Bison Swat the Bees

Bison 3 Bracknell Bees 1

1/12/18

Let's not worry about the calories. Take a sticky toffee pud and line it up on plate next to a chocolate and caramel bomb and a slice of raspberry and almond tart. Douse the assembled culinary delights with a generous helping of golden syrup, topped with whipped cream. Then sprinkle a tablespoon of castor sugar over that and plop a cherry on top for good measure. Last night’s Bison victory over the Bracknell Bees/Bison/Beeson or whatever you wish to call them was even sweeter than that for the Bison backers who stayed in Bisonland to support their team, albeit an almost completely new team, through thick and thin, come what may, come rain or shine. For the rather small contingent, who in a display of dastardly and contemptible treachery (sorry I shouldn’t really express an opinion here – what the hell), deserted their team to follow the Beeson instead, this must have been a bitter pill to swallow, not only having to endure the loss, but also an outstanding performance of rib poking by our beloved Bavi – there is no better announcer than this geezer. He seems more biased than even me.

Enough pontificating. Let’s get to the game.

P1 opened and it was to be a cagey 20 minutes – a veritable cat v mouse game of hide and seek. There were no goals, but plenty of penalties, most of them against the Bees. They copped no fewer than 6 x 2 minute minors to Bison’s 1. Referee Matthews was standing for no nonsense and called penalties for interference, delay of game, roughing, tripping and holding. His arm was up and down like a yo-yo. Down the steps the errant Bees felons went, but on each occasion the Bees managed to stifle the Bison power play and it wasn’t looking good for the home team. P1 ended and the visitors had managed to outshoot the homesters by 6-1, but none of those 6 was good enough to find the gaps between Alex “Mittens” Mettam and the Bison goal frame and the score remained at 0-0.

With only a solitary P1 shot to save Bees goaltender, Dean Skinns was looking comfortable. But his save percentage was about to plummet from 100% to 50% as Bison opened the 2^nd with a goal. It was scored off the fag end of the P1 penalty to Ryan “You What” Watt for holding onto Jay King in what looked like a loving embrace and then pulling him to the ice in a most ignominious fashion. Liam “Square Sausage” Morris fired a long pass to Alex Sampford behind the goal line. Ever been caught with your trousers down? Not literally I hope. Metaphorically speaking, that is exactly what happened to Albert Anastasia (that's him below) on October 25th 1957. (Albert who? Why the infamous Mafia crime boss taken by surprise and shot dead by hitmen as he sat in a barber’s chair in the Park Sheraton Hotel, New York. My regular readers will know that because I’ve told you before). In a similar fashion the Bees D were caught with their trousers down as they hadn’t covered Dangling Dick Bordowski at the top of the crease. Sampford found the inch perfect pass to Bordo and the Czech chap put lumber to rubber and sent the puck rocketing into the net, leaving Deano to reach for the Prozac.

More Bees penalties followed – 3 more to be precise. On 25:06 Watt was called for abuse of an official from the bench. We can only speculate as to the content of Watty’s utterance, but he must have let those views be known in a manner most inappropriate. Referee Matthews waved his arms in a strange manner, which must have been the signal for abuse of officials. Watty was sent to the penalty box to reflect on his conduct and hopefully emerge 2 minutes later a repentant and reformed character. He didn’t. A mere 11 seconds elapsed between his liberation and another penalty call on him as he, bursting with pent up frustration, barged into Hallam Wilson in a most improper and indeed impertinent fashion. “Oi geezer,” said Mr. Matthews. “That’s roughing. Get back down the steps you’ve just come up.” Away went Watty. He was spending more time in incarceration than Ronnie Biggs had spent in Wandsworth Prison. And so onto yet another power play went Bison. 1:13 into the 5 on 4 Bison banged in their second, well slid in more like. On 28:30 Michal Klejna and Coach Ashley Tait combined. The inept covering of the Bees’ D was the epitome of shambolic maladroitness. Back in 1966 Georgie Fame told us “Get away - Gotta go - Get away - Got away - Get away - Gotta go - Get away - Gotta go”. That's Georgie on keyboard and vocals below - he may well have been singing "Get away" at the time. Well on this occasion it wasn’t Mr. Fame who got away it was Doc Cowley from the bumbling Bees’ D. The Doc without a D-man to worry him arrowed towards goal from wide left and skinned Skinns, squeezing the puck over the line, possibly via the 5-hole. 2-0 Bison.

