Bison
5 Manchester Phoenix 2
4/1/14
On Wednesday
Bison had dramatically snatched the top spot in the EPL with a 4-3 win over the
Guildford Flames at the Library, the winner coming from Tomas “Grandmaster”
Karpov only 20 seconds before the end of regular time. Now they faced nearest
rivals the Manchester Phoenix in a top of the table showdown. A regulation win
would push them 4 points clear of Phoenix. Re-enter Killer Karpov, the
Grandmaster, Twinkle Toes Tommy – call him what you will. He was once again the
hero with another 2 goal performance, which won him the Top Banana award and
pushed Bison clear at the top. His current form is as sharp as the pointy end
of a ship (OK “the bow” before any nautical people feel the need to write a
letter of protest to Yachting Monthly).
It didn’t take
long for Bison to surge into the lead – 4 minutes to be precise. An error in
the Phoenix D resulted in Andy “Machine Gun” Melachrino being handed the puck
on a plate (not literally of course). He worked a position in front of the net
and pulled the trigger. The goaltender saved, but handed the puck straight back
to Andy Melons on another plate. This time he made no mistake as he swept it
home on the backhand. It was 1-0 Bison.
Bison missed the
opportunity of stamping their authority on the game and taking advantage of the
absence of the virally infected Steve Fone, current no. 1 goaltender in the EPL.
I don’t mean that there was no-one in the Phoenix net. There was. Paul Maudsley
to be precise. An emergency draftee with no EPL experience, he must have been
as terrified as if he had been swimming in treacle being pursued by an axe
murderer. Only he can admit to or deny that. However, he acquitted himself well
enough and kept Bison out for the remainder of the period.
Bison needed to
step up a gear in the 2nd. They had to put the Phoenix goal under
much more pressure than they had in the 1st. This they did and
surged into a 4-0 lead with 3 goals in 4 minutes in the first half of the
period, which had the Man with 3 Ear-Rings looking at the Phoenix bench, devoid
of a back up goaltender, and jokingly enquiring of the Man in the Charlestown
Chiefs shirt, “have they got another nettie?” He knew they hadn’t. On 26
minutes Robin Kovar was called for a slash. Had the game been played 200 years
ago, the offense might have been punished by transportation to the colonies.
Thankfully it was not and so Kovar went to the box for 2 minutes rather than to
Australia. In the resultant powerplay an attempted up-ice clearance was blocked
by Cuddly Joe Greener. Long Ciaron Long picked it up and fired a pass inside to
Aaron “Billy” Connolly, newly promoted to A-man to fill the vacancy left by
Uncle Joe Miller. Billy arrowed the puck home for 2-0 Bison. Someone must have
pushed the plunger because an explosion of celebration was suddenly detonated.
The noise was akin to a ton of dynamite going up. Thankfully it didn’t or we’ve
all have been blown sky high.
4 minutes later
Bison slammed another powerplay goal to make it 3-0. Hand hooked and was
carpeted. Karpov set up Long Ciaron Long for a shot, which came off the post
and sat invitingly in the blue paint. Lumberjack Joe Rand reacted more quickly
than the goaltender, reached his stick around like a giant mosquito proboscis
and nudged the puck over the line.
If that wasn’t
enough for the Phoenix fans to swallow they were well and truly biting the
bullet a minute and a half later. They had to stomach a 4th goal
conceded. Once again Cuddly Joe Greener stopped a loose pass from leaving the
zone and passed inside to set up Tomas “Grandmaster” Karpov to add the final
touch – a firm one timer snap shot into the net smashed in with the accuracy of
a left hook delivered by Henry Cooper (‘Enry’s ‘ammer they used to call it). The
goal caused the visiting fans to become morbid and morose, gloomy and glum.
Their crests had fallen and their ardour dampened.
Bison seemed to
have the visitors’ card marked. Mark you, they could not afford to mark time.
If the Phoenix marquee players could make their mark, they could mark the
occasion by marking up a goal or two. Bison’s chances could be marked down and
it would be full marks to Phoenix for a remarkable effort. But their fans had
to wait until the 3rd period to see a Lazarus style revival, as, by
the end of the 2nd, their team had mustered only 7 shots on target
in 40 minutes of play so far. In the 2nd interval Coach Hand must
have handed his team a rocket up the rear or something equally discomfort
inducing as they came out for the final period a changed team and one looking like
it wanted to get into back the game and indeed emulate Lazarus.
