Bison 5 Invicta Dynamos 3
27/10/18
According to
Leonard Cohen, there are heroes in the seaweed and Suzanne would show you where
to look amongst the garbage and the flowers (Eh? See footnote 1). Well there
were heroes at Planet Ice last night also. Bison may have bagged the points,
but the short benched Mos (only 12 skaters), coming off the back of a 13-1 annihilation
last time out, put in a spirited performance and, despite being outshot by
45-22, came away with a very respectable defeat.
P1 opened and goal
no.1 of the evening arrived on 9:52 and it was the result of an odd man rush.
An odd what? In case, dear reader, you are unfamiliar with hockey parlance an
odd man rush is where the attacking forwards outnumber the D-men of the
opposition – in this case 3-2. It is not a surge forward by a peculiar,
idiosyncratic individual. I wonder if you have odd woman rushes in ladies
hockey. This is all by the by. Let’s us return to the action. The surge forward
was executed by the trio of Danny Ingoldsby, Hallum Wilson and George
Norcliffe. The former hammered forward and passed inside to the middle named.
He fired in a shot which netman Connor Morris saved. Back in 1984 Bananarama
told us that Robert de Niro was waiting …. and speaking Italian – a fine
example of male multi tasking I’m sure you will agree. As the puck ricocheted
off the pad of Morris someone was waiting at the back door. Was it Robert de
Niro? No it was the latter named, namely Gordon Norcliffe, not speaking Italian
but instead smashing the puck into an empty net. 1-0 Bison. The sole confederate
was announced as Ingoldsby with the emphasis on the middle syllable thus InGOLDsby as opposed to INgoldsby, which I always thought it
was. Never mind. Strangely enough no assist to Wilson. Why? Who can tell?
On 16:35 it was
2-0 as a result of an Ooo Betty moment for the hapless Morris, who otherwise
didn’t put a foot, skate, blocker or catcher wrong all evening. Set up by a
combination of Alex Sampford and Hallum Wilson, Danny Ingoldsby (sorry I meant InGOLDsby) cut in towards goal from the
left wing. The puck left his stick. Suddenly it was over the line, the red
light had come on and Referee Evans’s hand had become flat and pointy in a
netwards direction. Close observers confirmed to me that it had hit Morris’s
back and gone in. How chunderous for the poor fellow. 2-0 Bison. By the way if
you want to know the origin of the word chunder see footnote 2.
P1 ended with
Bison in the driving seat, having outshot the Mos by 16-8. But the Kentish visitors
had no intention of rolling over and having their tummies tickled. Indeed no.
They surged back into contention with a goal on 1:38 of the 2nd. It
was a scrappy affair with a Chuckle Brothers “to me to you to me” air about it
with Brandon Miles eventually forcing it over the line past Alex “Mittens” Mettam,
who made two saves but not a third. Louis Colvin and Matt Foord, who always
seems to have one too many Os in his name for my liking, were declared
assistants. 2-1.
Bison continued
to dominate play, but could not find a way of breaching the Morris pipes for a
P2 goal. It was looking like it was going to be the hop pickers’ period. That
is until the last minute when a goal threatened to cause a Morris family rift
as Liam put one past brother Connor. Set up by Tom “Wreck-it” Ralph, Doc Russ
Cowley fired one in. Morris the Younger saved the shot with his pad, but, much
to his chagrin, the puck flew wide straight to Morris the Elder. The latter
seemed to have all the time in the world as the Mos D was nowhere to be seen.
Were they a bunch of Miss Muffetts, who on realising that a spider had sat down
beside her, was frightened away? Probably not as I saw no curds, whey or
arachnids. Morris the Younger attempted to block the goal. The Dynamos faithful
would have preferred him to have possessed the physical attributes of Oliver
Hardy over those of Stan Laurel. But he
was something in between. In this case that something in between proved inadequate
and the goal remained only partially blocked. Morris the Elder’s finish was cool and composed, calm and canny, considered and calculated, but at
the same time cruel and crushing for his hapless sibling. It was an over the
shoulder number into the top corner. No brotherly consideration had been shown.
3-1 Bison.
But the Mos were
not down among the dead men yet and shortly after we moved into P3 they pegged
it back once more. With Michal Klejna banged up for charging (oh no it wasn’t) Martins
Susters, who sounds like an import but isn’t and who also sounds like multiple
people with Ss on the end of both his names, but who is actually only one
person, combined with Andrew Munro, who is definitely only one person, to set
up Edmund (not Blackadder) Piačka, also one person. He fired in a splendid
wrist shot. 3-2.
1:27 later Bison
restored their 2 goal advantage. Danny InGOLDsby,
still retaining the emphasis on the middle syllable of his name, passed from
the right wing inside to Doc Cowley, who in turn passed to Wreck-it Ralph. The
Mos D had once again been caught with their trousers down as Wreck-it Ralph
rifled home and, in doing so, elicited a rumbustious show of approbation from
the Bison backers. In fact, the Bison goal celebration was gigantic and
titanic, stupendous and tumultuous, enormous and voluminous. Hats were thrown
into the air. 4-2 Bison.
A flurry of
penalties was soon to feature. On 53:18 Chris Cooke hammered into Brandon
Miles, who clearly regarded this as a trifle unsporting and attempted to duff
the D-man up. However, the former had by then collapsed face down on the ice
like a sack of potatoes and the latter could only stand over him and deliver a
couple of half heated thumps into the back of the prostrate form beneath. That
was enough for Referee Evans. “Oi you geezers”, he may have shouted. “Porridge
for you. Are you going quietly or do I have to get Plod in?” They went quietly.
27seconds into
the penalty Callum Best slashed the stick out of Coach Tait’s hands, sending the
twig spinning to the ice, but his action wasn’t enough to halt the forward
momentum of the Bison attack. Delayed penalty call surely? But no. Mr Evans
flew into a wild state of panic and blew his whistle. This premature action
must surely have left the hapless official purple with embarrassment as if
caught with spinach adhering to his front teeth at a job interview. With Best
having his collar felt it was 4 on 3. A re-equipped Coach Tait combined with
Klejna to set up Adam Jones for an Ooo Mr Rigsby wrist shot from just inside
the blue line.
The puck hurtled past the hapless netman faster than Rosa
“Zazel” Richter in full flight. (Who? She was the first human cannon ball in
1877 – I’ve told you that before). 5-2 Bison.
The game moved towards
a conclusion, but all was not yet done. With 21 seconds remaining the Mos bagged
another. Susters passed out from behind the goal line and the puck was snapped
home. Back in the 1958 the Monotones sang “I wonder, wonder who, mmbadoo-ooh, who,
who wrote the book of love”. When the Mos scored I was similarly left
wondering, not about the book of love, but rather about the identity of the
scorer. It turned out to be Piačka with a second assist going to Colvin. 5-3
Time out Mos. Goaltender
pulled. 21 seconds of 6 on 5. Could they score twice in 21 seconds? Surely not.
As it turned out, no fruit was borne, not even the pip of a fruit. The final buzzer
sounded and the fat lady was singing. Top bananas were elected. Colvin with 2
assists grabbed the beers for the Mos and Danny InGOLDsby with a 1+2 evening received the Bison acclamation.
Footnote 1 : Leonard Cohen was a Canadian musician,
songwriter and poet, who wrote and recorded a song called Suzanne in 1967. You
don’t have to understand the meaning of the words to appreciate it as a work of
poetical genius.
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