Between the 28^th/29^th minutes Bison had to survive a 5 on 3 with Norcliffe and Cowley in the box. In fact they nearly scored a shortie while on 5 on 4 with Morris breaking away like a panther geared up to eyeballs on speed and leaving the Bees D for dead. But Deano was equal to the Caledonian’s shot and it remained 2-0.

However on 34:22 it didn’t remain 2-0. It became 2-1 when Ivan and Vanya Antonov (how I have missed writing about the exploits of the Antonov twins) squeezed the puck past Mettam with David Millner and Shaun Thompson assisting.

Things were about to get rather fruity. An altercation between Liam Morris and Josh Martin occurred on 36:38. We can only hypothesize about what was said. Perhaps Martin was saying he didn’t like the taste of square sausages. Morris took exception and delivered an assault which would not have looked out of place outside a backstreet pub in the Gorbals, namely a head butt. This sparked off an unsavoury altercation of the most virulent variety which included punching, resisting officials, the pushing aside of a linesman. When the steam finally cleared it was 5 + game each and a further match penalty for Morris for the Glasgow kiss. Nothing was doled out for Martin’s pushing aside of an official as the latter wrote it off as accidental. I can assure you, dear reader, that it was far from accidental, but, as it wasn’t called, Bison had to defend a 5 minute power play either side of the period break and this they did, showing a grit and determination to be much admired, least of all from “Mittens” Mettam, who saved the Bison bacon with a crucial save close just before the end of the period.

The killing of not Sister George but the 5 minute PP was the turning point in the game. The Bees became ever more frustrated by a Bison team which seemed to be developing new levels of resilience, steadfastness, determination, resoluteness, indomitability, doggedness, tenacity and resolve. The Bees’ way to goal was being blocked, their assaults beaten back, their efforts baffled and their moves barred. And then on 48:08 their house of cards came tumbling down as Bison breached their defences once more, as I shall relate.

The 3^rd Bison goal was rather similar to the first. This time it was Doc Cowley behind the goal line feeding out in front to Sampford with an exhortation of  “Go on shooter shoot your shot”. Sampford shot his shot, shooting from the hip, and the puck shot past Deano. The Bees had shot themselves in the foot once more, but it was a shot in the arm for Bison. Deano pushed the net off in anger, complaining about something, possibly that the goal (resplendent with a new net obtained at great expense from Canada I am reliably informed) had been nudged off its moorings before the puck went in, but, if it had been, it must have been him who had done it, so poetic justice had been done. Bordowski was adjudged to be worthy of an assist, having supplied the pass to Cowley – it was a Doc/Dick set up. For the Bees the goal was as undesirable as the scrapings from the inside of a Mongolian tram driver’s gauntlet. 3-1 Bison.

Bison continued to frustrate the Bees and finally, the last chance saloon having been reached, Deano was pulled from the net with 2 minutes to go. He skated off faster than the 9:15 to Waterloo and it was a case of cheerio, old fruit - an early tiffin for you. On came skater number 6 and the Bees laid siege to the Bison goal, also resplendent with a new net. There were a number of empty net attempts, none of which resulted in an ENG, but which drew Ooooos and Ahhhhs from the assembled. The clock reached 0:00 and the Fat Lady sang. Rejoicing burst forth and shouts of “stick that in your pipe and smoke it – nah-nah-nah-nah-nah” were directed towards the Bees’ block. It was a monumental grudge win for Bison, if not a classic game. There are those in the Bees’ camp who have criticised Coach Sheppard for getting rid of Mettam and replacing him with Skinns. Maybe they have a point. Metts ended the evening with a save percentage of 94.7% and pulled off some crucial saves, while Deano manged only 76.9% and did not have the best night of his career.

Top bananas were elected. Malinik was top Bee and Cowley top Bison. Away we all went and I am certain that there wasn’t a single Bison fan or indeed announcer who doubted that they had made the right decision to stick with their team. As for the defectors, who are now the supporters of a distinctly average team who appear on this form to be a country mile from winning the volume of silverware won by the Basingstoke icemen last season or indeed any silverware at all, they must have wallowed in a steaming cess pit of doubt as they contemplated their turncoat treachery, but hey! don’t allow me to make another subjective comment on this issue please.