Bison Finds the Chinks in Rock Solid Lyle's Defense

Bison 3 Swindon Wildcats 2

8/2/14

A close encounter made so by top drawer goaltending from Bison old boy Stonewall Stevie Lyle finished with the home team securing a win most vital in their quest for EPL honours. Although outshooting the Cats by 40-19, Bison found Lyle a hard nut to crack, but a crackable nut he eventually proved.

Bison were quick off the mark with a score as early as the 2^nd minute. With Alex Symonds doing a stretch for hooking, Bison bagged a power play goal. Marvellous Miroslav Vantroba found Coach Sheppard who in turn found Aaron “Billy” Connolly unmarked in the slot. For Billy this was no time to hold on, hold fire, put things on hold, or hold a conference about what he was going to do. There was no-one to hold his hand, but he was holding all the aces and the Cats’ D couldn’t hold out or hold Connolly at bay as he took hold of the opportunity and hammered the puck no holds barred past the goaltender with a “Get hold of that if you can”. Basingstoke Gazette hold the front page You couldn’t expect the Bison crowd to hold back, hold their tongues or hold down the noise. Some were even getting hold of their friends on their phones to relay the score.

All seemed to be going well for Bison until the 14^th minute. Whilst on another power play, a slashing Henri Sandvik the convict on this occasion, they fell victim to that most embarrassing and ignominious type of goal – a shortie. Jonas Höög sent the deadly Aaron Nell away on a lightning break. The covering D man, Marvellous Miroslav Vantroba, proved less than marvellous on this occasion as he could do nothing to prevent Nell from racing forward and rifling the puck past Bison netman Dean Skinns with the accuracy of a dart thrown by Phil “The Power” Taylor. It was Nell’s 21^st of the season and he has played only 14 games. What a player he is.

No sooner had the 2^nd period opened than it was 2-1 Bison. Set up by Kurt “The Knife” Reynolds”, the Outlaw Muzzy Wales saw his shot saved and deflected behind the goal line by Stonewall Stevie Lyle. Stevie went walkabout and tried to freeze the puck, but had it nicked from him by Tomas “Gransmaster” Karpov. The man who was once described as “a quick little bugger” by Nicky Chinn lived up to his captain’s billing as he took the puck around the back of the net and back handed in a wraparound attempt with the net gaping open like a yawning hippopotamus and Stonewall Stevie stranded on the opposite post. The goal made the Bison faithful want to queue the brass band and break out the bunting to herald their team’s success, but neither could be located. They would have danced a farinagholkajingo had they known what one was. I don’t know either so don’t ask me.

A couple of minutes later the crowd were treated to a piece of vintage Doug Sheppard. Intercepting a pass in his own defensive zone he was fleet of foot as he sliced thought the opposition. With sleight of hand, he dazzled and dumfounded the Cats D-men as if an illusionist, but the reality of it was that there were no smoke or mirrors involved. Fortunately for the latter Lyle blocked Maple Leaf Doug’s shot. It was a wonderful cameo of skating and stick handling skill.

Halfway through the period the Cats levelled it on the power play. With Nicky Chinn thrown in the can for slashing the Cats pressed forward. Jan Kostal shaped to take a slap shot from the point. Goaltender Dean Skinns looked calm, but this must have been a misleading illusion. How could he be tranquil when he was in danger of having his head taken off by a rocket powered slapshot? Nevertheless he stood up to it and saved but the rebound went straight to an unmarked Sam Bullas in the slot and he found the net. When I say that I don’t mean that the net had gone missing and Bullas discovered it in its place of hiding, but you didn’t think I meant that anyway did you? It was all square at 2-2.

3 minutes later it should have been 3-2 to the Cats but the Bison net was moved off its moorings by the skates of Dean Skinns as he executed his characteristic splits save to stop a Sandvik shot. The shot flew in over him, but the net had already moved and the officials said “No.”

