Bison 5 Guildford Flames 3
16/10/15
The Flames must
hate Bison. They have lost 6 games in total this season and 4 of those have
been inflicted by the Basingstoke ice men. Last night’s defeat was ignominious
in the extreme with the Flames going in at the first buzzer 3-1 to the good and
looking good and retaining a lead until the 54th minute when a 2
goal blast in 20 seconds snatched it away from them. An empty netter drove the
final nail into the Librarians’ coffin, as I shall relate, dear reader.
The game opened
in extraordinary fashion for Matic Kralj, who played in the 2002-03 season in Lubbock,
Texas for the Cotton Kings. Lubbock is where Buddy Holly came from – thought you’d
like to know the connection. How do you pronounce his name? Kralj that is, not
Holly. Well it’s certainly not Craldge. Just think of an aristocrat saying “Battle
of the OK Coral”, but the last word as a single syllable with a long “a”. Am I
going to write anything about the game or is it all going to be rubbish like this?
Let’s move on…..
The game was in
its infancy, indeed barely an embryo of a contest, when Kralj was called for
interference. He served his time, emerged from the box and within 35 seconds he
had a goal and an assist to his name. Had he punched someone immediately after
the second goal he could have recorded the fastest Gordy Howe hat-trick (a
goal, an assist and a fight) ever seen, but he declined to indulge in pugilism
and so the Gordy hat-trick remained unscored. First the goal. It was a flowing
break out move involving Tom Duggan and Matt Towe with Kralj finishing with a
whipped wrist shot from the goaltender’s right. 1-0 Flames and only 2:21 on the
clock.
On 2:48 things
got worse for Bison. Kralj played with the puck behind the net looking for a
pass. He fired the puck out in front of the net where Piatak snapped it in past
a startled Tomas Hiadlovsky in the Bison goal. 2-0 Flames and black armbands
were being donned by the naysayers in the Bison blocks.
A minute later Jez
Lundin was adjudged to have elbowed and Ryan “You What” Watt roughed in reply. 2
minutes each in the can. Shortly after Bison were awarded a penalty shot when
Paul Dixon did everything except murder Long Ciaron Long to prevent him getting
off his shot in a break on goal. The penalty shot was missed and 0-2 it remained.
On 9 minutes
Bison finally got some reward for their efforts. Shaun “The Sheep” Thompson
received a pass from Aaron “Billy” Connolly behind the net. Stephen Wall, the
Flames netman, must have thought that Tommo was looking for a Kralj style pass
to someone in front of the net. He wasn’t prepared for what happened next.
Shaun “The Sheep” lobbed the puck onto his back and, as confirmed to me by the
Bearded Rabble Rouser of Block A, a close observer of the incident, the puck
pea rolled down Wall’s back and into the goal. Concession of a goal in this
manner must have plunged Wall into a state of funereal perturbation. State of
what? Ok. Made him unhappy. Perhaps not to the extent that he burst into tears
and didn’t want to play any more. Perhaps he should have because worse was to
come late in the game. This has been a shocking goal to concede and made the
hapless netman look like a monkey. In the ranks of the Guildford faithful, who
had travelled from the Library, mouths fell open, eyes opened wide and groans
were emitted. In the Bison blocks the Rabble Rouser of Block A’s hair stood on
end. It was 1-2.
Bison pressed
forward, but fairly ineffectually it has to be said. Their quest was not helped
by their players serving 12 minutes worth of penalties in the period. A flurry
of offences occurred in the 18th minute - cross checking, roughing
and slashing were committed by Danny Meyers and Joe Greener, the former the
former and the latter the latter two. The two may have considered an appeal to
the European Court of Human Rights because Mr. Hogarth was definitely proposing
to infringe their human rights by removing their liberty, but in the end they
both decided to go quietly into the custody of the penalty box to serve their
time. The Flames were on the power play once more and this time they made it
count. Round and round went the puck like a teddy bear in the garden until it
reached the aforementioned Kralj, who slapped it in from the point. Lundin and
Eriksson were declared assistants for the goal. 1-3 Flames and not looking good
for Bison.
It was reported
to me that Coach Sheppard went to the locker room less than pleased and one can
only assume the hairdryer treatment was delivered. Bison had to stay out of the
box and this they achieved for the next 15 minutes. What a difference. An early
period goal would have been preferable and this they bagged in the 24th
minute on the power play. Lundin unceremoniously bundled Alan “Prairie Dog”
Lack (see footnote) into the goal frame head first. The crowd leaped to their collective feet.
