Tigers’ Finnish Fellows Finish Bison

Bison 2 Telford Tigers 4

11/1/14

On a crazy night in the EPL when the top 3 all lost and the bottom 4 all won, Bison’s woeful loss at home to the financially reinvigorated Telford Tigers made for an atrabilious (yes it’s a real word) atmosphere at Planet Ice. However, it later transpired that the result mattered not a jot, mattered not one iota nor, for that matter, mattered in the slightest. Defeated Bison had maintained their top of the table position. But last night’s impressive performance by the Tigers, particularly from their Finnish imports Miika Kiviranta and Timo Kuuluvainen, sent a warning to the rest of the EPL – watch out.

The 1^st period was a relatively dull affair with Bison failing to put together the slick moves required to break the Telford D. As for the Tigers, they had plenty of shots, but most of them were woefully inaccurate with Dean Skinns in the Bison net called upon to stop only 4 on target efforts. The period was not, however, without incident. As early as the 4^th minute a pile up in front of the Bison goal ended with Dan Davies acquiring a 10 misconduct. 2 minutes later a 2 on 1 on the Bison goal saw Dean Skinns make a superb save from Rick Plant, but as he skated past the goal, Plant was planted into the boards by Joe Rand, who was called for checking from behind and given a 2 + 10.

Bison thought they had taken the lead in the 9^th minute. During a goal mouth mellée the referee lost sight of the puck and, so some amognst the Bison backers believed, lost his marbles as well. He thought the puck had been frozen and blew his whistle. But the puck was still live and was driven in by Maple Leaf Doug Sheppard. As the whistle had blown, the goal was washed off. It was still 0-0.

The 2^nd period saw the Tigers cease shooting at the sun and the moon and the stars up above or whatever it was they had been trying to hit in the 1^st period, and instead begin shooting at Dean Skinns. 14 shots they rained in on him and, unfortunately for Deano and the Bison backers, one went in. On 23 minutes Carl “Scooter” Graham was called for tripping. While he reclined in the box at Referee Cloutman’s pleasure, Rabbits Foot Joe Baird, the most superstitious man in the EPL (as I have already told you), had his liberty removed for a boarding offence. Bison had 41 seconds of a 5 on 3 to survive, which they did. However, before Baird could be granted his liberty, having done his time, the Tigers grabbed a goal. A slick move down the left involving Dan Davies and Scott McKenzie saw the latter finding Nathan Salem on the point. He skated in unopposed and fired a wrist shot past Skinns. The move may not have had the artistic merit of painting by van Gogh, but it certainly had much more than Damien Hirst’s half a sheep in a tank of Formaldehyde. Well what doesn’t? It was 1-0 Tigers. Atrabilious is the only word which could be used to accurately describe the dismal mood which the goal generated in the Bison blocks. And the Bison backers could have been made even more atrabilious 4 minutes later when former Bison favourite Uncle Joe Miller collected the puck on halfway, turned and found himself in on goal and 1 on 1 with Deano. His shot missed and 0-1 it remained.

Close to the end of the period an ugly and indeed opprobrious fracas occurred. Coach Sheppard, as adjudged by the officials, was guilty of a charging offence. The violence which consequently erupted between Michal Pavlu and Long Ciaron Long was not quite on a par with a mods v rockers confrontation on the beach at Margate circa 1965, insomuch as I didn’t see chains swung or razors wielded. However it was officially declared to be roughing and each went down the steps for 2 minutes.

The period ended with the Tigers enjoying a lead, despite a slightly improved performance from the home team, who managed 8 shots on Declan Ryan. He was proving to be a difficult man to beat and so when the Tigers scored again after a minute in the 3^rd it began looking very atrabilious for the table topping Bison. The Finnish Kiviranta finished well when he picked up a rebounded shot and slotted it past Skinns for 2-0 Tigers. Bliss, delight and elation were emotions ascribable to the Tigers' faithful at that moment, whereas their Bison counterparts were now experiencing gloom, doom, despondency, pain, anguish and sorrow. Marcus Maynard and Adam Walker were awarded assists.