A dim ray of
Phoenix sunshine began to shine through the roof of Planet Ice only 2 minutes
into the period. They had failed to take advantage of a power play opportunity
early in the period with Coach Sheppard helping Mr. Cloutman with his
enquiries. However, within seconds of the penalty being killed, Phoenix
hammered in an even handed goal. Joe Graham set up Robin Kovar on the point for
a slapshot, which was deflected in by our old friend Jaroslav Cesky, the
Bouncing Czech. 1-4 became 2-4 on 49 minutes when McKinney and Cesky assisted
Kovar to score. It was a bizarre chain of events which resulted in the goal with
lots of players falling over, Keystone Cops style, and the area in front of
Dean Skinns’s goal occupied by nearly as many bodies as there were in the St.
Valentine’s Day massacre, but thankfully on this occasion no-one was shot. For
me to see how the puck was bundled in with so many obstructions would have required
X-ray eyes, but what I did see was the referee signalling a goal and a goal it
was. 2-4.
Could the
visitors complete a come back? They certainly had the players to pull it off.
At the end of the 2nd and trailing 0-4 with a total of only 7 shots
on target in 40 minutes of play, as I have already mentioned, such a revival had
seemed as unlikely as Bobby Ewing coming back from the dead. But he did,
emulating the aforementioned Lazarus. And they could. Tortuous doubts began to
fill the tortured minds of the doubting Thomases amongst the Bison crowd, but
it was another kind of Tomas who would shortly after put the result beyond
doubt and the doubting Thomases out of their torture, as I shall shortly relate.
On 49 minutes and with Bison desperately defending a power play, Dean Skinns took a rocket propelled slap shot from Robert Schabel smack on the mask and crumpled to the ice with stars in his eyes and dickie birds circling his head. It looked grim and Speedway Girl, possessor of the Dean Skinns Appreciation Society membership card number 001, looked very concerned as did we all. But Deano is made of stern stuff and, once the dickie birds had flown away he was ready to carry on as if nothing had happened.
Bison needed to return
to scoring ways to kill off the Phoenix revival and prevent them from rising
from the flames. The man of the moment was once again Tomas “Grandmaster”
Karpov. An interchange between Andy “Machine Gun” Melachrino and Rabbits Foot
Joe Baird, the most superstitious man in the EPL (I have already told you
that), set Killer Karpov up wide left. He skated forward with speed akin to an
F1 race car on full throttle. By contrast the pursuing D could muster merely
the speed of a mobility scooter with a flat battery. They were certainly not
Johnny-on-the-spot, but looked like so many Johnny-come-latelies. Had they gone off to the john? The goaltender
must have felt as if he’d been sent a Dear John letter by his D. Karpov headed
straight for goal and let loose his wrist shot. Had the goaltender been 6 feet
wide and 4 feet high (and as a result rather strange looking) he could have
blocked the shot. But he wasn’t and indeed couldn’t. The net bulged, the goal
light came on, the referee pointed to the net with a flat hand. It was 5-2
Bison. The goal was met by an outburst of joyful conviviality amongst the Bison
backers. Had they been ingesting banned substances to produce such a euphoric
effect? Let’s hope not.
Bison’s 5th goal
was the last straw for the visiting fans. All they had left were straws to
clutch at. No need to take a straw poll. Their team had drawn the short straw
and their chances of winning were now nothing more than straws in the wind.
Their team had proved to be men of straw. The final buzzer sounded and Bison
had purloined the points with a pulsating performance, pleasing to the partisan
paying patrons of Planet Ice. The paracletes, if not the paraketes, of their
protagonsits’ posse were left to pacify and provide a palliative prop to their
pained pals. What the .....?
A final mention
must go to Phoenix coach Tony Hand. Carl “Scooter” Graham had high sticked Liam
Chong in the face and received a 5 + match with only 2:12 on the clock. Before
the end of the period Coach Hand got Liam back on the ice for a token shift so
that Graham’s penalty could be downgraded to a game, which ensured he does not
miss the road game at Telford tonight. A fine example of sportsmanship and a generous
gesture which wins friends amongst rival supporters. Perhaps the dirty Dogs of
Sheffield might like to take note.
No comments:
Post a Comment