Fussey on Fire

Bison 2 Guildford Flames 3

6/9/14

To Planet Ice they flocked in their droves to witness the first leg of the traditional pre season double header challenge between Bison and the Guildford Flames.  Mystic Jo carried her crystal ball, the Man from MI5 his poison tipped umbrella and Bison’s own Man of Steel a Shetland pony under each arm. At the final buzzer it was the Flames who had prevailed in a tough competitive match. We await the second leg at the Library tonight with great relish.

The evening started in spectacular fashion, but perhaps not in a way we might have imagined. Referee Hogarth skated on and suddenly the vertical stripes of his jersey became horizontal as he plummeted to the ice like a sack of potatoes in a most ignominious fashion. An ironic cheer rent the air. He had forgotten to remove his skate guards poor fellow. He must have been as embarrassed as a man whose hair piece falls off as he delivers an address entitled “The Evils of Vanity” to a convention of a thousand bald men.

The game had barely begun when Flames’ Coach Dixon perpetrated an outrage most atrabilious. He pushed a hapless Lumberjack Joe Rand into the back of the net causing it to topple forward and imprison netminder Gregg (yes he does have 2 Gs) Rockman like a caged animal. Thankfully (or thankfully not if you view it from a different perspective) Rocky was uninjured. The push had been spotted and Dixon was dismissed from the ice for a 2 minute minor. Nothing came of the power play although Mr Hogarth did manage to fall over again, but this time was unable to blame his skate guards. What was I saying about hair pieces and conventions of bald men?

The Librarians managed to snatch the lead on 13 minutes. Curtis Huppe slewed a pass from the point to fellow Canadian Owen Fussey all alone in the slot. He fired in a slap shot. The shot was thunderous and the outcome chunderous for Bison netminder Dean Skinns as he was beaten for pace by Fussey’s unfussy finish. Past his head the puck flew and bulged the top of the net. 1-0 Flames.

1-0 it remained at the end of the period and Bison could consider themselves to be unlucky as they had outshot the Flames by 12-5, but couldn’t find the net. Into P2 we went and the Flames nearly doubled their lead on 24 minutes. A bundle in front of goal resulted in the net moving off its moorings. Had the puck been forced over the line? Certainly the goal light had not come on, although the Flames players were celebrating with sticks in the air, whoops of joy and high 5s. The scoreboard remained at 0-1. As surely as Colonel Mustard murdered Professor Plum in the study with a piece of lead piping, the Referee Hogarth killed the “goal” by ordering a face off in the Bison defensive zone.

Bison continued to press and were rewarded with a levelling score on 28 minutes. Set up by Lumberjack Joe Rand, Marvellous Miroslav Vantroba sent in a slap shot which was diverted past Rockman by the stick of Nicky Chinn to make it 1-1. Had Whispering Bob Harris been present and had he wished to extol the virtues of a progressive rock combo to the assembled, he would have failed, drowned out 1,000 times over as the Bison backers reached new heights of celebratory cacophony.

There then occurred an incident of the most appalling violence that caused mothers to cover the eyes of their children to spare them the sight of the opprobrious outrage. OK I might be exaggerating here. A melée in front of the Flames net developed into an unsightly scene of pushing and shoving as Joe Greener fell to the ice Hogarth style. The altercation was broken up with no penalties being awarded and the mothers were able to uncover their children’s eyes.

On 33 minutes the Librarians retook the lead and once again it was Owen Fussey who bagged the goal – a shortie. Jez Lundin had been called for holding the stick (someone else’s) and into the slammer he passed. The Flames forced a mid ice turnover and Fussey was away. He deked and slotted the puck past Skinns for 2-1. Davis Savage was awarded an assist.  There was no more scoring in this very even period.

P3 opened with another Flames goal, this one scored by Tom Duggan. Bison were pressed hard in their defensive zone and were unable to get the puck forward. The Flames snatched back possession and worked the puck out in front. Savage was again involved, but the killer pass came from the long staff of David Longstaff who set Duggan up to tap in from in front of the net. It was 3-1 Flames and things were looking grim for Bison. The goal caused both the curmudgeonly naysayers and gainsayers and the naysaying and gainsaying curmudgeonlies to become even more curmudgeonly and say “Nay”.

However, Bison were not dead yet and they were to drive home their advantage mid period with a 5 on 3 power play opportunity. Savage hooked and 50 seconds later Branislav Kvetan held a stick (other than his own). With 10 seconds remaining on the 5 on 3 Tomas “Grandmaster” Karpov and Long Ciaron Long combined to set up Lumberjack Joe Rand in front of the net. Joe poked in and it was a one goal game once more.

3 minutes later we saw another 5 on 3, this time to the advantage of the Librarians. First Stuart “The Cat” Mogg was called for tripping. 42 seconds into the power play the referee’s whistle blew once more. Rabbit’s Foot Joe Baird was adjudged to have kneed. What was the punishment to be? A session of corporal castigation in Whip Lady’s torture chamber? Let’s not go there (literally). No of course not. It was the much less painful punishment of 2 minutes in the box. A 5 on 3 for the Flames. What could possibly go wrong? Well it very nearly did. Coach Sheppard broke up a mid ice play and sent Aaron “Billy” Connolly away on the break. The Flames D melted away like a blancmange in the microwave on full power, leaving Billy to barrel in on goal. Alas his attempt to fox Rockman failed and the Flames netman pulled off a vital save to spare the blushes of his team mates. Letting in a shortie is bad enough but a 3 on 5 shortie….. I hope Rocky was bought a beer or two afterwards.

Time was running out for Bison, but they continued to press. Their last great chance came with less than 3 minutes to play when a wrist shot from Cuddly Joe Greener hit the post with a sonorous clunk. They had come close, but not close enough. The seconds ticked away until final buzzer sounded and it was all over. 3-2 to the Flames.

Top Bananas awards went to the Canadian duo of Lumberjack Joe Rand for Bison and Owen Fussey for the Flames. A 2 goal performance and the beers for Fussey (formerly of the Washington Capitals, albeit rather briefly) – not bad for a man who hasn’t played competitive hockey for 2 seasons.