Bison 3 Manchester Phoenix 2
20/9/14
They came in
their hundreds to witness this clash of the Titans – the naysayers, the
yeasayers, the gainsayers, the soothsayers, even the assayers, but not Leo
Sayers, at least not as far as I noticed. What were they expecting to see?
After last week’s bench clearing scenes of extreme violence could it have been
more blood on the carpet they craved? If it was they didn’t get it. Instead
they were treated to a cracking game of hockey between two of the top sides in
the EPL and a fine advert for the great game.
Phoenix were straight
out of the blocks at the commencement of the game and snatched the lead after
only 21 seconds. Set up by Shaun Thompson and Frankie Bakrlik, Robin Kovar
hammered a slap shot from the point past Dean Skinns and it was 1-0 Phoenix.
On 4 minutes,
Bakrlik found himself in the box for hooking. Bison took
full advantage with their first of 3 power play goals on the night. It was a
move off the drawing board with Coach Sheppard and Cuddly Joe Greener doing
the spadework and Long Ciaron Long snapping home a drop pass past a screened
Steve Fone in the Phoenix net. 1-1.
Suddenly, as the
end of the period approached, in my ear, very near, but not very clear came the
anguished voice of the Howling Man at mega/uber/ultra decibels. The guitarists
amongst us will know that Marshall amps go up to 11 on the volume scale. The
Howling Man tops 12 easily. And like a Marshall, the louder he gets the more
distorted the sound becomes. And so, despite being in very close proximity to
the protestant, I was left to guess the nature of his complaint. I failed.
It had been an
even 1st period, but that was about to change with a Bison onslaught
in the 2nd. The differences between the two teams in P2 were as
great as those between a mackerel and a makelaar (a what? A Dutch estate agent
of course), as Bison fired in 21 shots on Fone with Phoenix managing a mere 6
on Skinns. But Fone, who has proved himself to be a consistently top EPL
goaltender for many years, looked as solid as a rock, The Rock and the Rock of
Gibraltar all rolled into one. He was beaten only once and only then by a
clever piece of skill from Cuddly Joe Greener on 24 minutes. It was all a blur
to me and I was left thinking how did he get that one in? But I was reliably informed
by Duracell Man, a close observer from Block D, that Joe came around the back
of the net, emerging at the back door and lifted the puck over Fone’s grounded
pad. Had there been present a party of vociferous and vile vomiting vagrants
from Ventnor they would have broken out the meths in celebration. 2-1 Bison.
A minute later
Robin Kovar was given a misconduct penalty. “You will spend 10 minutes in the institute
of correction that is the Sapphire Cleaning penalty box” said referee Thompson.
Kovar was unhappy about the decision and smote the door of the penalty box
before taking his seat. That was enough for Mr. Thompson and he slapped a
game penalty on the petulant Kovar. Off to the locker room he went.
Bison thought
they had advanced the score to 3-1 in the 31st minute when Tomas “Grandmaster”
Karpov smashed the puck past Fone, but the goal was washed off (for high sticks
someone said). Murder most foul. There was no need to call in Columbo, Morse,
Sherlock Holmes or Poirot to investigate. It was obvious to all that the
murderer was referee Thompson. He had killed the goal. The reaction of the Bison
crowd at the decision had to be seen to be believed. Incandescent with rage,
they reach unprecedented heights of apoplexy.
Some went purple in the face, others burst blood vessels, whilst others
still foamed at the mouth. But it was no good. Mr. Thompson had made his
decision and, quite simply, the “goal” …… wasn’t.
Things were
starting to become a little unclear. The Man in the Charlestown Chiefs shirt
remarked that rink was beginning to resemble a “duel at dawn” scene as mist
rose in ever increasing quantities from the ice. The Man with 3 Ear-rings
wondered if they were going to need a glow in the dark puck soon. “Fog on the Tyne”
and “I Can See Clearly Now” blared from the PA – a masterpiece of track choices
from Bavvy as usual. How does he do it?