“SEND HIM TO THE CHAIR!” implored some of the more radically minded spectators.
And that is exactly what Mr. Hogarth did, notwithstanding that the chair in
this case was the bench in the penalty box not an electric one as some may have
wanted. The 5 on 4 bore fruit 20 seconds later. Set up by Cuddly Joe Greener,
Long Ciaron slapped one in. Wall saved, but spilled the puck into the path of
Watt, who stabbed it in for a dirty goal and 2-3.
Bison thought
they had levelled it shortly after when Long took possession and bore down on
goal. He shot, we heard a clunk. The crowd jumped to their feet, shouting “GOAL!”
“IT’S IN!” “YAHOO!” and “HI KARUMBA!” but not all in the same sentence. But the
goal light remained unilluminated and the referee’s hand remained unpointing towards
the net. Had it come off the back stanchion and out? Many thought so, but not
Ref Hogarth, so no goal.
We reached the end
of P2 with Bison failing to get on level terms. Into P3 we passed. Could Bison
come back? Only a solitary goal to the bad they were within touching distance
of the Librarians, but by the time we reached the 53rd minute it had
been nearly 30 minutes since their last score and, although they had raised
their game to new heights in P3, it just wasn’t happening in front of the net.
The Man with 3 Ear-rings declared, “it will be a miracle if Bison win this.”
The Man in the Charlestown Chiefs Shirt agreed. But what do they know about
hockey? Very little it would seem because win the game is what Bison did. At
the time, however, with Flames defending sometimes with a 3-man D, Bison
chances looked dead and buried, Eleanor Rigby style. All we needed was Father
McKenzie to conduct the service.
But then in a 20
second period straddling the 54th minute there occurred something which
nobody predicted, not even Nostradmus, with whom I conversed in the food bar in
the second interval. (OK I made that up – everyone knows he’s been dead for 450
years). A pair of Bison goals turned the game on its head. First of all Cuddly
Joe Greener scored on the turn, assisted by Long and Watt. 3-3. And then Tomas “Grandmaster”
Karpov set up Kurt “The Scissors” Reynolds for a shot from the slot. As the
puck flew towards Wall, Alan “Prairie Dog” Lack got his twig in the way and
tipped it. Wall, the epitome of a hapless netman, must have experienced
feelings of unadulterated anguish, deflating despondency and melancholic
morosity as the puck bounced off his glove, fell to the ice and rolled very
slowly over the line. It was in and 4-3 Bison. What a turnaround. Ever heard of
Hambone Willie Newbern? Of course you haven’t. He recorded a song called “Roll
and Tumble Blues” in 1929, later recorded as “Rollin’ and Tumblin’” by a myriad
of artists. I don’t mean Rembrandt, Picasso and Dali, but rather Cream, Bob
Dylan and Cyndi Lauper, not to mention numerous others. Well rollin’ and
tumblin’ exactly what we were now seeing. Bison were rollin’ all over the
Flames, whose hopes of winning the game were tumblin’ towards oblivion. Obscure
connection I hear you say. Well yes.
But, unlike
paradise, all was not lost for the Flames. With 57:53 remaining Bison copped a
very unwanted penalty – Karpov for holding. They would have to play 2 minutes
of the 2:07 which remained of the game a man short. That was about as undesirable as the scrapings
from a grape treader’s toe nails. To make matters worse Wall was subsequently
pulled to make it a final hurrah 6 on 4. However, the hoped for hurrah and
huzzah turned into an undesirable, unwanted and unhoped for undoing. At least
it was if you were a Guildford fan. Never say die Bison skipper Connolly
scrapped for the puck in mid ice, gained possession and slid in an empty netter
to put the result beyond doubt. 5-3 Bison. The visiting supporters were now suffering
pain as surely as if someone was driving a knitting needle up their collective
left nostril. In fact a number of them got up and left to start the long trudge
back to the Library, doubtless to return their overdue books, with Tomas
Hiadlovsky waving them bye-bye from his net (Cake Lady confirmed that). It was
game over and all that remained was to award the top banana prizes to Kralj and
Watt.
Footnote : Alan "Prairie Dog" Lack? Why the hell....? Go one Youtube "Prairie dog Alan".
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