On 35 minutes a check of the most opprobrious and unsavoury variety, from behind with elbow raised, was perpetrated on Coach Sheppard by Höög. The Bison coach was sent piling into the boards and then to the ice like a sack of potatoes. There was an explosion of anger and protestation from the Bison blocks. The Crinkly Haired Lady became incandescent, the Howling Man incomprehensible, the Bespectacled Youth inconsolable and the Man in the Charlestown Chiefs shirt incontinent. After a long delay Shep was helped from the ice and Höög was helped to the box. The Crinkly Haired Lady let her opinion about what would be an appropriate punishment be known. “Chuck him out! Get him off!” Howling Man concurred. “Give him a game!” And indeed the officials concurred because the Swedish assailant was initially given a 5 + match, but this was later downgraded to a 5 + game when Coach Sheppard returned to the ice for the 3^rd period.

The 5 on 4 power play became an even handed 4 on 4 when the Outlaw Muzzy Wales had his collar felt for tripping and then right at the end of the period Rabbits Foot Joe Baird, playing his 500^th EPL game, chased though and slashed at Lyle’s pads as he froze the puck, an action for which he would receive a 2 minute penalty and the attention of Lyle’s outraged team mates, who took Joe to task behind the net. Thankfully the proceedings did not escalate to the next level and a violent affray of the most shameful variety was avoided. What the penalty meant was that Bison, who began with Höög’s ejection with a 5 on 4, which became a 4 on 4 when Muzzy Wales was outlawed, would be defending a 3 on 4 at the beginning of the 3^rd with Rabbits Foot Joe in the can, which became a 3 on 5, then a 4 on 5, then back to even handed teams. Confusing eh? The end result was that no-one scored.

By the 50^th minute Stonewall Stevie Lyle had stopped everything in the last 30 minutes of play and was looking as impregnable as the Maginot Line. The glass half empty pessimists among the Bison backers began to descend into a slough of despond. “We’re not going to find a way past Lyle,” said the Man in the Charlestown Chiefs Shirt. “We will in a minute,” said Mystic Jo and she was right. On 54 minutes it was 3-2 Bison. Cuddly Joe Greener, skating towards the net from the left wing, cut the puck back to Nicky Chinn, whose shot was saved but not frozen. Cuddly Joe’s momentum took him around the back of the goal and, as he emerged at the back door, there was the unfrozen puck in the blue paint with a floundering Lyle down on the ice. Joe stabbed in to fulfil Mystic Jo’s prediction. The Bison backers looked as happy as Happy Harry. They were as happy as Larry, as happy as sandboys and as happy as a dog with two tails. In fact so happy, they looked as if they had dosed up on happy pills. But these were not required as Bison’s 3^rd goal provided them with the high they needed. 

As the clock ticked down, Zach “Sully” Sullivan took a stick to the face and shed blood right in front of Referee O’Halloran. Remember the three wise monkeys? One spoke no evil, one heard no evil and one saw no evil. Mr O’Halloran seemed akin to the latter wise monkey because, although only feet away and looking straight at the incident, he saw no evil. Did he have his hands over his eyes like the wise monkey? No. It was a bizarre decision or rather lack of one.

The Cats pulled Lyle from the net in a last desperate attempt to square the game. Then with only 2.4 seconds remaining they called a time out. Heaven knows why. What tactical instruction that Coach Aldridge might give could possibly be enacted in 2.4 seconds of play? Well nothing really. And so it proved. The final buzzer sounded and the Cats’ hopes of winning the game were given the order of the boot, ground into the turf, elbowed aside, blown away, hurled out of the window. It had been a game made close by the heroics of Stonewall Stevie Lyle, who had faced 40 shots and was beaten by only 3. The ever impressive Kurt “The Knife” Reynolds picked up the Bison Top Banana award for yet another dazzling display on the blue line. Swindon’s award went to Ollie Betteridge. Strangely enough Lyle didn’t get it. He should have. However, in the final analysis Mystic Jo had been right. He could be beaten and was.