Bison 5 Sheffield Steeldogs 3
22/10/16
3 weeks ago the
Steeldogs came to Planet Ice and put in a chunderous poodle–esque performance. Outshot
by 53-15 they were sent back to the frozen wastes of the North on the end of a
0-3 scoreline. Had it not been for the Berlin Wall known as James Hadfield in
the Dogs’ net there would have been avalanche of goals. Last night we saw a
completely different Dogs’ team. They came to Bisontown, gave the hosts a game
and were in contention right up until late in the 3rd period when a
Karpov clincher sealed their doom, as I shall relate dear reader, so pray read
on.
It took Bison
only 2 minutes to snatch the go ahead goal. The follically challenged Matt
Towalski, scorer of the clinching goal last week, took the puck away from the
boards, delayed his pass to draw the defence, then found Tomas “Grandmaster”
Karpov, who snapped the puck past Hadfield. 1-0 Bison and not a good start for
the canine visitors.
Things were to
go from bad to worse 2 minutes later. A sonorous blast from Referee Cloutman’s
Acme Thunderer and a raised arm indicated a penalty. Arnoldas Bosas was called
for cross checking and sent to the penalty box to reflect on his conduct and
hopefully emerge 2 minutes later a repentant and reformed character. In fact
his incarceration ended early, but the 36 seconds spent in the box probably did
allow Bosas adequate time for reflection and reformation as he did not reoffend
for the rest of the game. Alas for the lethal Lithuanian his absence allowed Bison
to score a power play goal following the mother of all blue paint scrambles. To
say the puck was as loose as a goose in front of the Hadfield net would be an
understatement. I would have liked to have seen a diagram showing the path of
the puck as it moved here and there, hither and thither, backwards and forwards,
from side to side, from stick to pad to skate all in the space of a few
seconds. The only thing it didn’t do was move up and down. Eventually it was
poked in by Long Ciaron Long and it was 2-0 Bison.
At 0-2 to the
bad and only 4:21 on the clock the Dogs were staring an ignominious
flagellation in the face. However, they came back into the reckoning on 8
minutes with a goal of their own. A turn over saw Greg Wood charging forward
with Liam Charnock in support in a 2 on 1. Wood hammered forward as if his life
depended on it. If he was actually thinking that his life was in peril, he must
be suffering from paranoid schizophrenia. He drew D-man and netman and squared
a perfect pass to Charnock who hammered the puck past a hung out to dry Tomas Hiadlovsky.
2-1 and all to play for.
Bison weren’t
going to take it lying down and on 11:27 made it 3-1 and revive hopes of that flagellation.
Karpov moved around the back of the goal, shaking off both a plethora and a myriad
of attempts to dispossess him. He then fed the puck out front to Dan “The Specs”
Lackey, who lurked menacingly in front of the net. According to Edward Lear the
owl and the pussy cat were married by “a turkey who lived on the hill” (3rd
verse). In this case it looked as if the whole Dogs’ D were composed of
turkeys, not because a marital ceremony was involved, but because they had left
Lackey unhindered and free to do his own thing. His own thing turned out to be
scoring his first goal for Bison as he stuffed the puck past the hapless
Hadfield, who had been left completely unprotected. 3-1 Bison.
The Dogs had to
tighten up or a catastrophe akin to the San Francisco earthquake of 1906 (see below) would
befall them. This they did and indeed went one better with an arrears reducing
goal on 17:31. Even the most biased Bison backer could not help but admire the
flowing move – a masterpiece of skating, movement, stick handling and shooting
which ended with Liam Kirk whipping a vicious wrist shot past Hiadlovsky for 3-2.
Arnoldas Bosas and Ben Morgan were adjudged to have been Kirk’s confederates on
this occasion. Moments late Pavel Mrna nearly made it 3-3 on the breakaway, but
Hiadlovsky proved equal to his effort and blocked the Mrna shot.
And so into the
interval we moved. It had been a very even period and a solitary goal difference
is a margin as thin as a Rizla fag paper in hockey terms and so it proved as
the Dogs brought it back to 3-3 halfway through P2. Mrna slipped like a
slippery eel past 3 Bison players and roofed a shot. Cole Shudra and Lewis Bell
were declared Mrna’s accomplices. It has to be said lovely skating and stick
handling and an unstoppable finish. Bah!
The clock was
ticking down towards the buzzer which would signal an end to the hostilities of
P2. Having led 3-1 but now pegged back to parity, Bison must have been keen to
get their noses in front by the end of the period if they could. And indeed
they did. With 3 minutes remaining some “never say give up the puck” play from
the Antonov twins and Karpov culminated in Antonov (not sure if it was Ivan or
Vanya) supplying a pass to the blueline when J.J. (not Pitchley but Jan
Jarabek) lurked. He had a clear sight of goal and brought his stick down on the
biscuit. The puck took flight displaying the aerodynamic qualities of an
airborne keema naan thrown at the Chittagong chapatti chucking championships.
It came from a long way out and not through a screen, but alas for Hadfield he
failed to pick up the flight of the puck and it flew over his shoulder into the
net. 4-3 Bison, first Bison goal for Jan “The Man” and an Ooo Betty moment for
Hadfield.
There were no
more goals in P2 and so the teams left the ice with all to play for in the 3rd.
The game was balanced on a knife edge and one or t’other of the two teams had
to grasp the nettle, step up to the plate and grab the spoils. It would be
Bison who took up the gauntlet and cracked the whip to leave the Dogs barking
up the wrong tree and crying over spilt milk (Ok that’s enough idioms). After a
period of domination (16 shots on goal to 6) the clinching goal came late in
the game, namely on 55 minutes. Aaron “Billy” Connolly fired a cross ice pass
for one of the Antonovs to chase. Was it Ivan Antonov or Vanya Antonov? I am
not sure, but what I can tell you is that he dug out the biscuit and gave it to
Karpov, who took his time and then fired a shot goalwards. In the meantime Antonov
had moved to a positon in front of the net was completely was unmarked. He had
been ignored as surely as would be a flasher on a naturist beach. Whichever
Antonov he was, he distracted the attention of Hadfield and Karpov’s shot went
in. 5-3 Bison, Karpov’s second and another Ooo Betty moment for the hapless
Hadfield, who was proving more Emmental cheese than Berlin Wall.
Could the Dogs
come back from this 2 goal deficit as they had earlier in the game? There was
enough time, but alas for the canine visitors they looked as if the stuffing
had been knocked out of them by Bison 5th goal. Nevertheless, they
were handed a Willy Wonka golden ticket with 2:08 left when Bison received a bench
minor penalty. So on the power play went the Dogs. They could have pulled
Hadfield for a 6 on 4 and given themselves a straw to clutch at, but, because
of ill discipline, the straw was to remain unclutched as half a minute later
Donatus Kumeliauskas was called for interference and the Dogs’ advantage wilted
like a hyacinth in the Sahara. There was now as much chance of a comeback as
Morgan Freeman being elected Imperial Wizard of the Ku Klux Klan. And so it
proved. The Dogs lost the game and Mr. Freeman remained unelected. But
elections were held shortly after for the Top Banana awards. Mrna was named top
Dog and Karpov no. 1 Bison.
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