Last Gasp Greener Grabs the Glory

Bison 2 Guildford Flames 1
7/9/13

A late, late goal from Cuddly Joe Greener stole the victory for Bison in the first game of the traditional Guildford Flames double header challenge match to open the season. But the real star of the show and a very worthy winner of Bison’s Top Banana award was Dean Skinns on his return to the Bison net. With a series of fine saves, blocks and just downright solidity between the pipes, he kept Bison in the hunt for most of the game, which provided them with an opportunity to seal a come from behind win with 2 x 3^rd period goals. 

It was honours even in the first period, which saw Skinns blocking 14 shots on his goal and Mark Lee 10 on his. No-one could find a way past these two.

Shortly after the commencement of the 2^nd period a Flames player lost his helmet. The Man in the Charlestown Chiefs shirt enquired on the Bespectacled Youth who has lost his lid. The latter was unable to identify the player by name, but stated that he was “some bald guy”.

The Flames had a superb opportunity to snatch the lead at the halfway mark. Marcus Kristoffersson broke clear and was in on Skinns. It looked odds on for a score, but Deano proved equal to the challenge and kept out the shot, drawing gasps of approbation from the Bison backers.

The deadlock was finally broken just after mid way in the 2^nd period. It was a goal preceded by a confusing flurry of penalties. First it was Shoeless Joe Miller who was invited to serve time for holding. Before the first minute of the penalty had expired the referee signalled a delayed penalty on Joe Baird for hooking. Lee hammered from his goal faster than an hyperactive kangaroo on amphetamines to enable a sixth skater to come on. However, the advantage was soon lost when the referee’s whistle stopped play. The Flames yielded possession of the puck all too quickly. Into the box went Baird to join Miller. 31 seconds into the 5 on 3, the Flames’ Joe Kohut was adjudged to have held a stick, presumably an opponent’s, and he too was invited to tarry a while in solitary. The boxes were now choc-a-bloc with Joes. Soon after Joe Miller’s emergence from the box to make it 4 on 4, the Flames snatched the lead. Somehow Bison were caught in a 2 on 1 with Rick Plant, as opposed to Robert Plant, bearing down on goal with Marcus Kristoffersson, as opposed to Kris Kristofferson, who has one less “s” in his surname, in support. Plant was forced wide by the solitary Bison D-man, but executed a smart twirl and pass to the back door where Kristoffersson hammered in a snap shot.  In the visitors’ seats there were scenes of overt gaiety. Yes they were openly gay and the mood was one of gay abandon. (If you think I mean what I think you think I mean, you’d better look up “gay” in a dictionary). As for Bison, the hapless netman looked at his team mates and they at him. What had gone wrong? No-one offered any excuses. Had they, such would have been as unbelievable as “the dog ate my homework”. It had simply been a case of being caught with trousers down.

The game now moved into the 3^rd with Bison still searching for a way past Lee. To crack the conundrum of how to cut open their competitors’ committed and composed concrete curtain of confrontation, the coach cannily called upon craft and cunning. A fast moving tic-tac-toe power play goal on 49 minutes levelled it. The goal was executed with the artistic merit of a Rembrandt painting, a Canova sculpture and a Banksie mural all rolled into one. With Neil Liddiard detained at referee Dave Cloutman’s pleasure (that doesn’t sound quite right does it?), Bison skipper, Nicky Chinn, rifled a back door pass to Coach Sheppard. Lee saw the danger and was in butterfly to block the shot. Much to his surprise and chagrin, however, Maple Leaf Doug fired a one timer pass to the slot instead of shooting himself and there was Marvellous Miroslav Vantroba to fire in a snap shot. The combined bulk of Les Dawson and his mother-in-law might have stood a chance of blocking the goal, but Lee, down in butterfly, had no hope. It was 1-1. There was no need for the Bison faithful to snort blow, shoot up some gear or pop E. The drug of success was all they needed. As for the Flames faithful, they snorted their disapproval, wanted to shoot up their D and pop to the bar.

The game ebbed and flowed with neither side prepared to settle for a draw. Bison nearly snatched the lead with a shortie on 52 minutes when Tim “The Mole” Burrows broke clear. He moved forward with the agility and poise of Michael Flatley, but, thankfully, not the looks of Stavros Flatley. Lee, however, made himself as large as Stavros Flatley as he engulfed Burrows’s shot.

The Flames were pressing hard in the final minutes and the dispirited, the discontent and the dejected amongst the Bison crowd began to write their obituaries. However, they were to prove nothing other than despicable depreciators drowning in a despond of disconsolate defeatism. With only 42 seconds left on the clock Bison sealed victory. Coach Sheppard set up Cuddly Joe Greener, who forced the puck home from in front of the net. It was 2-1 Bison. Revelry and rejoicing, most rapturous and raunchy, radiated in resplendently ritual style from the home fans. The Flames were sunk. Their spirited struggle up the slippery slope to secure a seat at the summit of success had sadly subsided both surely and spectacularly.