Having been shut out at Telford last Sunday (I don’t mean they couldn’t get into the rink because it was locked up – you know what I’m talking about) and now having another blank score sheet for the first 2 periods in this game, a Bison recovery from 0-2 seemed as unlikely as the discovery of a previously unseen photograph of an paralytically intoxicated General Booth downing a yard of ale at a Salvation Army meeting. However, hockey is a funny game which can turn in seconds and indeed this one did – in 12 seconds to be precise. That was all the time it took for Bison to finally crack the rock that was Declan Ryan. Set up by Aaron “Billy” Connolly, Marvellous Miroslav Vantroba fired in a wrist shot from the point. In front of the net was Bison skipper Nicky Chinn, who got his stick in the way and deflected the puck into the roof of the net. The puck hit the net causing ripples to radiate out, as when a pebble is thrown into a calm mill pond, and then fell to the ice a spent force. The goal light was on, players arms were aloft and crowd were on their feet. It was 1-2 and there was hope.

Bison poured forward with a newly found vigour. The momentum was with them. But they had to beware of the attacking threat of the Tigers, particularly in the form of their Finnish imports Kiviranta and Kuuluvainen, who were looking a deadly pairing. To let their advantage slip now would have been as undesirable as the Bearded Rabble Rouser of Block A coming home and finding his eccentric butler using a bottle of his best vintage claret (perhaps a Château Lafitte ‘45) to swill out a chamber pot. But Bison did not beware and the Finnish fellows caught them with a quick break a little over a minute later. The former Finn fired in past Skinns from the latter Finn’s pass and the Tigers’ 2 goal advantage had been restored. Whereas the Tigers’ 2^nd goal had given the Bison backers feelings of sadness, sorrow and mild melancholia, this, their 3^rd goal, had them well and truly reaching for the Prozac to assuage their atrabilious feelings.

Then, 2 minutes later, it was the Tigers who let their advantage slip with a piece of carelessness. The puck broke loose to Andy “Machine Gun” Melachrino, whose slap shot arrowed towards goal. No problem for Declan Ryan we thought as he raised his catcher and into the glove went the puck. Alas for the young netman the puck popped out again and looped rather tamely over his shoulder and in. Andy Melons’s unassisted goal made it 2-3 and everything to play for.

With 15 minutes remaining there was plenty of time for Bison to level it up and even snatch victory. It made for a very lively period with shots pouring in at both ends. In particular Melachrino impressed with some unbelievably fast breaks. He seems to be getting faster and faster week on week. The Man with 3 Ear-rings theorised that it was something to do with his hair. The longer it gets the faster he skates. The Sampson effect if you like. If he avoids a visit to the barber maybe Andy Melons will be but a blur by the end of the season.

The clock was ticking down and despite a few goal mouth scares the Tigers were holding firm. Bison needed to throw down the gauntlet and throw caution to the wind or they might just as well throw in the towel, not to mention throw in the sponge, there and then. Coach Sheppard called a time out. Out came the tactics board. We couldn’t hear what Maple Leaf Doug was saying, but it looked all good stuff as the players huddled round to hear his plan for snatching the all important levelling goal. Play resumed with Dean Skinns pulled from the net. Hopes ran high amongst the optimistic. Surely Coach Sheppard’s master plan must succeed? Well no actually. It backfired because within 16 seconds of the restart the Tigers sealed it with an empty net goal from Scott McKenzie assisted by Miller and Davies. Whereas before the goal the home fans were looking woebegone, now they reached new heights of wretchedness. Their hopes torn down, they tore at their clothes, tore their hair out and tore into their team. At 2-4 down with only 36 seconds remaining, the reappearance of Deano in the net indicated that the towel had been thrown in. The final buzzer sounded to indicate an end to proceedings and the end of an atrabilious (not that word again) evening for the Bison backers. The Tigers had bagged their 4^th win in a row and it had been an impressive performance achieved without the services of Owen Bennett being required (see previous reports).