Bison 5 Bracknell Bees 1
14/2/15
“We all live in
a yellow submarine.” So sang the Beatles as they journeyed to Pepperland to
free its peace loving folk from the Blue Meanies. Well the Bracknell Bees had
no such conveyance and didn’t journey to Pepperland, but instead to Bisonland
where there are thankfully no Blue Meanies. If they thought they could return
to the Hive with 2 points in the bag, then they should have been singing “We
all live in cloud cuckoo land”. They were outplayed, outmanoeuvred, outshot and
out to lunch as Bison romped to a comfortable victory and, in doing so,
fulfilled Mystic Jo’s pre match prediction of a 5-1 scoreline.
Our
entertainment began even before the game had even started with mascot for the night,
the Boy of Steel, goaltender extraordinaire and clearly no shrinking violet, coming
out with the Bison team and milking the crowd in his own imitable arm waving style
as the roar of the crowd rang in his ears. Long may he do so.
With the game
only 12 seconds old Bison lost Aaron “Billy” Connolly. What looked like an
innocuous check resulted in Billy going down and staying down as a crowd
gathered around him. Shortly after he was able to leave the ice on wobbly legs
supported by two colleagues. The word came that he had been taken to hospital
where concussion was diagnosed. If this is correct, then this could mean the
end of Billy’s season. A great shame for this never say die player.
Bison soldiered
on without A-man Connolly and had the better of the early exchanges. It looked
like only a matter of time before they got the crowd singing and indeed they
took the lead on 6 minutes courtesy of Lumberjack Joe Rand. He and Bison
skipper Nicky Chinn were involved in a 4 man scrap for the puck on the boards
behind the goal. Lumberjack Joe emerged with it and skated out in front of
goal. Joe Jackson once sang a song entitled “Look Sharp”. The Bees D didn’t
look sharp at all. In fact, they looked as blunt as a worn down HB pencil.
No-one bothered to challenge and Rand was able to beat the Bees’ goaltender,
Tom Annetts, for speed as he lifted a wrist shot over the Annetts glove short
side. 1-0 Bison. It was enough to make the Bison backers burst into a rendition
of “Happy”, but I saw no would be Pharrell Williams impersonators
present.
There were no
more goals in the period, although Cuddly Joe Greener came close in a breakway,
his shot being saved by Annetts, who denied him on this occasion, but who would
see Cuddly Joe put 2 past him in the 2nd as I shall shortly relate,
dear reader.
Back in ’82 Joan
Jett sang a song proclaiming “I Love Rock ‘n’ Roll”. What a shame she wasn’t at
Planet Ice last night. There would have been no need for her to instruct her
baby to put another dime in the jukebox. It was pure rock ‘n’ roll hockey from
Bison, which saw them rack up 4 unanswered goals in P2. Goal no. 2, scored
after a minute of the opening of the period, came from a similar behind the
goal scrap as goal No. 1. Marvellous Miroslav Vantroba found Maple Leaf Doug
Sheppard. He in turn found Cuddly Joe Greener who scrapped for it and then
emerged from the boards to a position in front of goal with Long Ciaron Long in
support. But Cuddly Joe didn’t need Long Ciaron as he fired past Annetts for
2-0 Bison. Had Neil Diamond been present and a Bees fan, he might have been
tempted to burst into a rendition of “Song Sung Blue”.
Shortly after
Bison thought they had scored again. A shot from Marvellous Miroslav Vantroba rang
the post and, according to Duracell Man, a close observer of the incident, the
puck slid along the line and just over before Annetts fell on it, causing a melée
of epic proportions. The goal light had come on, but then went off again and no
goal was awarded. Still 2-0 Bison, but not for long.
