Bison 7 Milton Keynes Thunder 2
19/1/19
According to the
Stranglers by 1977 there were no more heroes anymore – Leon Trotsky, dear old
Lennie, the Great Elmyr, Sancho Panza and all the Shakespearoes - all
gone. Well they were wrong because last night we hailed not only a Bison hero, namely
Liam “Square Sausage” Morris with a hat-trick, but also 13 Thunder heroes, who,
despite having only 11 skaters, made a game of it and were not disgraced.
However, the
game started badly for the Thunder. Bison’s first attempt at goal yielded a
goal. The said happenstance occurred on 2:22. Adam Harding sent Morris bursting
over the blue line. Fleet of foot, keen of eye and sharp of brain he showed
sleight of hand as he outsmarted everyone and suddenly clapped a low shot past
Tom Annetts in the Thunder goal. The Annetts’ save percentage changed from “not
applicable”, as he hadn’t faced a shot, to 0% in the wiggle of a stick, which
must have made the former Bison netman a trifle angry. 1-0 Bison. Pilot Office
Paul Petts with an “A” for the goal.
If Bison thought
the dike was going to break, they hadn’t bargained for the little Dutch boy who
stuck his finger in the crack in the dike wall and saved Holland from flooding.
OK there may not have been a little Dutch boy, but there was a resilient
Thunder team who weren’t going to roll over. In fact on 7 minutes exactly they
levelled it up with Gareth O’Flaherty firing in off the post from in front of
the goal. Or was it Oliver Stone, as said the game sheet, which is frequently
wrong? Rio Grinell-Parke with the second assist. 1-1.
Bison then went
under a bit of pressure, but clawed their way back into the lead on 10:05.
Hallam Wilson set up Jay King for a long range shot. The Caledonian D-man
snapped his wrists and the puck flew in a netwards direction. Annetts may well
have had the shot covered, but he didn’t bargain for the dangling twig of Oscar
Evans. Rubber thwacked stick tape and the puck flew past a shocked Annetts, who
lacked the physical magnitude to block the whole goal. 2-1 Bison.
The period ended
with no further scoring and Thunder must have been pretty pleased with their
performance. They had actually outshot Bison and trailed by a solitary score.
But all that was to change in P2 as Bison powered forward, outshooting their
guests by 17-3 and surging into a 5-1 lead.
Goal no.3
arrived on 23:12. Set up by Danny Ingoldsby and Oscar Evans, Hallam Wilson
sliced through the Thunder D and flicked the puck past a despairing Annetts,
who had been left cruelly exposed. “Why don’t you do something to help me?” was
an oft repeated request by Oliver Hardy to Stan Laurel, of course. In this case
Annetts may well have said the same to his D, as they seemed to have done
nothing to close Wilson down. 3-1 Bison and both Wilson and Evans now had a
goal and an assist each. All they needed for a Gordie Howe hat-trick (a goal,
an assist and a fight) was a fight. If they couldn’t find any Thunder players
to fight they could have fought each other. They didn’t and the Gordie Howe
hat-tricks remained unachieved.
On 35:58 it was
4-1. Receiving a pass from Wilson, Morris skated across the slot and with
Jumping Jehosophat on a pogo stick accuracy he whipped a blistering biriyanis wrist
shot under the blocker of Annetts. Tom “Wreck-it” Ralph with the second assist.
4-1 became 5-1
on 37:31. This time it was the Bison top line of Doc Cowley, Dangling Dick
Bordowski and Alex Sampford which produced the goods with the third named
fellow stabbing home the puck at the second attempt.
By now Annetts
must have been in a state of advance melancholia. He had hoped that he was
would be playing behind a defence which would prove as difficult penetrate as
it would be to cut through the crust of a two-month-old British Rail pork pie
using a plastic knife whilst balancing the pie on a paper plate as you stand in
the corridor of a rickety train passing over uneven rail tracks. But, much to
his chagrin, the scenario of resistance and solidity remained unachieved. The
hapless goaltender’s evening of torture was about to end. The P2 ending buzzer
sounded and when the teams came out for P3 it was announced that there had been
a Thunder goaltending change. The new goaltender was ….. Tom Annetts. Eh? Had
he been replaced by his twin brother, who by some weird happenstance had the
same first name due to a lack of parental imagination? No it was clearly Jordan
Lawday, who had taken over the custodian’s duties, but, despite much vociferation,
which included squawking, howling, yammering, and possibly also barking,
coupled with much gesticulation, which included pointing, waving, motioning and
gesturing from the crowd, the error remained an error and Lawday played as
Annetts.
Sadly for the
new Thunder netman, who was either Lawday or Annetts playing in Lawday’s shirt (OK
it was Lawday), he allowed 2 more goals on 9 shots to end with an even worse
save percentage than the Annetts and doubtless joined him in a state of
funereal perturbation. The first of those two goal breachings arrived on 43:43.
Ralph fired a speculative puck forward over the Thunder blue line. Morris and a
Thunder D-man, who I am unable to identify, which is just as well as I would
have no desire to embarrass the poor fellow, chased after the biscuit. They
precipitated forward like a couple of gold prospectors rushing to the Klondike
circa 1897. Morris was clearly going to win the race, but would he be able to do
anything with the puck once he reached it? Yes he could. He thrust out his
stick one handed like the long sticky tongue of a frog preying on a passing
fly. Lumber made contact with rubber and the puck slid past Lawday and into the
net like an egg on a hot griddle. Oh lordy, Lawday. 6-1 Bison and a hat-trick
for the Caledonian. Time to break out the haggis, neeps and tatties, not to mention
a wee dram or two in celebtraion.
But Thunder were
not done yet and on 54:46 introduced a soupçon of respectability to the
scoreline (6-2 significantly more respectable than 6-1). Tomas Rubes found the
top corner of Alex “Mittens” Mettam’s net from the slot. Assists to Alex Whyte
and Ross Green, but not to Colonel Mustard or Professor Plum.
There then
occurred something which had not previously occurred during the game. Referee
Evans awarded Bison a power play, having ignored so much that had gone on
before. Had he lost the pea in his Acme Thunderer? Did he have an appointment
after the game for which he didn’t want to be late. We can only speculate.
Anyway the unfortunate Rio Grinell-Parke was called for a monumental hit on
Chris Cooke. “Boarding!” was the decision of the referee and by that he wasn’t
referring to pieces of
wood sawed thin, and of considerable length and
breadth compared with their thickness, which can be used to create a structure
such as a fence or a floor. Indeed no. Down the steps went the hapless chap and
on to the 5 on 4 went Bison.
A
minute into the power play and fruit was borne. Dangling Dick Bordowski didn’t
bother with a deke or a dangle. He squared a pass to Morris from the left wing.
Down came Morris’s stick to deliver a goal bound slap shot. Lawday was equal to
the Morris clapper, but, much to the netman’s irritation, the puck rebounded
straight to Harding, who fired it into the net and send Lawday into an advanced
state of vexation. 7-2 Bison.
Just under 4
minutes remaining and 5 goals to the bad. Could Thunder stage a remarkable
comeback and go on from here to win the game? There seemed as much chance of
this as Nelson Mandela’s application for membership of the Soweto branch Ku
Klux Klan being accepted and so it proved. The final buzzer sounded and it was
all over.
Top Bananas were
elected. Thunder’s main man was adjudged to have been Rio Grinell-Parke and
Bison’s Liam Morris.
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