 6 Swindon Wildcats 3

24/3/13

Shoeless Joe Miller grabbed a brace and Coach Doug Sheppard a hat-trick, but hero of the night was 18 year old Cameron “Popeye” Wynn with his first goal of the season. It was met by an eruption of enthusiasm from the Bison faithful and players so vociferous that the very rivets of the steel girders of Planet Ice were shaken loose. Cam also bagged the Man of the Match award – a crate of beer which he is now legally entitled to drink. With the Bracknell Bees also winning their last home game, Bison’s victory means they will face Wildcats twice next weekend to decide who makes the trip to Coventry for the EPL playoffs.

The 1^st period was all Bison. It looked like only one team had turned up as the home team,  outshooting their guests by 14 to 1, stormed into a 3-0 lead. The first was chalked up on 5 minutes. Set up by Carl “Scooter” Graham and Lumberjack Joe Rand, Shoeless Joe Miller sent in what looked nothing more innocuous than a speculative lobbed wrist shot. Alas goaltender and Bison old boy Dean Skinns failed to pick it and the puck plopped into the net blocker side. Had there been any members of the aristocracy amongst the Wildcats contingent they might have described the goal as “perfectly beastly” because, from Deano’s perspective, that was what it was.

Shortly after something upset the Howling Man. It was not obvious what that was, but he proceeded to deliver his considered opinion with a torrent of incomprehensible protestation whilst pointing in the general direction of the Bison net. During the tirade his vocal chords tightened up and his voice shot up an octave. It all came to nothing as usual. How dull would our Block C season have been without Howling man’s rants.

On 10 minutes it was 2-0 Bison. Another Bison old boy, Tomas “Fozzie Bear” Fojtik aka “The Tank” turned over possession of the puck to Coach Sheppard, who had Bouncing Czech, Jaroslav Cesky, in support. Their movement towards goal could hardly be described as apathetic, torpid, indolent, phlegmatic or lethargic. No they didn’t behave like a pair of sluggards, but did indeed hastened forward with tempo, momentum, rapidity, vivacity and velocity. In a hurry you might say. An interchange between the two ended with Maple Leaf Doug firing under Skinns’s left pad before he could slam it to the ice in butterfly. Another perfectly beastly goal for Deano to let in.

A minute later Cuddly Joe Greener was in on goal, but was stopped from scoring by a Jonas Höög hook. “Penalty shot” shouted some members of the crowd, but referee Matthews rejoiced in a contrary opinion and he felt that a 2 minute minor for Höög was sufficient punishment. Bison didn’t need the award of a penalty shot for, with only 10 seconds of the power play unexpired, they scored. The Cats found themselves wide open at the back as Cesky and Greener set up Miller in the slot. Shoeless Joe fired in past the covering D-man through Skinns’s 5-hole. Deano sure was having a perfectly beastly night.

Then someone flicked a switch and out came a totally different Wildcats team for the 2^nd period. It was as if the team who had played in the 1^st had been left in the locker room and a new one had iced in the 2^nd. Of course that’s nonsense as the spatially challenged visitors’ locker rooms just wouldn’t have comfortably accommodated 30-odd players, nor even 30 odd players. Matching Bison shot for shot they clawed back from 0-3 to 2-3, but rather spoiled it all by conceding a goal with only 30 seconds of the period remaining. Their first goal came on 21 minutes with only their on target second shot of the game. With Greg “Chubbs” Chambers sent down the steps for a rather obvious holding offense, the ever dangerous Aaron Nell found the net with a long range wrist shot. Höög and Matias Perkkio assisted. Then on 38 minutes Ryan Aldridge set up Perkkio with a diagonal pass from the right wing and the fickle Cats faithful fans saw their fabled Finnish forward firmly and faultlessly finish with finesse and fortitude. Eh? He scored. In between times Cameron “Popeye” Wynn had so nearly opened his account. A 2 on 1 breakaway with Miller ended with Popeye’s shot being saved. After the Cats’ second goal, Popeye had another chance. Sweeping majestically across the ice like Jayne Torvil (maybe we ought to say Christopher Dean on second thoughts) Cam shot, but on this occasion Skinns was not skinned and produced another save. Was Cam ever going to score? Of course he was – see below.

With only 30 seconds of the period remaining Miller forced a turnover and set Rand and Wynn away in a 2 on 1. Lumberjack Joe delayed and delayed and delayed and delayed until he had forced Skinns to commit totally and then he arrowed the perfect pass to Popeye at the back door. The goaltender had left a gap between himself and the post, almost as wide as the gap between Terry Thomas’s front teeth. Through that gap Cam hammered the puck. His finish was composed and cool headed, calm and canny, considered and calculated. The illumination of the goal light was the signal for an explosion of joyous jubilation in the Bison blocks as the assembled vociferated their approbation with exclamations of ecstatic glee, euphoric felicity and blissful elation, elevating them to a place characterized by oblivion to pain, worry and anguish. They had reached an unprecedented level of nirvana. And so we presume had Cam – what a night for him. And with that Bison went in at the buzzer 4-2 ahead.

Bison were presented with an early power play opportunity in the 3^rd. With Paul Swindlehurst behind bars Bison took full advantage. Greg “The Specs” Owen set up Cesky, whose slap shot from the slot was deflected past Skinns by Coach Sheppard for his second goal of the night. 5-2 Bison. Sporting his play off beard the coach is looking a bit like Greg “The Specs” at the moment, albeit without the specs and flat cap.

Disaster struck a minute later with the Cats chalking up a short handed goal (only 7 seconds into the penalty). Jonas Höög broke clear. It was like poetry in motion. His movement could be likened to a Shakespeare sonnet copied onto the finest parchment with a Montblanc fountain pen. In contrast the movement of the Bison D on this occasion was more akin to a shopping list scribbled on the back of an envelope with a leaky biro. As Höög bore down on Stonewall Stevie Lyle, the Bison faithful might have wished that their goaltender possessed the bulk of Mr. Creosote (whatever you do don’t Youtube him), so that he could block the goal entirely, but, thankfully, he fell well short on this front (come on - just think of the team’s credibility with Mr. Creosote as your backstopper). Höög found a gap and fired in for 5-3.

The scoring on the night was wrapped up in the 48^th minute. Some typically aggressive forechecking from Lumberjack Joe Rand behind the Cats’ goal line enabled Cuddly Joe Greener to set up Coach Sheppard in front of the net. Maple Leaf Doug hammered in to complete his hat-trick and round off a perfectly beastly evening for Skinns. After their 2^nd period revival, where they had looked capable of going on to win the game, the Cats must have felt as if they had had their faces slapped, their brows beaten, their knuckles rapped, their toes trodden on, their noses tweaked, their backsides kicked, their pony tails yanked, their eyes poked and their wrists slapped. And what a night for Man of the Match and goalscorer Cameron “Popeye” Wynn. As Winston Churchill might have said ...... if the British Empire and its Commonwealth last for a thousand years, men will still say, this was Cameron Wynn's finest hour.