Back to the
game. Things were to go from bad to worse for Phoenix before the period ended
with import D-man, the very scary looking (have you seen his profile picture on
the Phoenix web site?) Johan Burlin, breaking a skate and being able to take no
further part in the game.
With 2 imports
down, a goal to the bad and a rampant Bison bombarding their net, Phoenix had
to turn things around in P3 or they would sink without a trace. As for Bison,
was their inability to find a way past Fone, apart from the Greener goal, going
to prove costly? In between P2 & P3, the crowd meditated, ruminated and
cogitated. As they did so Bison’s own Man of Steel cracked a walnut with his
biceps. The Bespectacled Youth flicked his flow. The Lettings Agent read a
Notice to Quit. What were they thinking? I have no idea.
Well Phoenix did manage to turn it
around. The 3rd was a much more even contest, but,
unfortunately for Phoenix, they fell even further behind before pulling one
back to set up a rousing finale. On 52 minutes the whistle blew. The referee
was calling a penalty for an offence, which I must admit I hadn’t seen. Had he
caught a player “playing with too many sticks”? (Eh? You think I’ve made that
one up don’t you? I can assure you that is a genuine penalty call and, if you
don’t believe me, see footnote). No it was nothing so exotic as playing with
too many sticks, merely a common-or-garden slashing offence and the offender
was Bakrlik, who had only one stick, which he had used in an illegal manner.
In the ensuing
power play a flowing move between Tomas “Grandmaster” Karpov and Cuddly Joe
Greener ended with Andy “Machine Gun” Melachrino forcing the puck past Fone
from in front of the net. 3-1 Bison. An assist to Karpov to compensate for his
washed off goal and a second assist for Cuddly Joe for 1 + 2 on the night and 4
+ 4 (oh yes and a match penalty) in only 2 games. Joe is on fire at the moment,
but, thankfully, not literally.
At last a bit of
breathing space for Bison, but not for long. Only a minute later it was 3-2 as
Michal Psurny (with a silent P) tapped in a rebound shot with assists going to James
Neil and the perennial Tony Hand. The goal caused the crowd to behave as if
drugs had been distributed amongst them – uppers to the Phoenix fans and
downers to the Bison backers. It was going to be a nerve-wracking or even
nerve-racking final phase with both teams visibly tiring after a 100 mph
contest. As Phoenix pressed forward Bakrlik had a nasty fall. Hip checked by
Marvellous Miroslav Vantroba he hit Lumberjack Joe Rand on the way down,
causing him to rotate and fall heavily on his hip. You could hear the thud in
Block C. He stayed down for quite a while, but eventually he was able to leave
the ice, although clearly in a great deal of discomfort. I confirmed the
details of the incident with Marvellous Miro himself after the game. He said “yes”
to everything I said. Either I got it completely right or he didn’t understand
a word I was saying. Who knows?
The injury to Bakrlik was a serious blow to Phoenix, leaving them with only a single import from the 4 who started and needing to prosecute a final bombardment of the Bison goal with less than 2 minutes to play. Things went from bad to worse as the clock ran down and with Coach Hand desperately looking for an opportunity to pull Fone to give Phoenix a 6 on 5 advantage. Joe Graham was called for kneeing and Bison had another power play. Phoenix had 32 seconds in which to score a short handed goal. It wasn’t going to happen and didn’t. At the final buzzer Phoenix looked exhausted and as crushed in defeat as if they had been ridden over by the Mongol hoards of Ghengis Khan, the Tour de France peloton and a stampede of angry stoats all at once. But they could hold their heads high. They had contributed in no small part to a pulsating and thoroughly entertaining game. Cuddly Joe Greener was Bison’s Man of the Match and there could, of course, be only one candidate for the Phoenix Top Banana award – Steve Fone. Without him it could have been a runaway victory for Bison.
Footnote : When a player plays with more than one
stick he will be called for “Playing with too many sticks”. For example, if a
goalie were to lose his stick and a player from his team picks up the goalie’s
stick and then, while holding both his and the goalie’s sticks, he attempts to
touch a live puck with either stick, that will be an offence. There I told you
it was a genuine penalty call.
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