Bison 3 Hull Pirates 2 (shoot out)
26/9/15
Last night saw
the first visit of the EPL newbies the Hull Pirates to Basingstoke. So far this
season they have sailed on stormy waters with 4 straight losses, culminating in
last weekend’s disaster which brought 2 heavy defeats and the shipping of 17
goals. Everyone expected a performance more Captain Pugwash than Blackbeard
from the Pirates and most were predicting a flagship performance from the Bison
buccaneers. But things don’t always go the way we expect and what we actually
saw was the seaweed green shirted Pirates swinging onboard the good ship Planet
Ice with razor sharp cutlasses clamped between their teeth and very nearly
taking the ship. Their prize was a game point and it took a penalty shoot out
winner from Ryan “You What?” Watt to snatch the win for Bison.
P1 was played
out goalless, but was not without incident. Bison just about edged it,
outshooting their nautical opponents by 11-7, but failing to find passage past
Hull goaltender, Jon Baston, who grew in stature from cabin boy to captain as
the game progressed and was to finish with a save percentage of 0.94 (why is it
that save “percentages” are expressed as a fraction?).
Midway through
the period a scramble at the Pirates’ net gave rise to an unseemly altercation
between Alan Lack and Dominic Osman, which developed into a fists flying
disagreement akin to a press gang rumble in the streets of Victorian Portsmouth.
When it all broke up referee Picket addressed the scrappers. “I can’t make you
walk the plank for that, but I can send you to down into the brig.” And to the
brig they went, Osman for a 2 minute penalty and Lack for a 2 + 2. The upshot
of it was a piratical power play. The Pirates were unable to take advantage and
no sooner had the penalties expired than they were called for too many
shipmates on the ice. In the ensuing power play Bison also failed to hoist
their goal flag up the mast and 0-0 it remained.
P1 ended and
Bison had played like a load of landlubbers. They needed to come about or their
quest for treasure would flounder like a bilge rat in a keg of rum. However, P2
saw much the same as P1 with the difference of a couple of goals. The first
score occurred as early as 1:28 in the period. Bison D-men Stuart “The Cat”
Mogg and Marvellous Miroslav Vantroba combined to set up a chance for
Lumberjack Joe Rand. Vantoba’s long pass from defence sent Rand on his way
clear of the Pirates’ D. In on goal, he fainted to shoot forehand to commit the
goaltender, then deked and slid the puck across the line off his backhand. 1-0
Bison. The goal made the Bison backers want to splice the mainbrace, but no
grog could be found.
Were the
Pirates’ timbers were beginning to creak at last? The Bison backers expected
their team to hammer home their advantage and sail over the horizon, but this
didn’t happen. In fact, far worse, the Pirates levelled it on 31 minutes with a
power play goal. Once again Alan Lack fell foul of the provost for holding an opponent’s
stick. It wasn’t a spell in the crow’s nest without a rum ration for the
hapless Lack, but instead a spell in the penalty box. The Pirates took
advantage and a well worked goal breached the Bison defences. Mario Mjelleli
(what a strange name) set up Jonathon Kirk (I wonder if he will one day be
promoted to team captain), for a slap shot from the slot. As he raised his
stick the parrot on his shoulder said “SHOOT!” And shoot he did. The puck
whistled past Bison netman Tomas Hiadlovsky and it was 1-1. The goal was
greeted by a cacophony of noise from the band of cut-throats in the away
supporters’ block. What they needed was a shanty man to lead them in a rip-roaring
heave away haul away shanty. Even if there had been one present he would have
been drowned out by shouts of “Thar she blows”. It’s amazing how much noise 8
people can make. Goaltender Baston received the second assist for the goal. Shiver
me timbers!
The equalising
goal was a shot across the bows for Bison. They weren’t going to have it all their
own way. Far from getting themselves into stormy waters the Pirates were
holding their own. The Jolly Roger was still up the flagpole and flapping in the
salty aired breeze.
The period
played out with no further scoring and Bison went into below decks at the
second buzzer ruing missed opportunities. They had to and did indeed step up
their game in P3, but not before falling behind 2 minutes into the period. Lee
Bonner broke forward and supplied a pass to the back door for Craig Thurston to
fire home. Unbelievably it was 1-2 Pirates with Mjalleli receiving the second
assist.
Bison’s evening
was descending into Davy Jones’s locker. Their players were now looking like a
load of pressed men who didn’t want to be there. For them concession of the
goal was as undesirable as finding a bilge rat in your kitbag. There was no
option but to go for the blunderbuss approach. As the period progressed the
Pirates goal was peppered with shots (22 to be precise). There were press gang
style mellées in the Hull crease and netman Baston was pulling off some
astonishing saves. At the same time he was giving up a load of rebounds, but
bad luck dictated that there were no Bison players on hand to sweep the
rebounds home and Baston’s shipmates cleared the danger every time. For Bison
the task of finding a way past him seemed more difficult than finding Captain
Kidd’s lost treasure. Bison
desperately needed a goal to throw their chances a lifeline. It had to be all
hands on deck. This was no job for powder monkeys and cabin boys.
And soon it was land
ahoy for Bison. On 51 minutes Kirk was called for delay of game. “You deserve
to be keelhauled or flogged with a cat o’ nine tails for that”, said referee
Pickett. (See footnote). Fortunately for Kirk it wasn’t the cat, but instead a
spell in the bilges. Unfortunately for Kirk and his crew it was all square less
than a minute later. Watt found Long Ciaron Long, who speared a long cross ice
pass to the back door and all alone Cuddly Joe Greener squeezed in a shot from
a tight angle. It had been shipwreck defending from the Pirates and they had
failed to batten down the hatches. The goal made the Bison backers want to shower
Cuddly Joe with pieces of eight and dance the sailor’s hornpipe but I saw
no-one doing such things. 2-2.
That was the end
of regulation time scoring, so into a nerve jangling period of 3 on 3 overtime
we passed. Bison dominated possession, but failed to put any of their 6 on
target shots into the cargo net behind Baston. And so to a penalty shoot out to
decide whose colours would be hoisted up the winners’ mast. The first round of
3 each ended 2-2 with Rand and Long for Bison and Mjelleli and Thurston for the
Pirates scoring. Highlight of this first round was an extraordinary save from
Laine by Hiadlovski who made like a frog and seemed to save with the inside of
his leg. The next 5 attempts were all saved or missed. Up stepped Ryan “You
What” Watt for his attempt. If he scored it would be man overboard for the
Pirates’ hopes. He swung forward in swashbuckling style and slotted home with a
cheeky backhander. Blistering barnacles! Bison had hauled down the Jolly Roger
and the audacious privateers from Hull had been made to sling their hammocks.
They had to be content with the taking on board of a point, earned with an outstanding
goaltender display and a very encouraging “avast there me hearties” performance.
Baston was elected their top banana and Lack Bison’s.
Footnote : In the Victorian Navy errant sailors
would be flogged with a hideous weapon of flagellation – the cat o’ nine tails.
A typical cat was made up of nine knotted thongs of cotton cord, about 2 1⁄2
feet long, designed to lacerate the skin and cause intense pain. The expression
“not enough room to swing a cat” refers to the cat o’ nine tales, not your
moggie.
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