On 22 minutes it
really was 3-0 Bison. Coach Sheppard set up Cuddly Joe, who skated unchallenged
by the two D-men in the vicinity and flicked the puck past Annetts at close
range. In the Bison
blocks unmelodic but very loud celebrations burst forth. It wasn’t a case
of “Strawberry Fields Forever” (and I’m not talking about the Strawberry Fields
in Bramley), but rather Bison forever.
A minute later a
flare up flared up causing Referee Cloutman to stop the game by blowing his
whistle as opposed to firing a flare. Incarceration for Greener and Turner for
roughing were imposed resulting in a 4 on 4. During this the best chance fell
to Cameron “Popeye” Wynn, who broke away only to see his shot saved by an alert
Annetts.
Just before the
half way mark Bison scored again. Remember “Hole in my shoe”? A hit for Traffic
in 1967. Well there were no holes in shoes at Planet Ice, as far as I am aware,
but there was a bloody great hole in the Bees’ D. “Popeye” Wynn found Ryan “You
What?” Watt on the boards. He skated in looking for an opening. Suddenly he
heard the tap-tap-tap-tap sound of a demented woodpecker. But it wasn’t a woodpecker,
it was Marvellous Miroslav Vantroba skating over the blue line whilst tapping
his stick on the ice to attract his team-mate’s attention. Watty’s perfect pass
set up Miro for a slap shot. At the end of the Morcambe and Wise show each week
Janet Webb, a lady of, shall we say, ample form, used to burst between Eric and
Ernie and thank the audience for watching her show. Had the goaltender
possessed the physical attributes of Janet he could have blocked the goal
completely. But he didn’t and couldn’t and Miro’s clapper sailed past him to
bulge the net. 4-0 Bison. The Bees backers looked glum and would have been
entitled to sing “Heaven Knows I’m Miserable Now”, but didn’t, as far as I am
aware.
With 4 minutes
of the period remaining Bison completed their P2 4 goal blast with another from
Vantroba. “Popeye” Wynn won possession of the puck on the boards and fed
Michael “Muzzy” Wales. His cross ice pass found Marvellous Miroslav steaming
into the slot. The balding blueliner’s one timer flew past Annetts and it was
5-0 Bison. Remember Sir Cliff Richard entertaining the Wimbledon crowd in the
rain in 1996 with a cappella (acappella if you prefer) singing of his famous songs? Well had the
aforementioned knight of the realm been present last night, he may have
launched himself into a rendition of “Congratulations”, but thankfully he was
absent. What the crowd wanted was more hockey and more goals, not Sir Cliff.
Having been
outplayed and outshot by 31-9 in the first 2 periods, it was clear that the
Bees’ players were not singing off the same hymn sheet. They weren’t even
playing all the right notes but in the wrong order. They had to find some sort of harmony and
this they did with a much better P3, outshooting Bison by 14-9. The Beatles
told us “All you need is love.” The Bees didn’t need love, but they did need a
goal to give their fans something to sing about and have them twisting and
shouting in the aisles. This came on 51 minutes. Ivan Antonov lost control of
the puck in mid ice, but recovered, skated forward and then mishit a shot
through Dean “Deano” Skinns’s 5-hole for an unassisted goal. Alas Speedway
Girl, holder of membership card 001 of the Dean Skinns Appreciation Society,
was absent, but, had she been present, she would have felt for Deano. Never
mind he performed well overall and finished with an impressive game save percentage
of 0.96 (why do we say “save percentage” when it’s always expressed as a
decimal?)
As the end of P3
approached, the fat lady was practicing her scales. Now she was required to do
her thing. Strains of “Goodnight Vienna” began to fill the Basingstoke Arena.
But this was drowned out by the traditional rendition of “The Great Escape”
emanating from the Bison blocks at high volume. The final buzzer sounded to
bring an end to the proceedings.
Top Bananas were
Dangerous Danny Ingoldsby, who had enjoyed a feisty game, putting himself about
a bit, and Marvellous Miroslav Vantroba with a 2+1 game from the blue line. The crowd departing singing the praises of their heroes.
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